Friday, December 30, 2005

Didn't we almost have it all...?

2005 is coming to a close…thank Gawd! A bitch hasn’t been this eager to see a year end in...well, a year.
2 cups coffee with Splenda (my ass should by stock) and a healthy dash of 1% organic milk, 1 Claritin, 2 Sudafed and cigs…

This bitch is feeling rather mellow. My New Year’s Eve festitude plans are in place…money for a cab, plenty of bottled water for post festitude cleansing and yummy grease based goodness in the fridge for post festitude feasting.

Didn’t we almost have it all?
Every New Year a bitch updates my catalogue of fantabulous people, otherwise known as my phone book. There are always some folks who don’t make it over into the new one. Shit, my ass is notorious for falling out of contact…accidentally on purpose.

A bitch is, after all, a bitch.

Friends become acquaintances then distant associates…and then they become a memory search. Who the fuck is this? Oh yeah! Whatever.

When love was all we had worth living?

The same is true of former loves. Historically, this bitch ends relationships with extreme clarity…it is over, we are not on good terms and you will regret having fucked this shit up for the rest of your natural life. So, when a bitch was going through my phone book and came across my former love thang, it was a shock.

The ride with you was worth the fall my friend.

We never had that final moment, or white-out would have been utilized swiftly. We tried to remain friends only to find that our conversations clearly avoided anything personal and soon became too formal to stand. Having missed a birthday (a bitch honestly forgot), Thanksgiving and the holidays…well, this bitch is finally removing a certain name from my phone book.

Loving you made life worth living.

R. isn’t to blame for all of what went wrong. Shit, a bitch played my part in making it all go to shit. But it has been over for several years and, being not worthy of space in my heart, R. is certainly not worthy of space in my catalogue of fantabulous people!

Fair thee well, R.! Be blessed and try not to be a complete shit most of the time.


Didn’t we almost have it all?

Oh, fuck you Whitney Houston. A bitch needs to stop listening to soft rock...

Thursday, December 29, 2005

7 Deadly Sins Quiz lifted from Barefoot Cajun...

Greed:Very Low
Envy:Very Low

Take the Seven Deadly Sins Quiz

A bitch is disturbed by how accurate this is...

Other people's chil'ren...

A bitch completed my sorta-play, All About Ann, with considerable help from my sister (thanks C-Money). Blood Ray has agreed to participate and hopefully a certain Shavita will say yes and agree to play Ann Coulter. Everything is coming together! Now a bitch has to secure a location and find out how best to record this shit so folks who can’t make it to AngryBlackBitchFest (otherwise known as this bitch’s birthday weekend) can see it. ...unless it sucks, in which case it will never be mentioned again.

2 cups coffee with Splenda and 1 % organic milk yumminess, 1 Claritin, 2 Sudafed and cigs…

Other people’s chil’ren…
A bitch read this with great concern this morning. Angry urban youth attacking people and beating them senseless. Mercy!

Many of you know that a bitch is a mentor. Since my ass doesn’t have chil’ren, being a mentor has been an educational experience. My mentee has had her share of trouble…getting into fights and slacking on her grades. The high school she will attend is infamous for riots, lock downs and stupid assed drama. This bitch shudders to think of the next five years, but we will get through this. It’s just so sad that high school is something she will have to survive. Jesus.

There are many opinions on the issue of youth violence. Keep in mind, its not as if there are gangs of young people roaming about beating people daily in St. Louis…yes on the roaming tip, but not quite on the daily beatings. But youth violence is a concern, particularly when that violence goes down in school and prevents learning or going to school altogether.

ABB's response to some suggestions thrown out to address youth violence...
Those kids just need parenting!
This one always pisses me off. It’s not as if there is a reasonable and involved parent who has decided to slack and just need a fucking memo to kick it back into gear. A bitch works with young women every week who have no concept of good parenting simply because they never witnessed or received it. They desperately want to be good parents, but desire must be met with opportunity.

What makes no sense is to ignore that we have multiple generations of unraised heathens in almost every community. Yeah, a bitch just went there. Unraised chil’ren raised by unraised chil’ren trying to unraise a child of their own. We…the blessed community…must acknowledge and address that there are families out there that need an intervention. Because no one is going to wake up tomorrow suddenly equipped with the skills they didn’t have today…it just doesn’t fucking work that way.

Those parents just need to get involved!
Hold it. Sit down and repeat after me. Some of those parents need to get involved…and some of them don’t. If this bitch had a motherfucking dollar for every ‘oh shit, you so do not need to be raising a child’ parent my ass has met a bitch could afford Sudafed for life. There is no ‘love’ hormone that kicks in universally when you have chil’ren…just because it did for you doesn’t mean it will for everyone. Some people do not need to be in a child's life. Period. End of fucking story.

It’s because there isn’t a man in the house!
Now, this one is touchy. But fuck it. No, its because there isn’t an adult in the house. And even that doesn’t guarantee that some bad assed child isn’t going to burst forth. But the man in the house argument is intellectually lazy. Sorry, but that’s how a bitch feels. My ass knows plenty of people who can go through a calendar year without knocking someone on the side of the head with a baseball bat and who were also raised without a man in the house.

We need to bring prayer back into the schools!
Actually, we need to bring learning back into the schools…feel free to resurrect prayer in the home. A bitch is all for providing a moral compass for young people. But do not assume that prayer and religion will end youth violence…my mentee spent 30 minutes quoting from the Bible less than 24 hours after she beat the living shit out of a classmate for ‘looking at her wrong’. Come on now!


What we need is some fucking sacrifice. We need people to get active, participate, mentor a child, mentor a fucking adult and reinvest socially in our community. Oh, we're back to that easier thing again. And this is another problem that will not go away just because you turn off the television set or move to the county.

Other people’s chil’ren can jump up and become your motherfucking problem in a heartbeat.

A bitch is sending sincere wishes for a full and speedy recovery to Samuel McClain, his family and the city of Milwaukee.

Wednesday, December 28, 2005

Oops...didn't know we couldn't talk about race...

Let’s get serious for a minute. Stop groaning…shit, y’all know my ass has a serious side (wink). This may not be news to some of you, but others…well, a bitch needs to clear something up for y’all.

Going with the flow…
A bitch received an e-mail from someone today and would like to respond. The e-mail attempted to make the case that discussions of race fuel discontent and contribute to the cultural divide that we see in America today. Clearly, this bitch feels differently, but my ass does feel that such positions are worthy of a response.

Life doesn’t get better when you just ‘go with the flow’. Day to day interactions aren’t made easier when we seek to ignore or tolerate the diversity of our culture. To be clear, a bitch can’t fucking stand statements about tolerance. You tolerate a stench…you do not tolerate me. And my ass does not want to be viewed separate from or in spite of my blackness.

This bitch understands why you may want to play the tolerance game. There is a powerful myth behind it...that tolerance makes things easier...that, by not being different, you will somehow benefit as an individual.

And let me explain why my ass sees that as a myth. A bitch grew up in the 1980’s in a middle class predominately white section of St. Louis County. My first social interactions with my peers took place at school. There were maybe 5 other students of color in our grade school, which might not have been a subject of note except for the fact that a bitch was made glaringly aware by those peers that my ass was different…in a bad way. Each day, a bitch internalized that…embraced and believed it…and began to live it.

Different…in a bad way.

Tolerated…in spite of that difference.

And after internalizing that bullshit, this bitch responded in textbook fashion. My ass made it my singular goal in life to blend and fit in. My clothes had to be just right, my hair had to be ‘like theirs’ and my language…that great social indicator of race in America…had to be ‘acceptable’. This bullshit went on for years…me desperately altering and my peers, with surprising consistency, continuing to ‘tolerate’ me falling short of de-blackifying myself.

Eventually a bitch escaped to college and my ass was blessed to go to a school that had little patience for a conformist. The evolution of an AngryBlackBitch had already begun, but it bloomed when my ass was 17. Thankfully, this bitch evolved into a real person rather than a carefully crafted thing created to make other people feel more comfortable with all of those 'pesky little differences'. Over the years, this bitch has faltered…but never to that dark vacant state of blankness…oh no, my ass is never going all the way back there again.

Now, some may say America has moved on. Many would say that wee little black girls growing up in St. Louis no longer face a world where they are encouraged to play the tolerance game…that young people who are overweight are not stigmatized…that gay and lesbian youth are embraced with love and understanding. And those people would be wrong. But what we are talking about is why they are wrong.

No one can respect what you do not respect in yourself. No one will adore what you do not adore in yourself. But people will ‘tolerate’ what you ’tolerate’ in yourself.

This bitch is not invisible or particularly soothing…my ass is not that comfortable black friend who fits into a safe little box or passively absolves you of your bigotry…and this bitch doesn’t calmly ignore my own bigotry. To do so would be insulting…that tactic assumes that others aren’t capable of respecting me as a black woman and it assumes that this bitch isn’t capable of accepting them for who they are.

And guess what? Life didn’t get easier when a bitch embraced the diversity within me.

What it did was get honest.

So, no… this bitch does not agree that the problems and challenges facing America are exasperated by open discussions of race.

Honey, going with the flow doesn’t make it all better or make it go away. It’s still there…you’re still you.

Maybe one day you’ll want to be.

Tuesday, December 27, 2005

Job descriptions...

Did you miss me? You know you did!

Oh, thank all that is holy that this Christmas thang is over! A bitch was overwhelmed and over socialized.

Oh shit…there’s still New Years to get through!


Anyhoo, a bitch had a pretty good holiday. Lots of feasting with my sister and my brother and friends. We went with a pork roast with an apricot glaze…YUM! And, of course, we had corn casserole and various yumminess on the side. Yum to the second power.

Christmas day was stressful for no good reason. And then we ventured out to socialize, which was fun. A certain Gatsby’s Ghost had a fantasmic house party…with yummy snacks (a bitch ate too many) and extra yummy vodka crans (a bitch had just enough of those). Oh , and That Guy was there too getting his holiday festitude on. All in all a good time and a great way to finish off the day!

This morning my ass woke up, prepared my coffee and clicked on the Today Show. And let me tell you, nothing announces the end of the Christmas holiday like Ann Coulter’s rancid ass spewing off about liberals and her blessed conservative movement. Shit, it was like a slap in the face…her pinched mouth, the nonsense coming out of it and that body that just screams out with its need for nourishment. Honey, eat for the love of all that is holy! Eat!

Ann's nasty post birth of Jesus holiday spewing brings us to...

Job descriptions…
Ann Coulter was vehemently defending Scooter (new readers should know that a President Bush is Scooter to this bitch) and his secret under the table domestic spy program. She repeated much of the same “defender of the realm” rhetoric that Secretary Condi Rice forked out over the weekend to Wolfie B. on CNN. But something has always bothered me about the “my most solemn duty is to protect the American people” argument.

A bitch acknowledges that my ass is no constitutional scholar, but this bitch is pretty sure that all presidents swear to preserve and protect the Constituion of the United States. So, shouldn't Scooter's actions be judged against that job description and not the one he has created for himself?

A bitch journeyed over to the Cornell Law web site in honor of a certain rancid Ann Coulter’s alma mater (though folks should keep in mind that she hates Ivy League intellectuals and only attended Cornell to gain a better understanding of why they should be hated…and she reluctantly includes Cornell in her biography, just to make sure that everyone in the fucking world knows that she hates Ivy League intellectuals and she is intimately familiar with them, having attended Cornell…did my ass mention that she went to Cornell, because a bitch is pretty sure there’s a law out there that Ann Coulter and Cornell must be mentioned in the same paragraph).


So, the good people at Cornell Law have a link to the Constitution of the United States of America. Yeah! A bitch clicked over to the Presidency and then to the Presidential Powers section.

And there it was…right in front of a bitch’s eyes…

Before he enter on the execution of his office, he shall take the following oath or affirmation:--"I do solemnly swear (or affirm) that I will faithfully execute the office of President of the United States, and will to the best of my ability, preserve, protect and defend the Constitution of the United States."

And that’s the wee little point that makes all of these other job descriptions piss me the hell off.

A bitch fears that too many citizens don’t quite understand the president’s job description. And, having held many jobs, a bitch understands that what you are actually called to do and what you have been hired to do often have nothing in common. However, when confronted with a critique over what you were hired to do versus what you did do…well, one should avoid throwing back the job description you have created as a defense against failing to do the job you were hired for.

Preserve…keep or maintain in unaltered condition.

Protect…shield from danger, injury, destruction or damage.

Defend…to repel danger or harm from.

Now, don't go freaking out and mouthing off about how a bitch doesn't care about 'safety' and 'my fellow citizens'. Does a bitch want to be a victim? No. Does a bitch want to be protected against harm? Yes. Does a bitch feel that a domestic spy service that skirts the laws of this land supposedly to protect the very people it is spying on ('cause the only way we know that Scooter is spying on the enemy is 'cause he said so...and his ass has been wrong as a motherfucker before) is the way to accomplish that? No.

We are teetering on a brink…balancing on a ledge with all the agility of a bitch after four vodka crans on an empty stomach. Scooter and his minions are making a rather Nixonesque argument…that, to protect the people they must be beyond and above the law. And a bitch very sincerely fears that such arguments are the actual domestic enemy we need protecting from.

Well, they may seek to fuck with our system of government, undermine our laws and circumnavigate our system of checks and balances. But they had best cease doing it in my name. A bitch is an American, proud the fuck of it (shock...gasps) and not in need of modernized high tech tyranny dressed up in the trappings of public safety.

Got that, big brother?

Friday, December 23, 2005


Happy Friday everyone!

A certain Maidink sent holiday festitude to this bitch’s brother! Thank you and we will put it to good use tomorrow at lunch!

This bitch is blown away by the generosity demonstrated by so many folks. It seems that a lot of people have embraced the spirit of the holidays and it makes a bitch hopeful. Blessings and love to you all.

This bitch shall return with bitchitude Monday.


Thursday, December 22, 2005

ABB's Christmas Festitude Plan-Like List...

Better late than never.

The Eats…
Butter incorporated cake for my brother Bill
Corn Casserole (oh yeah, baby)
Vegetable based something (Greens? Cabbage? Salad? Mayhap collard greens in honor of my Play Husband who is visiting my family in-law…hmmmm!)
Sweet Potato Pie (Yum! Thank Gawd Brother Rob identified the best recipe!)
Apple Pie (Yum, yum!)
Cookies (because.)
Artificially flavored vanilla ice-cream (fuck it…it’s my motherfucking plan-like list)
Fowl or beast? Hmmmm. Shit!

The Beverages…
Grape cran
Vodka to keep cran and grape cran company
Beer (Winter Lager for a bitch’s sister)
Wine (Because ‘we so civilized ‘round here’!)
Pepsi/Coke/Dr Pepper (a bitch’s brother is brand loyal like a motherfucker)

The Distractions…
Clerks...for a bitch's sister.
In Cold Blood ... for a bitch.
Mrs. Parker and the Vicious Circle (wanna be her when my ass is grown…only brown, angry and with an afro).
Mildred Pierce (yeah, you think you’ve got it rough).
Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas...miss you crazy motherfucker!)
And several trips to the movies to catch up!

The meds…
Dayquil…for the cold-like bug
Sudafed…for survival
Nyquil…to sleep when suffering from the cold-like bug
Excedrin…we’re talking a family holiday, chil’ren.
Excedrin PM…Lawd, if my ass passes out they no longer exist!
Bendryl…because someone will be allergic to something and break out like a freak thus causing major drama.


Okay, a bitch is off to play AngryBlackSantaBitch! And then go home and pass the fuck out.

AngryBlackSantaBitch’s midday adventure…

This bitch arrived at the shelter to drop off presents and toys and such for the chil’ren there. My ass was properly bitchy, because one of the gift-bags ripped and a bitch had to retrieve then re-stuff all while shielding the loot from the watchful eyes of chil’ren spying out the window.


Anyhoo, a bitch finally made it into the building and ‘round the corner to deposit the loot in an off limits office.

Now, this bitch had every intention of escaping quickly, but…well, a bitch is a softy and just had to visit with the chil’ren for a spell.

Who can resist other people’s chil’ren? You can get them all riled up then leave when they crap themselves… the ultimate in non-child having bitchitude-based parental torture!

So, a bitch settled in for a chat with a wee one (almost 5) we’ll call Pete.

Pete, looking as serious as a kindergarten student at snack time…"Pull up a chair (pronounced chay-yahr)! You can sit right there! Sit down, sit down, sit doooooowwwwwnnnn!”

ABB, desperate to shut Pete up, sat my ass down.

ABB, with Pete now in my lap pretending to read to me, asks…"So, have you missed me?”

Pete, turning on his toddler eyes…"Yeah! Where have you been?”

ABB, with a sigh…"Working and being grown.”

Pete, rolling his eyes…"Oh, I know all ‘bout that.”

ABB, cocking my head…"Yeah? You got a job, Pete?”

Pete, jumping off my lap in excitement…"Do I! I’m ‘sponsible for being an older (pronounced ohwder) brother and not make Mom mad.”

ABB, sincerely shocked silent, quickly regrouped…"That’s quit a job!”

Pete, settling back on my lap…"Tell me ‘bout it. But the pay's good.”

ABB, certain Pete must be watching too much television,…"Whatcha make?”

Pete…"One Kool-Aid ice pop a day. Want one?”

ABB, thinking that kind of pay didn’t sound half bad, asked the crucial question…"Got grape?”

And a certain wee little Pete and this bitch kicked back with two fully loaded grape Kool-Aid ice pops and shot the shit.

Now that’s what a bitch calls a bitness lunch!

Fantabulous! More AngryBlackSantaBitch festivities tonight when me and my mentee hit the town....

Lawd have mercy...


A bitch is venturing out to play Santa by dropping off a multitude of toys and gifts to the women’s shelter my ass volunteers at!

Shit…where did a bitch put that Santa hat?

Fuck it.

My Cabrio is my sleigh and a bitch is on her way….

Regular posting will continue after lunch.

Wednesday, December 21, 2005

Human kindness...

Oh my Gawd!

A bitch just received a mystery gift and my ass is going to cry!

A certain mystery someone sent this bitch...or rather, this bitch's mentee...a Christmas Build-A-Bear gift of wonder.

And a bitch is so overwhelmed.

Shit. My ass isn't wearing waterproof mascara!

Thank you so much for the Build-A-Bear gift cards. This bitch will be seeing Miss Thang Thursday for our Christmas get together and she will be have no idea how much.

Loyal readers know that a bitch's mentee has had a rough year. Christmas means a lot to her, both as a young person and as a rather religious young person. Coming from a family that doesn't have much, she rarely asks for anything. So, a bitch is just floored to be able to provide her with a trip to the Build-A-Bear workshop (which she ADORES) this holiday season.

Human kindness is the greatest gift of all. Thank you for displaying it in the most pure form imaginable.





A bitch feels much better today. Still a wee bit weak and oily of stomach, but much better! This nasty little bug is no joke.

2 cups coffee with Splenda and 1% Organic milk, 1 Dayquil, 1 Claritin and cigs…

A bitch has watched the latest leak scandal from Scooter’s White House unfold with amusement. This bitch has always assumed that our government was digging into my fellow citizen's business…not that my ass approves, but my ass sure as shit didn’t think they weren’t already doing it. Observing the reactions to this leaked information has been fascinating…

The Supporters…
"Fuck it! In order to protect America we have to so anything and everything!"

Now this argument really pisses civil libertarians off. A bitch frets over the civil liberties component too…however, the fact that our little spy network failed to prevent the theft of tons of explosives within our sacred borders is what truly pisses me off. If our government is going to spy on us…then spy motherfuckers! Shit, how the hell does some domestic asshole walk away with 400 pounds of explosives in New Mexico…FUCK! Really…if you looked up 'security threat' in the motherfucking dictionary you’d see a picture of assholes stealing 400 pounds of explosives in New Mexico!

Regarding the civil liberties issue…it seems to this bitch that Scooter didn’t want a paper trail. The government can and has spied on a deadline then received a legal warrant after initiating the effort. So, the only reason this bitch can see for Scooter’s minions not wanting to follow that loose little legal expectation would be that they weren’t certain their warrant would be approved. Which reminds this bitch of a certain plumbers unit mapping out the prospect of fire bombing the Brookings Institute back in the day…you naughty little boys.

The Others…
Wow! Who the fuck knew that Scooter’s actions could bring the left and the right together! Shit, this bi-partisan disgust over Scooter’s domestic spy program is…well, it’s like a Christmas miracle! A bitch is all warm inside…shit, my ass may cry!

Of course, there is that pesky problem of certain Democratic politicians knowing about the spy program ahead of time…but a bitch is soothed with the knowledge that they apparently were held silent under the cloak of National Security. If not…what the fuck?

The leakers and those who protect them…
Now, a bitch is a wee bit peeved that no one has stepped forward to denounce this leaker. Yes, my ass is glad that the information is out in the open. However, clearly someone within the West Wing likes to talk…a lot…about classified national security information…to the press.

This is where these leaks get murky. When leakers spout information we are grateful to know we adore them. When they fuck up a multi-decade CIA cover, we want to hunt them down and torture them. But this bitch feels that there is someone or several people in the West Wing who are up to no good. This shit doesn’t sit well…that might be my flu bug, but fuck it!

The leaking of a CIA operative’s name by a senior White House official was a direct attack against this nation’s security. Not only did it expose that operative’s contacts, but it also exposed several decades of investigative spying done with the very specific goal of monitoring…oh my Gawd…weapons of mass destruction. Further, the fact that an operative would be sold out by her own government in an act of juvenile revenge against her mate has most likely made recruiting a fucking nightmare. Way to fucking go!

Now we have another leak. Again, a bitch is concerned. Knowing that our government is spying on us illegally is a good thing in my eyes, but clearly there is a major leaker in the White House and we have no control over whether he or she leaks good to know shit or 'oh fuck now we're fucked' shit.

Now…could it be the same asshole? Why is this asshole leaking national security information? If it’s not the same asshole, who is it? Why leak this information now? Where was this shit in September of 2004? And what is this person or persons prepared to leak next? Or…could it be a leak for a leak? Could there be some remorseful true believer in the West Wing who, confronted with her Master’s evil doing, has decided to be a patriot and inform her fellow citizens of Scooter’s bad behavior?

Oh the drama!

Hey, this shit would make a great script. And Lawd knows Hollywood is desperate. Rather than remake another remake or green light another piece of shit they should simply borrow story lines from the Scooter White House!

Yes! It has everything! Scandal, intrigue, back stabbing, war, death, lying, leaking, spying, computerized weapons, the deposing of dictators and a father/son complex to rival all father/son complexes!

Joy! A bitch would love to see this movie and…



Isn't that Star Wars?

Never mind...

Tuesday, December 20, 2005

Gettin' down just for the funk of it…

Ooooh, a bitch is flying off of some DayQuil! And then my ass drove to work listening to P-Funk…loud as a motherfucker!


This shit shouldn’t be legal.

2 cups coffee with Splenda and 1% Organic milk, 2 DayQuil followed by cigs…

Note to the AngryBlackBitch impaired…as a bitch has stated before, your ass isn’t on parole and reading this blog is not a requirement of your release. If my use of language is challenging to you, try this! Insert (I) for a bitch or this bitch…come on, YOU CAN DO IT!

Or, simply fuck off.

Moving forward…

Christmas musings…
Last night this bitch watched The History Channel’s Christmas Unwrapped…all in a fantabulous pharmaceutical induced haze!

Now, Christmas has been on a lot of people’s minds lately. It seems that some Christians feel that Christmas is under attack, while others reject the Christmasization of the month of December. This shit all caught a bitch by surprise, since none of my non-Christian friends have raised a stink about Christmas or the Christmasization of December…shit, have you seen the sales out there, who could complain?

Anyhoo, all the networks are talking about it so a bitch was quite amused to see The History Channel tackle the issue…from a historical perspective no less (wink). If they show it again you should watch it! Shit, this bitch might have to add that debaucherous revelry in the streets tradition to my holiday to-do list…

Gawd, my ass adores history.

So, last night this bitch was watching the evolution of Christmas and thinking, maybe we should get a tree this year? We had a tree then lost it in a move. Now, well…why put something up only to be challenged to take it down? And then there’s our family history with Christmas trees…the yelling, taunting and generally evil assed behavior that erupted each year during the decorating of the tree.

Clearly, this bitch has tree hang-ups. But, in addressing those tree-based hang-ups a bitch realized that the tree isn’t really needed.

Not really.

For years a bitch’s family had a Christmas tree and it always seemed to be a giant tower of indictment. That fucking tree indicted our lack of faith, our lack of connection as a family and our lack of charity…greedy shits that we were. And what a Christmas tree should do is provide a festive gathering source…it should represent connections and a spirit of giving. We had the Cosby Family decorations, but our family was too screwed up to play out the scene.

Looking around my house last night, this bitch just couldn’t see a Christmas tree there. Not in a corner or the middle of any room. Must be those tree hang-ups again. But my ass is proud to say that we do execute a pretty good holiday…fucked up, full of drama and dysfunctionally functional. We have found our own way to celebrate and honor our unique connections, our commitment to each other and our community. And we really don’t need a decorated tree for that.

So, this Christmas the Bitch Squad shall gather ‘round. Yeah, that’s right…just gather in the house. My sister, our brother, friends and two dawgs. That’s how we’ll celebrate this year…one family under a groove!

Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukah, Joyous Kwanzaa, Blessed Yule and Happy New Years to you all!

Monday, December 19, 2005

Remembering the raker of muck...

The great Jack Anderson died this past weekend. He was an amazing reporter who relentlessly covered politics. Reporting was his calling and he was the very definition of dedicated.

Jack Anderson exposed corruption, dug out the truth and held those in power accountable.

And he was always a damned good read.

A bitch is ill...

One would think, after 32 years of living, that a bitch would know better than to go out and party my ass off after feeling under the weather for several hours. But one would be wrong. This bitch indulged in a serious night of fun and remembrance with the oh so fantabulous Miz Celene, my Play Husband, a certain Blood Ray, Brother Rob Thurman and Mr. Murphy. And woke up feeling like shit and under the wrong assumption that my illness was due to overindulgence. It isn’t. A bitch is really ill…and my overindulgence most likely kicked open the door and let this evil assed bug in!

Fuck it…my ass had a blast. We’re sad to see you leave, Celene, and we resent the hell out of New York for taking you away.

Moving forward…

2 cups tea…for the love of all that is holy…, 1 Claritin, 1 DayQuil, dry butter-less toast…toast, for the love of Gawd…and cigs…

Scooter’s Address to the Nation from The Oval Office…
Last night a bitch settled in to watch Scooter spin the war…again. My ass had a mug filled with tea and honey, my TiVo was back to loving me again and my stomach hadn’t tried to purge in 2 hours.

Now, usually this bitch will provide a detailed run down of the President’s speech. But, fuck it…

For over ten minutes the President of the United States spoke about Iraq… he admitted that our case for war was fucked up, admitted that our execution was fucked up, resubmitted his plan for victory and asked the nation for patience.

There has been so much pain…so much death…so many lives forever altered. And a bitch is left with nothing but grief…for what has been lost and what will be lost…for the rejection of peace in the age of Pax Americana.

Friday, December 16, 2005

Behold the healing power of Smarties...!

Okay, so a bitch was going to post a pure rant of bitchitude today…my ass had just reached my emotional breaking point with the return of Sweetie the 3-legged Chow’s joint stiffness and stomach upset last night.

And then…the postman arrived carrying a large package for this bitch!

SMARTIES! Lots of them! From Montreal! Oh, and a fantabulous holiday candle too! And candy canes with a wonderful card from Jeremy!


Thank you…a bitch needed this today more than any day.

My ass will attempt to post pictures of my holiday chocolate feast of Smartie goodness…if this bitch doesn’t eat them all up first!

And who knew that holiday Smarties came in cute little hollow chocolate balls? Which puts a whole new meaning to a bitch being a ball buster…


**Gleefully munching on Smarties and Smartie filled chocolate balls***

Hold on a sec...

***Blissfully tearing into a second chocolate ball and inhaling more Smarties***

As 2005 comes to an end this bitch has received several e-mails from friends detailing their New Year’s resolutions. A bitch does not usually make New Year’s resolutions…shit; life is hard enough without resolving to do shit.

However, a bitch does have some goals for 2006.

ABB’s Preliminary 2006 List of Goals…
Just say no…
In 2005 this bitch did a much better job of not letting my ass get talked into shit. Better, but there’s still room for improvement on that front. So, in 2006 a bitch will endeavor to practice the fine art of honesty and say no to shit my ass does not want to do more often!

The walking of dawgs…
A bitch has slipped in my dawg walking responsibilities. The cold weather coupled with a backyard has combined to make up one really lame excuse for not exercising the sorta-beagle and the mistress of chowness more. Add to that Sweetie’s recent leg stiffness and Betsey’s general laziness and it will clearly be up to this bitch to get that ball rolling again. 2006 will be the year of the well-walked dawg!

Motivate, research, dig in and take names…
Since a bitch has kicked my women’s group to the curb for being a gaggle of backstabbing power hungry heifers, my ass has more time. Which, unfortunately, will be channeled into the battle that will be my brother’s on-going care. Medicaid cuts, Department of Mental Health battles and a general tendency for the State of Missouri to attempt to fuck my beloved brother over have all combined to equal one thing…a highly motivated bitch with tons of free time on my hand to advocate like a motherfucker! Come correct in 2006 or feel my wrath!

**Pause to munch on more Smarties**

Health and the modern bitch…
Thankfully, the walking of all bitch related dawgs more often would cover some of my health goals. But, being realistic, a bitch will never be one of those healthy eaters. My ass has no intention of dying old without any recent memory of the flavor of something fried and/or smothered on my tongue. So, we’ll just say a bitch intends to practice moderation and leave it at that…

The book, books and on-going writing…
This bitch shall finish the first draft of my first book in 1Q 2006. The other book ideas that have spun off from the writing of this first book should offer tons of writing fun throughout the year!

Family and friends…
My family and my extended family mean the world to me. So, why the hell spend time with assholes when you can hang out with people you actually like? In 2006, this bitch will make more time for people who matter. Nuff said!

Whew…shit, that’s quite a list.

***Casually tossing several Smarties into my mouth***

Thank Gawd this bitch has 12 months to get this shit done!

Oh, my ass is going to be sick!

Fuck it...bless you for my Smarties, Jeremy from Montreal!

Thursday, December 15, 2005


A certain This Guy has tagged a bitch. Shit!

Okay, you evil one...

Four jobs you have had in your life: Residential Counselor at a Juvenile Psychiatric Hospital (perk – learning how to do non-violent restraints), meal coordiantor at the Harvard University Dining Services (don’t ask, but it paid the bills), Regional Broadcast Coordinator for a media buying office (so many orders to input…so little time) and Media Sales Rep. (selling air).

Four movies you could watch over and over: Citizen Kane, The Watergate Documentary (Discovery Channel version), Orlando and Eve’s Bayou.

Four places you've lived: Minneapolis, Boston, St. Louis and Dallas.

Four TV shows you love to watch: American Justice, The West Wing, Meet the Press and Intervention…

Four places you've been on vacation: Paris, London, Dublin and Las Vegas

Four websites you visit daily: Thought Nuggets, Rob Thurman, Cranky Epistles and This Guy. Oh, fuck it…just about all of the sites on my blogroll.

Four of your favorite foods: Smarties, Apple Pie, Pepperidge Farm Chessman cookies and smothered anything.

Four places you'd rather be right now: My couch, my bed, Capri or my bedroom at 10:45pm September 24, 1999.

Four bloggers you are tagging: Oh have mercy! Hmmm…NuggetMaven, CrankyProf, Barefoot Cajun and PissedOffPencil



Happy Thursday! A bitch slept like a rock last night and woke up feeling fantastically refreshed.

2 cups coffee mixed with 1% organic milk and Splenda, 1 Claritin, 2 Sudafed and cigs…

Okay, so this bitch is starting to get excited about a long holiday break. Of course, there will be a plan…the food, the drink and the food and drink. My ass intends to spend at least one day on the couch not moving!

The Bitch Squad has decided against adopting another dawg. Instead, we are going to sponsor one of the Stray Rescue dawgs in need of extensive medical care. Maybe another canine is in our family’s future, but we’ve got a lot on our plate right now as it is.

The Prince of Darkness is stirring shit up…again…
A bitch read this shit with shock and amazement. Has a certain Mr. Novak turned against the pack? Perhaps The Prince of Darkness is feeling left out and just wanted to join the party. No matter the motivation, Mr. Novak has tossed out a rather provocative declaration…your ball, Mr. President!

Moving forward…

ABB's Holiday Shopping List...
This bitch is a wee bit behind on my holiday preparations. A bitch doesn’t have a ton of people to buy presents for…my mentee, my brother, my sister, our dawgs, the women’s shelter’s toy drive and the other women’s shelter’s toy drive. And, thankfully, most of the people on my holiday list are rather easy to shop for. The best thing about holiday shopping is that there is a story behind each person and what my ass plans to get them!

My mentee…
We’ve been matched for quite a while and she’s been through a lot of drama. At 12, she’s seen a beloved family member killed, watched her family sink into extreme poverty and witnessed her neighborhood burn down around her. My mentee has had a bad year at school…fights, skipped classes and sinking grades. But, underneath all of the defiant anger, there is a wonderful and amazingly bright young woman. She likes stuffed bears with lots of fashion and all things that glitter…her favorite color is blue…she’s grown so much this year that she will need another new coat. So…something coveted, something longed for and something needed for Miss Thang.

My brother…
Bill has had a shit year too. He’s such a great guy to shop for, because his autistic ass will adore anything that involves ripping wrapping paper and tearing into boxes. Watching Bill get a present is a thing of joy…he saves the wrapping paper so that he can experience its texture over and over again. And he adores cards…with texture and pop up things. Since Bill lost the job he absolutely loved he’s been bored out of his mind…so, a bitch is looking into exercise bikes and other physical activities that he can do to help burn off some energy. A bike, some McDonald’s gift certificates and tons of cards and paper with texture for Bill.

My sister…
A bitch’s sister and this bitch have agreed to not do the whole gift thing this year. However, this bitch will defy that agreement, follow tradition and purchase some sort of comfy bedtime sleep related thing…its just what’s done, honey! C-Money, you are a precious gift from the Devine One…the least a bitch can do is update your flannel.

Our dawgs…
Miss Sweetie and Miss Betsey shall have bones. Some sort of hide for the three-legged Chow and a nyla-bone for the sorta-Beagle. These gifts should keep them occupied while a bitch lounges on the couch over the holiday weekend!

A mother’s wish for her chil’ren…
Loyal readers know that this bitch volunteers at a couple of St. Louis shelters. This year a bitch’s women’s group is conducting a toy drive. This bitch was thrilled to see that educational toys and books topped the toy list from the shelters. There is nothing more humbling than to read a mother’s wish for her chil’ren and to know that she is relying on us to make that wish come true.

Books, teething toys and interactive toys are being gathered and wrapped.

Oh, and a bitch’s wish for this holiday? Shit, my ass will be thrilled to survive shopping for all of this stuff!


C-Money's Sweet Potato Pie...Ripped off from Nicole...

Sweet potato pie is a must have for the holidays. Our mother's amazing recipe is now locked away in some compartment in her mind never to be seen again, so a bitch's sister has been searching for a replacement recipe to round out our holiday feasting. We had an intense taste testing during Thanksgiving and the following recipe was the winner!


Sweet Potato Pie
2 cups cooked mashed fresh sweet potatoes
4 tablespoons butter
1 cup sugar
3 eggs
1 tsp cinnamon
½ tsp nutmeg
¾ cup Horizon Organic Milk
1 tsp vanilla

Mix & stuff…pour into crust
Bake at 375 for 35-40 minutes


Wednesday, December 14, 2005

Better now...

Okay, so a bitch is doing better. My ass is glutted on chicken and dumpling soup (yum!) and the drilling has ceased outside my office…thank Gawd!

So, this bitch was just sitting here getting all excited about the Smarties that are in the mail and headed my way (happiness and joy!). Yeah, a bitch is so easy to please.

A bitch was cruising through some of my favorite blogs and noticed that Miz Maven has created a special spot just for some United Church of Bitchitude and Latter Day Drunk bloggers! Fantabulous! A bitch is fucking thrilled to see how our church has grown…

This Guy is fired up and taking no bullshit over the upcoming Focus on the Family gayfest…um, gay ex-gayfest…oh fuck it…event-like thing taking place next year in St. Louis. It seems that this bitch isn’t the only one planning to address this shit when it comes to town, but a fuck-in…oh my! Remind a bitch to look into bail options…

His Pontifical Greatness, Brother Rob Thurman, is mourning the loss of our neighborhood coffee spot. Sob! It just ain’t right! They made the best multi-shot coffee drinks ever at Thurman Café…

A certain someone will be joining a bitch’s workplace environment next year. Joy! Absolute joy! One more time…joy! Okay, a bitch is done. Welcome aboard!

Pissed off Pencil has posted…in English this time…a recipe for Swedish Gingerbread Snaps. Fantastical! A bitch’s sister is hereby commanded to prepare these for a bitch...please. Thank you P.O.P…a bitch promises to pick up my Swedish lessons in 2006!

And finally, the fantastical Blood Ray. Honey? Is everything okay? A bitch is broke, but you can have some of my Gingerbread Snaps! Love you like chocolate marshmallow ice cream…

Ahhh…the wonderful world of blogs...


AngryBlackBitch 101...

This bitch didn’t get a lot of sleep, so my ass is beyond bitchy today.

A bitch will add Vancouver to my Canadian travel wish list. This trip is going to take some time to plan, but a bitch will keep y’all updated on the progress. Oh, and many thanks to a certain Jeremy in Montreal for my soon to arrive package of Smartie-based yumminess and the offer of a personal tour! Fantabulous!

Now, a bitch has had this blog for just under a year. His Pontifical Greatness, Brother Rob Thurman, gave this bitch my blog for my birthday…and it really is the gift that just keeps on giving. A recent post has brought a lot of new readers and this bitch just wanted to make sure y’all understood a few things…

AngryBlackBitch 101…
Now, keep in mind that this bitch is very bitchy today. A bitch didn’t get a lot of sleep and there is a construction crew outside of my window raising hell while trying to cut into the street to lay some sort of fucking water line. FUCK!

Having said that…

If you are going to step to a bitch you should do so with some content…some fucking meat…a fucking coherent argument or opinion. A bitch will not be chastised out of my opinions. Many have tried and, as you can see…well, failure is a beautiful thing. A bitch needs more than a ‘you are so fucking wrong and I can’t stand you’ to be moved...assuming that you want to move me...hell, maybe you're just an asshole.

For 32 fucking years this bitch has lived this life black and female…so, for the fucking record, my ass has heard it all. Every fucking covert or overt bullshit insult in the book of insults has been hurled my way. Trust me on that, cease trying to be creative, come up with a response or move on. You aren’t on parole and reading this bitch’s blog isn’t a mandatory requirement for your release. And you don't have to agree...just disagree better.

A bitch does not require etiquette lessons…this bitch endured 3 months of that shit when my ass was 11 years old. So, a bitch knows how to travel and not be the ugly American like the grown bitch that my ass you? This bitch has been to Ireland (lovely, by the way), France (fantabulous), England (it snowed), Italy (a wonderful trip) and the Netherlands (well, Amsterdam and it was a joy)...they all survived and this bitch had a fucking great time too. This bitch has been instructed in the proper way to sit, to stand, to introduce folks and to excuse myself from the table…and my ass decided a long time ago that some of those rules are complete bullshit and some of them are really rather nice. So, when a bitch is rude she knows it...and wants to be...

When this bitch was around 5 years old my ass went to kindergarten. In the first hour of my first day of school this bitch was properly educated…that black was different in a bad way, that girls had a place and roles and that my ass needed to catch up and play the game or suffer the consequences. There was an implied reward…acceptance. And it took me years to see the bullshit in that. Years. It is an amazing experience to be molded in such a way…to be instructed on how to make other people happy and comfortable.

A bitch was tutored on the way to talk, to walk, to confront, to retreat, to argue and to soothe. There must be a book somewhere on how to put The Man at ease…how to make those in power overlook your background and gender or at least not hold you back because of it. As my ass said, it took years for me to see the bullshit in that…to move into the visible world as me, not someone’s safe go-to black woman…me.

Many of you have been there…some of you still are. You may be there because of your gender, your body, your accent, your religion, your orientation or whatever “they” have decided makes you different…in a bad way. It fucking sucks, doesn’t it? Does it make you angry or just pissed enough to lash out but still too scared to kick that closet door open and shout FUCK YOU AND THE HORSE YOU RODE IN ON?

Mmmhmmm…a bitch has been there. And this bitch has no intention of going back.

This bitch’s voice was earned through a life of pain, laughter, humiliation, joy and sorrow…and it will not be silenced.

Now…should you want to debate, discuss, disagree, comment or agree…welcome!

Just understand that…

A bitch does not read one article and believe everything that is in it then write up some crazy post because…me being naïve and gullible…my ass believes everything in writing and just can’t grasp the concept that media has spin. A bitch has worked in media and advertising for over a decade…so, yeah, a bitch could teach a class on spin.

A bitch welcomes the debate…so give it to me. Shit, bring it on! Please!

Thank you.

This bitch has chicken and dumpling soup coming my way, so toodles for now...

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

More travel thoughts...

Oh my! A certain Canadian Rob has sealed the deal…a bitch shall be visiting Philly and Canada next year! Now all I have to do is plan that shit. Hopefully a bitch can visit with my fellow bloggers up North...but we have some time yet, since a bitch needs to recover from holiday friskitude and general expenses.

Clearly this bitch is going to have to visit Montreal and Toronto while in Canada. How do you say bitch in French? And lets all hope that tempers cool down before my ass gets there…my ususal 'fall back because Americans are hated throughout the world' country is Canada while traveling, but if my ass is in Canada and y'all hate us...well, shit a bitch will just claim Sweden and dare someone to challenge my black ass!

Oh and a trip to Philly is a must at some point, because cheese-steaks are now on my mind.


Perhaps a bitch should save some Smarties to consume with the cheese-steaks…or maybe visit Philly post Canada, with Smarties in hand?

Jesus, my ass is hormonal…



This bitch was amazed by the drama on CNN last night. And why were so many anchors eagerly anticipating riots and violence? Spare me...

2 cups coffee with Splenda and yummy organic milk, 1 Claritin, 2 real Sudafed (bless you C-Money) and cigs…

A certain someone has been published in St. Louis’ powerhouse independent newspaper…The Vital VOICE! Oh my, a bitch can always say my ass knew you when. The article is about solo travel, which a bitch has never done. A bitch’s sister took a solo trip to Churchill, Manitoba to learn all about polar bears…don’t ask…but this bitch has never really traveled alone on a vacation. Great article, my dear…

So, my thoughts have turned to traveling. My next trip will most likely be to Canada. When preparing to travel, this bitch always investigates the chosen destination’s racial past and present. Mostly because a bitch has no intention of being the feature story on Dateline NBC with Stone Philips mouthing off about a tragedy in Bavaria…or, even worse, a 48 Hours Mystery segment on that AngryBlackBitch who went missing in Switzerland. Shudder. So, a bitch investigates and researches and then makes up my mind.

And that brings us to Australia and the recent riots. This bitch has always longed to visit Australia. As an Anthropology student, my ass was fascinated by Australia’s unique cultural history and it’s wealth of natural beauty. The long plane ride and a bitch’s limited bank account have always made a trip to Australia more of a dream than a plan. And now…well, there’s the issue of racial unrest.

A bitch is more than aware that the media often fucks up its coverage of international news and this bitch has read the reports out of Australia with caution. But there clearly have been serious incidents of mob violence against people of color due to a perceived wrong done to an Australian by…a Muslim…and Arab…someone not “Australian”? The other.

My friends often chide me for my fears regarding traveling while black. There are several states and regions in America this bitch has stated concerns about visiting…Idaho, rural Alabama and most of the rural deep South. A bitch is working on this emotionally, but my ass honestly is concerned that something bad might happen to me there. Shit…this bitch is reluctant to travel through southern Missouri too and that region has earned that reputation like a motherfucker.

What always amazes me is how shocked some people are to hear of my fears.

You should go to Australia! Nothing would happen to you there. You’re just being silly…I’ve been and it was fantabulous!

And a bitch is forced to point out that they aren’t me…they aren’t the visible other…they have never read stories about racial violence and thought there, but for the grace of Gawd, goes a bitch.

It sucks. It really sucks to know that anyone may be subject to violence simply because they appear to be an immigrant, a Muslim or some other “undesirable” visitor. And it sucks to the bone to know that a bitch may not have a peaceful travel experience simply because my ass is brown…that my friend may face violence because of her lovely Turkish name and heritage.

It pisses me off that some people carelessly voice their concerns over traveling to North St. Louis then look at me like my ass is crazy for not wanting to rough it in the Ozarks. So, its perfectly understandable to fear the hood but a bitch is being irrational when my ass fears a weekend of rural isolation in a region known for Klan roadside improvement projects and Confederate Rememberance Day?


And so a bitch investigates the political climate while some of my friends investigate the beaches…a bitch looks into a destination’s history while some of my friends check out the shopping.

And it sucks.

This bitch has a family friend who has visited Australia recently…a long stay and she raved about it. There are sharks to be seen…and a bitch adores sharks, but this bitch prefers to view them from a distance...on land. The water is amazing, the beaches fantabulous, the people are welcoming…the people are welcoming.


Some, but clearly not all.

Yeah…it really sucks.

And is this the unexplored toll of the War on Terrorism? The stigma carried by anyone who even appears to be Arab or Muslim or “from there”? And don’t we suffer from this illness in America too? While flying or shopping or driving to the store?

And a bitch feels small for fretting about traveling while black, because it must be so frightening to travel while Muslim…

…much less immigrate and attempt to live “over there” when you come from “that place” where people want to “blow everyone of us up” and “live off of our government’s tit” all the while “refusing to fit in” because they must be “planning to do something violent”.

Not exactly the kind of shit you will find in the travel brochures...

Monday, December 12, 2005


Tookie Williams has been denied clemency by Gov. Schwarzenegger.


This bitch was thrilled to see a comment from a certain Neil at AMP! Loyal readers will know that AMP is a favorite bitch haunt…located on the Manchester strip, they have yummy drinks, fantastical music and comfy couches for my ass to lounge on. What could be better?

Mr. Brian has requested video blogging of a bitch’s Ann Coulter skit, which has yet to be written but will be performed during the festivities of AngryBlackBitchfest 2006. Hmmm…well a bitch will make every effort to make that video thing happen. Oh, the stress!

Moving forward…

2 cups coffee with healthy portions of 1% organic milk and Splenda, 1 Claritin, 2 real Sudafed scored by a bitch’s sister in NYC (thank Gawd) and cigs…

Tookie Williams, the founder of the Crips gang who is facing execution tomorrow in California, has been denied a stay by the California Supreme Court. Williams’ execution has sparked a lot of debate and media coverage. Celebrities and activists have taken up the cause, hoping to save Tookie Williams from California’s death chamber.

A lot has been said about Mr. Williams’ redemption. He has written several books targeted to children and young adults, which encourage them to not get involved in the gang lifestyle. His work has been widely acclaimed.

A bitch is as conflicted about this story as my ass is about the death penalty. My primary concern regarding the death penalty is…well, really a bitch has several concerns.

We know that some innocent people have been released from death row as a result of the work of groups like the Innocence Project. Missouri is facing our own horrific drama, as the case of an executed man is reviewed due to evidence that may prove he was wrongly convicted of the crime.

We know that the criminal justice system is flawed. A bitch remembers a case in Texas where a man hacked his wife to death in her kitchen in front of her young chil’ren. He was given a life sentence…in a state that executes multiple inmates in one night. But he had more money than Gawd, a great legal team and all the advantages those things provide. He is also guilty as sin of committing a horrific crime for which Texas supposedly has no tolerance of. His life sentence makes all of the death sentences seem bizarre…why not him? This also bothers the hell out of me.

A bitch feels that the death penalty is not a deterrent. But it is vegeance. A bitch has to be honest...harm one of mine and this bitch can't imagine not seeking vengeance. My ass also can't imagine ever feeling whole again.

To the touchy issue of redemption.

Karla Faye Tucker was executed by the state of Texas for crimes she admitted committing. She gained international media attention because she had changed radically while in prison. She found religion and began to participate in a ministry. And people were uncomfortable killing her after this radical change.

Many death penalty supporters came out with the same sound bites regarding Karla Faye Tucker that my ass now hears regarding Tookie Williams.

Her conversion is bullshit.

His redemption is a calculated move.

Her faith is in question.

His work with youth isn’t enough.

This bitch is uncomfortable questioning the legitimacy of a person’s redemption in these situations. It comes across as if a person might be spared the death penalty if he or she could prove that their redemption was legitimate…and how does one prove that they have been redeemed? And why make that argument when, in reality, you have no intention of treating an inmate differently should they be redeemed or not?

This debate over the validity of an inmate’s redemption really goes to the core. Many Americans view prison as a place to rehabilitate. Others view prison as a place where freaks can be locked away and society protected. And still others view prison as the problem.

But does redemption hold a place in the death penalty debate? When a person is sentenced to death isn’t society saying that nothing they do will ever redeem them and that no level of redemption will ever spare them?

And, if that’s what society is saying, is that right?

Is it just?

A bitch is going to go out on a limb here. The death penalty has nothing to do with justice. There is no justice in the death penalty for a murdered loved one. And there is no justice in the death penalty for devastated communities.

But there is vengeance.

So, the question vengeance the duty of the state?

Or, as the God Book says, is vengeance the Lord's?

Shit...what the fuck are we trying to accomplish here? And, after 1000 executions, why the hell havn't we accomplished it yet?

This shit is why a bitch didn't go to law school...

Sunday, December 11, 2005

Richard Pryor...

Sometimes we mourn a death. Sometimes we celebrate a life. And sometimes we just sit down and say ...well, shit.

Richard Pryor went on to his sweet reward yesterday and a bitch is certain that the saints are laughing their asses off in the great beyond right about now.

Be whole…where you were once broken.

Be free…when you were once burdened by obligation.

Be at peace…for your life had so much drama.

Be funny…as if you could be anything else.

Be blessed…for you are worthy.

Friday, December 09, 2005

Happy Birthday Shavita!

Happy birthday, Ms. Thang...what are you, 25?

Anyway, best wishes for multitudes of fun and joy!

Snow, idiots and a bitch's birthday plans...way in advance...

My normal 5-minute drive home took a fucking hour last night. An hour! Drama. A bitch was going to indulge in a huge rant about it, but the sad news from Chicago made my petty ass remember that getting home is a blessing…each and every day.

The roads are icy, chil’ren, so drive like you give a shit. And to a certain NASCAR loving Ford F-150 driving asshole who cut a bitch off then slammed on his breaks this morning in front of the Botanical Garden…fuck you to hell and back! You gas guzzling, crazy driving waste of fossil fuel.

Moving forward…

It’s Friday and a bitch is happy to see it. This bitch spent the evening dealing with snow-dawgs…desperate to pee but unwilling to be hampered with frozen snow-paw syndrome. Yeah, a bitch knows all about those cute dawg paw booties…but certain hounds would rather make sad puppy faces than put on snowshoes. Lawd help me!

2 cups coffee with a healthy dash of organic milk and multitudes of Splenda, 1 Claritin and 2 fake assed Sudafed followed by cigs…

Oh…now y’all think he’s gone too far…
A bitch read this shit with some amusement. Missouri lawmakers have decided to get offended by a certain Reverend Phelps of the gay hating Phelps. It seems that the spawn of Satan has gone too far by protesting…well, err…ranting like a freak outside of military funerals. See, in his deranged mind Reverend Phelps has drawn a connection between the United States military’s bias against gays and…acceptance of gays by that same military.

Don’t try to understand…it will make your head hurt.

So, the spawn of Satan has taken to shouting and screaming about Gawds hatred of all things gay and military outside of the funerals of fallen soldiers.

And now…because of that…Missouri lawmakers think he’s crossed a line!


Which is bullshit. Phelps crossed the line of decency a long time ago. And Missouri lawmakers should know that you might ignore a river of shit while it floods your neighbor's house, but it will always seep into your basement eventually and stank it up like a motherfucker. Which is what Rev. Phelps of the deranged Phelps is doing moving his circus of bigotry from the gates of Pridefest to the gates of local cemeteries.

Good luck trying to discuss it with his crazy ass…as if he’s fucking rational. And, sadly, his speech is protected. But readers should know that Missouri lawmakers and voters like to play it fast and loose with those pesky civil rights and liberties...


Which reminds a bitch…

Focus of the Family is coming to St. Louis in February. Really! They will be here to support a massive ex-gay gathering of ex-gays. Anyhoo…folks are gearing up with events and responses.

This bitch is extremely pissed that fucking James Dobson chose a bitch’s birthday weekend to show his ass in the Lou!


A bitch’s birthday is February 22nd…technically it’s the entire month of February but whatever. Now, this shit is bringing all manner of conservative drama to St. Louis during my party time!

There’s only one thing a bitch can do.

That’s right, chil’ren…

AngryBlackBitchfest 2006 February 24-26 in St. Louis, MO!
Audacious sin and bitchitude are fantabulous responses in the face of complete conservative bullshit. A bitch is working on an Ann Coulter skit to be performed live somewhere by a certain Shavita, Blood Ray has already agreed to sing something from Dream Girls in full costume and this bitch has just gotten started!


Now that’s what this bitch calls a counter-protest.
More details to follow…

Thursday, December 08, 2005


Okay, so clearly a bitch has been goofing off today. Shit…who can concentrate with snow falling outside?


Thank you to everyone who sent well wishes regarding a bitch’s brother’s ongoing drama. This bitch and a bitch’s sister hooked up with Bill for some snacks (Oreo cookies, Pepsi and Starburst candies) last night. He was slightly pissy that my ass wasn’t breaking speed laws to get him to the convenience store, but settled down and seemed to be in good spirits.

The prize-fighting eye is looking much better…thank GAWD!

We visited for a spell after returning to the home. It was decorated for the holidays and really cozy. And my beloved brother Bill sent me off with a huge hug and a shit-eating grin… that this bitch prefers to interpret as affection for a bitch and not just Oreo cookies followed by Pepsi.

It was a great moment and one that was truly needed after a week of worry.

Toodles until tomorrow…


A bitch just came across this news about a certain Ann Coulter of the freakishly evil Coulters.

Oh my!

Ann enjoys anything that will throw her into the news spin, so this bitch is pretty sure she licked that custard pie off her bony face with glee.

Oh, if only someone had loved Ann…even just a little, just once in her life.

This bitch keeps picturing her lounging behind stage fiendishly licking custard off her hands and arms…eyes wild with frenzied gluttony…



New readers should know that a bitch is a strong believer in dream-based correction!

So, without further delay…

ABB, the hater and a bitch's dream...
A bitch has been indulging in the ritualistic dream-based correction of Rumsfeld for several days now.

ABB…wet black leather cat suit, fantabulous 5 inch spiked heeled boots, tiara and…of course…the merciless rod of correction!

Rummy…naked and secured within the 5 points of submission.

Ahhhh…what fabulous times we’ve been having!

But last night a bitch tumbled into slumber and didn’t seek Rummy out.

See, this bitch has been thinking about 'haters' lately. You know the ones…those sad and sorry assed people in everyone’s world who just can’t stand to see anyone happy.

Indulge a bitch in a wee little detour…

One of the best parts about living an authentic life is not being seriously jealous of other people. Really! My bitchiness is maintained by the assholia of others and not diminished by anyone else’s success or fulfillment…as long as they didn’t achieve that success or fulfillment by being a complete stank asshole!


Haters come in all shapes and sizes. They pop up and piss in my chili at the strangest moments. And they really do seem disappointed that a bitch could give a shit about what they think…shit, my ass isn’t convinced that they do think! What a bitch does care about is the negative ripples they create…whether you care or not. Ignore them, dismiss them, attack them or bitch at them…haters create ripples and they enjoy doing it.

A bitch experienced some residual haterism recently (too pathetic and passive aggressive to even bother with the details…trust). It pissed me off to no end to see that ripple stretch out into my circle and to know that some insecure asshole who has never realized the greatness they showed potential for in youth and still longs to be a wild success at 21...which is pathetic, because you are decade too late for that shit honey...caused it. Shit!

Needless to say…haters were on a bitch’s mind last night as my mind tumbled into dreamland…

Detour over...

Casually running my hand over my implements of correction, which were displayed on a bed of red velvet, a bitch bit my lip and tried to narrow the field.

Whips or chains? Quick…or slow?

Decisions, decisions!

A certain sorry assed hater knelt before me whimpering and quietly sniveling.


Dull eyes shot to my face.

“Why are you doing this? It doesn’t even matter…I don’t even really care! Whatever!" The hater whined.

A bitch slowly walked to the thrown of bitchitude and sat down. With a tilt of my head, this bitch took a serious look at the hater.

“Why, you’re really just an insecure and pathetic little thing, aren’t you?” A bitch whispered. “You’re not even worthy of correction. How sad…how very pathetic and sad.”

The hater’s eyes narrowed…"How dare you not beat me! How dare you look upon me with pity? You are nothing! Not special! Nothing!”

Leaning back into the plush cushions of my thrown, a bitch tapped the rod of correction into the palm of my hand…be’heeled foot bobbing to the rhythm of bitchitude.

“You will find that a bitch is the very definition of audacious. There is very little a bitch doesn’t dare to do. Cease your whining…you are so not worthy of correction. You have to be somewhat defined to be corrected."

A bitch rose and replaced the rod of correction then turned back to the hater.

“Leave me…get a life…and for the love of Gawd, cease being such a shit…”

With a wave of my bitchy hand the hater was dismissed.

Unfulfilled, a bitch turned to Rummy.

“Ahhhh! Now you are defined as a motherfucker.”

Then the alarm went off and woke a bitch up.


Oh well, there’s always tonight…


It’s cold as a motherfucker and snowing like crazy! A bitch adores snow, but my ass hates driving in it. Why do people have to get so crazy when the roads are at their worst? Why?

Anyhoo, this bitch can’t wait to get home and enjoy the snow…through a fucking window in a warm toasty house!

2 cups coffee with Splenda and 1% organic milk, 1 Claritin, 2 fake assed Sudafed and cigs…

A shooting in Miami...
A bitch was horrified by the news that a mentally ill man was shot by Air Marshals on an American Airlines flight in Miami. The facts are still coming out, but it seems that the man stated that he had a bomb and made for the front door of the plane. His wife, who was with him, tried to stop him but he was shot and later died. He did not have a bomb.

Reports state that he was acting odd…which mentally ill and mentally disabled people do sometimes. Passengers were concerned about him even before the incident took place.

As the sister of a mentally challenged adult, let me say that this is my worst nightmare. Not that Bill would ever be able to make a false bomb threat, but that his actions would ever be interpreted as threatening and result in an incident like this.

A bitch worries about it a lot. When my ass read about an incident in which an autistic young man wandered away from his home and was confronted by police outside of a neighbors home, and that they used pepper spray and a stun gun to subdue him, it totally freaked me out. The young man didn’t respond to police commands…and Bill probably wouldn’t do either. The young man was agitated…and Bill would also be in that type of situation. And the young man was traumatized…which anyone would be after being peppered and then stunned repeatedly until collapsing on the ground.

This bitch understands that law enforcement is called upon to make decisions every day that hold life and death in the balance. My ass can’t even imagine the pressure and stress associated with that. My commentary isn’t about the decision, but rather the fear and concern many of us with loved ones who are either mentally ill and/or disabled face regarding incidents like this.

My heart weeps for this family and everyone involved.

Moving forward…

Imagine all the people…living for today...
Today is the anniversary of John Lennon’s murder. A bitch was 7 years old when John Lennon was gunned down in New York City.

My favorite John Lennon songs are Imagine and Woman.

Imagine has popped up a lot in my life. When John Lennon was shot it rang out like a challenge to a world racked with violence and aggression. A bitch was always shocked that people resented John Lennon for his calls for peace and love. It never made sense why peace would offend anyone…why love would piss so many folks off.

A typical Pisces, this bitch used to lounge on my back in our backyard and just stare at the clouds. Alone on that thick grass, a bitch prayed for peace. A bitch prayed that chil’ren would not know hunger or want…that women would not know violence and rape…that animals would not know pain and suffering. My ass prayed that my brother would be happy and fulfilled…that my sister would know great joy and laughter…that my dawg would always have chew toy…that my mother would find peace…and that my father would find it as well.

Imagining those things was so fucking easy back then. It seems as if we are born with all of the possibilities and potential of life in our minds…and that the process of living removes them layer-by-layer.

Fuck that.

A bitch still imagines all the people living for today…no war, no hunger, no suffering or degradation. Shit, maybe my ass is a dreamer but a bitch sure as shit isn’t the only one.

A bitch still feels that unlimited store of love…that wonderful feeling towards another that you want to shout...again and again and again.

So, today a bitch is remembering John Lennon with a certain kind of happiness.

His is a legacy of groovy peaceful love.

Yeah, yeah, now and forever…

Wednesday, December 07, 2005

All about Katie and a bitch's question regarding a third dawg...

A bitch is torn.

It seems that a certain Katie Couric may be leaving the Today Show. While this bitch would love to see her go…a bitch can’t stand that heifer…my ass is also torn about what the future holds!

Katie may go to CBS. Well, their morning show can’t get any worse, but would they put that evil heifer into the prime time news slot? Jesus, are they crazy? And she’s already out of control…with that kind of power she’d be over the top out of control!

And what about the Today Show? Will they move Ann Curry into Katie's slot? A bitch used to adore Ann, but then her overly emotional delivery got on my nerves. Top that with the fact that she is a 'close talker' and chicks leaning in on Matt tend to freak him out. It might not work. Al and Matt? Could be…it could happen…NOT! Morning television is all about the mimicking of heterosexual couples, so two men or two women just won’t do.

What to do, what to do?

And what if Katie stays? She’ll have brought NBC to their knees! Jesus to Gawd, it’ll be like Napoleon swaggering into Paris…only Katie has a good two feet on him.

Oh the drama!

A bitch would love to see her go if my ass thought that the content would improve. But it won’t.

On the flip side, a bitch wouldn’t have to endure Katie’s prissy assed perfection anymore.

Shit…a bitch might even miss her.

Fuck it.

This bitch plans to switch to Animal Planet in the mornings anyway.

Speaking of Animal Planet...

A bitch and a bitch's sister are seriously considering getting another dawg. We already have Sweetie the Three Legged Chow and Betsey the Sorta-Beagle. They don't get along most of the time. The vet told us they'd get over it, but that hasn't happened.

So, a bitch would like to ask multiple dawg/pet do you add a third to the family without causing a war to break out?

Just let me know...

Toodles until tomorrow, chil'ren!

A bitch's first autograph...

A bitch's migraine is gone. Oh thank Gawd! Shit, that was nasty...

It would seem that my plan to counter recent bitterness worked! Well...a bitch is still bitter, but not like before.


Anyhoo, this bitch's post on the dreamed based correction of a certain Rumsfeld will have to wait until tomorrow. My ass has a funny thing to share with y'all...

A bitch was driving back from lunch munching on French fries and singing loudly along with Marvin about What's Going On when a police car pulled up beside me and rolled down it's window.

Oh shit!

Is it my Texas plates which should have been changed years ago?

Is it my completely out of date everything?

How bad will the ticket be?

Oh, shit! Ooooooh shit!

Police officer to a bitch..."I've got to ask you...where'd you get that bumper sticker?"

Bumper sticker? What? Then it dawned on me...the AngryBlackBitch bumper sticker on the ass of the Cabrio.

Oh shit!

ABB, trying to play it cool..."Cafe Press. It's for my blog and the bumper sticker came from my Cafe Press store."

Police officer with a laugh..."Really? My wife loves your blog. She reads you all the time. Could I have an autograph for her?"

ABB, in shock..."Sure."

Autograph signed. Smile and wave. Police officer pulls off and a bitch groans.

Jesus, my ass needs to take a day off and take care of the Cabrio's shit... was funny. Now that it's over.

Dear Natalie with the police officer husband, thanks for reading a bitch. Oh, and my ass will be taking care of those plates ASAP! Promise!


Hold please...

A bitch is in progress...

Tuesday, December 06, 2005


A bitch appreciates all of the migraine advice! This bitch finally made an appointment to see a doctor and now my ass will have specific shit to discuss…fantabulous!


A bitch has been fascinated by the response to my King Kong post. It has provided a good distraction for a bitch during this time of real world drama!

ABB’s Ponderings Regarding Some Responses to the Post de Kong…

The 'why doesn’t that black bitch know her place' response…
This one just makes a bitch giggle. It centers on the responder's disgust that this bitch would even DARE criticize King Kong! A few even tossed in that a bitch may actually be a racist…that a bitch is foaming at the mouth with irrational rage and that this bitch is making all liberals look bad.

Gawd…doesn’t that just crack you up? Fantabulous indeed!

Well, anyone who knows a bitch or reads my blog knows that this bitch totally knows my place…and that would be anywhere my black ass wants to be. Just wanted to clarify.

A racist…um, no (in my best Andy Warhol).


Foaming at the mouth…um, no.


Making all liberals look bad…um, no!

Thanks…that was fun.

The 'when is a movie just a movie' response...
A movie is just a movie when a movie is just a movie. King Kong is an insult wrapped up in a multi-million dollar media blitz. If you want to ignore that insult because you’re just dying to see Kong fight an iguana…go with Gawd…

…but the story still stinks on ice and there aren’t enough digital iguanas on Earth or in Middle Earth to change that.

The 'you must hate white people' response...
Hush…just imagine the emotional damage you’re doing to all the white people in this bitch’s world! You just hush!

A bitch hates bullshit, assholes, oppression, movies that extend the shelf life of bullshit and the smell of Jeri Curls. Okay, my ass hates some other shit, but those things are high on the list.

This bitch does not hate on the basis of race.

Soooooo, if you are hated by a bitch…well, it must be that you are either a bullshit spewing asshole, you oppress my ass, you made a movie that extended the shelf life of tired assed bullshit or you haven’t let go of that curl!

Mmmmkay…that horse is dead.

Note to the chil'ren.
A bitch plans to dabble in the Dungeon of Bitchitude tonight, so visit tomorrow for a summary of a bitch’s ruthless correction…

Oh shit! Bitterness!

Now that a bitch’s brother drama has resurfaced, this bitch is feeling those blues come on again.

It doesn’t help that the holidays are upon us and my ass has been subjected to happy fucking holiday music everywhere…the Walgreen’s when this bitch is trying to score some Sudafed, the grocery store when a bitch is trying to score organic milk and even at the motherfucking gas station!


A bitch is feeling sour. My head hurts from this fucking migraine, its cold as a motherfucker and a bitch is bitter.

Oh shit, bitterness!

Bitchitude is one thing, but bitterness is another. This must stop!

ABB’s Plan to Proactively Address My Stress Related Bitterness…
Purchase new flannel jammies…
A bitch plans to score new flannel tonight. Hold the jokes, wiseasses! Of course a bitch adores flannel, but new flannel is needed. The trick is to wash the flannel before wearing it the first time…get it good and warm and soft and then dive right in. No one can be bitter in flannel!

Indulge in comfort foods…
A bitch put a pot roast on this morning (sorry vegans/vegetarians/non-carnivores). It should be fantabulous by the time my ass gets off work. Other required foods are mashed potatoes and warm crusty bread covered in butter…mmmmm, butter. A bitch may even score some pie and ice cream for dessert! Desperate times call for desperate measures!

Trash fiction…
When reality sucks, a bitch likes to read trash…well written trash, but trash nonetheless. Have you ever sat down and read a trash novel? It’s hard to maintain bitterness when some uptight virginal heroine is desperately trying to find her missing brother only to be distracted by a dark mysterious stranger who frightens her yet somehow gets in her pants by page 85! Fantabulous.

The IFC/Sundance Factor…
Those fuckers at IFC and Sundance had best be programming for a bitter bitch! Shit. Toss me a bone around 8pm and my ass will be grateful. Preferably murder and mayhem with some sex tossed in. Is that too much to ask for?

This should work…a bitch will report back tomorrow!

Urgent...Stray Rescue needs foster homes...

Stray Rescue of St. Louis is in desperate need of foster homes. The cold weather is deadly for strays and they are overwhelmed with pets in need of shelter.

If you are able to foster a pet, please follow this link and contact Stray Rescue directly…

A bitch’s sister adopted our beloved Sweetie from Stray Rescue and she has been a joy!

My American Dream...

Well, a bitch is pleased to have sparked a wee little debate regarding King Kong! Shit, a bitch may just have to post my thoughts on Friends one of these days.

Moving forward with extreme bitchitude…

Thanks to all who sent positivitude to a bitch's family yesterday. The situation is under investigation and details will be posted as soon as we come to a resolution. Bill's eye is much better...we all hope that his attutude improves too.

My American Dream…
A bitch believes in the reality of happiness. This bitch dreams of an America where my autistic brother is able to get the healthcare he deserves without delay and bureaucratic drama…where dental is covered and care is proactive rather than reactive.

A bitch dreams of a world where people don’t stare and whisper behind their hands. Where chil’ren smile when Bill twirls around McDonald’s because he’s as excited about a cheeseburger as others get excited about a new car.

A bitch dreams about a system that taps into existing community programs, so a bitch’s brother isn’t bored and unstimulated. Where the mentally ill or disabled can work if that’s the best placement for them or volunteer if that’s a better fit.

A bitch can close my eyes and imagine an America where my ass can just be a sister…where paperwork doesn’t define my commitment and where my visits aren’t motivated out of concern.

This land of plenty has the ability to make a bitch’s American dream a reality…

…but the will? The will is lacking.

And so a bitch worries and frets.

A bitch rants and raves.

A bitch holds this dream so tight that it hurts.

Cuts and slashes have created a funding crisis in Missouri that is harming our most vulnerable citizens…

A bitch’s sorry assed American reality.

The Gumdrop Stage of Grief ...

So many of you have shared condolences and support after the death of my beloved brother Bill from COVID-19. I wish I could thank you indiv...