Friday, October 29, 2010


There’s a chill in the air…and I was all warm and comfy and deep in sleep when the alarm went off this morning…but I got my tried ass up because the time has come to get out the vote.

Pause…sip coffee…continue.

I said….



I’m exhausted just like you...and I'm illish from all the pre-surgery iron I’ve been consuming…and stressed the hell out because I got the bill from the hospital for the surgery that hasn’t even happened yet and it’s for more than I make in a freakin’ month (Jesus!!)…

...but fuck all of that.


I’m gonna get out the vote for pro-choice and pro-LGBT equality candidates in Missouri up until the polls close Tuesday November 2nd!

Because this shit matters…it always does.

And I'll be damned if that SHAMEFUL shit goes unanswered and unaddressed.

The time has come…

…and a bitch is tapping my energy reserves, BIG TIME!

See ya at a canvass if I don’t talk to you during a phone bank first (wink)!

Thursday, October 28, 2010

A childhood memory of perfect…

A bitch woke up stressed out and tired as hell…so I decided to find a memory to settle my nerves.  This is what came to mind…and I thought I’d share!

A childhood memory of perfect…

When this bitch was a wee bitch I met a young girl who bragged about not having any scars.

None…which I thought was impossible, but she then showed me her unblemished legs and arms. 

She was scarless, all right!

I, on the other hand, sported scars on my knees and arms and so forth and so on.

I asked the scarless one how she did it…how did she avoid getting marks and hurts that ended up as scars once they healed.

She flipped her hair and then told me that she was careful…she didn’t run when she could walk, didn’t roll when she could sit and never climbed trees.

“That’s how I stay perfect!” she explained.

I left soon after and remember going home and stripping down to my Spider Man undies (yeah, I rocked the Spidey drawers…what?) and looked at myself in my bedroom mirror.

Scars and soon to be scars...on my legs and arms and so forth and so on.

I tilted my head and tugged my Afro puffs tighter and thought about that scarless girl and her definition of perfect.

But she didn’t get to run and run until you trip and fall down and then roll and roll, through freshly cut grass and down that hill in the backyard that scared the shit out of me and was beyond fun to roll down because it scared the shit out of me.

And Ms. No Scars didn’t climb trees…had never climbed a tree…probably wouldn’t ever climb a tree.  She’d never felt rough bark under her hands, tested limbs and gone up, up, up and up some more finally resting in that way up high space and seeing the world from a new perspective while knowing that the climb down was going to be yet another adventure.

I put my clothes back on…slipped my feet into my sneakers…and went outside. 

Walking faster and faster until I was running, faster and faster…until I tripped and fell, a giggle forced out as I hit the grass…and then I was rolling and rolling, down that crazy hill in the backyard that scared the shit out of me and was cool as hell because it scared the hell out of me.

And I remember thinking, as I lay there gasping at the bottom of that fantabulous hill…

This is perfect.” 

Followed shortly by...   

“Oh shit, I fucked my knee up again!”


Have a great Wednesday, y’all...

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Hold please...

Lawd, have mercy!

We're 6 days out from Election Day (November 2nd, people...November 2nd!!) and this bitch is tired as hell.

But there's a lot of work to get done between now and then, so bitchitude shall be delayed a bit in the name of GOTV!

Toodles for now...

Monday, October 25, 2010

A surgery update, a stress-based rant and some gratitude for the game of ice hockey!

Happy Monday, y’all!

Shall we?

An update…

A bitch’s surgery date has been set. I’m scheduled to go in November 22nd.


Somehow having a date is both comforting and stressful all at the same time.

So much to do…so little time…and damn it all to hell if I’m not gonna miss Thanksgiving feastitude!



A stress-based rant…

This bitch is pretty sure that I’ve reached my maximum level of stress.


There’s work and the election…the sorta-beagles and their need for affection…my duties as co-guardian for my older brother…getting shit in order prior to my life shit…and the constant stress of knowing that it isn’t healthy to be this fucking stressed.

Fuck a duck!

Mmmmmhmm, I’m at my limit.

Yesterday I found out that one of the tires on Ms. SisterGirl Cabrio needs to be replaced and I damn near broke down and cried.


Pause…sip coffee…continue.

Normally, I’d be doing a dance over the fact that three tires are in fine shape…but right now I’m grinding my teeth over that one tire that is fubar.


But thank the gods for NHL hockey!

My adoration of NHL hockey…fed by daily viewing of NHL Center Ice…is my picture on the wall.

See, when I go into the doctor’s office to give a blood sample the nurse always tells me to look at a picture on the wall so I won’t tense up when she stabs…um, err inserts the needle.

Well, this season of NHL hockey is my picture on the wall…my distractitude from all the stress-inducing shit that is this thing called life.

And damn it all if my beloved Blues aren’t playing great and making this bitch proud…so the picture on the wall is looking damn good right now.


***logs off to go do work and make a dent in that stress creating to-do list***

Friday, October 22, 2010

What did the Moon ever do to deserve us?

Happy Friday!

Shall we?

A lot of water.
The morning news speculated that this discovery will lead to future Moon exploration…and eventually people living on the Moon.

Pause…sip coffee…continue.

A bitch can’t help but wonder what the Moon ever did to deserve humans.

Yeah, I said it.

Well, shit...humans have fucked over Earth, big time!

Now that we’ve discovered a significant amount of water, some of us are setting our sights on the Moon…mostly because we know we’ve fucked over Earth and she’s fixin’ to kick our rancid asses off planet.

See, all too often our environmental drama on Earth is explored from a human perspective.  People fret over whether humans will be able to live here after all the pollution, over-population and damage we’ve done.  

But the fact is Earth will be just fine – if humans become extinct due to our fuckeduptitude, she’ll recover and heal and keep on keeping on.  And our fellow animal neighbors are not likely to shed a tear if we exit the stage.  

 Hell, the United Federation of Polar Bears (UFoPB) has been calling for our eviction for decades!

I think the Moon has got to feel a lot of pressure right now.  She's gotta know that humans discovered water on her...we've all but called up to invite ourselves for an extended stay that we know and she knows will be a permanent residence. 

Odds are the Moon is having a massive anxiety attack…she probably explored the idea of those Polar Bears moving in first and realized that wasn’t viable…so, now she’s working overtime to cook up some new poisonous gases in hopes they will make her less attractive as an alternative residence for humans.

Mmmhmmm, and planets have turned their back on her for fear that we’ll start looking at them real hard.

Shit, Mars is probably throwing a It Sucks to be the Moon, but Thank Gawd They Haven’t Found Our Stash of H2O party.


Thursday, October 21, 2010

By request – my thoughts on that voice mail message…

A certain Maggie has asked for my thoughts on that voice mail Virginia Thomas, Clarence Thomas’ wife, left for Professor Anita Hill on her work line at Brandeis University (Go Judges!).

Pause…sip coffee…continue.

Let’s jump right on in!

In 1991, Anita Hill was called to testify during the Thomas confirmation hearings.

She testified...

…and all kinds of hell broke out over her testimony that Clarence Thomas sexually harassed her when they worked together.

I remember watching the hearings live and thinking that Anita Hill was poised under extreme pressure…that she handled deliberately insulting questions with fierce integrity…and that my ass would have gone straight off if I’d been on the hot seat before Congress.

Anyhoo, Anita Hill testified…then Clarence Thomas testified and call the accusations a “high tech lynching”…and then Thomas was confirmed.

The Thomas hearings marked the first time I heard about sexual harassment at work.  They sparked a rather disturbing debate over what women wear to the office, how we interact with male co-workers and whether we should have to weigh potentially negative career consequences with inappropriate and/or intimidating harassment.

A lot of interes focused on Anita Hill and what she might have gotten out of testifying.  She had a career, a private life and I’m pretty damned sure she didn’t profit in the academic world for having been tossed into a shit-storm confirmation hearing.

Thomas, on the other hand, was able to assume the position of a victimized man of color…and avoid solid questions about his judicial positions.  In many ways, Anita Hill’s testimony smoothed the way for Clarence Thomas to become a Supreme Court Justice.  

Catch that knee...I'm not saying Hill was wrong.  Rather, the response of the press and many in Congress was wrong...they sank their teeth into dismissing the issue of sexual harassment at work instead of seriously vetting the nominee.  Team Thomas latched on to that shit and used it to focus attention away from his record.

Thomas went on to write a book…and, given that he’s been essentially mute while on the Court, I’d say he scored several interviews about that book simply because of his confirmation hearing-based infamy.

Fastforward to the now…from 1991 to 2010…and once again a Thomas is harassing Anita Hill at her workplace. 

Virginia Hill dropped in from outer space and left a voice mail for Anita Hill at Hill’s place of work.

“Good morning, Anita Hill, it's Ginny Thomas.” … “I just wanted to reach across the airwaves and the years and ask you to consider something. I would love you to consider an apology sometime and some full explanation of why you did what you did with my husband. So give it some thought and certainly pray about this and come to understand why you did what you did. OK, have a good day.”

Hill reported the voice mail to the authorities who then contacted Virginia Thomas and she swiftly confirmed that she left the voice mail for Hill.

Virginia Thomas offered this explanation for leaving the voice mail - “I did place a call to Ms. Hill at her office extending an olive branch to her after all these years, in hopes that we could ultimately get passed what happened so long ago.  That offer still stands, I would be very happy to meet and talk with her if she would be willing to do the same. Certainly no offense was ever intended.”

And once again a Thomas is playing dumb about harassing Anita Hill at her place of work.

Professor Hill’s response to this incident is a clinic in how to deal with a situation where someone essentially accuses you of lying through a passive aggressive offer of forgiveness.

Hill responded to ABC News with - “Even if it wasn’t a prank, it was in no way conciliatory for her to begin with the presumption that I did something wrong in 1991. I simply testified to the truth of my experience. For her to say otherwise is not extending an olive branch, it’s accusatory.”

She went on to add - “I don’t apologize. I have no intention of apologizing, and I stand by my testimony in 1991.”

Once again, Anita Hill has given her testimony.

And once again, Anita Hill has told the truth.

***logs off wondering what this Thomas hopes to gain from harassing Anita Hill at her place of work***

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Hispanics? What Hispanics?

Shall we?

This bitch just watched the latest ad by Roy Blunt.  The ad features Blunt walking along a fence on the border between Mexico and what I assume is Arizona while talking about how he supports the Arizona immigration law and would do blah, blah, and blah to enforce our laws and finish the fence.


Bluntology is built on the seasoned foundation of his multiple decades in politics – he’s careful to praise legal immigration even as he makes it clear that he supports Arizona’s controversial immigration law and that border fence.  Roy Blunt is the very definition of careful…skilled at the game…and not likely to commit the kind of verbal malfunction that would reveal his true feelings about immigration beyond saying that he supports the new Arizona law.  The only other clue we have to his views is that he’s running the ad in the first place – Missouri isn’t a border state, Missourians are our state’s largest export and Blunt was in Congress long enough to own a lot of the financial fubar that has fueled the exodus and cost those of us who remain our economic stability. 

But clever editing and well crafted copy delivered in a calm well schooled voice make Blunt sound reasonable as he endorses the most unreasonable state immigration law on the books.

In contrast, Sharon Angle is as prone to verbal malfunctions as Blunt is to carefully walking the line.   

Angle’s latest dance with wrongness was her defense of her advertising featuring Hispanics – Angle recently told a group of high school students"You know, I don't know that all of you are Latino. Some of you look a little more Asian to me. I don't know that."


‘Tis fascinating to watch the difference decades in Washington can make for a candidate.

Those decades might not have cured Blunt of ig’nance, but they sure as shit have taught him how to take a shit in the middle of a room and get out before folks notice that it stinks to high heaven.

Monday, October 18, 2010

Hold please...

...this bitch is moving a wee bit slow today.

Bitchitude shall return later on in the day!

Friday, October 15, 2010

By request – my thoughts on the blow-up on The View…

A certain Ramsey from Jackson Mississippi sent this bitch an email asking for my thoughts on yesterday’s blow-up on The View. 

Confession – I don’t watch The View, but I caught coverage of Bill O’Reilly's absolute statements about Muslims being terrorists followed by Whoopi and Joy Behar walking off set. 


All right Ramsey, here you go!

Shark-Fu’s first thought on the blow-up…
I forgot Bill O’Reilly even existed.

I suspect he’s aware that folks have forgotten his ass exists, which is probably why he took a discussion of another mosque being built in Manhattan where he took it.  Getting attention for saying incendiary shit is what O’Reilly does and, by supplying a platform, The View played right into his hands.  But fuck it – The View got attention and O’Reilly got fuck the fact that this public display of anti-Muslim rhetoric continues a shameful trend of labeling all Muslims terrorists.


Shark-Fu’s second thought on the blow-up…
Maybe O’Reilly has stage fright. 

I know there are some hockey players who get over a case of the nerves by jumping the boards and checking the shit out of someone during their first shift of the game.

Mayhap getting his ig'nance on is O’Reilly’s coping mechanism.   

He’s sitting there in a cold sweat, hands shaking a bit, and wondering what he can do to calm down…suddenly they’re all talking about the proposal to build another mosque in Manhattan near the site of the September 11 attack in NYC and O’Reilly sees his opportunity!  So he tosses out some shit about how Muslims attacked America...knowing the designated liberals would jump on that absolute statement.  And they did.   

Thus O’Reilly was able to get his bluster on…voices were raised followed by that walk-off stuff…and his nerves probably settled down enough for him to circle back to a bullshit half-ass apology that isn’t getting covered as much as the initial accusation painting all Muslims as terrorists.

Mission accomplished?

Or...O'Reilly could just be a publicity hungry ass trying to make a come back now that Beck has taken his spot on the John Birch Society Kickball Team.

Shark-Fu’s final thought on the blow-up on The View…
Shit like this is exactly why I don’t watch The View. 

I really can't stand sound-bite debates set up by formula casting…and a group of women with a basic understanding of the topic under discussion who are willing to engage in intellectually lazy absolute statement making “discussions” makes this bitch itch.

When they go at each other while using the perception and reputation of all Muslims as their weapon of choice, they pretty much make the case for why friends don’t let friends debate while ignorant.

Thanks for asking!

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

On discussing what they don’t want to discuss…

Shall we?

For the record, social issues are public policy issues.

When Carl P. Paladino (the Tea Party dude running for Governor in New York) says he’d like to move on from discussing his anti-gay rant and back to discussing public policy…well, he’s indulging in a public display of ig’nance over the job he covets.

Paladino is not alone.

Many candidates are working their asses off to avoid any discussion of social issues for fear that they many turn off independent voters.  They toss a wink at the base and then focus on the [insert policy issue that polls say turns on independent voters here].

But should these candidates win their elections, they will have a say in all manner of public policy issues…and a lot these candidates have yet to be asked a question about their stand on them.

For example, conservative Ed Martin of the “Emails? What emails?!?” Martins is running for Congress.  Martin often spouts off about his values…but a lot of voters don’t know what those values are.

Ed Martin is solidly anti-choice…even to the point of opposing access to birth control.

Pause…allow to marinate…continue.

And the choir asked…"Bitch, did you just say birth control?”

And a bitch replied...Yes, birth control.

Martin would restrict access to birth control and emergency contraception.  He thinks pharmacists should be allowed to refuse to fill prescriptions for the pill.

So, while some independent voters may find false comfort in Martin’s opposition to health care reform, folks in the 3rd Congressional district may want to explore the hypocrisy of Martin’s values in practice.

He’s all for putting patients in the drivers seat when it means repealing the health care reform law that would cover the thousands of Missourians he was party to denying coverage just a few years ago…

…but he totally supports having government grab the wheel if a woman goes to the pharmacy to get her prescription for the pill filled.

Trust a bitch - Ed Martin’s values as policy would cause health care chaos and roll back patient rights to the Dark Ages.

But hey…so far he’s dodged having to discuss that shit or his involvement in the infamous mystery of those magically missing emails.

Sadly, the electorate has to wait for a verbal malfunction to find out where a candidate really stands.


Tuesday, October 12, 2010

A note about voting…

***steps up on soap box***

I vote.

I vote when I’m uninspired by the candidates and I vote when I’m fired up.

Election Day isn’t the same as a movie opening…and it sure as shit isn’t like having a set of free tickets to a play you may skip because you didn’t pay anything.

I vote...because of the sacrifices made to gain that right for me, because of the lives lost to protect that right for me and because of what my vote…my very presence at the polls on Election Day…means.

Lots of people are talking about turn out and who will show up and why…lots of folks are spinning the current state of everything to either inspire or depress the electorate.

And the fact that they can…that that shit works…pisses me the hell off.

I’m going to keep this shit real as hell – there isn’t a ballot out there that doesn’t contain at least one fucking race and/or issue you care about.

Not one…and anyone who tells you otherwise is a Demon Sheep you shouldn't turn your back on.

Do the political parties make a body want to hurl on their best day?


Do the big races often overshadow the state races and ballot initiatives that tend to come back and bite the masses in the ass?


Does any of that really matter to a consistent voter?

Fuck it all if it does.

The only people getting screwed over by low turn out are the people who don’t turn the fuck out.

I vote and I’ve never walked away from the polls thinking that I just wasted my damn time.

Hell, more often than not I spend the weekend before Election Day studying all the shit on the ballot that no one has talked about so I can make and educated decision...and walk into the polls amazed at all the important as hell shit I'm responsible for voting on.


This is my tragically annual call to the masses – don’t believe the hype.

Don’t fall for the bullshit that it doesn’t matter…that there isn’t anything important on the ballot or that it’s all pre-determined blah blah and another blah.

This past August a primary race in Missouri was decided by one vote.



If we snooze on Election Day...we lose.

***steps off soap box***

Monday, October 11, 2010

Between hunger or food...

Shall we?

For new readers  - my sister and I are co-guardians of our older brother, who is autistic.  We recently wrapped up work on his Person Centered Plan for the next 12 months.  Part of working on the plan involves a review of his finances to make sure everything is in order.

I’ve written a lot about the challenge of balancing my role as guardian with my longing to have more time to be a sister.  In the last month it feels like I’ve fallen short – I spent a hell of a lot more time knee deep in guardianship paperwork than hanging out with Bill. 

But nothing drives home how important our guardianship is like looking at the money.

Contrary to popular belief, a diverse group of people receives food assistance from our government.  My brother is one of that number…along with many military families, working folk, seniors and disabled persons. 

And also contrary to popular belief, folks getting food assistance aren’t eating steak and lobster for lunch. 

My brother receives $160 a month in food assistance.  That hasn’t been increased in…well, not since we became his guardians.  He’s on a special diet for health reasons...and that doesn’t mean a damn thing to the formula. 

When the cost of milk goes up we have to deal with it…when his dietitian mandates more fresh veggies we have to strategize for it…and when Newt Gingrich rants about food stamps as if cutting funding is no biggie, he’s indulging in a public display of ignorance that attempts to insult and shame recipients even as his proposal puts the already anemic monthly allowance at risk.

Gingrich would like to shape the discussion as a choice between food assistance and jobs…he’s taken to Twitter to launch a 140 character messaging attack against Democrats that is built on the American myth that hunger is a motivator, only unemployed lazy people at ease feeding from the government tit receive food assistance and only a failure would need to apply for food assistance.

But we’re not being asked to decide between food assistance and jobs.

That’s bullshit.


Let’s keep it real - when food assistance is up for debate the choice is between hunger and food.

Happy Thanksgiving, Canada!

A bitch wishes my Canadian friends and readers a Happy Thanksgiving!

Friday, October 08, 2010

On a much lighter note…hockey is back!

  It’s Friday, damn it!
I’m going to the Blues home opener tomorrow and they’re unveiling the new Bret Hull statue!
Longtime readers know that this bitch is a HUGE fan on the St. Louis Blues Hockey Club and the long wait for the return of NHL hockey is finally over.
This bitch will be sporting my Berglund jersey (three cheers for the Swede!!!) as I cheer on my beloved Blues when they face off against the Flyers at Scottrade.
Hockey is back and a bitch is beyond pleased!

Thursday, October 07, 2010

Enid – The Sequel…

Warning – if you don’t like or get illish when reading about medical shit or conditions related to a woman’s “lady parts”, you probably want to ship this post.



My uterine fibroids are back.   

Years ago I was diagnosed with uterine fibroids…they are benign yet HUGE tumors inside and outside of my uterus. 

I named them as one – Enid.

My war with Enid wasn’t Rumsfeldian…she aggressed first and, since that involved making me feel like shit and heavy periods that lasted up to 14 days, I decided to kick that heifer’s ass.  When hormonal therapy failed to shrink Enid, I had surgery and Enid was removed.

I knew that the odds were that Enid would return. 

I knew that the symptoms I’ve been having for the last year all pointed to an Enid sequel.

And yesterday my gynecologist confirmed Enid’s return.

Damn it all if the diagnosis wasn’t jarring as hell.


I’m sharing all this because this is the part of reproductive health care that gets lost in the mix…hell, this is the part of health care that gets lost too.

See, I’m damn lucky and I know it. 

I’m preparing for surgery in the next few months...and I’m fucking lucky to be doing so.

I have health insurance and short-term disability…and uterine fibroids that pose health risks that mean they can’t just be left alone or ignored or treated by a change in diet.

Without health care coverage I’d be shit out of luck…facing monumental debt or a delay in treatment that could eliminate a lot of treatment options or increase the health risks associated with fibroids.

I’m lucky to have health care insurance through my employer…because Enid is a pre-existing condition that would have made it hard if not impossible for me to get health insurance on my own.

I’m lucky that Enid is benign.

I'm lucky that I live in St. Louis Missouri, where we have outstanding medical centers and fantabulous doctors.

And you know what?

Treating uterine fibroids shouldn’t be about luck.

Bankruptcy in exchange for health is unacceptable.

Increased health risks due to a delay in treatment based on lack of coverage is not about individual responsibility.

Health care is a fucking right.

Yet, as I prepare for surgery…for the blood tests, scans, more appointments and surgery…I know that there are women out there who are unable to do the same.

That’s what health care reform is about.

And no, health care reform isn’t done…what passed Congress wasn’t perfect or even close to perfect, but it sure as shit will improve the lives of millions of Americans who are waking up today feeling unlucky as hell.

So when some asshole running for Senate or whatever tells you that he’d repeal health care reform because Americans don’t want or need it…ask that man if he means that Americans don’t want to wake up lucky, if he means that the millions of uninsured Americans out there prefer going bankrupt, if he means that women prefer not being able to treat conditions that are treatable and prefer facing long-term illness and pain to having the ability to see a fucking doctor.

Push back at that bullshit, because it’s fixin’ to smother reform to death just because people aren't thinking this shit through. 

I’m lucky.

I know it.

But luck shouldn’t have a damn thing to do with this.

That's what health care reform is about.

I'll keep y'all posted on Enid - The Sequel...

Wednesday, October 06, 2010

Pondering the Westboro case before the Supreme Court…

Shall we?

Members of Westboro Baptist Church have been protesting all manner of shit at a lot of locations and events for several years.

They hate gays.

They blame almost everything they define as wrong on what they see as America’s support of gays and abortion.

And they like to make their case by protesting at military funerals and screaming that soldiers died because America supports gays and abortion.

Those protests sparked legal challenges that have worked their way through the courts.  Now, the Supreme Court will hear all about Westboro Baptist Church and their ruling could have huge implications.

We the people have the right to freedom of speech…however painful, disturbing or vile.  I’ve been the target of some pretty heinous free speech…I’ve had people walk up to me at LGBT Pride festivals and say much of the same shit those Westboro folks say at military funerals.

And, even though I resent the hell out of that shit…even though I fret over the damage those hate-filled words may do to people who aren’t conditioned to handle it and don’t have a support network to help them purge post-alteraction…even so, I would fight like hell to protect the right of the rancid to speak their troubled shit in the public square.

Supporting speech we agree with is easy…it’s the speech we disagree with that challenges our commitment to the First Amendment.

And no, we don’t have the right to shout fire in a crowded movie theatre just to spark a stampede.

I get that.

But, as the Supreme Court prepares to hear the Westboro Baptist Church case, I’m pondering the implications of a ruling that may limit free speech and I’m concerned.

What door could that kind of ruling open…how many different ways could it be interpreted?

If the court limits free speech directed at individuals…what would that mean?  How would it all play out?

This shit ain’t easy.

The ruling has the potential to provide relief for many military families as they lay their loved ones to rest…

…and producing long-term drama for the masses.

Trust a bitch, this is a case to watch.

Tuesday, October 05, 2010

Pondering the new sex study…

The National Survey of Sexual Health and Behavior, underwritten by condom manufacturer Trojan, is making news all over the internets and morning television shows.

Lauer and the rest of the Today Show crew are surprised…shocked even…by the results!

What’s so shocking?

Not all that much…except for the fact that Americans seem to be more open when it comes to talking about sex.

Oh yeah…results found that Americans are taking part in a veritable “smorgasbord” of sex.

No shit!

And teens aren’t taking part in as much sexting as parents who consume too much Good Morning America have been led to believe.

Uh huh.

Oh, oh…and we masturbate and experiment with a variety of positions and have same-sex relationships…and sometimes sex is just sex, regardless of who the partner is.

No shit, one more time!

Here’s what I really like about the report – it acknowledges that results are influenced by our increased openness and honesty in discussing sex.

Horray for honesty!

Hooray for sex!

Americans, on a whole, have struggled to publicly embrace a positive view of sex…and a lot of folks have been closeted about all manner of things.  This national inability to keep it real has influenced other people to not keep it real ‘cause they were thinking that they were the only person ON EARTH masturbating during their lunch hour.

As a result, when some State Rep. takes to the floor and goes on and on about how masturbation leads straight to after school orgies or how sex toys are an attack on traditional man-on-woman sanctified marriage…mercy…far too many of that Reps colleagues look around and say nothing because they’re not sure if they are the only person who is pretty damn sure a vibrator and some role playing added new life to their marriage.

So, this bitch is thrilled to see a study about sex that shows folks being more honest about sex.

I sincerely hope this leads to more folks supporting programs that promote sex positivitude throughout a person’s life…and comprehensive sex education for our youth, so that they can start out life positive and empowered, rather than conditioned to pretend they’ve never ever EVAH touched themselves “down there”.


Monday, October 04, 2010

The Official Invitation to folks in the legal profession to attend the inaugural Black Mass of the United Church of Bitchitude and Latter Day Drunks!

Shall we?

A bitch is up pre-dawn and working on my first cup of coffee because I’ve got to travel to a mid-state meeting today.


Anyhoo, whilst my coffee was brewing I noticed a story about how a bunch of our Supreme Court Justices…along with Vice President Biden…attended the annual Red Mass held by the Catholic Church for the courts.  The Red Mass, started to celebrate the legal profession, has morphed into an embarrassing mix of religion, politics and the law.  High profile religious leaders are asked to attend by invitation only.  Past homilies have railed against abortion and that pesky separation of church and state. 

All in all, the Red Mass is a yearly challenge – the Supremes and elected officials have freedom of religion and can attend a Red, White or Blue Mass if they want to…but we the people also have cause for concern when their freedom of religion runs up against our right to freedom from religion, given the Catholic Church’s habit of lobbying and writing legislation or even threatening to deny Catholic politicians communion if they don’t do as the Church instructs.


‘Tis complicated, but this bitch has a solution!

Mmmmmhmmm, how ‘bout having the Supremes and Vice President Biden etc. attend a special Black Mass conducted by my church, the United Church of Bitchitude and Latter Day Drunks! 

The day would kick off with some community service at a local shelter for teen mothers in the ‘hood, ‘cause that’s how we roll.  We’d then gather outside in the park for a service…and our homily would be delivered by one of the UCoBaLDD faithful, who would speak on how Supreme Court rulings impact the lives of average Americans and then whatever the hell else was on their mind at the time.  All are welcome at our services and we'd finish off with a rather yummy soul food dinner at Sweetie Pie’s.

I’d love some one-on-one time with Supreme Court justices and the Vice President…I’d love to be able to share my expectations and concerns with them...I'd love to have the kind of access the Catholic Church has.

And no, I would not deny Scalia, Thomas, Breyer, Alito or Roberts the blessed sacrament of corn bread.

But I would remind them that, contrary to what they heard at the Red Mass about protecting rights granted by God, they are charged with protecting rights that come from a government made up by we the people to serve we the people.


Oh fuck it.

Who the hell wants to attend a Bitchitude revival with that crew, who likely would spend the entire time whispering about heathens and the wrath of God while singing off key and making toddlers cry with their scowling faces?

Unless we could manage a laying on of hands to cast out demons…

But, what are the odds?


Friday, October 01, 2010

Allergitis Ebolaficus Nasticus…

Holy shit, my allergies are out of control!

A bitch has been a sneezing wheezing mucus producing mess for a week.

And the leaking eyes…that itch when they aren’t leaking.

And the itchy ears…that are clogged up when they aren’t itching.

Fuck a duck, I can’t wait for the first serious frost to come along and kill whatever it is that has called down this allergitis ebolaficus nasticus!




***logs off to get my Neti Pot on***


October is LGBT History Month and, although I’m not a huge fan of “history months”, I’d like to take a moment.

The news of a Rutgers University student’s suicide is still developing…the shock, horror and sadness is still fresh and raw. 

A student and his roommate…the roommate’s friend…some sort of webcam device…a live broadcast of a private act that may or may not have been inspired by homophobia.

Followed by the apparent suicide of an 18 year old man, who jumped to his death off a bridge after saying goodbye on Facebook.

Some friends of the male suspect have come forth to say he was not homophobic…one even creepily defended the suspect by saying that it wouldn’t have made a difference if the roommate being videotaped without knowledge was a woman.

The truth…or at least some truth…will out.

And after this saga is over…after the investigation and speculation…after the media moves on…Tyler Clementi will still be dead.

Today is the first day of October...the first day of LGBT History Month…and I'm thinking of the nameless who endured humiliation, pain, bullying and relentless taunting.

I don’t know if Tyler Clementi committed suicide because of the humiliation of having his sexual encounter broadcast live or if he did it because that crime outed him or if it was a combination of both.

But I know that another promising life is over…that LGBT young people are at risk for suicide at a shocking rate…that far too many people turn a blind eye to bullying and harassment of LGBT youth and adults.

I know that comments posted to online news stories about this tragedy provide a window into just how hateful and vile many people can be…even now…even after this.

And I know that other comments...comments expressing compassion and acceptance...demonstrate how far we've come.

Today I remember the nameless who are part of a history that will celebrate the luminaries with hope that, by highlighting the achievements of LGBT people, we’ll somehow break down the fear and hate and engender respect.

May they all rest in peace.

May we always remember.

And may we be part of changing the path of history toward respect and equality…every month of every year.

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