Friday, March 31, 2006
Hell yes, teens have a voice on choice!
Hats off to all the teens who participated! Amazing! A bitch is beyond inspired.
Sadly, these teens where down in Jefferson City to lobby against House Bill 1075, which was proposed by none other than Representative Cynthia Davis.
HB1075 is another attempt by Representative Davis and her cronies to gut funding for sex education in Missouri. Apparently, Representative Davis didn’t have time to meet with the group of future voters who took the time to visit Jefferson City during Spring Break. Somehow she did find time to chat with the Kansas City Star about the 'overly permissive society' we have here in Missouri. A bitch is pretty sure the young adults who were unable to meet with Rep. Davis would have loved to give her their perspective on that topic.
O’Fallon must be so proud.
These young adults should be applauded and those of us who have the vote should be truly challenged.
And feel free to drop Representative Cynthia Davis a line and share your thoughts on her refusal to meet with a group of young adults and explain herself to the very population she has had the audacity to pretend to speak for.
Tell her that the Show-Me state isn’t gonna fall for that bullshit!
And a bitch strongly encourages everyone to take a moment and applaud the lobbying efforts of Teen Advocates for Sexual Health (TASH), Boys2Men and Girls2 Women (affiliates of Planned Parenthood of the St. Louis Region).
This fantabulous effort should be acknowledged, applauded and supported through the magnificent power of the ballot!
Know your state Representative and Senator, their phone number and their e-mail address. These people work for you and need to do the people's work while in office...not pander to some loud assed conservative throw backs.
Come on now people...
Thursday, March 30, 2006
Killer B.'s video blog post....
Anyhoo, several folks have commented about their various issues and many on the drama of having out of control periods. A certain Killer B. was kind enough to do a video blog posting on menstruation suppression in response to some of those comments! This bitch is enough of a blog novice to be beyond impressed with video blogging...too cool for school!
Note - Killer B. is merely providing some information about a topic she has researched and an option she has personally tried, so don't start commenting about how a bitch is being irresponsible and folks need to sue my ass. A bitch is beyond broke, so go forth and sue someone else.
This is information and a bitch is all about information...plus, it adds spice to my conversations with my doctor.
ABB's doctor..."Where did you learn about that?"
ABB..."A video blog by Killer B.! You should blog...shit, you should video blog!"
ABB's doctor..."Lawd, have mercy."
Anyhoo, take a look if you're interested and remember to discuss any change in your use of any medication with a trained medical professional...
Wednesday, March 29, 2006
Bitchitude shall return tomorrow!
Tuesday, March 28, 2006
And They Cook, Too...
Anyhoo, the cookbook is full of recipes from bloggers and will benefit Doctors Without Borders. This bitch had a blast visiting the blogs associated with recipes. Oh, and a bitch simply can not have too many recipe options for future feastitude!
Check it out here...
No, son, a shake-up looks like this...
Oh my! A bitch woke up bleary of eye and slightly hung over, only to hear that a certain Andy Card has been kicked to the curb.
Initial reaction…"Oh shit! The White House of Chief of Staff has resigned! Oh shit!"
After some thought, while searching for Sudafed in the hotel room…"Hold on and wait a motherfucking minute. Who’s going to replace Card? Yeah, hold on a fucking minute!”
In response to the announcement that Josh Bolton will slither from Budget Director over to Chief of Staff…"Mother fucker! He fucks up the budget and presides over rampant spending and massive underestimates for all manner of shit and you REWARD him with more responsibility! Asshole, that ain’t a shake-up…that’s another two-step trying to pass itself off as a waltz!"
Heaven to Earth and back again, Scooter B. is doing this all wrong! He just ended his press conference and had the audacity to look pissed off that Card is gone!
Lawd, he can't even do the blame game right.
Nice try, son, but not nearly good enough. But the week is still young, so there’s plenty of time to turn this grandstanding into a true Nixonian purge!
You keep tossing high level fuck ups on the fire and we’ll just let you know when you get it right (wink)…
Monday, March 27, 2006
More Chicago fun...
Slowly the place began to fill with an assorted crowd of the masses. C-Money finished off her sweet tea and moved on to beer. Oh, the joy of blues based anticipation!
Bryan Lee was headlining and he owned the crowd. Nasty blues music was massaged out of a new guitar by an old master.
An appearance by Buddy Guy topped the night off and C-Money followed by this bitch stumbled home with ears pleasantly buzzing and the thrill anything but gone...
Sunday, March 26, 2006
Warhol, American Girl and Chicago...
A bitch and C-Money are knee deep in
This morning, we ventured out and encountered a restaurant called West Egg…how very Gatsby…where all manner of breakfast-based food can be consumed. We gorged ourselves like the greedy tourists we are. Two thumbs up and a belch!
Then the Sisters Bitch were off to the
There must have been something…well, life altering about seeing Warhol’s work. See, this bitch left the
The Louis Vuittonization of American women…rich, poor, tall, short and all types in between sporting the entire line of Vuitton in a full-on trend-whore frenzy that made a bitch’s head spin.
Note of full disclosure – a bitch does have a Vuitton that she now resentfully can not sport for fear of being grouped in with the Kate Spadization of all things Vuitton. Shudder.
A bitch observed with shocked horror that this consumer mentality was being developed early. Hoards of young girls moved about with dolls…baby dolls that were so life-like they seemed to be freakishly frozen in time. And the chil’ren…all rosy cheeked and excited, where bedecked in the same uniformesque outfits! Pink! So much fucking pink! And their parents, riding on Prozac highs like it was 1955, ushering the hoards towards the American Girl store to…umm, further their education.
Lawd have mercy!
C-Money, being knowledgeable about all things brand related, announced that these chil’ren where not being prepared for a Maoist cultural re-education. No, no, no…this was, according to C-money, a ‘brand experience’ and the American Girl store, rather than being the cultural re-education center, is an ‘event-based brand event’ that involves tea, clothing, chants...ooops my bad, songs...and shopping.
This was most disturbing! The masses of women branded by Louis Vuitton…and the hoards of young girls being taught the dance of branding by that American Girl store!
Lawd, Warhol was right. Better to become a machine and feel no more emotion for the product, so that the gluttonous consumption in disregard of taste or texture doesn't sting so sharply!
Whew. A bitch is still emotional (wink).
Oh fuck it. From the gleam in C-Money’s eye we’re only a few months away from the ABB Special Edition Vuitton bag and the Signature American Angry Black Bitch doll.
Heavy on the Splenda in that Kool-Aid, darling.
Mayhap the doll will have a mini-'fro and a frown...
Friday, March 24, 2006
A quick note...
A bitch was thrilled to see so many passionate responses to yesterday's post.
Yes, everyone needs to explore the policies on the table and whether they address real needs. That isn't a party thing, but rather one of those citizen based things that people tend to avoid in the hopes that someone or some party will do that 'hard work' for them and explain it all on a piece of direct mail.
A bitch is of the opinion that the masses need to get off of our asses and stop acting like politics happens to us. Our failure to move beyond the pouty stage is unacceptable and a passive forfeiture of our rights within the political process.
Ask questions...call people out for their bullshit...call your neighbors and relatives out for their bullshit...get active...be vocal and reclaim the motherfucking system.
Assholes in office and confused party policies are not a 'get out of civic responsibility' card for any of us.
A bitch heard about Dick Cheney's travel requirements or list of shit he expects when visiting someplace and it got me thinking...a bitch could use on of those BIG TIME!
ABB's Travel Requirements...a work in progress...
1. A bitch requires three boxes each of Sudafed and Claritin. She will not consume all of it at once, but is trying to stockpile meds (wink).
2. Vodka, ice and grape cran...in vast quantities, please.
3. A bitch requires TiVo...'nuff said.
4. 1% Organic milk and yummy Smartie-based munchables in bowls will be needed as well. (No one needs Smartie-based munchables in their bowels, Maven!! Lawd, a bitch needs an editor)
5. The television must be programmed to NEVER turn to FOX.
6. Please set the radio to funk music, neo-soul or jazz.
Lawd, a bitch may rethink my disdain of celebrity. These lists are fantabulous!
Thursday, March 23, 2006
Listening to Senator Feingold, a bitch was impressed with his humor and his reasoned position on his recent call to censure President Bush for the illegal domestic spying scheme. And my ass couldn’t help but recall the words of…well…George Will.
Yeah, a bitch said George Will.
See, this past Sunday George Will was participating in the round table discussion segment of This Week. Will said something like the following in reference to Republicans who are trying to resurrect the balanced budget amendment and the line item veto.
“These people, like the people they represent, are rhetorical conservatives and operational liberals.”
Now, a bitch took exception to the assumption that liberal=big spender (wink). However, George’s words stuck with me and came into clear focus during the Feingold Daily Show interview.
Senator Feingold has found little Democratic support for his call for censure. Many of the same Democrats that were going off on the illegality of the domestic spy program fell silent when confronted with a call for real action. This bitch thinks that a twist on George Will-ian theory may apply.
Many liberals, unlike the people they represent, are rhetorical patriots and operational cowards.
Yeah, a bitch is being optimistic...but my ass truly believes that part of the apathy among many citizens is fueled by the lack of backbone demonstrated by folks in office.
If we hope to persuade the undecided voters that Scooter B. is an unethical and unbalanced spend happy shit…if we intend to campaign on the platform that he has damaged American credibility internationally…if we hope to ring true when we shout loudly about his lack of focus, his lack of concern for the lives of average Americans, his complete willingness to support to hemorrhaging of American jobs abroad and his callous disregard for the constitution and the true American values it protects…well, we’re going to have to move that rhetoric into the operational column big time and fast as a motherfucker.
Thanks for the clarifying moment George Will!
And thanks for going operational, Senator Feingold.
Now where did we put our solidarity?
Wednesday, March 22, 2006
A quick response...
Does having a parent at home during the formative years have benefits?
Well, that depends on the parent. Not everyone is at their best when staying at home. It also depends on the circumstances. For example, staying at home to the detriment of your family’s financial security is not wise. Oh, and it may also depend on the child and whether they may thrive in a day care situation or be better suited for a more one on one parent on child kind of thing.
Nope…no absolutes here.
And a bitch would like to elaborate on this.
Social conservatives are some wishful motherfuckers…they are also ethnocentric and culturally homogeneous in their thinking. To assume that having a parent stay at home is universally beneficial is intellectually lazy.
And doesn't society deserve a wee bit of brain-based exertion?
Anyhoo, my mother stayed at home. She was also a demented individual. Suffice it to say, a bitch didn’t get the positives out of her stay at home parenting. Shit, my ass used to pray that someone would knock her upside the head with a job and relieve her of duty.
But fuck it…she was ‘in the home’, right?
Anyhoo, it depends on the situation. A bitch has seen some stay at home parents that absolutely are making a difference. And a bitch has seen some working parents who are hitting home runs with their family units.
Richard, there are no absolute statements that apply. This bitch thinks social policy should support the variety of decisions people must make in their family’s best interest.
A Job Creation...umm, Replacement Plan...
This bitch is, of course, fired up and pissed beyond measure by reading some of the mental proposals being worked up by state legislators…particularly when a bitch considers the FUCKING MOUNTAIN OF REAL WORK YOU DAWDLING ASSHOLES HAVE YET TO TACKLE!
But there was one proposal that a bitch found quite illuminating.
See, Missouri has a jobs problem. This bitch suspects that our freakishly conservative governmental interference into citizen's bedrooms, classrooms and…ummm…bodily functions may play a role. But fuck it; the end result is that Missouri is hemorrhaging jobs…which will eventually result in the hemorrhaging of people. Now, this bitch would love to see some of these motherfuckers go…go on…shoo…GO! However, substandard job growth almost always hurts the working people most and a bitch doesn’t support that.
But wait, look...over yonder hills!
Oh, thank Gawd…a conservative solution to our job crisis!
That’s right, chil’ren…the Barefoot & Pregnant strategy for job creation...ummm, replacement.
Missouri conservatives hope to change the mission of the Missouri Women’s Council to “assist and support women when making the transition from work to home” instead of working on job security and child care.
Even though that move would, in theory, encourage a certain neo-conservative social engineering without a clue Representative Cynthia Davis to step down from office and put that uterus back to work like the loyal social conservative broodmare she hopes to encourage all of us to be...well, this bitch just can’t get behind this shit.
However, my ass appreciates the detailed strategy being presented through passive aggressive legislative action. Nice try, but this bitch is gonna pass.
This seems so familiar…this call for women to return to their 'traditional roles', 'find a husband' and 'leave the work to the men'…so very familiar.
Anyhoo, this bitch looks forward to seeing Representative Davis put this plan into action personally (wink)...
This bitch plans to continue the Bitch Squad tradition and see if my ass can't support an Anti-Bullshit candidate as they transition her sorry assed embarassment to feminism self out of office.
Tuesday, March 21, 2006
Go forth and dawdle no more...
It seems that some of our elected officials have had enough of dawdling on the part of Iraqi elected officials and have firmly requested that they cease and get about the business of forming their government.
And if anyone knows what dawdling looks like it's a member of Congress (wink).
Heaven to hell and back again, you’ve got to love that word usage! A bitch pictures a couple of constipated Senators wagging their gnarled fingers at the interim Prime Minister and frowning…hard.
Lawd, maybe they said something like this…
“Cease dawdling and form a government so we can get the fuck out of here before the midterm elections!”
Oh shit! Lawd, a bitch can’t fucking stand it!
Clearly it’s time to put the fear of…ummm…a harsh talkin' to into those newly elected Iraqi lawmakers.
Hell, if it works we should try that here in America.
“Congress, you need to cease dawdling…you fucking knaves! Get your uppity asses to work and deal with that Social Security solvency thang!”
Sigh. There are just so many domestic policy items a bitch could insert into that sentence.
Mayhap a bitch should run for office on an Anti-Dawdling ticket?
The Adoption Option...
What can you do?
Let’s just jump right on in…
The Adoption Option...
A bitch read this shit with some fascination. It seems that San Francisco’s new Archbishop has asked the local adoption arm of the Catholic Church to 'sync up' with the church when handling their adoption bitness. Basically, no more gay adoptions.
This news reads as if there has been a rush on babies in San Francisco. One would assume that the adoption services arm of the Catholic Church has gotten a wee bit lax in their adherence to church doctrine and needed a slap on the wrist.
Oh, and y'all really need to change your web site. It's totally false advertising! There should be a bigot-based disclaimer...big time. Mayhap someone should sue?
Lawd, give me strength!
The sad reality is that there are more chil’ren available for adoption than there are prospective adoptive parents…and that’s before you screen out gay and lesbians because you’re a fucking bigot.
A bitch, being a bitch, is curious. Can a Muslim couple adopt from the San Francisco Catholic adoption services? How about a Jewish couple? Pagan? Can a straight single person adopt?
Could a Protestant?
Yeah…went there with bells on (wink).
Or does this bigotry apply only to gays and lesbians?
A bitch is just curious to see how closely y'all intend to adhere to Church doctrine...as it applies to adoption.
Because there’s this oil and water thing going on here between the Church’s wish to promote adoption as an alternative to abortion and their hypocritical as a motherfucker crusade against anything GLBT related.
Of course, the current love affair Americans have with infertility treatments doesn't help matters by solving a problem medically that used to be solved adoptively.
Oh, oh, oh...and the ease with which people can adopt from overseas and/or have a private adoptions doesn't help rally the faithful to adopt domestically either.
So, do y’all have exceptions for Muslims, Jews, Pagans and Protestants?
That would really help you address the limited number of placement options among the faithful…
...but it would also exposes you for the hypocritical Catholic doctrine bending when it suits you pieces of shits that you are.
Monday, March 20, 2006
A bitch awoke to the news that the Midwest will be welcoming spring in with a massive snow storm! Yeah. So far St. Louis has only seen a wee bit of icy rain…and it’s not as if the weather people get this shit right most of the time…but this bitch has stocked up on vodka and cran just in case!
After all, preparedness is my number one priority.
Get Ready for Autism Awareness Month…
April is Autism Awareness Month and this bitch wanted to give y’all a heads up on some shit. Mark those calendars for Missouri’s Autism Awareness Rally, which will take place in Jefferson City April 6th. More information to come.
As most of you are aware, my older brother is autistic. In the past decade, the diagnosis of autism has grown due in part to increased education and awareness.
We will solve this puzzle, chil'ren. The answers are just around the corner.
A bitch has to confess something.
My ass has been hoarding all manner of papers.
Yes, a bitch is a paper hoarder and was in full denial until C-Money requested a certain document last week. My ass went up into my lair and discovered boxes upon boxes of old bills…letters…direct mail pieces…post-it notes, for the love of Gawd…all piled into my second closet like some shameful secret.
Just the sight of them created an anxiety based freak-out that lasted for hours. A bitch almost broke out into hives.
Well, this just won’t do...just will not do!
A bitch will spend this week going through these papers…gulp…and…oh, Gawd…shredding shit…sob…and then…gasp…throwing shit away!
We’ll just take this problem one mail receiving day at a time.
And no, a bitch couldn't find the document that C-Money requested...which brought on this cruel discovery in the first fucking place.
Fuck it all...that would have been too much like right.
Sunday, March 19, 2006
Casualty of war...
A bitch is going to do a wee little exploration from the perspective of a press addict.
This bitch is not a reporter. My ass is, however, addicted to the news. Yes, a bitch uses a lot of sources to get my fix…yes, a bitch doesn’t believe everything that comes out of the mainstream press…no, you are not the only one who understands that 'truth in journalism' is relative and who can question authority.
Having said that, a bitch adores watching the news! Shit, this bitch doesn’t trust anyone who doesn’t consume some manner of news product…it’s just not natural (wink). So, when the war started this bitch was knee deep in the coverage and shocked as a motherfucker at the gleeful consumption of spin-based bullshit that was going down across the board.
During the pre-war bullshit blitz, the press was obsessed with maintaining a tone of doom and dread. Anyone who questioned the evidence was willing to put American lives at risk! And anyone who questioned the logic was un-American and practicing the art of appeasement. It is easy to forget how much the mainstream so-called liberal press fell into lock-step with the administration on this war. By the time Colin Powell testified at the United Nations, the press was tired of the fore-play and willing to get down to bitness.
And then we went to war. Eager reporters imbedded themselves among the troops, with images of Murrow Awards dancing in the heads. Shit, who can blame them! This was their big moment…a war…the kind of tragedy reporters dream of covering. But the sad reality is that war is easy to find…the appeal of this war was the guaranteed ‘big finish’. After all that fore-play…all the teasing and caressing and softly murmured promises…the press was in full rut and in need of guaranteed satisfaction.
Everything was in place. The spin. The embellished fears of massive poisoned gas attacks that made the decision to wear a gas mask for every report less 'Geraldo Rivera' and more prudent-like. Troops were willing to be interviewed and generals were talking trash.
Shit…you were there, right? It was like watching the first hour of Patton!
Who knew we’d be watching Platoon three years later?
The press was legitimately shocked when bunkers packed to capacity with WMD weren’t located. They were dismayed when the full on bloodbath they had been led to believe would take place turned into a quick and non-orgasmic occupation. And they were disgusted when the looting began, as if western armies had perfected the art of war…as if desperate times no longer lead to desperate actions.
Month after month, a bitch observed the press searching for their nut.
And month after month, this bitch observed the uncovering of a massive scab…the puss of ineptitude, ego and ethnocentric disdain…the shame of flawed intelligence…the floundering of misplaced loyalty and trust…the sad and sorry pathetic reality of the limits of military aggression and the tragedy of learning that shit all over again.
The press slowly turned into the angry unsatisfied lover. They creatively overlooked their own eager submission to the power of spin-based seduction.
They look back and think…we were misled!
A bitch looks back and thinks…you wanted to be.
The affair between the governmental spin machine and the fourth estate has ended.
Add the press to the list of 'seriously wounded' during the Iraq War...
...rehab could take years.
Friday, March 17, 2006
By request – Bullshit in the Show Me State...
This is a war on women…poor women in particular, but all women are under the gun here. Yeah…a bitch went there. Fuck it…if it walks like it and talks like it, call it what it is. So, let’s explore this move a bit.
Hell, a bitch will step up and toss my testimony down for this one!
This bitch has uterine fibroids. Fibroids are a royal pain…not cancerous, but a literal royal and complete pain. A few years back a bitch had a myomectomy, which removed most of the fuckers. But fibroids grow back. One key part of my ongoing treatment is the use of the pill, which helps slow the growth of fibroids and also keep those pesky 15 day periods from popping up.
My fibroids were painful. A bitch used to double over in cramping pain. This bitch had regular 15 day periods, was exhausted all the time and was in pain a lot. The physical ramifications were heinous…several fibroids had attached to my innards (wink) and were on track to create a blockage that would have fucked my world from hell to middle earth and back again.
So a bitch had surgery (ugh)…took some nifty hormone shots for 6 months (and you think my ass is bitchy now) and then went on the pill.
My use of the pill has nothing to do with fucking…sex…getting busy…getting my freak on…making love. My use of the pill is purely medical. My surgery was necessary, but would have been a waste of time without the ability to slow the rapid growth of those motherfuckers.
The pill is not used exclusively as a contraceptive and the expanded use of the pill should not be an option exclusvely reserved for the privately insured.
Which takes us to the reality behind this bill of bullshit. For a bitch, this bill would have meant no treatment options for my fibroids if my ass lost my healthcare coverage. They would have continued to grow, obstructed my bowels and thrown my ass into the hospital…where they would have recommended a hysterectomy because they probably don’t cover myomectomies on Medicaid...and where this bitch would have mounted up a huge medical bill fronted by Missouri instead of the proactively lower medical bill rational pill-based treatment would have created.
My uterus…my health…my fucking choice...would have been shot to hell because some complete fucktool in Jefferson City fears a wild sex orgy resulting from access to contraceptives. This is wrong, misguided, reckless and unethical. A bitch hasn’t even begun to explore the family planning ramifications resulting from this shit.
Y'all wanna throw down on this?
A bitch is ready, willing and able.
Missouri has declared war. They are saying, in their own peevish passive aggressive way, that they want poor and low-income women to be legally restricted or reap the whirlwind.
Out the fucking window!
Public policy dictated from the pulpit?
Come on down!
So, how is this different from some cleric telling their government what policies to enact in the Middle East?
Actually...well, shit!...we're the ones self identifying as a democracy.
Mayhap it's time for some Missouri lawmakers to take a look at the aspiring fascist in the mirror...
Polls and Drama - A Dream-Based Exploration...
A quick clarification…
Regarding the issue of parental involvement in sex education, this bitch is all for it. The problem is that even the most involved parent tends to fuck it up. This is perfectly understandable, since Americans tend to be rather repressed about sex in general and totally repressed when sex is connected to their spawn.
A bitch works with a population that is generationally challenged…not lazy, not apathetic and not assholic. Parents can only teach what they know and many of these parents are flying without a co-pilot on issues of contraception, protection and how to safely get your freak on.
Now, catch your knee before it jerks, Anonymouseseses.
This is not an issue of class or desire. What we fail to teach as pertains to sex education crosses all known social categories and all areas of intent…just like unplanned pregnancy, sexually transmitted diseases and exploitation.
Which brings us to the real issue on the table and a bitch is all about cutting through the bullshit. We are a society that is challenged to deal with the ramifications of unplanned pregnancy, exploitation and sexually transmitted diseases.
We have a couple of options on the table. We can say fuck it…parents need to step up...maintain the status quo on sex education, which panders to the cultural right and provides no supplement for inadequate parenting/mentoring/support…and watch the cards fall where they may, which will be on us like a ton of bricks.
Or we can embrace our social responsibility…and a healthy portion of reality as pertains to the limited educational capabilities of your average parent and the massive appeal of hot passion-based sex…and simply educate folks on the benefits of abstinence and protection...oh, and planning your fucking parenthood.
This bitch chooses the second option...the more balanced family valuesque route to me (wink).
Polls and Drama - A Dream-Based Exploration...
The following is a dream-based exploration and is in no way based on actual events...unless this is all a dream and my dreams are reality and...oh fuck it....
A bitch went to sleep with thoughts of Operation Swarmer on my mind.
Deep in the bowels of the White House the party faithful gathered. In a dimly lit room they munched on salty snacks and lamented the current Presidential poll figures.
John McCain angrily kicked a chair and glared at Scooter B.
“Gawd, I hate you! All my advisors keep telling me to pander to the Republican base...so there I was at the fucking straw poll circus in Memphis pandering like a motherfucker! ‘Support the President’, ‘He was so right on everything’ and ‘Don’t vote for me vote for him to show how American you are’! Fuck! Even the base hates you. They’d rather cast their straw vote for your asshole clone, Frist!”
McCain spat on the ground and stuffed chips in his mouth.
“Jesus! How the hell did I loose the primary to you? If this keeps up we’ll have Republicans jumping parties by 2008!”
Senator Bill Frist rolled his eyes and stepped forward.
“Pass the chips, you greedy bastard, and shit the fuck up. George, the Senators are all over me on these poll numbers!” He paused and shifted uncomfortably. “Shit! Look…they want me to pat down your ass and confirm the complete lack of coattails. Christ!” He awkwardly moved forward with hands outstretched.
“You know what? Fuck this shit to hell and back!” he exclaimed. “We need a plan!”
The President (Scooter B. to this bitch) sighed heavily and cast his eyes about the room.
“Where are the fucking chips? Okay…fine…ummm, Karl! Karl?” his gaze settled on Rove, who was fingering his new charm bracelet and gazing obsessively at the picture of Senator Hills Clinton he had attached to it.
“Oh, holy shit!” Scooter B. exclaimed. “Rummy!” his attention shot to Rumsfeld, who was in the far corner folded dejectedly into a chair.
“Rummy?” Scooter B. whispered.
Rumsfeld was beyond reach, rocking slowly back and forth an mumbling incoherently…"All I know is that it won’t be like our Civil War…not like ours!…not our Civil War…not like our Civil War at all…not one bit…not like the one we fought…North and South…oh, Mother!...oh sweet heaven…not like our Civil War at all!”
Scooter B. visibly swallowed. “Shit…fine...we’ll just bomb something! It worked for Nixon! Didn’t it? Fuck it! Tell the Joint Chiefs to blow something up over there! Pronto!”
A cautious minion stepped forward…"But Master, the press will connect this to the polls! They will know that this is a wasted effort and that stability can not be reached through random bombing!”
Scooter B. stuffed more chips in his mouth and shook his head…"No, son, they won’t. Damned country is too volatile for most of those assholes to get out and see a damned thing. For all they know we’re in control!” he paused and tossed in more chips. “Yeah. Bomb Samarra and then toss in a vague domestic threat…make it against malls or…oh, I know! Make it against the NCAA Tournament! Yeah! Big Business will appreciate that…they are all bitching about the lost productivity in March! Oh, guys, it's all coming together now!”
Scooter B. jumped up and clapped his hands gleefully.
“We are so cooking with hot grease, guys!”
Frist’s gaze locked with McCain's. Softly he muttered under his breath…"We’d better start preparing for a grease fire, ‘cause this asshole's second term is officially fubar.”
Thursday, March 16, 2006
By request, a bitch's thoughts on South Dakota...
Moving forward with fond remembrance…
By request, a bitch’s thoughts on South Dakota’s new abortion ban…
We knew it was coming and we knew that it was coming fast. Anti-choice forces have been playing this hand for years and now it looks like they have thrown their cards down…hard. The new ban in South Dakota is being challenged, which may result in the usual legal parade upward towards the Supreme Court.
Some legal scholars do not anticipate that this case will make it to the Supreme Court. People also need to keep in mind that there are several legal layers to get through before both sides meet on the field of battle. And it is important to understand that this battle does not mean that services have ended in South Dakota.
Yet, here we are…wondering, fretting and trying to come to terms with the fact that Roe is under full legal consideration…again.
A bitch finds myself exploring the ramifications. My ass knows that this exploration puts the cart in front of the horse, but it is intellectually impossible for me to avoid.
As most of you now, a bitch volunteers with teenage mothers at several local shelters. Some of these mothers chose to have their babies and some of them were simply too far along in their pregnancies to have any viable choices beyond adoption or keeping the child post birth. This illuminates the issue of ‘choice’ in Missouri and many other states within the union. Choice has not been as simple as choice for quite some time.
Freedom of choice requires freedom of information. The anti-choice movement has steadily been restricting access to reproductive information for years. Most of my current disgust at the advocates of anti-choice policies stems from that fact.
See, a bitch would like abortion to be rare as a motherfucker. Safe is followed by legal, which is followed by rare. My ass is one of millions of Americans who works diligently to educate my community…both men and women…on the various choices they have and options available that will assist in lowering the number of unplanned pregnancies. And a bitch averages at least 5 women per 6 month class session who have no fucking idea how their reproductive system works, what the real health risks and advantages are associated to contraception and what family planning is.
An average of 5 women…usually out of a total of 10 to 15…have to be educated about their reproductive cycle, how sex may result in pregnancy, what contraceptive methods are available to them and/or how to choose the best method. And Average of 5 women per class cycle relate misinformation about contraception…feel that using the pill may make them unable to have a baby in the future…believe that the pill may protect them against sexually transmitted diseases…feel that it is inappropriate to ask their sexual partner to use a condom because it ‘assumes that they are sick’…strongly believe that they can not contract a sexually transmitted disease from oral sex…think the withdrawal method works...think that you can ‘tell by looking at someone’ if they have a sexually transmitted disease…and do not feel that they need to be tested for sexually transmitted diseases until they are pregnant because they ‘feel fine’.
A bitch has met the victims of rape, incest and exploitation who believed that they could douche the problem away. A bitch has listened to women who have three or four chil’ren but ‘aren’t sure if they have ever had an orgasm’ and ‘did it because they needed to keep their man’.
One current student engaged in over 60 unprotected sexual encounters in an effort to ‘get rid of those sinful feelings for women’ and sincerely hopes that her child ‘helps her not be a dyke anymore’.
And it goes on and on.
The sad reality is that anti-choice advocates are creating more unplanned pregnancies through their ignorance is bliss policies…and those of us in the trenches are shoveling in a downpour. A bitch struggles to understand the logic and finds that there is none.
Any group that wants to decrease the number of unplanned pregnancies in America needs to start with comprehensive education. Abstinence…yes! And…oh, and that ‘and’ is one massive motherfucking word…comprehensive sex education so that each individual is armed with the facts, the options and the tools to make an educated decision about their life and their body.
But comprehensive sex education does not…will not…eliminate rape or incest. Comprehensive sex education will not eliminate exploitation or abuse.
The morning after pill will not eliminate the fact that many women do not seek medical care or go to the authorities after an assault...that unplanned pregnancy will still happen...that people will get busy regardless of the ramifications.
And abstinence education will not eliminate unplanned pregnancies…the fact that society has no viable mechanism for dealing with them post Roe…the fact that parenting skills do not automatically kick in when a person has a baby…the fact that our foster care system is overwhelmed, adoptions have been replaced by infertility treatments, babies are still tossed into dumpsters like trash…and America prefers to debate abortion rather than our failure as a society to truly protect life, ensure liberty and clear the fucking wreckage blocking the pursuit of happiness.
Abortion is not the only thing on the table…again. The drama resulting from decade’s worth of failed social policy is on the table too.
Oh, and lives…they are on the table…and the instrument of law is being prepared to do damage come hell or high-water.
A bitch does not fear a debate…my ass just wishes we were debating the shit really on the table.
This bitch sees this as the real Mommy War, chil’ren. And my ass harbors no confusion over who stands to benefit.
Wednesday, March 15, 2006
And the angels sang...
Sean began e-mailing me several months ago and he became one of those e-mail friends that you think you have known forever.
He told me once that he prayed for peace. So, if you are so inclined, offer one up in his memory.
He will be missed and remembered fondly by many.
Until we meet again, dear friend....
Some thoughts on the retirement of Mike Wallace...
A bitch greeted this news with a sigh of relief…my ass will soon not have to fear Mike Wallace materializing on my porch with a camera and crew talking about ‘why won’t you go on the record!'…and sadness.
Mike Wallace has come a long way from the days of The Hate that Hate Produced. His legacy will overcome the complete imploded fucktitude of the CBS 60 Minutes Big Tobacco non-coverage…should we cover it?..but we tapped it!..no, we’ll get sued!..oh fuck it, but now we look like a bunch of assholes…scandal.
His is the legacy of a reporter and the stories that he reported.
Who could ask for more?
Go forth and golf, Mike Wallace...
Tuesday, March 14, 2006
Pots trash talking kettles...
Matt Lauer of the Today Show was in typical uptight form. He said something about the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame induction ceremony and the Sex Pistols and how they sent a letter of extreme bitchitude in response to being inducted...and how that was 'weird'.
He was talking about the Sex Pistols, right?
What an asshole!
Anyhoo, this bitch had a quick mental picture of Johnny Rotten materializing on set and Matt pissing himself in horror.
Color me 'weird', but it made a bitch giggle.
The pot talking trash about that kettle again…
For several years America has been caught up in a culture war. The major problem is that people, regardless of where they stand, have been insisting that everyone do as they do…which isn’t very American.
This bitch wishes everyone would just shut the fuck up, go do as they want to do and stop trying to dominate others.
Which brings us to the word dominate…and the pot talking trash about that kettle again.
A certain asshole is being an asshole again. And a bitch isn't holding my breath in hopes that Senator Frist will admonish him for damaging our international reputation and emboldening our enemies. That would be too much like right, chil'ren.
Pat Robertson is calling Muslims ‘crazed fanatics’ who are ‘planning world domination’ and may be ‘inspired by demonic power’. Now, this is another example of that pot talking crazy assed trash about the kettle being black. But a bitch sees something more in that 'inspired by demonic power' statement...something revealing.
Pat Robertson is himself possessed by a demon!
Think about it...this explains everything.
Pat Robertson is so clearly possessed by some sort of fiendish devilesque thing, chil’ren...a bitch can't believe my ass missed it. His eyes are red, glow in the dark and he now speaks crazy talk in reverse like a chant. He’s like that child in The Exorcist…rotting from within…slowly becoming a foul smelling green vomit spewing nastified mound of flesh!
Lawd, a bitch can smell him all the way in Missouri!
ABB's moment of clarity...
Oh wait…that’s just our ancient sewer system acting up again. Stank nasty, but not demonic.
Robertson? He’s just that pot talking trash about how that kettle is doing what he has wet dreams about doing every night.
Oh yes...the very definition.
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