Tuesday, February 20, 2007

A Baby’s Daddy Pondering…

A bitch had a rotten night’s sleep! My brain wouldn’t shut off and I think I only got four hours of rest…and we’re not talking real rest either.


An update on the update…
Thank you to everyone who answered C-Money’s challenge and to everyone who donated to PROMO in support of a bitch’s birthday campaign! I’ll post totals from Thursday (prepare to match, C-Money) and the total so far as soon I get those numbers from PROMO.

We are accepting donations through the end of February and this bitch appreciates your support of this fundraising campaign…big time!

Moving forward…

A Baby’s Daddy Pondering…
A bitch watched the local news, the national news and Entertainment Tonight yesterday. Each featured stories about Anna Nicole Smith and the upcoming court hearings to determine the particulars about the paternity test to determine who Anna Nicole’s baby’s daddy is with each taking a different angle. The local news reporting it as clean as possible (this is what’s going to happen and this is why)…followed by the national news, which chose the long suffering anchor person approach (this is what’s going to happen and I so didn’t get into this business to report shit like this)…and finally there was Entertainment Tonight, who have recast Anna Nicole as the fusion of the Virgin Mary and Marilyn Monroe while Howard K. Stern is the embattled somewhat flawed lawyer/partner (think Paul Newman in The Verdict meets Floyd from True Romance). A bitch is pretty sure E.T. plans to launch the baby as a mix between Athina Rousel and Baby Gloria during the custody battle soon to come.


What I didn’t see or hear was a discussion of how this kind of baby’s daddy drama comes to be and the other non-baby based ramifications. After giving it some thought I happen to think it might make a fantabulous teachable moment.

Angle #1 – Some of these men may be lying…
Some of these men claiming to be Anna Nicole Smith’s baby’s daddy could be lying. A bitch has to wonder why the hell someone would lie about something that can be confirmed…but stranger things have happened.

Angle #2 – All of these men think they could be…
Let’s talk about sex, shall we?

Each of these men say they had sex with Anna Nicole Smith…a bitch is assuming unprotected sex, since each of them thinks baby making was a possibility from these encounters. Each new potential baby’s daddy is claiming that he had unprotected sex…or that the protection failed, which results in no longer protected sex…with Anna Nicole Smith during the window of time in which her baby was conceived.


It’s a little bit like the Kevin Bacon game, with degrees of separation connecting everyone who was connected with Anna Nicole Smith (wince).

So, these potential baby’s daddys are allegedly connected to each other…and the other folks that each of them had unprotected sex with (ouch Zsa Zsa…ouch)…and the folks that those folks had sex with…and so on and so on.


Who’s the daddy may not be the only question these people need to ask.

Where’s the outrage and the interviews with concerned parents frowning about the message being sent to the youth? What does it take to offend the…oh, that’s right! Insert a gay lover into this story and you’d be hearing from all manner of concerned heifers ranting a raving about the message being sent to our youth. Don’t sleep on that shit…y’all know that if even one gay were involved someone somewhere would be connecting this drama to Britney Spears shaving off her hair.

But here we are with a posse of man on woman fluid exchanging adults and all I see is a bunch of sanctimonious sorta-anchors and news personalities giggling behind their hands all the while grateful to the sex gods that their own hump-a-thons aren’t worthy of public exposure.


If these men are lying then this is just another example of greed begetting greed begetting shameless greed.

If these men are for real…or have reason to believe they may be for real…well, they might want to add a few tests to that paternity assessing blood work.

I'm just saying...it's not as if they won't be drawing blood anyway.


Oh shit, there’s also the theory that the baby’s daddy is J. Howard Marshall from frozen sperm…which would make Anna Nicole Smith one hell of a planner…and also makes my afro hurt.

Anyhoo, a bitch is predicting that Zsa Zsa slaps somebody before this shit is over...


Tempest, the ABW said...

I was thinking the same thing about all these baby daddies and whatnot. It's amazing to me that there can be a fight over who the daddy is and yet there's no mention of the craziness involved in having unprotected sex with multiple partners and.... gah.

This makes me think of one of my favorite british sitcoms, Coupling. The last episode of the third season revolves around the three female leads trying to figure out if they're pregnant. One is in a relationship and trying to get pregnant. The other two feel they might be pregnant by random men they had unprotected sex with. One literally had sex with some guy who delivered a pizza to her door.

This show was not made in the 80s or even the 90s, it was made in the 00s. Yet there's no mention of AIDS or any STDs or any consequences of having sex with men you barely know without a condom except for a baby. After I noticed that, it boggled me.

You'd think this craziness would be confined to fiction. sadly, no.

roslynholcomb said...

'You'd think this craziness would be confined to fiction. sadly, no.'

And see, here's what's even crazier. I write romance novels and there can be no unprotected sex between unmarried people. So, in this case, the truth is even more dangerous than fiction.

I must say though, prior to this I thought Zsa Zsa Gabor was dead, or at least still being Merv Griffin's beard (or was that Eva?). So this situation has at least been educational on one front.

roslynholcomb said...

Oh, and I do wonder about these celebrities and their condom usage, or non-usage. Clearly Mick Jagger doesn't use them, and the playboy who got Elizabeth Hurley pregnant doesn't either. Even Prince Albert got caught out there without a raincoat. What the hell are they thinking?

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