Sunday, March 26, 2006

Warhol, American Girl and Chicago...

A bitch and C-Money are knee deep in Chicago on The Magnificent Mile…which is rather magnificato. We relaxed last night with cocktails followed by more cocktails and a yummy meal of fantabulously rich yummerificness.

This morning, we ventured out and encountered a restaurant called West Egg…how very Gatsby…where all manner of breakfast-based food can be consumed. We gorged ourselves like the greedy tourists we are. Two thumbs up and a belch!

Then the Sisters Bitch were off to the Museum of Contemporary Art. Rumor had it that a certain Andy Warhol was being exhibited there…and that rumor proved to be true as a motherfucker. Warhol was all up in the place. A bitch, being a wee bit of a fan, dived in for a fantastical viewing of Warholian theory.

There must have been something…well, life altering about seeing Warhol’s work. See, this bitch left the Museum of Contemporary Art with new eyes. All of the sudden all manner of trend whore-based mass consumerism was brilliantly clear to me!

The Louis Vuittonization of American women…rich, poor, tall, short and all types in between sporting the entire line of Vuitton in a full-on trend-whore frenzy that made a bitch’s head spin.

Note of full disclosure – a bitch does have a Vuitton that she now resentfully can not sport for fear of being grouped in with the Kate Spadization of all things Vuitton. Shudder.

A bitch observed with shocked horror that this consumer mentality was being developed early. Hoards of young girls moved about with dolls…baby dolls that were so life-like they seemed to be freakishly frozen in time. And the chil’ren…all rosy cheeked and excited, where bedecked in the same uniformesque outfits! Pink! So much fucking pink! And their parents, riding on Prozac highs like it was 1955, ushering the hoards towards the American Girl store to…umm, further their education.

Lawd have mercy!

C-Money, being knowledgeable about all things brand related, announced that these chil’ren where not being prepared for a Maoist cultural re-education. No, no, no…this was, according to C-money, a ‘brand experience’ and the American Girl store, rather than being the cultural re-education center, is an ‘event-based brand event’ that involves tea, clothing, chants...ooops my bad, songs...and shopping.


This was most disturbing! The masses of women branded by Louis Vuitton…and the hoards of young girls being taught the dance of branding by that American Girl store!

Lawd, Warhol was right. Better to become a machine and feel no more emotion for the product, so that the gluttonous consumption in disregard of taste or texture doesn't sting so sharply!


Whew. A bitch is still emotional (wink).

Oh fuck it. From the gleam in C-Money’s eye we’re only a few months away from the ABB Special Edition Vuitton bag and the Signature American Angry Black Bitch doll.

Heavy on the Splenda in that Kool-Aid, darling.

Mayhap the doll will have a mini-'fro and a frown...


Anonymous said...


The other end of the spectrum from Vuitton is Wall-Mart. A $14 print dress or a $400 print dress. What should I buy my daughter for her birthday?

So if I loved her would I suffer the 400? I suspect that Andy Warhol was not so much anti-consumerism, but rather anti-bourgeois consumerism. Soup Cans come to mind.

Special Anon

Anonymous said...

My opinion? Yes to the 'fro and no to the frown. A menacing grin will be much more effective.

Anonymous said...

I would love an American Angry Black Bitch doll! My kids covets those expensive ass dolls.

I've been reading for a couple of weeks and I just love your voice, and your opinions.

Susan D. said...

I would totally buy my babygirl the American Angry Black Bitch doll! I assume the accessory pack would have a package of real Sudafed and little fake bottles of vodka and cran? But not the Vuitton bag... I'm more of a Coach gal myself.

Anonymous said...

ABB...i had a similar experience over the weekend when i saw a knockoff LV in chinatown along with some other bags i didn't recognize but liked. but i thought about the person who made all those $32 bags and i couldn't do it.

for commerce-with-a-conscience here are two outfits i like, both here in sf:
fabric8-dot-com (used to be web only but now there's a store)
veganmart-dot-com (all the bags are vinyl, but so's LV.)

also, if you're ever in Pittsburgh, check the Warhol Museum - it's either 5 or 7 floors of the life and times. also pbg has some good coffee joints.

Hammer said...

Glad you're having fun in Chicago. You go to No Exit Cafe?


Maven said...

I was just thinking to myself about the observation that the Vuittonization has spread across all classes. I see it here in Westco as well. I work on a street within walking distance of several shelters and a welfare hotel, YET I see even THOSE folks out there with Coach or LV stuff. At first I discounted that Vuittonization, by thinking to myself, "Ah they're no doubt FAKES," and then thought again, about those in sweat shops who are knocking these things out.

It's just symptomatic of what's wrong with this culture. Doesn't matter if you're living in Section 8, but you drive a Mercedes S class, pimped out with the spinny wheels. If anything I think this is a larger problem, the PIMP mentality. Pimp my ride. Pimp my this... It's getting hard out here for a pimp! Glamorizing glitz, bling, violence, mysogyny, Get rich or die tryin' rather than have positive images and role models for young folks to actually ASPIRE for something other than to be thugs, singers or basketball stars.

Thuggin', Pimpin'... STAR.... American Idol... Reality TV, when it's far from REAL.


Miz JJ said...

I have a LV bag as well, which I refuse to wear out in public, which infuriates my mother to no end since she paid for it. My favorite is people rocking LV stuff that they clearly don't make.

comebacknikki said...

Ugh. I hate those damn AG dolls and the freaky little families that troll around the store. I work near there, so I'm subjected to them everyday - the girls (and the dolls) all eerily look the same.

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