Wednesday, May 31, 2006

Pondering a certain lack of courage...

This bitch has been thinking about political courage. Maybe it is because Congress decided to dust off the Constitution this week and slap it down on the table to challenge the recent FBI raid on Representative Jefferson’s office. Or maybe it is because so many current political issues really boil down to tests of courage and leadership. Regardless, courage is on my mind.

Most of the time leadership is a pain in the ass. Leaders are often critiqued and rarely praised. Worry, anxiety and caution are their constant companions…don’t let all that talk of decisive action fool you. It is courage that takes the hand of a leader to guide her past worry, anxiety and caution into the land of action.

A bitch has always thought that one of the hardest things a leader must do is tell someone that something they are fired up about isn’t worthy of debate. That has just got to be a complete beating, but it is also where courage kicks in. Leaders must possess the courage to look someone in the eye and piss in their Corn Flakes and move the masses forward to handle the shit that needs handling.

This bitch wishes there were more leaders in elected office today. A bitch wishes that more people would stand up, grab the microphone and call bullshit on the rest of them.

When this bitch read that our elected officials in the Senate…despite all of the shit they have to handle in America today…took the time to draft and prepare to vote on a Constitutional Amendment to define marriage as requested by the vocal and well funded minority they apparently feel that they answer to…well, pissed me off.

It made me want to print off thousands of copies of that bullshit and pass it out on the streets…to the homeless who face the deadly heat of summer…to the mentally ill who face another day without shelter and food…to the mother who is about to give birth in a nation that cares more about the definition of marriage than the mortality rate of newborn infants…to the chil’ren who lost parents in war…to the immigrants who face exploitation…to the parents who watch their families go hungry…to my fellow Americans who pay the salaries of the very same hypocritical shits who just wasted the people’s time and money to satisfy the raving demands of the morally bankrupt pseudo-religious right.

What the fuck do we, the people, do with this Amendment? Huh? Shall a bitch hand a copy of it to my autistic brother, whose medical care is being slashed to the bone while those in elected office debate the motherfucking definition of marriage?

Should a bitch run off a copy to hand over to my mentee...who still saves half of every meal this bitch buys her to take home for later…who just wants one blessed day without struggle and hustle and drama and worry…just one day without violence, gun shots, desperation and destruction.

Who the fuck gets a copy of this piece of shit Amendment and says thank you…thanks for doing this…thanks for taking the time to write this particular piece of hate filled shit?

Tell me, because this bitch really needs to understand.

Tell me how a bitch prepares to look the desperate, denied, hungry and oppressed in the eye and say here…this is what the Senate has accomplished…this is what your government did on your behalf when they should have been minding the store. This is what the Senate did instead of demonstrating courage and refusing to vandalizing the very document they swore to honor and protect.

We, the people, are worthy of a better Senate than this one. We are worthy of a Senate willing to defend our democracy against the agents of religious extremism and hate filled fundamentalism.

But don’t take my word for it…just read that nifty Constitution the Senate is preparing to take a rancid panderific dump on.

And let them know that you, the citizen, want them to vote no on the Federal Marriage Amendment.

Tuesday, May 30, 2006

An exploration of the Paris Hiltonification of society...

This bitch has been contemplating.

Yes, contemplating.

An exploration of the Paris Hiltonification of society…
This bitch is disturbed by Paris Hilton. She is a frightening occurrence to me. There have been wanna-be it girls before…certainly heiresses gone bad before…but something about the dawn of the Paris Hilton era has a disturbing texture and tone.

Paris is rich…beyond rich…super duper ‘oh shit, that chick is rich’ rich. The best of everything was at her disposal at birth. Yet, Paris Hilton presents as a vapid throw back to the dark ages. She indulges in a media obsessed star fucking lifestyle that used to be the province of those who aspired to be super duper rich. In the past, young women would take the Paris Hilton route because they were not rich…and a bitch would always mentally pardon their behavior because there was such tragic desperation behind it.

Yet Paris Hilton lacks that desperation. Rather, there is a cool calculation to her vapidity…a purpose behind that purposeless exterior.

This bitch has begun to view her emergence as an era…the resulting product of years spent demonizing the feminist, the intellectual, the socially concerned and the liberal. Paris Hiltonification is a happening…the embracing of ignorance…the uplifting of blissful disregard…the worship of the Gawd of materialism.

Somewhere…somehow…Paris Hiltonification replaced the meaning seeking that defined my young adult years. It replaced the notion of doing something to make a positive mark on the world. Paris Hiltonification fills that void with grotesque extravagance and anti-intellectualism.

Literature gives way to Confessions of an Heiress.

Health and self confidence gives way to the glorification of woman as an object…slick and lacking substance...gleeful to be paraded before the world on video and in magazines as a thing.

Ambition has morphed into this freak show on international display…an awkward and pathetically desperate dance for attention worthy of Barnum’s sideshow.

Perhaps we are witnessing the birth of a cult of nothing.

Oh, the horror!

Some will say that Paris Hilton has a right to be what she is. Yeah…okay…she has the right to do what ever the fuck she wants to do.

But this bitch isn’t fixated on Paris Hilton so much as what the dawn of Paris Hiltonification means.

It is not that Paris Hilton, as a celebutante, has longevity. In fact, a bitch believes she is teetering on the edge of has been. However, even when Paris Hilton is exposed as irrelevant...when the cameras move from adoration into a Brittany Spears-esque glorification of her as a hot mess walking…even then society will be left with her residue.

The temple will be empty and the guardians of the Cult of Nothing will find a new idol to worship.

Which brings me back to now…to women heatedly debating women 1950’s style over where our 'place' is…to an extremist conservative society that seeks to lift up that 1950’s ideal of womanhood rather than acknowledge what the motherfucking 50’s were really like for women. It brings me back to a society that debates the sanctity of an institution with a 50% failure rate…refuses to address the real threats to traditional marriage all the while pimping a fundamentalist bastardization of religion that has gone so amuck that my heart bleeds for the faith from which it sprang forth like a wild panting beast.



Or maybe Paris Hilton is just another emaciated heiress with a back in the day tired assed hustle and a heart of gold…

Some thoughts to kick off the day...

Happy Tuesday, chil’ren! A bitch hopes that y'all had a safe weekend.

A note regarding Memorial Day…
C-Money posted some Memorial Day thoughts and this bitch doesn’t have a lot to add to them…just a wee bit.

Yesterday a bitch participated in my Memorial Day ritual. The ritual started way back when a bitch was young. My father, bless his soul, would settle into his favorite chair with a beer…this bitch would settle on the floor with a glass of grape Kool-Aid…and we would watch movies and documentaries about war and conflict. Each year, in our own way, my family would pause and remember. No heavy discussions or speeches...just thoughts and memories.

Memorial Day honors our nation’s war dead beginning with the Civil War and moving through history…the First World War, World War II, Korea, Vietnam, the Gulf War, and now Iraq.

And so the ritual continued yesterday as a bitch paused to remember and imagine the day when we study war no more.

Seeking the story…
This bitch is pretty hard on the media, because my ass believes that an independent press is vital to the liberty equation.

But a bitch acknowledges that it is easy to get caught up in the negative drama and overlook the amazing work many journalists do.

Two journalists working for CBS died over the weekend...cameraman Paul Douglas and soundman James Brolan. Kimberly Dozier, the CBS journalist who was with them, is fighting for her life. They knew the risks and they went after the story.

More than 70 foreign and Iraqi journalists have been killed covering Iraq since the invasion.

Today, after filing reports, journalists covering conflicts all over the world will go out and seek the story again.

Friday, May 26, 2006

Clap your hands just a little bit louder!

My 24 hours of depressed wallowfication are over.

Long live bitchitude!

Y’all know what?

It’s time for some bitchfirmations.

Note to newish readers - bitchfirmations are bitch-based daily affirmations that replenish my...well, bitchitude.

Jumping in with some old school Little Stevie Wonder jammin in my head...

ABB's Bitchfirmations...

When faced with crisis…
You are the shit and you know you are the shit. Pull yourself together! For every crisis there is a solution. Work the problem, bitch…work it!

And then, once the dust has settled, you will take the time to examine this shit so that the fuckeduptitude does not happen again.

When faced with confrontation…
Bitch, you know damned well that (insert offending asshole) is the one who should be worried. Are you in the right? Okay. Do you have your facts straight? All right then!

Shut the fuck up, put some lipstick on and get down to bitness!

Everyday when this bitch is about to walk out the door…
Oh shit!

Look at you!

Mmmmhmmm…you know you are a too bad for words (wink).

***Fluff afro***

Behold the woman you have become.

***apply fantabulous signature MAC lipstick shade (Underworld Satin)***

Go forth and discover the woman you have yet to be…you sexy assed smart talkin’ Hershey chocolate diva bitch!

***blow kiss at reflection***

And proceed to keep it real.

Following up from yesterday...

Thank you everyone for your encouragement and responses to my post earlier today.

To answer a few questions…

C-Money and this bitch are mentors. The 14 year old in our lives is not a blood relative…and a bitch refers to her as a mentee because she is being mentored. As to her choice, she has yet to fully express that...and she has little say in the matter, since her choice is viewed as an opinion not enforced by law in Missouri.

What can we do?
Get active in your community at a level that you feel you can sustain and grow from. As hard as this situation is for C-Money and this bitch, being a volunteer and a mentor has enhanced my life and a bitch doesn’t regret a single second.

If you like to work with chil’ren, then contact a mentor organization (Discovering Options or Big Brothers Big Sisters)…there are young people currently on waiting lists for mentors.

Big Brothers Big Sisters is national, so you can check this site out to find out more if you do not live in St. Louis.

Contact your local schools, community centers or youth organizations…they need volunteers and/or support and advice. Teach art, cooking, life skills or whatever it is you like to do.

On the topic of choice…

This bitch is pro-choice. My volunteer efforts at local women’s shelters focus on teaching the applied philosophy of planned parenthood…that women have choices and rights and options that lead to a plan rather than unplanned for consequences. A bitch advocates reproductive freedom, which includes the freedom to not reproduce and to choose when to reproduce.

Which brings me to another great question that was posted…

Does this mentee have to have this child?

That was the question that had this bitch up all night. The woman in question is 14 years old and pro-choice activists familiar with Missouri know exactly what that means.

Her mother made the announcement phone call to C-Money. The question of whether she was going to proceed with the pregnancy was asked and her mother’s response was “You know I don’t believe in abortion.”

In Missouri a woman under the age of 18 can not seek an abortion without parental notification.
In Missouri, a woman under 18 can seek the following services at Planned Parenthood without parental consent.

The curious thing is that once she has her baby she is viewed as an adult…at 15. Many of the women a bitch volunteers with are in temporary housing or transitional housing because they are now considered adults with chil'ren…but they were considered chil’ren when the decision to keep or terminate their pregnancy was going down.

Which circles a bitch right back to what we can do…

Know your state's laws…know how they are applied…and know how you feel about them. Then…and this is crucial…let your elected representatives know how you feel about those laws. Planned Parenthood has set up this site to facilitate this activism in Missouri.

Your representatives answer to you, but you have to question them to get those answers. Find out what legislation is pending, what it all means and who is responsible for it on the Missouri House website.


Again, thanks for your questions and encouragement.

This very situation is why a bitch is in this struggle and why a bitch is committed to the struggle for freedom of choice.

Thursday, May 25, 2006


A bitch is in the midst of emotional turmoil, so y’all will have to allow me some latitude today.

Have you ever listened to Marvin Gaye singing The Lord’s Prayer? The passion, the emotion…it stills a body in motion, literally makes you pause and listen…really listen.

Don’t ask me why, but a bitch has been playing Marvin’s version over and over in my mind…since 4 o’clock in the afternoon yesterday…when my sister C-Money called…a bitch has been playing it over and over...since finding out that my sister’s 14 year old mentee is pregnant.

So, there you have it and there it is.

Over and over, yet paused in motion…tears heavy and ready to fall.

Where to start?

What to say?

A bitch would like to start with a question.

When folks gather in groups, in legislative sessions and committees, to discuss whether to include comprehensive sex education in public schools do they ever ask themselves what is at stake?

What is held in the balance...what are the outcomes, negative and positive, of their decisions?

When discussing sex education policy what is the definition of failure? Actually, we have one don’t we…the standard of no child left behind, right? And No Child Left Behind, which is the national education policy, is all about establishing standards by which schools, teachers and students may be judged.

Our Father…

So, is anyone taking numbers…collecting data…checking to see if the current abstinence only agenda is working? It’s really easy! A bitch thought about it last night…while lying in bed trying not to curl up into the depressed ball of dejected shit that every fiber of my being wanted to be.

Who Art in Heaven…

Just take a look at the sexually transmitted disease infection rates…the pregnancy rates…the cold hard figures!


Is it working?

Hallowed be thy name…

A child has been left behind.

Thy Kingdom Come…

She is 14 years old…she loves Sponge Bob and hates History class. She’s shy, poor and pregnant.

Thy will be done…

And that is not to say that she is not responsible…it is complex…but we have failed her just as much as she has failed herself. There will be no joyous baby announcement…no happy phone calls…no registration at Babies-R-Us…none of that.

A 14 year old is pregnant and that is not cause for celebration in my world.

On earth as it is in Heaven…

Didn’t we tell her to talk to us? Yes, yes…but, but...but. Didn’t we discuss condoms and protection? Yes, yes…but she is 14 years old and knows all about that…sort of…kind of knows…didn’t know enough and we didn’t have enough time to teach her everything she wasn’t taught before.

And there is the guilt...the what ifs and the should haves that a bitch witnessed my sister go through last night...that are unavoidable and painful and empty.

Give us this day our daily bread...

There are limits to mentoring…limits of time and contact…legal limits that make it hard to get real. That is why there need to be supplements…sex education in the schools, on television, in church, on the the home, for the love of all that is holy.

Because you can make a mistake at 14 years old that could threaten your life...which is why she will need to have an HIV/AIDS test. You can make a mistake at 14 years old that can scar you…which is why she will need to have the full range of STD tests.

And forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors…

And what of the burden to society…the conflict between fiscal conservative policy...the ritualistic slashing of social programs...and the cost of shoring up a flawed sex education policy that all but guarantees multiple generations of dependents?

And lead us not into temptation…

Do we hold the mother of this mentee accountable? The woman who gave birth to this mentee at 14 years old herself…who will be a grandmother at 29? When and where was she supposed to learn the ropes and gather the information to instruct her child? Why the hell isn't anyone asking these questions?

But deliver us from evil…

What of the father? The 17 year old high school drop out…the ‘boyfriend’ who was never mentioned until the pregnancy announcement...who will now slowly or swiftly disappear. Do we hold him responsible…does it even matter?

Does responsibility have weight when the one responsible has nothing?

For Thine is the kingdom…

Yes! Yes, yes, yes…the word just wants to leap out of my throat...YES!

Y'all are so right.

It is a child, not a choice…and she is 14 years old and choice-less.

She is 14 years old…just a baby, but soon to be a mother…soon to do at 14 years old what this bitch doesn’t feel mature enough to do at 33.

And the power…

Please give my sister the strength to go be as amazing in her mentee's life as she has been in my life.

And the Glory…

Give us the words to make people understand that behind this flawed policy are ever increasing numbers of women and children being born into abject poverty, violence, exploitation and misery.


Fill us with the wisdom to inspire others to get active and be a part of the give a work towards establishing a community instead of assuming someone else already has or probably will.


Wednesday, May 24, 2006

Beware the FOSes...

Have you ever met someone who was full of shit? Not just a bullshit artist, but someone who appeared to be comprised mostly of rambling arguments, unoriginal regurgitated thoughts and compulsion to share that…well, shit with others.

Every now and then this bitch meets up with such a person. They are drawn to the activist and political spheres like moths to a flame. Where else can they conduct what this bitch likes to call the Crap Test? The Crap Test is when a full of shit person (FOS) enters into a complex discussion and drops…well, a load of crap containing statement like thing. This bitch holds to the theory that this is done to test the specific crap loaded statement and see if it floats.

But a bitch is also willing to entertain the theory that the FOS may just want to drop a crap bomb to stir shit up.

Either way it’s asshole behavior.

So, FOSes are drawn to the activist and political worlds…and they are dangerous, distracting and annoying.

Dangerous? Oh yes! When this bitch goes to a meeting my ass wants to discuss, decide and make some motherfucking plans to go forward.

Then we act on those plans…or a bitch will move the fuck on, because my time is precious and a bitch has no tolerance for kitchen table pontification just for the hell of it.

A bitch has neither the will nor the need to listen to someone restate the past 100 years of social and or political theory…inaccurately…all the while coming off as if no one has ever heard that shit before and Gawd put them on earth to bring the rest of us up to speed.

A strong FOS presence can result in a group or organization being branded as FOS. A bitch has seen it happen before!

"Hey, you want to check out (insert volunteer group meeting)!" well meaning person #1 says.

Person #2 looks shocked... "Oh, no. I heard they were full of shit."

WMP #1 is concerned... "Really?"

Person #2 is pleased to elaborate... "Yes! What’sHerFace went to the meeting last month and said that several members were totally full of shit and it looked like an organized festival of crap to her."

WMP #1 feels bad for ever mentioning it... "Oh! Never mind."


Distracting? As a motherfucker, chil’ren. FOSes and the loads of crap they drop distract from the agenda of any planned gathering…and cause folks to try to correct the blatant inaccuracies in their regurgitated tired ass shit…and generally get the fuck on my nerves.

Meeting chair/leader... "Okay, so discussion on this topic is over. Are we ready to vote?"

FOS… "I don’t believe in voting and I am offended that you called for a vote!"

Chair, in disgust... "What the fuck? This is a voting rights meeting!"

FOS, with out shame... "Let me explain to you how not voting is vital to the destruction of the blah, blah, blah…"


Annoying? If you looked annoying up in the dictionary there’d be a picture of an FOS smiling back at you! Volunteers have shit to do…we have lives, for the love of all that is holy…and no one needs to sit through the 30 minute sidetrack trip down bullshit lane these assholes inspire with their Crap Tests!


Beware the FOSes...they are legion.

Tuesday, May 23, 2006

Breaking news about the sorta-news!

This bitch just read the sorta-news that ABC News has moved a certain Charles Gibson into the anchor chair for World News Tonight.

Interesting choice…and clever too.

Elizabeth Vargas is set to go on maternity leave and will return to her 20/20 post afterwards.

Bob Woodruff is still recovering from the injuries he sustained while on assignment in Iraq.

Charles Gibson…hmmm…a bitch can only say BRILLIANT!

Way to counter-program against that perky and orangishly pinkified soon to be CBS anchor.

Oh and Brian Williams must be dancing in his Mary Janes now that ABC and CBS have decided to face off before school.

And a certain Jim Lehrer of PBS comes off smooth as custard…the dapper gentleman of the early evening news crowd. Go on with your bad self, Lehrer! Stay above this shit and keep kickin' it old school!

Lawd, a bitch is having a mental party imagining Katie Couric's reaction to this shit! The visual is strong and Mommie Dearest specific (wink).

Let's not forget poor Wolfie B. of CNN...still trapped in that crazy Situation Room from hell.


Anyhoo...who the fuck needs American Idol?

The best reality television is obviously the news division programming meetings. They need to set cameras up, hire three judges with attitude problems and have at it!

The Representative, his office, the money in the freezer and the curious incident of selective adherence to the Constitution...

My ass woke up sincerely hoping that today will be less drama filled than Monday.


Let’s jump right on in like a 7 year old boy swimming from Alcatraz

The Representative, his office, the money in the freezer and the curious incident of selective adherence to the Constitution...
Have y’all been following the sad and sorry tale of a certain Representative William Jefferson (D) of Louisiana?


Well, you need to! This story is unfolding along the lines of Spiro Agnew taking cash in a cheap ass envelope while sipping sweet tea in the office of the Vice President!

Yes, yes, formal charges have been filed against Representative Jefferson. Yes, there are only allegations of bribery, international bribery, some $90,000 wrapped up in…ummm, probably freezer bags because they seal up with that nifty zipper thang and Lawd knows you don’t want your bribe money getting freezer burn (wink)…oh, and all manner of other corrupt and shady assed shit.

A bitch, being a Watergate fiend, was beyond amused to read that Representative Jefferson may actually be caught on tape chatting away about this shit.

All of this truly is hard to believe, because of the almost over the top bad made-for-television plot like nature of any elected official being caught on tape discussing their corrupt behavior in the post-Watergate era.

Come on now!

Heaven to hell and back again, at least the allegation isn’t that he taped himself.


Anyhoo, we shall see how this shit unfolds…but a bitch is more interested in the curious response from the Republican majority.

One would assume that a political party that has been thrown up against the rope and tenderized for the past year over the issue of corruption would seize the opportunity to get a few jabs in now that a Democratic congressman is feeling the heat.

So a bitch was amazed to read that the response was…well, different.

Mmmmhmmm…Speaker Hastert condemned the search of Representative Jefferson’s congressional office!

He issued a harsh statement saying he planned to "seek a means to restore the delicate balance of power among the branches of government."

Oh my!

Even Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist weighed in saying that multiple governmental groups were meeting to figure out "what a proper course of action is."


Those are some pissed off Republicans...and they appear to be fired up at the violation of their privacy and the separation of governmental powers!

Did someone re-read the Constitution...or is someone selectively deciding to apply the law when is benefits them and ignore the law when it seeks to fuck over the masses?

Now, a bitch understands that this may be going down this way because of the multiple corruptitude investigations currently going down that involve Republicans…and they probably don’t like the precedent of the Department of Justice kicking down the doors of legislators to gather evidence because their door may be next…but is a bitch the only one to see another GLARING hypocrisy here?

How the fuck can they fix their face to pontificate about maintaining the separation of powers when it comes to their privacy as an elected official when they just told Gawd and everybody that individual privacy does not apply to issues of national security.

Citizens were told to sit down and be quiet when we complained about the possible collection of our private phone records...and the logic given was that privacy does not hold when the government is seeking to, umm, investigate a crime. Broad and sweeping privacy violations are cool...unless it's your privacy, huh?

A bitch sincerely…very sincerely…hopes that the Department of Justice sets up camp in the halls of Congress, ruffles through Senator’s paperwork and screens the fucking hell out of every single elected officials phone records!

Fuck it...keep screening those calls until you catch a crime...right?

It’s a matter of national security…right? We can’t have elected officials bribing folks or taking bribes…right?

Given the delusional and completely unconstitutional NSA phone record collection logic that was supported by none other than Speaker Hastert and Majority Leader Frist, privacy simply does not apply…right?

And the Constitutional issue of separation of powers? best to say this...ummm, well the reason a bitch warns against picking and choosing when to ignore or adhere to the Constitution is that...well, one day you may need the law you just weakened.

My people call that common sense (wink).

For now a bitch advises those flip flopping members of Congress to open their mouths up and get a good taste of the Constitution ignoring secret state-esque shadow government bullshit they’ve been serving the American people!

Monday, May 22, 2006

Better late than never...

A bitch had a busy weekend that included some serious philosophical discussion time with my Play Husband and Brother Rob Thurman at Sweetie Pie’s Sunday night. Suffice it to say, my brain was recharged and my stomach was full of real corn bread.

Today’s post has been delayed by an office dawg based drama that involved a trip to the dawg emergency room and much fretting. This particular dawg was throwing up and so forth…which is distressing to witness and potentially dangerous in those kind of copious amounts. Thank Gawd a certain Gatsby’s Ghost was on the scene to take the situation in hand, drive to the dawg emergency room and generally save the day!

The dawg in question is now resting comfortably, but my nerves are shot to hell.


That’s a lot of drama to digest before 3 o’clock in the afternoon, chil’ren.

Moving forward while longing for a vodka cran, light on the cran…

Vote-based news…
A certain New Orleans Mayor Ray Nagin won re-election over the weekend. A bitch just happened to be watching CNN when they broke in with the surprising…extremely surprising…oh my Gawd, who would have ever thought he could win after that chocolate city comment…major political surprise victory like thing. The anchors were beside themselves with shock…overcome with surprise of it all and…well, clearly disappointed that the Fall of Nagin piece they had obviously put together would never see the light of day.

Shit, even Mayor Nagin looked surprised.

Now the work begins…and hurricane season is almost here. A bitch sincerely hopes that Mayor Nagin delivers…and that the federal government delivers on that we will rebuild promise too.

To all y’all in the Gulf region…keep your head up! Stay vocal, stay strong and stay active in the process.

This bitch and a whole lot of other people have got your back…big time.

Fair weather friends…
ABC News is reporting that Katherine Harris is now being given the cold shoulder by The Brothers Bush. Talk about abandoning someone in their time of need!

After all she did for them…well, it’s shameful (wink). That rancid heifer went to the wall, stood up against will of the people and the Constitution on their behalf! And they can’t even toss her a political lifeline.


Where is the love for this former Bush gal pal?

Is the Bush well dry…or did Katherine get played?

Fuck it…it couldn’t have happened to a more rancid stankified heifer...with the exception being Ann Coulter, of course.

This bitch imagines Katherine staring blankly at her reflection…much like Glenn Close at the end of Dangerous Liaisons…alone, horrifically botoxed and shunned by the delusional W is for Women crowd.


Friday, May 19, 2006

Friday ponderings...

Happy Friday, chil'ren!

A certain sorta-beagle woke this bitch up at 5 o'clock this morning because she needed to pee. Then, being evil and without shame, the same sorta-beagle snuggled back into a deep hound slumber.

Nope, nothing right about it!

Anyhoo, the strangest things float about in my mind when my ass is sleep denied.

ABB’s Friday Ponderings…
Have you ever watched a news story and been fascinated by it only to have it completely unresolved because mainstream news outlets simply do not believe in follow through?

Me too!

My ass was driving to a meeting this morning and passed a pizza place which made my ass think about that man who may have been a pizza delivery man and somehow ended up with an explosive device hooked to his upper body. He was caught trying to rob a a bank...and he had some kind of note with demands, but he said he had been kidnapped and forced to try to rob a bank or something like that, so the cops pulled him over...he begged and begged for help...and then just blew up.

Mmmhmm, the poor man blew up on local television.

Blew up!

It was on CNN for a split second. A man was apparently kidnapped, forced to commit a crime, outfitted with explosives and murdered.

Can a bitch get some closure? Where the fuck did this story go?


Anyhoo, a bitch was pondering that while on the way to a meeting and wondering if they ever caught the folks who made that guy put the bomb on or if they found out that the guy put the bomb on himself.

While pondering the status of the man who blew up story a bitch began to ponder what CNN has been covering. What the fuck is so damned important that a bitch can't get closure on the man who blew up story?

Fluff and nonsense! On both channels...flufftitude on a Katie Couric scale!

Have y’all even watched CNN Headline News lately? Not CNN with Anderson Cooper of the if that blue is not trademarked under his name he needs to fire someone because he’s sporting it with the ruthless brand consistency of a Tiffany gift box Coopers.


No, a bitch is referring to the other CNN channel…the minified CNN...the one that still bothers to update the sorta-news every half hour on a semi-regular basis.

If you have been watching a bitch has a question. Is it me or has the minified CNN gone FOXesque? Nancy Grace was one thing, but now they have this Glenn Beck character. Have you seen him? Did it make you check your TiVo to make sure it hadn’t wrongly selected FOX?

Note – a bitch has trained The Precious (otherwise known as my TiVo) to not go to or record any FOX related stations. My ass recommends it highly!

Anyhoo, what spews out of his mouth is crazy talk. What the fuck is the minified CNN thinking?

And, if they have an hour to hand over to some crazy talking character, why the hell can't they update this bitch on the status of the man who blew up while delivering pizza story?

Lawd, a bitch needs a nap.


Thursday, May 18, 2006

Pondering the American Idolization of the news...

A bitch woke up early, which was surprising since my ass inhaled three apple martinis last night at Van Goghz during the Cocktails for Life event.

Apple martinis are fantabulous.

Anyway, this bitch caught the full news cycle this morning. Amazingly, every news channel was covering the latest American Idol faux-drama as if it were the fall of the Berlin Wall! Since a bitch is one of the few people in the nation who has never really watched American Idol, watching the coverage was a bizarre experience. Anchors weighed in about the contestants…using first names only, as if everyone watching just had to know who the fuck they were talking about…and assuming that the brilliant marketing manipulation of American Idol was the 'it' story of the day.

This bitch was more interested in a briefly mentioned…so briefly mentioned that it almost didn’t register…so not considered important news that CNN’s O’Brien duo floated over it without a murmur or a pause…ummm minified news item about America negotiating peace with North Korea.

This policy u-turn...apparent flip about face in the midst of our global struggle against nuclearized terror didn't stand a chance when put up against the detailed analysis of the recent American Idol vote.

As most people know, America and North Korea did not reach a pax diplomatica to end the Korean War but an armistice. That armistice, signed in 1953, has shaped our relationship with North Korea.

In short, we have been playing the ‘don’t blink first’ game since 1953.

In his first term as President, Scooter B. turned up the heat on North Korea in part due to their emergence as a nuclear power. In fact, Scooter B. stated that North Korea was one of the three most dangerous nations in the world and that America would not tolerate a nuclear North Korea. North Korea responded with overtures for America to…well, kiss its isolated ass so the tension grew.

America has focused on the global threat of those nukes and it seems that we are attempting to leverage the economic/diplomatic benfits of peace, which North Korea has been pushing for, to bring them to the nuclear etiquette negotiation table one more time.

Here we are…apparently on the brink of peace with North Korea…and the American people are more informed of the nuances of American Idol than what their government has put on the table in exchange for peace with, to use Scooter B.’s term, one of those Axis of Evil nations.

Is Paula Abdul loosing her mind?

What’s really happening in Pyongyang's prison camps?

How close was the vote on American Idol last night?

What is the nature of North Korea’s nuclear program…how many people may be starving to death within its borders…are there really termination camps and forced labor camps…do they really have a policy of generational punishment for political enemies?

What is being done in our name, negotiated on our behalf and promised for our future?

At what price does the media indulge in multiple and very detailed star fucking sessions with the reality television creations on America Idol?

Just asking.

Or maybe international policy brokers should adopt the American Idol model? They could dress up, sing their policy statements and have folks call in and vote for the one they like best!

Why the hell not?

Shit, the average asshole on the street can tell you who Carrie Underwood is…but they probably think Kim Jong Il is that guy who butchered She Bang a few seasons ago on American fucking Idol.

A bitch wonders if that isn't the desired which case, my ass should mention that Tuesday is Soylent Green day.

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

To have and to hold...

This past Sunday this bitch was participating in my ritual of watching CBS Sunday Morning with Betsey the sorta-beagle. We had just finished our breakfast…a bitch consumed yummy cheesy eggs with toast and Betsey took down a biscuit…when a segment on marriage came on.

Wait, let me back up. The divine Lesley Stahl was hosting and the entire show was dedicated to women.

Okay, so a segment came on about marriage and the social importance of engagement rings in American society. Specifically, the size of the rock. The reporter took to the streets and showed her own wedding ring…a rather nice one…as compared to the author’s wedding ring…a rather massive one.

Time after time, folks were unimpressed with the smaller ring…which flowed over into their being unimpressed with the man who gave that ring.

A bitch is fascinated by this. As the segment covered, folks spend more time planning the wedding and fretting over the social statement the ring is making than they do planning their marriage and fretting over the commitment they are about to make.

It’s May and you can't avoid the advertisements for wedding dresses, jewelry stores and tan spas. Apparently, being tan is a big deal because this bitch has seen three separate wedding specific tan commercials in the past 24 hours! This bitch has never tanned on purpose…and is more than slightly freaked out by the entire skin pealing element of it…but my ass damned sure gets the message that tan lines and that wedding dress don’t go hand in hand.

In my opinion marriage is not threatened by gays or lesbians who believe in it and want to participate fully in it…nor the single folks who don’t believe in it and have no wish to debate why they don’t…and not even by the people who think the whole business should have no legal benefits associated with it.

Marriage in America is threatened by the marketing of it, the married people who turn around and pitch the same fucked up marketing message to their friends, the other married people who should have never gotten married and now trash the whole practice because they are miserable, the state and local governments that hypocritical pontificate about the sanctification of it and yet uphold quick and easy nullification through divorce…and the religious leaders who urge participation in it when, in reality, marriage isn’t for everyone and requires hard work and dedication, not just a set of vague and undefined values spiced up with a few dashes of tradition.

50% of marriages fail, but a bitch suspects that a majority of weddings are successful as a motherfucker.

Just some thoughts…

Cocktails for Life Tonight!

This bitch will be hanging out at Van Goghz at 3200 Shenandoah, where they make a bad ass vodka cran and have yummy munchables too!

Cocktails for Life is a fundraiser for PAWS. Check out the web site for more information.

So, come on out and have a cocktail to benefit a great organization and cause!

And if you swing by Van Goghz...and you should (wink)...make sure you say hey…

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

Fubar, thy name is immigration reform...

Let's kick this dance off with a little dream-based specualtion, shall we?

Head swirling with mass quantities of vodka followed by grape cran, a bitch tumbled into sleep last night and dreamed a wee bit of speculation regarding Scooter B. and why his address to the nation was so fubar...

Scooter B. sat upon the golden jewel encrusted thrown he had designed long ago when he first decided to run for office. Placing it in the Oval Office had been met with some resistance, but…well, The Decider had decided and that was that.

Shoulders slumped, Scooter B. contemplated his pending address to the nation on immigration.

Things were so much easier when he was The Governor. He had people around him who knew that border news upset him and had the decency to turn off the television, ignore the critics and provide a barrier between reality and the bullshit he preferred.

Sighing, Scooter B. sat back and absently fingered the massive ruby beneath his palm.

Well, he thought, it’s time to decide some shit! The people want a plan…they demand a leader!

There was no way around it.

Rising, Scooter went in search of his brain.

With cautious deliberation, he skirted the sleeping minions littering the floor of the Oval Office. Making his way to the wall he hit the hidden button in the panel and slipped within the wall. Quickly, Scooter B. made his way down the dimly lit narrow staircase…traveling deep into the bowels of the secret underground caves beneath the White House.

After pausing at the base of the stairs and taking a gulp of the chilled damp air he made his way down the path passing dark cells. Unseen figures shifted in the darkness and Scooter wondered briefly if the reinforced metal bars would hold should the secrets of his scandal ridden Presidency attempt to break free.

Finally, he arrived at his destination.

"Karl. I need you, now more than ever."

Rove emerged from the darkness and pulled the rough fabric of his shroud from his head with surprising grace.

"You have turned your back on the dark path and me." Rove ran a single slim and bony fingertip down the length of one of the metal bars holding him inside and separate from The Decider. "What use am I to you now?"

"But, you are my brain! You serve at my will! I need to speak to the nation about immigration reform. Come with me, now. I need you." Scooter pleaded.

Rove fixed his milky gaze on Scooter and whispered…"I can not help you. Your fate is now in the hands of history. Go and let the people witness the farce that is this administration."

With that said, Rove eased back into the darkness.

Shaken, Scooter B. fled the dungeon.

Oh no! His brain…his entire ability to think…gone!

Shuddering, Scooter B. returned to the Oval Office and sat once again upon his thrown.

"Decide! Decide, damn you!"...he shouted to himself.


Desperate, Scooter B. grabbed several documents that had been scattered about and began to piece together a Presidential Address on immigration.

Once done, Scooter B. passed a shaky hand over his face.

"There. See, I can decide. I’m The Decider!"

Collapsing back against his thrown he continued to sob... "I’m The Decider…The Decider…the person who Decides…"

Damn, bitch! Was the address that fucked up?

Thanks for asking, y'all! Here's how it all went down last night...

A bitch arrived home from a long day at work, fixed a vodka cran and settled back to listen to Scooter B. address the nation on immigration.

ABB's Breakdown of the President's sorta-plan that isn't really a "plan" and in no way resembles the two sorta-plans currently floating about in the House and Senate...

6,000 National Guard Troops will spend their required 2 weeks/month training on the border…providing support…and, uh training…but with no authority to police or shoot or anything like that. This 2 week/month cycle-like commitment will be for 1 year only and then the number will be reduced.

Basically, Scooter B. has applied the same fucked up Iraq logic to this border situation…as the border control agents stand up then the National Guard will stand down. Hmmm…someone still needs to do some inner work and learn from falling off of that failed military strategy bicycle. Lawd, we could be committed militarily yet in an officially not militarized zone type way to the southern border for decades!

The President would like a Temporary Worker Program. It will involve a nifty identification card that will be outfitted with a micro chip, which the President believes will solve the issue of false documents.

A bitch is willing to bet there is already some 13 year old in San Diego ready to crank out 2,000 of those suckers an hour for a nice profit based fee. Anyhoo, this is supposed to help enforce the law and hold employers accountable for violating it…which is why we all have Social Security cards, but who wants to talk particulars.

Encode your ass off, Scooter B.! Intel ain’t gonna turn away that no-bid contract.

We need a path to citizenship…big time! Under Scooter’s plan, undocumented workers would pay a meaningful penalty yet to be defined but certain to be meaningful, pay taxes without representation and be required to learn the King's...ummm, The Decider's English.

This bitch’s plan would require citizens to pay a fine for voting for such a complete would overhaul the current tax system that rewards the rich while slashing the backs of working people...and it would require that everyone learn English, because plenty of folks born here don’t exactly have a full command of the language and have no bitness talking trash.

Just saying.

Oh, and Spanish and Chinese…so we can compete in the new global economy…and because a bitch has always wanted to learn Spanish and Chinese and why the fuck not have the federal government pay for it since their being so fucking generous with the money they no longer have due to an affection for pork (the spending kind not the smothered in yummy goodness kind).


Reasoned middle ground…blah, blah, blah….civilized debate…blah and blah…one
nation under Gawd and thank you and good night.

This bitch ended the evening by ingesting several…a lot…many…a multitude of vodka crans, one extremely large glass of water, 2 Excedrin and lots of cigs...which may explain the dream-based speculation that my ass detailed to start this post off (wink).

Okay chil’ren…all together now and loud as hell for the kids in the back row…

Fubar, thy name is immigration reform.

Monday, May 15, 2006

C-Money's blog...

My beloved sister, C-Money, has a new blog called My Daily Constitutional.

Actually, C-Money was the original blogger in the family, but she has been on a vacation of sorts.

Now she's back with daily ruminations on bullshit.


Check it out and show my sister some love…


This bitch hopes that everyone had a great weekend.

My ass spent the weekend doing all the shit that doesn’t get done during the week. But, on a positive note, a bitch was honored to meet my Play Husband’s darling mother! She is an absolute joy, which explains why her son is such a great friend/faux spouse/person.

We indulged in some serious soul food at Sweetie Pies Friday evening and then spicy yummtastic Thai fantabulousness at SEN Saturday night.


My Play Mother in Law is awesome. Being able to say that is yet another reason to 'pretend marry' a gay white man who knows what to do with collard greens and shares an adoration for soul music (wink).

Love you like hot sauce at a picnic, honey!

Moving forward…

You better think! (think)…
Think about what you're tryin' to do to me
Yeah, Think (think-think)
Let your mind go let yourself be free!

While shaking my groove thing to the masterful soulfulness of a certain Aretha Franklin, this bitch is in the midst of preparing my Presidential address List of Needed Items.

My ass hasn't decided whether to do a scorecard this time...since a bitch is still recovering from the last Scooter B. Presidential Address/Drinking Game.

Longtime readers know that a bitch almost always provides a recap of Scooter B.’s addresses to the nation. This bitch knows how difficult it can be to suffer through these speeches and my ass is there for you…with a delay, of course…because bitch-based analysis takes time.

ABB’s Preliminary List of Needed Things in Preparation for Scooter B’s Address to the nation…

Vodka…tonight we are going to give a nod to Russia. Sorry AbsolutBilly, but a bitch believes in global vodka based diplomacy (wink).

Following cubes of ice and then followed by at least two dashes of...

Cran…hmmm, a bitch is leaning towards a nice tart grape/cran blend.

Queso…This bitch plans to whip up some spicy queso in honor of Kinky Friedman’s run for Governor of Texas.

A bitch doesn’t endorse and my ass certainly isn't going to endorse in a state this bitch no longer lives in, but it’s a joy to see someone run for office that says shit like Why the Hell Not and May the God of Your Choice Bless You. And just think about the debates to come! The smart promoter would sell tickets.

Chips…this bitch likes those minified corn chips that you can pop in your mouth quickly between hurling verbal insults at the television and slurping vodka crans.

Cookies for C-Money…because C-Money likes cookies.

A bitch is off the Sudafed. Yeah, it’s hard to believe! Shit, if only kicking cigs was that simple. Sigh. Anyhoo, the only needed meds for tonight are pills…of the Excedrin variety…because Scooter B makes my head hurt.

Friday, May 12, 2006

ABB's Patriot Rant...

Happy Friday!

Let’s jump right on in, shall we?

Some folks have taken a rather laissez faire clueless citizen to all knowing government approach to the current NSA citizen phone call list collection thing. Basically, these people put for the argument that we…the citizens…should step out of the way of government and let government do what it will because government is looking out for us.

This bitch takes the patriotic stand….the American stand…and the stand that our Constitution demands we each take. The future of this nation is at stake. We are in the midst of a domestic battle over the balance between liberty and security.

And we have been here before…way back during our colonial past…when Security was called The Crown and the pursuit of Liberty was called Treason.

This government is of a bitch, by a bitch and for a bitch (wink).

So, in the spirit of our founders and full to bursting with bitchitude, this bitch presents to you my patriot rant as a clarification of our collective job description as American citizens.

ABB’s Patriot Rant…
Most Americans study the Revolutionary War at some point in our lives. Along with the details of specific battles and the historic speech laden moments there is a very clear definition of the patriot.

This nation was founded by radicals. The rest of the folks were loyal to the monarchy. Speaking out against the monarchy was illegal…they called it sedition and it was punishable under law. Every single published quote…every single speech…every public gathering or meeting…every act of melting household items to make bullets or hording food to feed soldiers…all of that shit was radical as a motherfucker.

So, when my fellow citizens verbalize a blind and unquestioning respect of an elected office in the face of questionable right trampling policy they are speaking the language of the loyalist not the patriot.

When citizens indict fellow citizens for criticizing our government they are speaking the language of the loyalist and not the patriot.

A bitch is concerned that some of us who have been born Americans really don’t understand the responsibility of citizenship. It is important to remember that the final check in the check & balance plan is the power invested in each citizen.

We tarnish our legacy and insult our history when we embrace the ideology of non-involvement, blind trust and apathy rather than live up to our responsibility to check elected officials on the shit they do in our name.

We have a role to play and that role is to be active vote, challenge and critique our government.

Of the people, by the will of the people and answerable in all ways to the people.

This patriot takes that role very seriously.

Trust? Read Thomas Paine and you will read the language of the questioner…the challenger…the patriot.

Respect? Read Alexander Hamilton and you will feel the passion and careful consideration of the role of political power literally vibrate off the page.

Apathy? Read Benjamin Franklin and you will be reading the words of a man who had long ago earned his retirement when his nation called upon him to serve…who was in the winter of life when he raised his voice to power in the face of war, tyranny and oppression.

We have a role to play…and those who choose not to play it are anything but patriots.

We the People of the United States, in Order to form a
more perfect Union, establish Justice, insure domestic Tranquility, provide for
the common defense, promote the general Welfare, and secure the Blessings of
Liberty to ourselves and our
Posterity, do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States of

This is the spirit that fueled the Civil War to settle long unsettled issues…the Suffrage Movement to address hypocrisy…the Civil Rights Movement to address some more hypocrisy and the Feminist Movement to continue that addressing process.

Those were not acts of rebellion so much as the actions of responsible citizens who were being radical within the framework of a nation that infuses radical responsibility into the citizen contract.

What has been established in our name…by the blood, sweat and tears of citizen patriots…is ours to uphold.

This patriotic bitch is prepared to go to the wall in defense of that shit...with my fist raised and my voice loud.

Here endeth the lesson.

Thursday, May 11, 2006

Another day, another pile of bullshit...

This bitch woke up at 6 o’clock this morning. After fixing my morning coffee, my ass turned on CNN to see what bullshit was unfolding.

The NSA is building a massive database of American phone calls….domestic phone calls between citizens.

The good folks at CNN were quick to point out that this differs slightly from the Domestic Spy Scandal already kindling because the newly divulged database is of phone numbers and does not include tapes of the calls.

Yeah...uh huh.

And that bullshit is supposed to slide down easy? Oh great…the NSA is just keeping track of who called whom domestically. A bitch is relieved to know that (not), because certain naughty phone calls in this bitch’s past are not for NSA voyeuristic consumption.

You scandalous freaks.

Anyhoo, this bitch calls bullshit on this entire scheme!

Since when does the phone company get to lie to me about who they give my personal information to?

We have a contract, assholes, and no where on it does it say that my calls may be monitored by the NSA. Shit, if it didn’t involve a 15 hour wait on hold and near stroke inciting run around complete with repeated please state the reason for your call drama a bitch would complain.

As far as this bitch is concerned the potential leakage of my phone dialing habits should have been divulged in my phone company contract. My ass is not the only person to use my phone to make calls…and this bitch would have been more selective of who was allowed to dial from my phone had a bitch been alerted to this NSA related possibility.

Also…having a phone is not a requirement of citizenship or any known law, and this bitch is offended that my ass was not given the opportunity to tell the phone company and the NSA to fuck off.

Shit, a bitch isn't a phone person anyway.

So, let me make sure my ass has this down. This bitch has to monitor the use of my home phone like a hawk, but an employee of the Department of Homeland Security can indulge in child sex solicitation unchecked from his office. If y’all NSA people are so on top of shit, why did a local police department have to call you up and tell you that the government employed a fiend?

Mayhap someone is monitoring the wrong phone lines. This is like the farmer watching the corn grow while the fox raids the henhouse. What else are y’all missing while trampling on citizen’s privacy rights?

This bitch honestly hopes there is taping involved, because the thought of the NSA collecting phone call information so that they can run a computer program to find the pattern in the chaos (very Contactesque of y’all, by the way) rather than indulging in the civil liberties violating domestic spy bullshit that we all assume they are doing frightens the shit out of me.

Either way you shake it...sniff...yep, that's bullshit.

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

Insane in the membrane...

President Bush must really harbor some deep animosity towards his brother Jeb. Why else would a two term President with no coattails to speak of and a approval rating below 35% issue a statement all but endorsing his brother Florida Governor Jeb Bush as a great future candidate for President?

That’s just mean!

A bitch imagines that they must have had some sort of fight. Yeah, a big blow up fight over disaster funding for those fires or maybe they traded words over how the FEMA fucktitude is going to impact Florida during hurricane season.

Something must have happened and it must have been one hell of a fight for Scooter B. to fire off that kind of backstabbing cruelty.

Lawd, a Scooter B. endorsement is the verbal equivalent of arsenic in the afternoon tea!

But what if Jeb and Scooter B. didn’t have a fight? What if Scooter B. really thinks his opinion has weight and that voters want to see who he recommends for 2008?

Shit, he'd have to be crazy...insane...out of his mind and delusional!

Mayhap it’s time to think about adding a diminished mental capacity clause to the Constitution…

...quick, before he decides something again.

On no she didn't...

Yesterday someone sent this bitch an e-mail that required a response. Having responded back a bitch just wasn't my ass is gonna go through some of the shit raise in that e-mail here.

Basically, the e-mail was a chastisement of this bitch’s blog title...and a pseudo-confrontational challenge over whether a bitch is really black…and a lengthy detailing of how this bitch’s blog perpetuates a negative stereotype of black women.

The writer challenged my blackness because this bitch contributes to Turdmania at the Eatateria, which is a recipe site. It seems that the writer didn’t actually look at the site, because it is clear that this bitch is one of six bloggers contributing yummy recipes there. Oh, and her assumption that this bitch may not really be a black person was based on…get this…the fact that there was a Passover reference made on one of the posts listed on the recipe site.


Oh, she allowed that there are black Jews…how very generous of her...but she just didn’t think this bitch was one. My ass simply does not have the strength to go into the fact that some people attend Passover festivities and are not Jewish...others may be married or partnered to a Jew...and why the hell answer that shit when that torte recipe wasn't even my recipe?


That shit did sound yummy, though.


For the record...a bitch is not Jewish, despite an adoration for Kosher bagle-dogs with spicy mustard. Someone needs to bulk up on their reading comprehension.

Onward to the issue of a bitch’s blackness!

A bitch is black. Can you imagine the kind of fucked up individual my ass would have to be to pretend to be black? Shit, St. Louis is a small town people. That bullshit wouldn’t have held for a week! And why would anyone do that? Fuck it; this bitch just takes exception to being put in the insane position of having to proclaim my blackness.

Read the archives next time...a bitch has posted pictures somewhere.

The writer didn’t challenge whether this bitch is a woman, which was an interesting element. Why stop with race? Why not challenge the entire package? Mayhap a bitch is a happy white man?

Oh shit, why is that so funny?

Confession…a bitch isn’t always angry (wink), but the black woman thang is constant.

And finally, this issue of stereotypes and whether a bitch perpetuates them here.

A long, long time ago when this bitch fretted over making other people comfortable with my blackness (y’know…the straight hair that was only getting de-naptified so that my ass could fit in with my bouncy haired contemporaries and the painfully over-polite Condi-esque verbalizing in that too formal please like me and Gawd don’t let me offend you with any human display of emotion because there’s that STEREOTYPE out there of the wild eyed inarticulate uneducated knee jerk black woman that someone somewhere must have passed a law saying this bitch HAS to single handedly destroy tone) way back when a bitch dabble in that bullshit, my ass was beyond concerned about the stereotypes of black women and how they were utilized to deny me things.

Through years of personal growth and maturity (wink), this bitch has come to the conclusion that some asshole’s stereotypical notion of what an Angry Black Bitch is just isn’t my fucking problem. Fitting in, putting others at ease and smoothing shit over does not appeal to me...bitchitude does.

Part of bitchitude is realness…and this bitch has no intention of changing me for some ignorant assed motherfucker who is attempting to lord his or her assumed power over how my ass behaves and relates

And that is what was really going down in that e-mail.

This bitch doesn’t need to declare my educational background in every sentence and phrase. It’s tempting, since my ass is still paying for that shit…but it is so not necessary, generally tiresome and pathetic.

This bitch does not need to write a formal op-ed to discuss politics and societal issues. Politics is the people’s business and this bitch writes for the masses.

A bitch will not cave to someone else’s notion of good and bad words. There’s something really sick about a society that finds offense in the use of motherfucker and shit but doesn’t bat an eye when hearing genocide, rape, oppression and starvation. Fuck that shit.

And finally…in conclusion…once more for the folks in the back row...

You are not on parole and reading this blog is not a condition of your release. Debate is welcome...censorship can take a hike.

Ahh, this AngryBlackBitch feels much better now.

Bitchitude shall proceed…by any means necessary.

Tuesday, May 09, 2006

Computer drama...

Okay, a bitch has been caught up in a major computer based drama at work that just resolved itself.

Nothing...for two fucking hours…nothing at all. It was as if the computer had passed out or something.

A bitch has had enough. My ass is tired as hell and not taking any more computer-based shit!

Yeah, right.

The machines hold the power.

But this bitch isn't the only person out there who would like to spank the living shit out of a certain Bill Gates...hard and without mercy. Yeah, this bitch would like to give Mr. Gates a wee bit of long was that motherfucking computer passed out?...yeah, a two hour spanking for Mr. Gates!

Anyhoo, a bitch is behind schedule and bitter as a motherfucker about it.

Toodles until tomorrow...

Monday, May 08, 2006

On a much lighter note…

A bitch is tossing out sincere thanks for the fantabulous and supportive feedback regarding my Mother’s Day post!

Y’all are some kick ass people and a bitch appreciates the encouragement…and the bitchitude too.

After purging that emotional baggage yesterday, this bitch heading over to Tower Grove Park with Betsey the sorta-beagle for a dawgy walk-date. We met up with a certain Gatsby’s Ghost and the Catch and their dawgs Dakota and Bonnie.

As a dawg mom, my ass is always proud when Betsey behaves 'round company. She had a blast sniffing and peeing and so forth. The weather was pleasant and the walk was just what my ass needed to clear my mind. There’s something so simple and uplifting about witnessing the absolute joy dawgs get out of a walk. And this bitch was able to enjoy a weekend visit with Gatsby’s Ghost and the Catch!

Oh, and then we indulged in homemade ice cream back at their crib…Thin Mint cookie of the Girl Scout variety and white chocolate chip yumminess mixed in with ice cream made from scratch!

Oh, hell is good.

This bitch plans to convince them to incorporate Smartie-based yumminess into the mix next time (wink).

Sunday, May 07, 2006

Some thoughts on Mother's Day...

C-Money and this bitch were in the bookstore yesterday and it suddenly hit me that Mother’s Day is almost upon us.

Mother’s Day is a complicated thang and a bitch is compelled to purge some thoughts on the topic.

A bitch does not have a relationship with my mother. And she is still living, so folks have the hardest time filtering that shit and this bitch has a hard time explaining it. Some folks attempt to do a mini-intervention. It is rather sweet and this bitch tries to be understanding, but the reasons for our lack of a relationship are the type of reasons most people are blessed to not have any fucking understanding of.

Mothers love their chil’ren and chil’ren love their mothers…that is the social understood and those of us who have a different experience are confronted daily with that shit. There are exceptions made for physical abuse and sexual abuse, but mental abuse…well, that is still seen as a matter of degree by the majority. Most people can not imagine a parent doing anything that warrants a severing of all ties.

This brings a bitch to Mother’s Day and people’s well intentioned assumptions about a bitch and my mother.

"You’re mother must be so proud of you."

"You must have an awesome mother."

Nope, this bitch’s mother is a hot mess walking and my ass is a survivor of the nuclear meltdown that is her life.

A bitch did not grow up with unconditional maternal love. There were some serious conditions and they were ever changing just to keep you on your toes and from ever meeting them. That was the game and it was played with tragic regularity.

People understand physical bruises and scars…we have been educated on the manipulation practiced by sexual abusers and the lasting impact of that type of abuse. But tell someone that your mother was mentally and verbally abusive…that your scars don’t show…and you are greeted with skeptical disdain. The more together you are the less people believe you.

Really fucked up people just stay fucked up, right?

Not exactly.

This bitch was trained from birth to be manipulated. For years, my ass greeted confrontation and critique with an automatic apology. The notion that something was not my fault was foreign…everything was always my fault. So, my ass was sorry that my co-workers car broke down…sorry that the printer was on the blitz…sorry that the economy sucked and so on.

At 15 a bitch hit an emotional wall. My world was shit and my mother was the great dictator of all things in it…my days were good if she was in a good mood and miserable if she was in a bad one.

Jump. How high?

Try. Try harder!

Produce…grades, trophies…tangible evidence that you were worth the stretch marks and sacrifice…the denial and aggravation.

Day in and day out…week after week…month after month and year after year. And then 15…and a bitch planned my escape. One way or another, my ass was going to flee. To what, a bitch had no idea. Just run…go and get out…end it or escape…anything but more of the same. Anything but a lifetime of this misery…this unworthiness…this inadequacy and shame.

A bitch was saved by admission to an early college. There is no doubt in my mind that going to school instead of staying for my senior year of high school save my life.

That first year of college changed everything and was worth the debt my ass took on to achieve it. It also illuminated just how toxic my life had been.

My ass learned through observation how to to live. Perhaps that is why a bitch was drawn to Anthropology. A bitch learned how to interact, debate and listen. My ass learned how to select food, cross the street…and that a bitch wasn’t too stupid to do those things, too challenged to do them right, too weak to make decisions or too fucked up to not get my ass killed.

Being apart from my mother was the greatest education of all. All the experiences that my ass missed and all the learning moments that my ass was denied flooded in. One giant glaring light focused on what was versus what should have been…what was lacking when my ass was locked up in that pretty little ranch house on the tidy little street in that perfect little suburb in the county.

My relationship with my mother never recovered, but the power of her title…the power of motherhood kept her in my life for years after college.

You’ll never have friends.

No one will ever love you.

You’re stupid and naive and the worst mistake of my life.

Power, domination and control with harsh words lashing out and hitting their mark despite my successes and triumphs, despite my wonderful circle of friends…despite it all my ass couldn’t see her for who she really was.

Then a bitch got sick…fibroids and periods that lasted for weeks…pain and treatment…anxiety and an unavoidable surgical solution. A bitch was barely talking to my mother when my surgery was scheduled. My 20’s were coming to an end and a bitch was tired of the predictability of it all…the harsh confrontations over fictional slights…the automatic apologies that my ass no longer meant.

A bitch entered the hospital to have my fibroids removed. It was surgery and there were risks. A bitch was going on medical leave for 6 weeks post surgery to recover. C-Money flew back to Texas and was my rock. My mother showed up the morning of surgery and was my nightmare.

The best part of surgery is that the drugs kick in afterward and you simply don’t give a shit about anything but breathing. It is all a blur. A girlfriend had gallantly offered to take on the task of keeping my mother away from C-Money afterward, but her presence didn’t stop the inevitable nastiness. C-Money had secured a dawg walker for Betsey the sorta-beagle…a bitch wasn’t supposed to move or lift anything heavy and Betsey needed exercise…my mother felt that this was indulgent bullshit.

She left after causing nasty scene.

She left…while my ass was still hooked up to machines.

She left...and she was never really there.

She stormed out of the hospital room and never came back. A bitch remained in that fucking bed for two more days. She didn’t call when we went home or for several days following. She finally called four days later and demanded an apology.

She didn’t get one.

That surgery, that moment and my mental and physical recovery…well, that was my second birth.

A bitch does not have a relationship with my mother…and what existed before was anything but maternal.

A bitch no longer apologizes for shit my ass didn’t do. My ass enjoys the tiny tasks that were so long lorded over me as too complex for me to accomplish…balancing my checkbook, paying my bills, making choices, expressing anger and displeasure, enjoying the act of living and the joy of fucking up without fearing retribution and punishment.

And amazingly, a bitch feels certain…to my core certain…that my ass understands Mother’s Day better than most.

No one savors the taste and texture of food like someone who has known hunger.

So a bitch celebrates the mother figures that have been there for me over the years.

And this bitch is liberated and grateful for it… a survivor, and powerful because of it.

There is joy in this life.

That is what my ass celebrates on Mother’s Day.

Friday, May 05, 2006

My people call that bullshit...

¡Viva México!

¡Viva Juárez!

Viva el 5 de Mayo!

Happy Cinco de Mayo, chil’ren! Although a bitch is partial to el grito de independencia, 16 de Septiembre, my ass shall celebrate this victory over the French May 5, 1862 with full and extreme bitchitude!

Diving in…

This bitch tuned in for the Mary Cheney interview with Diane Sawyer on Primetime last night. Mary has a book to pimp and Diane has a show to pimp, so this was a marketing marriage made in...well, marketing heaven.

Mary spoke about coming out to her parents…her love for her partner…her support of her father during campaigns…and her general thoughts on marriage equality and so forth.

Dickie C.’s response to Mary coming out was apparently something along the lines of…
“You’re my daughter…and I love you…and I want you to be happy.”

Now, there’s a statement of support!


It just doesn’t jive with Dickie C.’s pattern of supporting President Bush as he promotes a Constitutional Amendment that would ban gay marriage.

What was left unsaid for some bizarre reason because Diane didn’t go there in the interview was the fact that Mary and her partner are being denied a multitude of basic rights that are guaranteed through marriage. Mary’s statement that in her mind she and her partner are married and society just hasn’t caught up just don't hunt. Society and policy not having caught up equals a denial of protections and rights that would certainly bite her in her privileged ass if she wasn’t able to purchase those protections through the lengthy legal process most gay and lesbian couples struggle to afford.

And it is worth mentioning that the lengthy legal process and costly purchasing of legal protections for same-sex couples still doesn’t afford the parties involved the same legal protections Brittany Spears got automatically when she waltzed down the aisle with her first husband in Vegas like a motherfucking fool.

Anyhoo, Mary went on to state her support of adoption rights and blah, blah, blah. Basically the interview was rather uneventful given what could have gone down. But Mary did say something that perked this bitch up.

Diane questioned her about her continued support of the Republican Party and why she has not confronted Bush about that pesky Constitutional Amendment. Mary tossed back that she refused to attend the State of the Union speech where Bush talked about the Amendment and then she said this in response to her lack of direct confrontation with Bush…

“Can you be too respectful of the leader of the free world?”

Now, this bitch has been chewing on that bone for years. Yes, Mary, you can be too respectful of the President. Last time this bitch checked, he was elected President of the United States of America and serves by the will of the people. For the record, Americans do not elect the leader of the free world.

The founders of this nation actually debated the issues of respect, title and accountability. Americans need to reference history and Mary needs to reference the Constitution of the United States. Our elected officials…all of them…serve by our will and are our employees who are supposed to handle the people’s bitness.

Some asshole failing to do a job properly does not result in a new job description.

Mary Cheney is not alone in this. America is populated by apathetic citizens and kitchen table critics who are intimidated by titles…the image of power, which the powerful cultivate for that vrey purpose…and who are confused as to what the fuck government is supposed to do and who government answers to.

That may explain why a woman with direct access to the President of the United States would choose to kneel in submission to a title that does not exist rather than demand some rights that do.

Or, she could just be full of shit.

As for Mary’s request that we take a close look at what Dickie C. says about freedom for all people?

No thanks, honey.

A bitch is too busy observing the contradictory nature of those pesky freedom denying actions he seems so fond of.

My people call that bullshit.

Thursday, May 04, 2006

Do as we say, not as we do...

This bitch settled down for my morning coffee and cigs and was greeted with the news that a certain Vice President Dick Cheney was in Lithuania.

Oh my!

Confessional - A bitch’s first thought was Lawd, let’s hope he doesn’t get his hunt on while visiting. What? A bitch is just being honest (wink).

Anyhoo, the headline was all about Cheney’s 'tough talk' for Russia. These bitch hit rewind…bless you, TiVo…and listened to that tough talk several times. Something was off…yeah, his statement just didn’t settle well.

“No legitimate interest is served when oil and gas become tools of intimidation
and blackmail.”

Oh yes, something is certainly off with that shit.

Cheney went on to say…

…“from religion and the news media to advocacy groups and political parties, the
government has unfairly and improperly restricted the rights of the people."

Let’s take these one at a time, shall we?

“No legitimate interest is served when oil and gas become tools of intimidation
and blackmail.”

Oil and gas have been infused with economic power and with power comes corruption, intimidation and blackmail. Oil and gas are the spice melange, to dip into some Dune-based shit, and it appears that the world is prepared to battle it out over controlof it.

Moving beyond the politics of who controls the spice…umm, err gas and oil…we can see some serious bullshit swirled into Cheney’s critique.

America is being confronted with the student who took notes during our 5 decade international diplomacy clinic on intimidation. We taught Intimidation 101 very well and it looks like several students are going to graduate with honors.

After several decades of utilizing the intimidating weapons of nuclear power and economic aide to shape the world in our image, we are now being confronted with several nations who are doing the same damned thing.

America has long used economic aide as a negotiating tactic…and used it well with strong results…and now Russia is using a necessary thing…that thing being oil/gas…to control former satellite states.

The pot and the kettle are playing a game of chicken here and the whole world is watching.

Cheney’s statement doesn’t settle on the brain because it simply isn’t true. Putin’s legitimate interests, though arguably corrupt, are to dominate and control those former satellites. Argue the ethics, morality and the dedication to democratic ideals, but in the power game those interests are legitimate as a motherfucker.

And ‘you need to play nice’ just doesn’t hold a candle to ‘it’s my ball and we’re gonna play the way my ass wants to’.

Does a bitch think that Russia is manipulating former satellite nations, attempting to undermine democracy and generally fucking with those nations?

Most likely.

Does the United States have the moral authority to chastise Russia for seeking to influence neighboring governments by wielding the power of oil?

Uh, no. Particularly in the same week that America chose to wield our aid-based weapons against Mexico because they were on the verge of signing a drug legalization bill into law. Shit, just ask Cuba about America's interest in other people's political evolution.

Moving forward…
…“from religion and the news media to advocacy groups and political parties, the
government has unfairly and improperly restricted the rights of the people."

For the love of Gawd, does this man ever listen to the words that come out of his mouth?


If you’re looking around for the asshole in this argument it’s you, Mr. Cheney. Lead by example, motherfucker…and get your Evangelical boot off my fucking neck before you start chastising other nations for how much weight they put on the necks of their citizens.

A bitch almost choked over the news media portion of Cheney’s critique. The man who requires his hotel room television set to be turned to FOX prior to his arrival…the administration that used the weapons of government to attack critics in the press…the same motherfuckers who have held closed doors meetings on energy policy, spied on citizens, lied about the case for war with Iraq and then lied about lying about the case to war…manipulated their sympathetic media allies and attacked their media critics…now you want to tell Russia how to promote the Fourth Estate?

Yeah, good luck with that.

And this bitch doesn’t have the strength to tackle the complete and utter bullshit of Cheney confronting Russia for not fostering a healthy political opposition.

The world has changed and we had a huge part that change. We taught our clinic well and must adjust to a world that judges us not by what we say but by what we do.

Between learning from America’s successful manipulation of others to laughing at the blatant hypocrisy of our criticism, a bitch is left to wonder when my fellow Americans will catch a glimpse of the tarnished super power in the mirror…and if we will recognize the bruised and battered international image of this nation when we do.


It's past time for the sleeper to awaken...couldn't resist one more Dune-based nugget (wink).

The Gumdrop Stage of Grief ...

So many of you have shared condolences and support after the death of my beloved brother Bill from COVID-19. I wish I could thank you indiv...