Wednesday, February 28, 2007

A note on estrangement…

The recent Anna Nicole Smith drama has brought forth a long overlooked debate over parental rights. It seems to me that no one wants to discuss the parental rights issue until someone has died, is fighting with biological parents to keep a non-biological child or someone stands to inherit a ton of cash.

The thing is legal parental rights differ a lot from emotional connections and a bitch can personally attest to the fact that the emotional bond can be long severed while that legal cord remains firmly attached.


I am estranged from my mother.


Shit, that sounds way too soap opera dialoguesque!

My mother and I do not talk…have not for years. She is my only living parent, my beloved father having died several years ago. But she is toxic and I decided long ago that the gift of life doesn’t guarantee the giver an emotional target.

I’m working on understanding the why of it all, but this bitch learned years ago that everyone can’t wear yellow.

My mother and I are estranged.

Most people do not hear that sort of thing very well. They struggle to fit it into their view of the world.

I’m so sorry to hear that!”


I’m not.

Not continuing a relationship with my mother was the best thing for me. I do not miss the relationship I let go of. What I miss is the fantasy relationship…the mother myth of what could have been. I no longer delude myself about what should have been...everything happens as it should and for a reason.

Anyhoo, I’ve watched the Anna Nicole Smith post-mortem legal battle from the angle of the estranged and it woke me the hell up. The emotional break from my mother took years to accomplish and once I took that final step back I still had the baggage of having done it to deal with.

What I hadn’t thought of was the legal connection that remains and what that might mean.

Shit, no one wants to think about their death (shudder)…but watching people fight over a body for weeks is some serious motivation!


Yes, a bitch is broke…but let me assure you that my people would fight like rabid beasts over my decomposing broke ass out of spite and what this bitch suspects may be genetic bitterness.

Estrangement is strange and complicated.

And the legal business of dysfunctional families has been a money maker for years.


Makes a bitch wonder why functional families were ever considered traditional…

Tuesday, February 27, 2007


A bitch watched the recap of the Oscars red carpet parade with extreme annoyance. Every year people seem to get more and more Stepfordized.

Same body.

Same color choices.

Same hair style.

Same would be hot if she/he had a soul but lets not pretend that she/he wasn’t selected to match the outfit date.


Gawd forbid someone dare attempt an individual expression of style! Oh, hell no…the style police hunt that poor motherfucker down like an angry village to an overfed vampire. This year’s hunt featured one of my favorite people, Andre Leon Talley. I adore him...really...but he still represents a level of enforced fashion-based conformity that makes a bitch want to hurl.

Same breasts.

Same ass.

Same agent.


I’ve felt this way about music for some time. Oh, some original artists have been able to sneak through the filter but they are the exception to the rule. News that American Idol is opening a camp to more efficiently mass produce their “product” makes my skin crawl.


The thing is that the majority of people reward this behavior.

“Why did she wear that?” …as if her wearing that was a deliberate statement to you…an insult…a “fuck you and your future chil’ren so I decided to wear this shade of yellow just to offend you” kind of slap to the face.

“Oh my Gaaaaaaawd, did you see her hair?” …as if it’s 1983 and celebrities are living out some twisted John Hughes meets Heathers nightmarish popular girl from hell social reinforcement fantasy.

Jesus to Gawd, didn't a bitch earned a pass on round two of that shit?



Gasp as dawning horror descends.

Holy mother of retro gone bad, mayhap this is the re-birth of the 1980’s.

Think about it, chil'ren!

Overwhelming social pressure to conform to a boring ass norm.

An escalating nuclear crisis.

A super power at war in Afghanistan.

War-like tension with Iran.

Metallic fabrics.

Meryl Streep delivering Oscar nominated performance after Oscar nominated performance.



Hold it!

Can a bitch get my old metabolism back?

Any time between 1982 and 1987 works for me.


The Police got back together, Arnold is Governor and Paula Abdul has a career.

Damn it, anything is possible!

Monday, February 26, 2007

Promises, promises...

A bitch is trying to recover from the Oscars.

No, I didn’t get to go...and my invitation to the Vanity Fair Party was obviously lost in the mail (wink). This bitch just watched…and watched…and watched.

Gawd that show was long as hell!

Anyhoo, congrats to the nominees and the winners.

Moving forward fueled by coffee…lots and lots of coffee…

A bitch has followed the fallout from Dana Priest’s coverage of the Walter Reed barracks story in the Washington Post. If you are not familiar with this you should be. Walter Reed is an amazing medical facility where many wounded soldiers are treated…but the scandal relates to the deplorable living conditions many soldiers are confronted with while trying to recover.

My first reaction was shock…followed by shock at my own shock. I had to come to terms with the fact that I’d bought some of the spin…you know, that bullshit that saying “I support the Troops!” equaled actually supporting the troops.

Fuck it, a bitch can sometimes be naïve and who would have thought people could hold their head up to judge others when they've got a roach & mold infested facility in their fucking backyard?

This story was important to me.

It reinforced the role of the Fourth Estate.

It confronted me with a shameful thing and forced me to recognize that if Walter Reed is hiding a fucking slum lord scandal imagine what less known facilities are allowing to rot (wince).

What of the veterans who have left the hospital? If this is how soldiers are treated a few months after getting wounded how the hell are we treating them a year later?

Well, a bitch didn’t have long to wait for an answer to those questions. The St. Louis Post Dispatch has a story about wounded vets who have been waiting from months...OVER A YEAR!!... to get their claims settled and get paid through the Department of Veteran Affairs.

A bitch comes from a military family and I am beyond angry and ashamed.

I’m also fired up! This isn’t about whether you support the war or not. I’m sorry, but it isn’t…never has been and never should be. This is about promises made by this our name, for the love of Gawd...that we need to keep.

I urge you to contact your Representative and Senators. Let them know that 14 months without a paycheck is not supporting our troops. Tell them that not planning for new veterans from Iraq and Afghanistan is the same as not planning for war and it sure as shit isn’t an acceptable excuse for veterans to linger whilst the VA attempts to find it’s ass with both hands.

Lawd, give me strength!

While the nation debates the war over there we must not overlook the war at home and the daily battle for health and security that goes on for veterans.
This informs the larger discussion and should be a factor in our funding, planning and ending of this war.

Support Our Troops needs to be more than a campaign slogan backed up with a yellow ribbon on the ass of a mini-van.

Friday, February 23, 2007


Lawd, a bitch has dined my way through this birthday and loved every single minute!

My Play Husband and Brother Rob Thurman took this bitch out to dinner at Terrene on Sarah.

Let me tell you, that meal was a party in my mouth (wink).


And today this bitch had lunch at Sweetie Pie’s on Manchester (oh, the joy)!

I’m so overly full, but there’s left over cake…ugh.

Moving forward…slowly and in desperate need of a nap…

Speaking of food…it’s Girl Scout Cookie Time!
A bitch read the news that the Girl Scouts are cutting trans fats and was once again proud to have been a Girl Scout.

Way to lead by example!


Does that mean I can eat two boxes of Thin Mints now?

Just asking.

A follow-up on the LaVena Johnson Investigation…

In my July 27, 2005 post War and Peace I wrote about the death of Army Pvt. LaVena L. Johnson.

Shakespeare’s Sister has reported a follow-up on how the Johnson family is challenging the report that Pvt. Johnson committed suicide.

Pvt. Johnson’s father, Dr. Johnson, is requesting an investigation. He has been adamant from the beginning that he believes his daughter was murdered. As reported on KMOV, the evidence points to Pvt. Johnson having been the victim of foul play.

LaVena Johnson was the first woman soldier from Missouri to die while serving in Iraq or Afghanistan.

She died at 19 years old near Balad, Iraq, on July 19, 2005.

Please take a moment to read the post at Shakespeare’s Sister and to contact your Senator if they are listed as being on the Armed Services Committee.


Thursday, February 22, 2007

Happy Birthday to Me!

A bitch is celebrating 34 years of life today with chocolate bars (yum) and fantabulous Vietnamese food for lunch.

Oh, the joy!

And a bitch’s official blog anniversary was February 10, but who can remember that shit (wink)…so I’m going to also acknowledge that milestone today.

Thank you all for reading a bitch and sharing you’re thoughts and opinions with me…it has been and remains a joy to bitch with you.

Thank you to the knavish trolls for providing unintentional inspiration, amusement and a regular dose of reality. And thank you to the sorta-conservatives who feel compelled to quote directly from Up From Liberalism as if the text were an exorcism rite.

Is it too much to ask for an original thought?


Anyhoo…thanks to the lurkers and the comment makers, the folks who spark e-mail debates and the folks who write me about the debates spun off from debates.

It’s been a fantabulous 34 years of bitchitude and a wild two years of blogging.

I just know that the best is yet to come!


An Update on a Bitch’s Birthday Campaign…

Wow y’all!

A Bitch’s Birthday Campaign to benefit PROMO has raised over $500!

Thank you, thank you….THANK YOU!

Damn…there goes the mascara.

Sniffle...collect makeup...continue.

Donations towards my birthday campaign will be accepted until March 1, 2007.

Y’all are the best!

Wednesday, February 21, 2007

City drama and a verdict preparation...

C-Money and this bitch joined my beloved co-workers for a night of theatre last night. We went to the Fabulous Fox Theatre and caught Doubt...which was supposed to feature Cherry Jones, but she was out ill (damn it all!!). Anyhoo, Doubt was a fantabulous drama and, having not seen Ms. Jones in her award winning performance of the role, I thought the understudy acted her ass off.

It was such an enjoyable evening that this bitch may make weekday theatre attendance my new affectation.

After the performance we headed for Popeye's to score some red beans and rice...and spicy chicken...and strawberry soda pop to consume whilst discussing the show.


It was Tuesday, for the love of Mardi Gras!

So, we were heading down Grand and encountered a closed down street at Gravois due to some accident that occurred right in front of the Fire House (mercy)...which caused a bitch to take a detour and head down a side street (we were committed to those red beans and rice...committed!) only to come across some sort of armed stand off off of Spring.

Mmmhmm, we were just trying to get our feast to go and someone had to get their hostage situation on down the street from the Popeye's! Channel 5 was there trying to do a live shot...and they may have caught some video of bitch making an illegal u-turn on Gravois to get into the Popeye's, which thankfully was still open for business (wink).

Ah, the tranquil joy of South City on a Tuesday!

Moving forward...

Now that the Libby CIA Leak Trial has gone to the jury, a bitch is preparing for the verdict. I can already see how it will go down!

A bitch and verdict preparedness...
The Breaking News snackage...
Pop corn...lots of pop corn. A bitch anticipates this verdict breaking...and then breaking...and then continuing to break, so my ass has to have a snack that is munchable while either clicking through channels of surfing sites.

The Cycle of Shock cocktail...
Whatever the verdict, there will be tons of drama-based shock. This bitch has stocked up on vodka and cran with the understanding the cycle of shock portion will take place during the cocktail hour. If not...well, one can never have too much vodka (wink).

The Quest for Meaning...
This should take this bitch through dinner and dessert...big time. Hell, if Libby gets off a bitch may be able to stretch this shit into March!


Dinner shall be something smothered and something potato-based.


Bring forth the verdict...

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

A Baby’s Daddy Pondering…

A bitch had a rotten night’s sleep! My brain wouldn’t shut off and I think I only got four hours of rest…and we’re not talking real rest either.


An update on the update…
Thank you to everyone who answered C-Money’s challenge and to everyone who donated to PROMO in support of a bitch’s birthday campaign! I’ll post totals from Thursday (prepare to match, C-Money) and the total so far as soon I get those numbers from PROMO.

We are accepting donations through the end of February and this bitch appreciates your support of this fundraising campaign…big time!

Moving forward…

A Baby’s Daddy Pondering…
A bitch watched the local news, the national news and Entertainment Tonight yesterday. Each featured stories about Anna Nicole Smith and the upcoming court hearings to determine the particulars about the paternity test to determine who Anna Nicole’s baby’s daddy is with each taking a different angle. The local news reporting it as clean as possible (this is what’s going to happen and this is why)…followed by the national news, which chose the long suffering anchor person approach (this is what’s going to happen and I so didn’t get into this business to report shit like this)…and finally there was Entertainment Tonight, who have recast Anna Nicole as the fusion of the Virgin Mary and Marilyn Monroe while Howard K. Stern is the embattled somewhat flawed lawyer/partner (think Paul Newman in The Verdict meets Floyd from True Romance). A bitch is pretty sure E.T. plans to launch the baby as a mix between Athina Rousel and Baby Gloria during the custody battle soon to come.


What I didn’t see or hear was a discussion of how this kind of baby’s daddy drama comes to be and the other non-baby based ramifications. After giving it some thought I happen to think it might make a fantabulous teachable moment.

Angle #1 – Some of these men may be lying…
Some of these men claiming to be Anna Nicole Smith’s baby’s daddy could be lying. A bitch has to wonder why the hell someone would lie about something that can be confirmed…but stranger things have happened.

Angle #2 – All of these men think they could be…
Let’s talk about sex, shall we?

Each of these men say they had sex with Anna Nicole Smith…a bitch is assuming unprotected sex, since each of them thinks baby making was a possibility from these encounters. Each new potential baby’s daddy is claiming that he had unprotected sex…or that the protection failed, which results in no longer protected sex…with Anna Nicole Smith during the window of time in which her baby was conceived.


It’s a little bit like the Kevin Bacon game, with degrees of separation connecting everyone who was connected with Anna Nicole Smith (wince).

So, these potential baby’s daddys are allegedly connected to each other…and the other folks that each of them had unprotected sex with (ouch Zsa Zsa…ouch)…and the folks that those folks had sex with…and so on and so on.


Who’s the daddy may not be the only question these people need to ask.

Where’s the outrage and the interviews with concerned parents frowning about the message being sent to the youth? What does it take to offend the…oh, that’s right! Insert a gay lover into this story and you’d be hearing from all manner of concerned heifers ranting a raving about the message being sent to our youth. Don’t sleep on that shit…y’all know that if even one gay were involved someone somewhere would be connecting this drama to Britney Spears shaving off her hair.

But here we are with a posse of man on woman fluid exchanging adults and all I see is a bunch of sanctimonious sorta-anchors and news personalities giggling behind their hands all the while grateful to the sex gods that their own hump-a-thons aren’t worthy of public exposure.


If these men are lying then this is just another example of greed begetting greed begetting shameless greed.

If these men are for real…or have reason to believe they may be for real…well, they might want to add a few tests to that paternity assessing blood work.

I'm just's not as if they won't be drawing blood anyway.


Oh shit, there’s also the theory that the baby’s daddy is J. Howard Marshall from frozen sperm…which would make Anna Nicole Smith one hell of a planner…and also makes my afro hurt.

Anyhoo, a bitch is predicting that Zsa Zsa slaps somebody before this shit is over...

Monday, February 19, 2007

Happy President’s Day, chil’ren

Let’s jump right in, shall we?

A film for you to see…
C-Money and I watched Street Fight and it was fantabulous! It’s a documentary about the 2002 Newark New Jersey mayoral race and let me tell you, that race informs the Obama “He’s clean, but is he black enough?” sorta-debate…big time!

A bitch gives it 4 1/2 out of 5 1973 blow-out afros!

Moving forward…

A certain Courtney sent a bitch an e-mail wanting to know if I’ve weighed in on the Anna Nicole Smith drama and, if so, when/where because he wouldn’t want to miss it.

Hey Courtney!

No, a bitch has not weighed in…but since you asked.


Let’s see…I’m not shocked (oh, please), surprised (girl, stop!) or mournful (we were not close).

I’m not even achieving schadenfreude with this shit.

However, a bitch is fascinated by the media’s reaction to this shit. Did y’all catch the three hour…ummm, breakthrough…cough…of the breaking news that some judge signed the embalming order?


Watching the media go after this story has been an education, chil’ren.

For real!

Get this…the press knows how to ask questions (gasp) and even hunt up leads.

Who the hell knew?

Hell, if pre-war intelligence had been the demise of a marginally celebrated former almost-famous person…if WMD had been the search for that baby’s daddy…we’d have gotten it all out in the open (love you like a menstrual cramp, Paula Zahn!) a whole lot sooner!


And as for Brittany Spears...there are no words. The last time a bitch shaved off all my hair I scored my clippers at Target, which is what Ms. Spears would have done too if getting rid of her hair had been the real goal.


Hey, maybe Paula Z will do an indepth report!

Faux Blond Celebrity Hair Shavings - Art or Poison?

Friday, February 16, 2007

Friday Quizzicals...

A bitch is stressed out and grateful for the weekend!

Jumping in because stress makes me incapable of bullshit…

Quizzical #1
Has an alien Geraldo Rivera taken over the body of Paula Zahn?


It’s a perfectly valid question!

I haven’t seen Geraldo since the beginning of the war. True, I’ve trained all the technology in my house to avoid FOX like the plague…can’t stand coming home to that kind of programming in the TiVo. But one still expects Geraldo to make the news for some asshole stunt yearly. And I can’t remember the last time I saw or heard from his ass.

Anyhoo, Geraldo is missing from a bitch's world…and Paula Zahn has gone from bad to worse on the stunt tip. Race baiting…gay baiting…and now it looks like she intends to bring the rare no matter how much of a big deal the media makes of it crime of women who attack pregnant women for their fetuses out in the open.

Gawd, if that’s not proof that Geraldo now inhabits Paula Zahn’s body as an alien parasite I don’t know what…I just don’t know what!


If things follow along like the plot of Alien the Geraldo-esque parasite will explode from Paula’s abdomen and make a mad dash for the studio ventilation system.

Talk about brining it all out into the open!


Okay, fuck it... Paula's a grown woman and capable of being a complete asshole without the assistance of the alien Geraldo.

But I like that visual...and you know you do too.

Quizzical #2
Am I the only bitch who doesn’t have a clue how someone cheats at NASCAR and could give a shit that they did?

Is it “I doped myself to win a bike race” bad or “A decade worth of baseball stats are full of shit” bad?

Oh, who gives a shit...

Quizzical #3
Did y’all see this shit?

That’s right, The Queen of Rancidity Ann Coulter and The Pride of Cape Girardeau Rush Limbaugh are joining together…not sexually, mind you…not that they couldn’t join together sexually, what with him having access to lots and lots of Viagra and all…ahem…they have joined together for a FOX comedy show geared to take on my beloved The Daily Show.


The show is set to debut this Sunday on FOX.

For real!

The writers of The Daily Show need to light an extra candle to the comedy gods for that blessing of guaranteed material…big time!

Happy Mardi Gras and y’all have a safe and festive weekend…

Thursday, February 15, 2007

Blatant payday reminder of A Bitch’s Birthday Request…

Thanks for all the donations, chil’ren! A bitch is too thrilled with the support for my birthday fundraiser to benefit PROMO.

And I just wanted to remind anyone who was waiting for payday that today is payday (wink) least for most folks…and donations are still being accepted.

As a matter of fact, y’all can support PROMO’s equality efforts in this bitch’s name until the end of February!


Again, thank you so much if you have already made a donation and thanks in advance for the donations soon to come!

Cold enough for a polar bear army...

It’s bitter cold outside…too cold…cold enough to freeze spit midair.


Jumping right in with frozen fingertips…

A bitch has been pondering the current drama between Iran and the United States and I have come to the conclusion that I need to take to my bunker.


Follow me on this one.

Scooter B. (President Bush for the uninitiated) and his minions cooked up the case for war with Iraq…and then got the okay for the war they asked for...only to find no WMD or links between Iraq and Al Qaeda…and ended up with the war they failed to anticipate.

Pause…sip water...continue.

The press, eager to leave behind their own gleeful embracing of all things flawed and pre-war intelligence related, then began to question the intelligence community…which resulted in several overhauls performed by the same people who cooked the books in the first place. So, the press barked some more and have basically spent the past year working their way with painful once bitten twice shy caution to the conclusion that (gasp) they might have been mislead (shudder) by the most glaringly (wince) flawed case for war since the Gulf of Tonkin incident (ouch).


Those who voted for Bush are now either willing to follow him into the vengeful fires of backlash hell or are coming down with a case of IDidn’tVoteforthatSonofanIdiot-itus.

Those who voted for the war resolution are either coming clean on the fact that they should have held out for further clarification and…well, maybe some facts. Or they are trying to condemn the execution of the war whilst still defending their vote to authorize the war as if several of their political colleagues hadn’t denounced the case for war at the time of that oft regretted vote.


So here I am, a bitch who would like to believe that those driving the bus have a clue but who knows that in reality these folks can’t read maps and they installed the navigation system but, true to form, they burned the manual then outed the people who know how to use it to punish their huuuuuusbands for daring the question the very shit that everyone should have been questioning!


Iran may or may not be sending weapons over the border to Iraq…which means that they may or may not be provoking an escalation…and they may or may not be a direct threat…so we may or may not want to address that shit.

Russia, our ally in World War II turned enemy during the Cold War…turned ally and close trusted friend during Scooter B’s first term in office…only to become that friend you don’t trust alone with your wallet during Scooter B’s second term…yeah, that Russia…has decided to get its Cold War back on. A bitch is willing to bet this means they don't wanna be friends anymore.

Shit has moved past the mockable stage, chil’ren! Real shit may or may not be going down…and we may or may not need to address it!

But we have no idea…not really…not after the great “trust me…ooops, my bad” scandals of the past 6 years.

And here we are…possibly, maybe, but no one can say for certain on the brink of fucking up again…or maybe not.

Possibly, maybe…but no one wants to make the call this time, since just about everyone is running for president or thinking about it.

Gawd, we're facing a new arms race when I’ve barely had enough time to enjoy the end of the previous one.


You assholes!

You killed off my Pax Americana in less than a decade!

Damn you...damn you to hell!

Pulls self together.

A bitch is gonna work on my bunker...and find a way to raise up a polar bear army!


There's angry...and then there's polar bear angry.

Shit, someone should get some joy out of this deep freeze...

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

A vague recollection of political shit from the other day...

A bitch caught some of the political news yesterday as I drifted in and out of my Ebola haze and…well, maybe it was the drugs (legally purchased and totally over the counter…though they were so potent a bitch had to check the label my damned self)…but it seemed to me that the Republicans are having some litmus test awkward question tossed about too.

Folks may be asking whether Obama is black enough or whether Hill is liberal enough or whether Edwards is Huey P. Long enough (wink) on the Democratic side…but a bitch heard a lot of is he anti-gay enough, anti-abortion enough or Christian as defined by me myself and I enough on the Republican side yesterday.

It was startling enough to break through my Ebola haze!

And just as our questions say a lot about who the base is on the Democratic side their questions say a lot about who they are.

If the post-Romney announcement reaction is any indication, things are about to get nasty as hell in elephant territory.

ABB’s Vague Recollection of Political Shit from the other day…

Governor Huckabee is in…and a former Southern Baptist preacher who is anti-choice and anti-gay, but lacks the bite the base looks for in a candidate. He…well, he just doesn’t hate enough. Rather Hucks gives some thoughtful and cautious response to try to explain why a fellow citizen should be denied the rights of other citizens.

Bitchitude Analysis– may have a chance, but one rabid orator in the field and his ass is toast.

Mitt of the ever changing Romney’s is in…and trying to explain why he flipped on abortion rights and then flopped on gay marriage, saying one thing to get elected as Governor of Mass. then pulling a u-turn when confronted with the Evangelical base.

Current media spin – will Evangelicals be able to gather ‘round a Mormon…who may or may not believe in a woman’s right to choose…and who may or may not still have a gay friend.

Bitchitude Analysis – I though Mormon’s are anti-choice? Shit, someone may want to confirm whether Romney really is a Mormon! He may be a Manchurian Candidate sent from…umm, Michigan to take over and force us all to say pop instead of soda.

Or is it soda instead of pop?


Rudy G is in…sort of…well, he’d like a re-take so he can get some press coverage.

Rudy G. is pro-choice…unless it’ll cost him the nomination. He’s pro-gay marriage…unless we’re talking a deal breaker. And he’s all for traditional family values…as long as that’s non-binding and either party can exit should they spy a better piece of…we’ll call it “tradition”…at the office.

Bitchitude Analysis – Rudy G. is popular but I can’t figure out why. But an announcement and a shit load of money can go a long way.


This may have been when I passed out on the couch.


The way I see it, the Republicans have a couple of litmus tests on their side of the field.

Mitt Romney’s candidacy may finally bring about the national debate on religion and why all Christian aren’t the same which is why people end up killing each other which is the ever loving reason why the state and religion should not mate…gasp…that this bitch has been calling for!

Or it may expose a dark side of faith by showing those who profess to love their neighbor calling others cult members…and questioning their worthiness whilst judging them unfit and…oh Lawd…un-Christian!


Whilst Rudy G.’s candidacy…if he stays popular and able to attract large amounts of cash…will challenge the whole game. If he changes his stance, how will the same base that masturbated to Flip-Flop ads reconcile granting him their vote? If he sticks to his guns, how will the base reconcile voting for the guy who could win in the face of voting their values?

The RNC they say they are (Brownback-ish with a panderific McCain tossed in for spice) may be about to go to war with the RNC they are (a big tent whose recent losses have turned the lights on in the gym and those dance partners aren’t looking as hot as they once were).


Shit, this may bring us all together...

Happy February 14th, chil'ren!

Well, that was one hell of a long ass nap from yesterday (wink)!

A bitch is feeling much better and full of appreciation for all things medicinal and mint flavored.

Special thanks to a certain Todd of ToddSpot who sent a bitch iTune joy! And let me tell you, that man has great taste in music.

Hugs to you!

This bitch spent way too long warming up the frozen Sister Girl Cabrio…and brushing the mountain of snow off of her ass…and scrapping her windows (Gawd, that had to hurt)…so trust that a bitch was cold and bitter by the time I made it into the office.

Mercy, it took me longer to get Ms. Sister Girl Cabrio’s shit together than it took to drive to work.



Confession - a bitch is beyond spoiled by a short commute.


So imagine my happiness and joy when the mail came and a box from Montreal was in the mix.

Mmmhmmm, that can only mean one thing.

Jeremy has sent a bitch Smarties and various Smartie-based treats from Canada!

Happy, happy, happy followed by joy upon joy upon joy!

Thank you for making this illish bitch’s day so much better.

To top it all off, a bitch has plans to celebrate the international day of expressed love…otherwise known as Valentine’s Day…also known as the day Hallmark throws one hell of an office party…by catching Jonestown at the movies.



Some people plan to watch When Harry Met Sally or Love Jones…a bitch and Brother Rob plan to get our platonic celebration on by watch a documentary about cult-based mass murder and suicide.

It’s gonna be great! We’re picking up some chicken and lots of napkins, but we thought it would be best if we brought our own individual Kool-Aid drinks.


However you plan to celebrate Valentine’s Day or even if you don’t…Happy February 14, 2007!

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

On such a winter's day...

A bitch is ill but better than yesterday. The weather has decided to show out by spitting ice, so my ass has taken to the couch under blankets for an all day snuggle with Betsey the sorta-beagle.


Oh, but the meds are flavored...yum!

Slow drugged blink.



Bitchitude shall return after a nap...

Monday, February 12, 2007

Fair Harvard holds sway...

Well, it seems that ten thousand men...and women...of Harvard got their historic vict'try on yesterday (wink).

Harvard has named a woman to their Presidency!


Harvard has named a woman who was a teacher to the Presidency.

Even better.

Go on with your Crimson selves!

A blackness pondering...


I woke up yesterday with...well, I think it may be Ebola.


My eyes hurt and are red...I feel as if I drank two gallons of vegetable oil...and my ears are all clogged feeling.


Mmmhmm...this shit is Ebola for sure!

Moving forward whilst drinking tea infused with meds and bundled up on my couch-based area...

A bitch caught Senator Obama's announcement Saturday and the subsequent media frenzy which included a 60 Minutes appearance Sunday.

This bitch has to say that the best media frenzified moment featured the fantabulous Gwen Ifill of PBS on Meet the Press, who responded to a certain Howie Kurtz of Washington Post and Reliable Sources fame when he brought up the "is he black enough for black people" question that seems to be the only challenge the press is willing to throw at Obama 2008.

Ms. Ifill pointed out that the blackness of Senator Obama in connection with his ability to secure the black vote is in large part a media question rather than a black people one.

For the record, black people do not sign a pledge of blackness at birth. There is no Black Week Group Think newsletter that connects us all and lets us know what the fuck we are supposed to be concerned about.

Black voters, like all Americans, are diverse and have a lot of issues we consider before deciding on a candidate. I can only speak for my own ass, but the blackness of a candidate in no way guarantees my vote.


Oh, come on now! A bitch has seen plenty of up from slavery black people who I wouldn't grant the privilege of my vote...Condi Rice comes to mind. I don't agree with her policies or her politics...but I wouldn't question her blackness. Condi is part of that diversity I was talking about and that political pundits ignore to their own peril.

Obama will have to earn votes. He knows that even if the Washington establishment thinks he should have had black votes locked up at birth. He will have to put forth some audacious policy and sell it to everyone, even black folk. Obama was correct in his speech Saturday, it is time to turn the page...on a lot of shit...such as the insulting assumption that black America moves as a herd and gleefully anoints anything black, articulate, crispy and clean as the second coming.


Having said that, this is a great example of why black history matters!

Black history would tell those same confused journalists that black America has long been diverse. Du Bois and Booker T. Washington come to mind. Mayhap the Washington press corp could take a moment and read a history book or watch Eyes on the Prize? Then they could get a glimpse of the Civil Rights Movement that was rather than the Civil Rights Movement their intellectually lethargic minds have dreamed up.

Lawd, give me strength!

Honestly, they don't even have to go that far back. When Shirley Chisholm ran for President she was black and a woman...which should have taught folks that a person often is both. She did not receive the backing of the Congressional Black Caucus or a lot of historic black organizations. Feminist groups did not all support her. Oh her supporters were diverse, but they did not include 100% of likely black or women primary voters.


This bitch listened to one political commentator say that the Obama race is the litmus test on how much of our national racial drama America has addressed. He linked Omaba's candidacy with how far we've come and how much progress we've made.

I can't agree with that and honestly find that opinion insulting as hell. Obama deserves to be vetted by the Democratic Party and the masses deserve a President who has been vetted. Gawd knows we've suffered from the lack of real scrutiny in past elections. I honesty don't want people voting for Obama to make some statement of social progress.

The educated vote is the right vote and that shit ain't changed because a brother is now in the race.

This bitch suspects Senator Obama would say the same.


Oh shit, will a bitch loose her black card now?!?

Friday, February 09, 2007

On the new autism report...

Thanks to everyone who forwarded news reports and articles about the recent CDC study that indicates higher rates of autism (1 in every 150) in America than previously estimated.

I am, as always, concerned that this report does not appear to compare United States autism diagnosis rates with any international estimate. Without that, we have no way of knowing if these rates are higher than normal or average.

Autism is not, after all, only an American disorder.

Just as it does not benefit our understanding of autism to not have study comparisons with other countries, which might help us eliminate or identify environmental factors as a cause, it also does not benefit us to assume that these CDC adjusted numbers are the gospel and that we have an ‘epidemic’ of autism that is expanding rapidly like the plague.

My hope is that this study will spark a complex discussion of this complex disorder.

Every diagnosis is a start…a beginning…followed by needs for treatment, properly funded education programs, counseling and support for families.

We hope that every person represented by these numbers will be blessed to turn 21, at which age they will need all manner of social and medical supports that currently do not exist for adult autistics like my brother.

In short, this study represents the CDC finally hearing the starting gun of a race that began years ago.

Its way past time we all lace up and get about the business of running.

Thursday, February 08, 2007

Some thoughts after reading Newsweek (February 12, 2007)...

This bitch picked up my February 12 issue of Newsweek, looked at the cover and had to sigh.

So that’s what everyone is talking about!

Paris Hilton of the celebutant vacant stare possessing Hiltons and Brittany Spears (there are no words…none) grace the cover with the article heading The Girls Gone Wild Effect.


A bitch is concerned about this editorial decision! Meach (we’re not close, but what are the odds of him reading this anyway?)…honey, baby followed by darling! With everything going on in the world today…why?


You’re just lucky a bitch was desperately seeking reading material this morning since the morning news was still puking adult diaper inspired speculation!

The thing is Newsweek actually had some good shit in the February 12 issue…you had to dig a bit, but it was there!

A bitch was particularly interested in Brutal Case Studies by Allison Samuels, which profiles the book Medical Apartheid: The Dark History of Medical Experimentation on Black Americans From Colonial Times to the Present by Harriet Washington. Having just attended the NAPW Summit, where many a discussion of ethics and medicine went down, a bitch was drawn in.

As Allison Samuels points out, most people are aware of the Tuskegee experiment where black men with syphilis were allowed to die untreated so that research could be conducted post mortem. What is not as well known are the cases of forced sterilization as part of the American eugenics movement…or the Norplant birth control experiments in Baltimore in the 1990s.

Trust that this book is on order!

As many of you know, a bitch volunteers with teen mothers here in St. Louis. I have written about the struggles and triumphs…and about the impact the removal of comprehensive sex education from the classroom has had on my community. But the lack of comprehensive sex education does not stand alone…it occupies space with the history of medicine as practiced on women of color in this country. Because of the atrocities of the past this bitch and other activists must battle the mistrust left behind.

Fear of medical clinics, because of the whispers and rumors that are revealed to have been born in fact. Women of color…Native American, Black, Hispanic…who entered clinics to give birth and left unable to have more children.

Fear of birth control because so and so told you know who that what’s her name got "the shot" and it made her sick. Because of the Norplant incident and others…because of the real cases behind all of those rumors.

The cost to communities of color is great. Reluctance to seek medical treatment because of legitimate fear of medical practitioners can be deadly. And the work of activists is further complicated when the language of reproductive freedom is used. Activists become suspects and legitimate treatment is seen as abuse.

Which brings me to why this history matters…why it has to be explored so that it may never be repeated…why providers need to be aware of how some things may be received and why they are received that way…and why we must work to shine a light into those painful dark corners so that the cycle can end.

So thank you Ms. Samuels...and Newsweek... for bringing this book to my attention.

I must say that page 49 was worth having to wade through the seven pages dedicated to the exploration of “prosti-tots"...

Wednesday, February 07, 2007

My people call it accurate...

Faithful flock of bitchitude, please take the time to contact the John Edwards Campaign in support of my blog sisters Amanda Marcotte of Pandagon and Melissa McEwan of Shakespeare's Sister who are currently dealing with all manner of bullshit because they had the audacity to be critical of the Catholic Church.

Oh, no they didn’t.

Oh, yes they did!

But were they profane?

Not by the standards of the United Church of Bitchitude and Latter Day Drunks (wink).

My people would call them accurate…

Update - Pam's House Blend has posted an update to the situation...

The right stuff?

A bitch caught the Today Show this morning and was disturbed by how they chose to cover the astronaut diaper alleged kidnapping incident story.


I certainly understand the…um, appeal...cough…of the story. A woman who is an astronaut drives 900 miles while wearing a diaper (daaaaaaammmn) to allegedly confront/kidnap/kill her sorta but may not actually be however if she thought of her as one that may make sense of it all romantic rival.


There was no way in hell that shit was going to get overlooked…a bitch understands that.

But the story was enough…the diapers alone were going to get you an audience, people! Y’all didn’t have to lace the segment with fucked up linkages of class, mental illness and female unhappiness.

Walk with me for a spell on this one, chil’ren.

Matt Lauer expressed that the nation is shocked and confused about why a woman who is smart, successful, man on woman married and the mother of three (a set of twins, for the love of Gawd and a teen too) would loose her mind. What that says is that education and a traditional family life are vaccines against depression, mental illness and just loosing your Gawd damned mind.

And that, faithful flock of bitchitude, is bullshit.

If I had a dollar for every multiple degree having, man on woman married and perky perfectly pressed elite pre-school attending children having women I know who have dealt with depression…mental illness…or just loosing their Gawd damned minds this bitch would own General Electric and thus NBC (oh, the power!).


But she’s intelligent and she’s an astronaut!

Oh, come on now.

Is she human?

Well, okay then!

Wealth, education and man on woman sanctified child having marriage don’t have shit to do with who has a mental illness (gasp).

Mental illness is not a punishment or the wages of sin (gasp again).

And, for the record, this bitch finds it fascinating that the press is so fucking certain this astronaut is or was mentally ill.


Oh fuck it, for all we know she was sober and perfectly sane. We don’t know her life! For the record, smart people do and say dumb ass shit all the time.


The Today Show even had the audacity to bring in a psychologist to discuss what in the name of Gawd could possibly have driven such a blessed human being to do something so fucking stupid. He was great...really helped a bitch grasp the complexity of intelligent people getting caught up in primitive emotions and giving in to primal urges.

Weren’t we just talking about smart people saying and doing dumb ass shit?


Fuck it.

A bitch is going to lunch with the hopes that some very intelligent married mother of three doesn’t decide to get her primitive on and indulge in those primal urges at Walgreens.

Update - A Bitch's Birthday Campaign

This bitch would like to thank every one who has donated in support of A Bitch’s Birthday Campaign, which is to raise some cash for PROMO.

Y’all are fantabulous!

The campaign is still up and will be up until the last day of February, so please take a moment…and your checkbook…to support an organization that is fighting the equality battle in Missouri!

Come on now, y’all know this bitch hates to ask (wink). This cause is beyond worthy, the battle for donations during this pre-election year is fierce and PROMO needs funds to do the valuable work they do!


Whew, a bitch was having a Jerry Lewis moment…which is bizarre on several levels.


Anyhoo, thanks for the donations and the donations soon to come.

Tuesday, February 06, 2007

Pondering the core that liked it...

A bitch heard the news about the Easy Bake Oven re-call and was instantly nostalgic for my long lost childhood oven.


Way back in the day…when a bitch was a wee bitch…and my afro puffs were too cute for the room…this bitch baked chocolate cakes with strawberry frosting in my beloved Easy Bake Oven.

Sigh again.

Ahh, the scent of slowly baking sorta-yumminess filling my bedroom.

Mmmhmm, and we took our Easy Bake Oven fingertip burns as a badge of honor!


Fuck it, I’m going to have to score one of the fresh off the re-call list ovens and get my reminiscence on (wink).

Moving forward…

A certain Britt sent this bitch an e-mail wondering what my thoughts were on the Great Super Bowl Snickers Controversy of 2007.

A bitch’s reaction in the moment after first watching the ad…

C-Money! Did you see that shit?

Ooooooh, no they didn’t!

Someone somewhere just green lighted themselves a world of public relations hurt.

A bitch’s reaction Monday morning, as all hell broke loose over the alternative endings someone somewhere was twisted enough to green light for on-line viewage and voting…

For the love of all that’s holy! Shit, this is a public relations post million dollar ad insult disaster!


Mayhap someone is trying to destroy Mars from within?

A bitch’s reaction after Mars released a statement announcing the pulling of the rather expensive and only aired once… not ‘put that on your resume, son, and become an ad god’ once more like ‘put that on your resume and announce yourself as a marketing plague’ once…ad but felt compelled to add that it had tested well with their core demographic...


Oh, that changes things.

A bitch wants this core demographic revealed to the masses so that we can protect ourselves from them…mayhap even isolate them for the better good of society!

Heaven to hell and back again, a bitch wants to know if I’m sitting next to a member of the Snickers Ad Enjoying Core the next time I’m at The Zoo!


Shit, I’m not talking about folks who eat Snickers bars. Hell, a bitch has had a Snickers bar or two…or three (ugh)…in my lifetime.

Though I must confess that once I discovered Nestle Smartie-based joy and the orgasmic indulgence of Nestle chocolate that Mars shit was dead to me.

Disclaimer - ABB’s blatant dissing of Mars based chocolate was and is in no way sponsored by Nestle…but Nestle should feel free to call a bitch’s people (wink).


No, I’m talking about who Mars was speaking to in that ad and who they feel responded well to that shit.

Those motherfuckers may be dangerous as hell and should be avoided like one should avoid waxishly uninspired homophobically marketed chocolate bars…cough…and the plague.

Given the recent trend, ten bucks says Mars collectively goes into rehab over this shit by Friday…

Monday, February 05, 2007

Out in the open...

Several years back I was having lunch with a dear sister-friend. We were sharing stories about some of the strange as hell things that come up when trying to go about the business of living life as a person of color. HLW is a first generation American, so her experience includes the added ingredient of how Americans treat immigrants.

As often happens when me and mine get on this topic, we dissolved into a fantabulous round of I can top that shit.

ABB’s initial offering…
I used to sell media…Hispanic, black (what the industry so graciously called Urban) and “general market”.

You’ve got to love that…general market…Lawd.

Anyhoo, I was the only black woman in an office of 100 and often got called in to offer my two cents on anything “urban”…but I was in no way only selling “ethnic” media (wink). So, when a co-worker came up to me to confront me about kicking her ass on a piece of business by getting my we play Peter Cetera and we’re proud of it general market station…and she led with “I thought that you only sell black radio”…well, you can imagine that things got awkward real fast amongst the cubes.

I responded with The ABB Clarification Maneuver- Version 33 (not a sophisticated move, but the moment wasn’t really worthy of sophisticated correction).

“What do you mean by that?” I asked.

She flustered, sputtered and gasped.

“Why would you think that I only sell black radio?"

She went red and then very pale.

"And what do you mean by black radio exactly?”

That office was quite as a motherfucker and then she ran away.

Works every time...and saves me the trip to Human Resources to address some idiot child who will relinquish her slot in 6 months to then next idiot child poised to graduate unprepared for diversity in the workplace.

HLW. hit back with…
Mmhmm, my mother and I were shopping at (insert expensive as hell store). We were gossiping in Chinese and having a great time. At the counter the sales woman told me the total loud as hell…which was weird because if I didn’t understand English shouting it at me wasn’t going to help. She then turned to the other sales woman and said “I hate it when they can’t speak English but I love the commissions.”

I put my credit card back in my wallet and said…in English to my mother, who speaks five languages fluently including English… “God I hate it when they do shit like this but I just love getting them fired.”

I had to give it to her… “Go on, girl! Nice!”

We went on and on until we were dissolving in laughter…tears running down our faces. It was one of those moments shared by two women of different background but a somewhat shared experience.

So, what the hell made a bitch think of that?

Well, it dawned on me the other day when C-Money and I were having a similar conversation that this is the bullshit that weigh on a sister’s soul despite the laughter.

Just because these incidents don’t make us question our worthiness doesn’t mean that they don’t sting a bit…that they don’t cause a pause…that they don’t press down and make a simple shopping excursion into a fucking segment of Eyes on the Prize.

And it damned sure doesn’t mean that not responding in kind is easy.

Shit, not responding with equal ignorance is hard work.

Which reminds me of something I once overheard at a minority business conference when a brother said “If I addressed every act of bigotry against me I’d have another full time job and I’d hate that one too.”


Hell, it’s all I can do to avoid commercials for Paula Zahn’s new prime time race-baiting segment on CNN.

Puppy Bowl, ads and a note to Congress...

A bitch caught the big game yesterday!

My ass had dip and chips on hand…several vodka crans…and gave TiVO a workout.


Shit, if you're not quick with the TiVO you could fuck up and catch some football by accident (wink)!


C-Money stumbled upon Puppy Bowl on Animal Planet, which was disturbingly entertaining.


This bitch thinks it may be time for a vacation.

But, we did manage to catch the Super Bowl…well, okay we caught the ads…and Prince’s half-time extravaganza.

All I can say is fantabulous!


Prince…not the majority of the ads.

The best reviews earned from the most expensive 30 seconds on television were for amateur spots produced through a Doritos promotion.

Way to go Doritos!

Ouch to the rest of you motherfuckers.

Ouch once more with feeling!


But hey, a special congrats to Subaru & Bissell for scoring those Puppy Bowl III sponsorships!


Moving forward full of puppy based happiness and joy…

A bitch would like to speak directly to Congress for a moment.


I know that there has been a certain lazy and corner cutting atmosphere on The Hill for the past several years, but what’s about to happen…these hearings and debates about all manner of things…is what you should have been doing when you were indulging in the most irresponsible rubber stamp-a-thon in recent American history.


Oversight is your job, motherfuckers…and it’s important. If you need proof, just look at the shit storm you're fixing to debate how to get out of!


So, cease fretting over open hearings.

Congressional hearings are supposed to be open, motherfuckers!

Stop getting all worked up because a colleague has threatened a filibuster.

Filibusters are part of the game, assholes! Shit, a bitch plans to pop some corn and see how long the damned things can go.

The Prince of Darkness, Senator Thurmond, set the time-based bar high whilst taking the Senate low during his historic fear of a black planet filibuster.

But worry not!

There are only so many ways to say "I don’t wanna" and "make me" in English (wink).

Oh, and when you’re through with the escalation drama and debates take a good look at the budget.

Come on now...this oversight thing is serious bitness!

Time to order out for pizza and get your asses in gear, people!


Cheer up, for the love of all that's holy!

At least there'll be no more worrying about how to fill that new Monday through Friday work week up...

Friday, February 02, 2007

A bitch is calling a Church Meeting!

It has been brought to my attention that the United Church of Bitchitude and Latter Day Drunks has not had fellowship in forever and a day.

A bitch has been neglectful in my duties (wince).


A bitch is calling a church meeting to be held on Saturday February 10 at 10 pm!

Where - Grandma’s Politician Lounge on Manchester

When - I told you already (wink)! Saturday February 10, 2007 at 10 pm

Why - Because the flock hasn’t gotten together in forever

Bring - Your ass and some cash, because your credit don’t count for shit at Grandma’s

Let the faithful say amen...

Thursday, February 01, 2007

Announcing a Bitch’s Campaign!

A bitch is announcing that I am a candidate for President of the United States of America!



Shit (wink).

Okay, I’m not running for President.

But I do have a campaign!

As some of you know, February is my birthday month…and my blog anniversary month…and a bitch celebrates my birth all month long (ain’t no party like a Shark-fu party ‘cause a Shark-fu party don’t stop!!).

Last year several folks asked me what I wanted…as in presents…which was very nice of y’all, but a bitch would appreciate something a wee bit different.

I have decided to kick off a fundraising campaign in support of one of my favorite organizations, PROMO. PROMO is Missouri’s statewide LGBT equality organization and they do fantabulous work. In the current political climate and with so many folks distracted by all things Presidential, a bitch is concerned that organizations like PROMO will get lost in the donation shuffle.

Trust a bitch, PROMO’s work benefits everyone in Missouri…everyone. Employment and civil rights protections, anti-bullying protections in our schools and parenting rights…threaten the civil rights of one and you threaten the civil rights of everyone.

Whew, don’t get me started (wink)!

Anyhoo, I don’t need presents but a donation will help PROMO and thus help an organization I am proud to be a member of and support. Every dollar counts and is appreciated.

This campaign will be up for the entire month of February. Check out this link... donate directly to PROMO through my special campaign page.

Oh, and a bitch’s birthday is February 22...shit, I'm going to be 34 years old!

Lawd have mercy!

Thanks and toodles!

Happy Black History Month, chil’ren!

A bitch would like to extend a special thank you to Senator Joe Biden (Joey B. to this bitch…we’re not close, but we could be since a bitch is clean) who was kind enough to remind everyone why Black History matters.


…when he stuck his foot firmly down his throat within hours of announcing that he too craves the power of the Presidency.


Biden went off…on tape (ouch, motherfucker)…about his opponents while Senator Obama was treated to the standard ‘he talks so well’ with a dash of ‘and he’s clean too’ thrown in.

Okay, let me get this right. Edwards warranted a ‘he has no idea what he’s talking about’…Hills got a ‘that’s a dumb idea’ or ‘that’s stupid thinking’ or some other dismissive comment.


He speaks well and he’s clean.

Frowning…hard…the kind of frown that makes folks cross the street swiftly whilst clutching their bags.

Senator Obama was kind enough to clarify that several African Americans have run for President and that they are all articulate and well groomed (for the love of Gawd). But even he left out my fellow Brandies University alum, the fantabulous Angela Davis.


Further demonstrating the need for a year long incorporation of the history of the African in America in all educational plans.

For the record, Sister Davis ran for President in 1980 and 1984. Oh and she was, is and forever will be clean…soul sistah clean, if you know what I mean (wink).

Talk about kicking Black History Month off with some relevance for the masses.


Molly Ivins…

Molly Ivins died yesterday. She was 62 years old.

Molly gave us fire, emotion and a challenge to get off our apathetic asses and fulfill our role in this thing called America. Molly Ivins issued that challenge through her work to every one of us.

She gave us “we are the deciders” and I think to add…unless.

Unless we prefer the struggle to be short rather than productive, are prepared to settle for the sorry assed imitation of American democracy and are a nation of rhetoric rather than action more in love with the language of patriotism than actually being patriotic.

We are the deciders...we the people…unless.

Unless we are too scared to speak our minds, challenge bullshit and articulate our needs to those elected to represent us. Unless we let our role of holding elected officials accountable rot like neglected fruit on the vine.

We are the most important ingredient in this democratic recipe.

The bread don’t rise without us, just don’t!

We must remember that we are in charge…unless.

Unless we are motivated by fear rather than faith…unless we respond to corruption with flaccid apathy and the seizure of power from the people by the Executive with whispers rather than shouts.


I thank Molly Ivins for living her values, for the challenge and so much more.

May this sister be blessed and may her family, friends and fans find inspiration rather than sorrow as we remember her remarkable life.

The Gumdrop Stage of Grief ...

So many of you have shared condolences and support after the death of my beloved brother Bill from COVID-19. I wish I could thank you indiv...