Thursday, August 31, 2006

Short people...

This bitch watched the news last night and a story about short chil’ren having their shortness treated as a medical condition caught my attention.

It also made that Randy Newman song pop into my head and begin to drive my ass crazy, but that's another post.


It seems that parents are spending…

Are you sitting down?


Parents are spending $50,000 per inch of growth to “treat” their child’s lack of height through the daily injection of human growth hormone.

Mmmhmmm, for real!

The segment featured a mother who was seriously concerned that her son was short. His doctor told her that he would grow to be about 5 feet and 5 inches tall, which was unacceptable to his mother. She was insulted…horrified even…when his teacher called him petite because "that’s just not something you want to hear associated with your son".

Okay. Someone has issues.

This poor child was teased at school for being short and then came home to have his mother not only validate his fellow classmates critique, but validate it to the sum of $200,000 in human growth hormones!

Mom was blushing with pride when she stated that he grew 4 inches…oh, my…and would now not have the burden of being a ‘short man’.

Disclaimer - A bitch is short. I like it, even though reaching the Cream of Wheat at the grocery store is a pain in the ass.

Moving forward...

On its own, the treatment of height…rather, a lack of height…as a medical condition is cause for concern. People are different and that used to be a good thing.

We’re teetering on a ledge here that has been approached by societies before with terrible consequences.

My heart bleeds for this child who has a parent willing to apply long term medical risks to him because her concept of a man involves “someone big and strong”…and for a society so obsessed with altering the individual to conform with an already altered ideal that it would flush medical ethics down the toilet without pause.

So we have teens being given major plastic surgery as graduation presents…faux breasts, multitudes of fat removal procedures and nose/lip/forehead/chin/cheekbone alternations galore.

And now we have children being given human growth hormone to treat being different.

Pretty soon the medical community is going to announce lip enhancement procedures in utero (shudder).

But this bitch can’t help but wonder when, not if, someone is going to sue their mate for false advertising.


Think about it!

Say a couple is man on woman married and/or getting their groove on in the hopes of having a baby…with the assumption being that said infant would be a combination of two individuals DNA and so forth and so on.

If the man was born short but took human growth hormone to get tall...taller than genetics had pre-programmed him to be…this bitch thinks he should disclose that shit before sex so that his wife can decide whether she wants to invest $200,000 of her/their money in her child’s future height treatments or have a child who has the genetic potential of looking more like the milk man than his or her father.

The same applies to all that plastic surgery. Can you imagine how pissed off some vain motherfucker is going to be when he finds out that his darling daughter Mitzi got Mommy’s original nose…or hips…or lips.

Perish the thought!

Or should I say 'schedule that surgery'?

This childhood alteration of humans is begging for regulation and legislation!

At the very least there you be an exploration of warning labels...some sort of 'objects shown in mirror do not appear as they were originally conceived'.

Or mayhap there should be a human lemon law?

Meanwhile, this bitch is keeping an eye out for the cyborgesque generation soon to come…

Wednesday, August 30, 2006

The Art of Absolut....

A certain Absolut Billy reminded this bitch of an art-based happening going down tomorrow at Atomic Cowboy in The Grove.

Mmmhmmm, we're talkin my kind of art-based event (wink).

The Art of Absolut Launch Party
August 31, 2006
Atomic Cowboy on Manchester in The Grove
7pm until...well, until we stumble up the street to AMP.

Hey honey, can a bitch get a vodka cran on the house?

See you there....

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

Honest, honesty, honestly...

When my father, rest his soul, died suddenly of a heart attack several years ago a bitch received a lot of regrets, apologies and sympathetic murmurs. The shock must have put my home training on autopilot, because I'm pretty sure my ass answered with the anticipated gracious responses.

I wasn't being honest.

No, I wasn't okay.

Yes, this bitch was angry...burning with it...crippled by it.

And I was incapable of being honest about that, even with myself.

I later recalled that my father actually made a study of that his own weird way. Whenever someone would ask him how he was, he would answer...well, honestly.

"Terrible. How about you?"

He was always amused when people responded with stunned silence. I was always amazed by those that didn't even notice.

"Great." they replied without looking him in the eye. "So am I!"


People may inquire out of real concern, but they sure as shit didn't want to hear the truth. Oh no...this was a well choreographed social dance and honesty was to be left on the sidelines.

I thought of that shit as I watched the press descend on the Gulf region...of the softly asked questions that begged for the politely absolving response.

One year ago Katrina hit...and hit...and hit.

And then come water.

Then come pain.

Over one thousand people dead...thousands upon thousands displaced...miles upon miles, acres followed by acres destroyed.

The rest...this coverage...appears as theatre for the masses. A visual sedative playing across 500 channels to soothe rather than inform, calm rather than inspire and acquit rather than indict.


At last, honesty?

Not yet.

Honestly, I don't think so...

May those touched by this tragedy find strength for the struggle...comfort as they mourn...and solid ground on which to rebuild.

Monday, August 28, 2006

The plan...

This bitch’s weekend was fucked up.

Saturday morning a bitch woke up at the crack of dawn to drive down to Columbia for an Equality Summit…and somewhere between St. Louis and Tiger Country a bitch caught Ebola.


Fuck it! That shit was from the Ebola family for sure!


This bitch spent 2 hours in the car…and then several hours tossing up vomit in various campus bathrooms followed by a quick meeting…and then 2 hours in a car to get back home and toss up more vomit in my own toilet.


At a certain point the entire ordeal became funny as hell...fucking hilarious.


My ass woke up Sunday morning...drank some fluids…and drove out to the badlands of St. Louis county to drop off an edited version of my brother’s personal plan for 2006-2007.

For those not in the know, a bitch’s brother is autistic and my sister and I are co-guardians.
Bill is an adult…actually, he is the oldest…but he still gets a plan and goals and so forth from his residential treatment center.

Since we were working with a deadline and the hard copy needed more edits than a freshman English paper (Lawd, how does Cranky Prof deal with that shit?)…this bitch had to make like a courier and drive that motherfucking plan over to the powers that needed it.

Stomach rolling…temper simmering…nerve worked.

Since my head was swimming and my eyes had long since blurred, this bitch took the long way back home to South City. And I couldn’t help but ponder Bill’s plan…and what it was like to read my brother’s past, present and future in document form.

What would my life look like as a plan…what if that plan had to be presented and voted on for funding…what if my goals were discussed in committee and my hopes were edited by some time starved social worker with a client list from hell?

And yet there are benefits…the analysis of previous goals and the addition of new ones. Some of the goals make it past the ‘do we have money for this’ stage…hell, some even survive the ‘will we be laughed out of the budget meeting for proposing this’ level.

And somewhere along the road the thought of my life as a plan overwhelmed me and the reality of my brother’s life documented in a poorly written document that required so many edits that it couldn’t be faxed became too much to take. Somewhere between the county and the city…between incapacitated and empowered…between mentally ill and mentally well…between needing oversight and overseeing the needy...this bitch surrendered to the waves of emotion and had a good old school cry.

There…at last…just a sister crying like a bloody fool on the side of the road.

And then the radio slowly came back into focus…and my brain clicked back on…

Lawd, is that Wham?

No, that’s George Michael’s solo shit.







Still worked (wink).



Friday, August 25, 2006

Preparing for Why the hell isn't your ass in school? Day...

A bitch is ridiculously happy to see Friday!

Lawd, this has been a week of trifling assed shit and no home-training behavior.

Was there a full moon?

Or has everyone just lost their motherfucking minds at the same damned time?


Monday is August 28th and that is back to school day for the St. Louis city public schools.

St. Louis has a huge problem with back to school attendance, which a bitch has never understood. By the time my school kicked back into gear this bitch was all but begging to go back. Shit, a bitch went to summer school to avoid my home-based drama.


Those were the days.

Sigh again.

Where was I?

Oh yes…Monday August 28, 2006 is the first day of school in St. Louis city and the official start of Get your ass in School season up in my hood.

No, this is not an opportunity to rant about the school board. Fucked up school boards are not an excuse for kids not getting their asses to class.

And no, this is not an opportunity to fuss and fret about teachers…go to class and meet the teacher and then you can bitch about the real thing all you want (wink)!

Yes, kids need uniforms…no, that is not an excuse to miss the first day or week or month of classes. Call the school and explain your situation…and then get your child and/or youthful self to class.


Monday August 28th is Why the hell isn’t your ass in school? Day in St. Louis city.

Join this bitch and encourage our youth to embrace the joy of learning by asking them that shit if you see them out and about during school hours next week…

Thursday, August 24, 2006

It's about damned time...

The FDA has approved the morning-after pill (Plan B) to be available without a prescription for women 18 years of age or older!

A bitch is thrilled…so thrilled that my ass isn’t even going to bitch about the drama I just endured to remove that ticker thing from my template.


To my sisters and brothers in the struggle…go on with your bad selves!

Way to demonstrate that the people can advocate and achieve change…

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

Making love out of nothing at all....

It seems that conservatives…at least American conservatives…are producing more chil’ren than liberals.

What the fuck?

Or rather what’s up with all the fucking...umm, fluid exchanging?

One would expect them to be a bit more content, but babies and sexual satisfaction don’t always go hand in hand.

Holy shit, a bitch will never be able to look at Rick Santorum the same way again.



80% of people vote like their parents, which is why conservatives are gloating over their…well, successful breeding program.

Shit, that’s what it reads like!

This 80% factor makes a bitch wonder if conservatives are deliberately breeding towards world domination! The very fact that they are willing to go on record about their…ummm…high yield numbers indicates a ‘goal’ has been reached or is in sight.

And conservatives have built-in social conditioning systems to reinforce the parental influence component and thus increase the likelihood that the ‘harvest’ will reach the marketplace…err, the polling place…unspoiled and prepared to pull the Republican lever without pause.

Oh my!

Have I seen this movie before?

So, conservatives do have sex after all!

Actually, they appear to be fucking like sex is about to go out of style.


As for good sex? Well, a bitch certainly hopes someone is getting off while making all those babies!

But this bitch is having a hard time with the math...adding devoted church attendance to tons of sex and coming up with a 50% divorce ratio doesn't jive.

Is it church followed by marriage, babies, divorce, remarriage and then more babies?

Or is it marriage followed by church followed by babies and then divorce followed by sintastic sex with your office spouse, remarriage and then more babies followed by divorce again?

This is fascinating!

Oh...yeah...congratulations on that baby making shit.

Tuesday, August 22, 2006

Psycho or preparing to whoop some ass?

A bitch stumbled on this story about some pissed off raccoons in Olympia and laughed my ass off.

And I continued to laugh...until I re-read that shit and gave it some thought.

A bitch thinks these raccoons are trying to tell the residents of Olympia something...something along the lines of 'we're tired as hell and not gonna take it anymore!'

Now, this bitch is not going to support the willful attacking of cats and dawgs or the alleged attempted kidnapping of one specific dawg by said pissed off raccoons...shudder...but mayhap this is the beginning of an animal revolt.


This bitch has seen this movie, read the book and even viewed the cartoon...Lawd, have mercy!

Time to make nice with nature before a gang of psychotic overheated and hungry ass hell polar bears join their raccoon comrades in organized revolt...

Monday, August 21, 2006

By request...books...

A bitch has been tagged by a certain Littlemilk.

Okay, but only because it is about books…

Book that changed your life. Ain't I a Woman: Black Women and Feminism by bell hooks
This book introduced me to the idea that a person does not have to be invited to question or challenge. It also inspired a lifelong exploration into black female anger...of how too many black women fear the stereotype more than they fear being silent in the face of oppression. I did not feel the need to agree 100% with bell hooks...which was fantabulous...but I did hear her call to think and have a fucking opinion. Yeah, this book changed my life.

One book you have read more than once.
I often read Common Sense by Thomas Paine. Color me nerdtastic, but it centers me. A bitch finds an examination of our birth helps illuminate what has been corrupted.

One book on a desert island.
A notebook full of blank pages…and something to write with.

One book that made you laugh.
Birth of a Nation by Aaron McGruder, Reginald Hudlin, Kyle Baker (Illustrator)

One book that made you cry.
Incidents in the Life of a Slave Girl by Linda Brent (Harriet Jacobs).

One book you wish you had written.
Rancidity, emaciation and the shame of Cornell University: Why Ann Coulter should embrace the hermit life that is her AngryBlackBitch (wink).

One book you wish had never been written.
Oh no...not a single one. Everything happens for a reason.

One book you are currently reading.
Cross-X by Joe Miller. Joe blogs at Kansas City Soil and this is his first book.


One book you have been meaning to read.
One? Shit! Ummm…shit. Oh hell, I don’t know. This bitch is working on my book too much to fret about my reading list.

Now tag five people…

Jeffrey Ricker, Maven, Cranky Prof, Certifiable Princess, Kusala...


Snakes in an IHP meeting...

This bitch’s allergies are still fucked up!

And people wonder why I prefer winter.

Anyhoo, Snakes on a Plane was all that my ass hoped it would be. Anyone who is anticipating anything more than a snake-based fangtastic movie needs to stay home.

This bitch couldn’t shake the snakes on and in everything theme. And that led me to ponder snakes in the newsroom and snakes at the press conference.

Snakes could solve a lot of problems, chil’ren!

Just think about it...snakes in the Senate confirmation room...or snakes at the Congressional budget meeting.

The potential is unlimited!

Or mayhap I need to lay off the Dayquil.


This bitch survived the meeting regarding my autistic brother’s care by mentally picturing snakes in an individual habilitation plan meeting.


I gave up smoking, but a bitch will not give up being crazy as hell!

The meeting went down before I saw the movie, but imagining thousands of snakes taking over the room still worked to improve my mood.

Suffice it to say that the meeting went down as predicted. They started late…despite my bitchified warning not to trifle. The plan was a revision of last year’s unachieved shit. And most of the meeting was spent learning new vocabulary words for the same old shit because a certain group of people feel the need to verbally validate their Masters degree on my fucking time.

If this bitch knew all that shit my ass wouldn’t require an MSW in the motherfucking room, now would I?

Lawd, give me strength.

The new people…and there are always new people…had to be brought up to speed. The old staff had to indulge in several overly defensive responses to clarifying questions…because Lawd knows we all give a shit about their feelings while up in a meeting about my brother.

As usual the bulk of this meeting could have been achieved via memo.

There was, however, one island of hope within the sea of social services drama.

C-Money and this bitch learned that we can sit in on the committee meeting prior to the final vote on Bill’s funding request.


Finding out that we can personally express what impact a lack of approval for new services…again…for my brother will have was great news.

Oh, they may still vote to feed the machine rather than fund the plan, but we’ll at least be able to give voice to our brother’s needs and how vital being active in the community is to him.

The system is fucked up in some spots, inefficient in other spots and fully capable of driving your ass crazy. This bitch has learned to look at these yearly plan meetings as reminders of why my brother needs guardians in the first place.

So a bitch is going to put the snakes in an individual habilitation plan meeting option on hold for now (wink)…

Friday, August 18, 2006

Allergyfuckticoughus Robustus strikes again…

A bitch’s allergies are on crack.

Sneezing…coughing…eyes all watery and itchy too.

Where’s a sleeve of original formula Sudafed when you need one?


This bitch will be in let’s review the plan that we don’t have the funding to properly implement but which would enrich your autistic brother’s life in all the right ways if we only had the money meetings this afternoon.

And this bitch is already weary.


Oh well, such is life.

At least I've got Snakes on a Plane to look forward to later...and movie pop corn...with lots of faux butter.

Toodles until tomorrow...

Thursday, August 17, 2006

Not so fast...

Oh my!


District Judge Anna Diggs Taylor just pissed in Scooter B.'s Nixonian Corn Flakes.

I guess the "when the President does it, that means that it's not illegal" argument didn't hold up any better now than it did during Watergate.

Onward to the appeal...

By request...Basic Bitchitude...

A certain Paige (great name, by the way) of the Alaskan Paiges has requested a quick session of Bitchitude 101.

Well, since you asked so nicely…

Basic Bitchitude…
A bitch’s language
This bitch loves language and that includes some word choices that a few of you categorize as foul.

Not liking certain words is fine with me…and expressing that you don’t like certain words is your right.

A bitch adores freedom of speech!

That's why this bitch reserves the right to tell the language police to kiss my black ass.

Gawd, just typing that makes a bitch’s patriotic juices flow (wink).

A bitch’s nicknames…
Scooter B. is President George W. Bush. He was Scooter, but then Scooter Libby had to go and get indicted for being a traitor to the cause of freedom by outing a CIA operative…allegedly (nod, wink and blow kisses to the lawyers)…and this bitch had to revise my nickname to avoid confusion.

Isn’t it amazing how the culture of corruption impacts us all?

C-Money is my beloved sister. She’s been C-Money for years, but I have no idea who gave her that nickname. It fits her…big time!

A bitch’s Play Husband…well, that’s my faux spouse. Doesn’t everyone have one?

His Pontifical Greatness Brother Rob Thurman is my Blog Parent and Spiritual Advisor. Brother Rob is co-founder of the United Church of Bitchitude and Latter Day Drunks…and can be found here and here preaching the good word and pointing out all manner of trifling ass bullshit.

Betsey the sorta-beagle is this bitch’s dawg.

And onward…

Practicing the fine art of bitchitude…
Embrace your inner bitch. It’s healthy for the body, mind and soul!

Meditate on realness and express some fucking emotion, for the love of all that's holy!

Toodles to you, Ms. Paige in Alaska!

Tuesday, August 15, 2006


A bitch is going to resist wading into the sea of bitchitude that has erupted over Senator George Allen's recent...well, what does one call this...ummm, attempt at political suicide?

Whatever. The 'sphere has already gone there.

And this bitch isn't going to address the complete bullshit that was his media minion's spin based response. No one accidentally jumps from anything to Macaca. Shit, a bitch studied primates for 3 years and even my ass doesn't casually reference...





What I am going to do is say thank you to Senator George Allen of the Birth of a Nation Allens for bringing about a moment of clarity for this bitch.


Thank you for being such an unapologetic Confederate insurgency loving un-American rebel against the cause of freedom asshole that this bitch is unable to avoid the simple truth that the masses get the government we choose and they chose you...hellish horns visible and throw-back hatred front and center.

See, a bitch has read all manner of comments since starting this blog. But the ones that really piss me off are the comments that seem to indict 'politics' as if politics were separate from the if politics happened to people, like disease or a if citizens don't vote because they don't like the choices when anyone involved in grassroots politics can tell you that most folks couldn't name the choices to save their motherfucking life.

So thank you George Allen for wearing a Confederate flag in your high school picture, for hanging one in your motherfucking house (you unpatriotic shit), for displaying a noose...a fucking noose, you sick your office and for dismissing any indictment of your loyalty to America's unaddressed insurgency by saying 'you've grown since then'.


Senator Allen, by calling an American of Indian decent a Macaca (admit it, you had to Google that shit) and then welcoming him to the country of his birth (someone was feeling a wee bit empowered by all that talk of immigration reform and sending 'them' back to where 'they' came from), was just doing what he does and being who he is.

Honestly, a bitch thinks he owes an apology to the bigots who voted for him for attempting to back peddle on his true convictions.

Talk about a flip flop.

It’s Virginia that has some explaining to do.

You get the government you choose and failing to choose is a choice. Government doesn't happen to us. It is born from us...the good, the bad and the ugly within us. And so it is Virginia that has some inner work to do.

Don't fret, my fellow Americans! Missouri had plenty of inner work to get to too. Our Governor isn't ashamed to display his Confederate loyalties either.

My goodness...those pesky militant insurgencies born out of ethnic hatred and built on a foundation of religious extremism can be a handful, can't they?


Suffice it to say that this bitch is never surprised to hear an oink come from a pig...

Monday, August 14, 2006


A certain Katie has found a local source for Smarties in St. Louis.

Actually, Katie's husband located a local source for Smarties.


It seems that Smarties can not be found at Nestle/Purina...dawg food, but no Smarties.

However, they are carried at Global Foods Market in Kirkwood...which is where this bitch will be heading as soon as the passenger side mirror on Ms. Sister Girl Cabrio is repaired.

Thank you Katie and Katie's husband!

Quo vadis?

As news of the Israeli/Hezbollah/Lebanese cease fire...

Hold it.

Can we pause, please?


Someone please tell CNN that settling on "Middle East Cease Fire" as the phrase du jour when there is still drama in the region outside of the conflict in question is fucked up. Having a time clock countdown to that cease fire all weekend long is downright FOXish.

Oh, fuck it to hell and back again.

Where was I?

As news of the Israeli/Lebanese cease fire broke a bitch couldn't help but pause and reflect.


Uh, no.

A bitch studied Latin for 5 years and that's a lot of Latin (wink). Some of it stuck. So when this latest conflict between Hezbollah and Israel began...and a certain Condi Rice decided to flex her verbal accuracy on Meet the Press, Face the Nation, This Week and Wolfie B.'s Sunday CNN-based festival of fear by saying 'we can not have a return to the status quo ante' over and over and over again...well, it made me rather hostile.

With the cease fire in place...sorta, kinda and maybe...a bitch has to give it to Ms. Rice. We may not have achieved a lasting pax, but we sure as shit do not have a return to the status quo ante.

I think it's safe to say that some shit has changed.

Hezbollah has survived. Argue about how degraded they are if you must, but they still exist. Hezbollah are limping away from this conflict all but singing Elton John's I'm Still Standing.

Israel now has to spin this shit and spin it hard and fast. They must create the perception of victory, which is doable if they pull out their Rovian Political Spin for Dummies Handbook.

First they will have to make certain that the foundation of pseudo reality required for a successful Rovian spin fest is in place. It looks like it is. Mercy, the definition of victory has changed so many times that a bitch was almost convinced that a return to the status quo ante was the goal from day one! All Israel needs to do is distract from and discourage any mention of hostages or disarming militias...oh, and the unaddressed Palestinian portion of the conflict.

If my Rovian Political Spin for Dummies Handbook is up to date, they should start rotating in phrases like 'not going to play the blame game' and 'we are on the side of enduring freedom' with 'bringing the evil doers to justice' as soon as possible.

What? I've seen that shit work before...twice.


This feels like two steps backwards after a month of dancing in place for both parties involved.

A return to the status quo ante?


But quo vadis?


You're guess is as good as mine.

This sure as shit is a fucked up way to teach Latin.

Sunday, August 13, 2006

Update regarding Ms. Sister Girl Cabrio...

Sorry about the extended delay, but a bitch got caught up in this thing called life and it didn't take a pause until just this minute.

A bitch is waiting to hear back from my insurance person about the reluctance to come correct bullshit behavior of the truck driving shit who assaulted Ms. Sister Girl Cabrio. This bitch is now officially boycotting the square beyond compare, which is associated with the truck in question.

Fuck it, Blackthorn Pub has the best pizza in St. Louis anyway (wink).

Things are in process and this bitch hopes for a peaceful resolution next week.

However, a bitch is aware that the path of the righteous bitch is beset on all sides by the iniquities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil fundraising companies with trucks that block residential streets and truck drivers who open their doors without looking.

Trust that a bitch is prepared to strike down upon them with great vengeance and furious anger if they attempt to deny my claim and delay Ms. Sister Girl Cabrio's mirror replacing medical treatment.

And they will know that my name is Shark-fu when I lay my vengeance upon them.

Oh yes they will...

Friday, August 11, 2006

There will be a delay...

It’s been a long week and a bitch is tired.

So, when a complete asshole opened his truck door and took out Ms. Sister Girl Cabrio’s passenger side mirror yesterday…well, let’s just say that was the last thing this bitch needed.

To top it off, the asshole that opened his truck door works for a certain local pizza company’s fundraising division and that division has decided to act a fool.

A bitch’s nerve has been worked.

As my Father used to say…someone is begging for an ass whopping.

Bitchitude will return late this afternoon after my wrath has been properly satisfied…

Wednesday, August 09, 2006

Defeatism, my black ass...

The primary elections are over...we've toasted the victories and mourned the defeats.

Now, let's get down to bitness.

A bitch would like to explore the lack of confidence some of my fellow Americans have in America.

Yeah, we're going there.

Let's explore how, in this election year, some would have the masses believe that the status quo is as good as it gets...that this is the best we can do...and that anyone who doubts that and questions the decisions of those in power is defeatist.

The RNC is preparing to call liberals un-American. And, although I am tempted to yawn at this tired ass presentation of stale Rovian leftovers, I can't.


Because too many of my fellow Americans are conditioned to dig into those stale bland and potentially rancid leftovers and glut themselves on that shit!

Think Soylent Green.


This bitch looks upon the RNC and the sad version of conservatism it has embraced as the living definition of true defeatism...of a complete lack of confidence in real American values...of an unbelievable disregard for the lives of the masses...and of a delusional vision of a 'this'll do' country populated by 'that's good enough' citizens.

Sound appetizing? Of course not!

But after 6 years of eating that dish the mind begins to play tricks on you, doesn't it? Fuck, some of you ordered that shit...wanted it...and signed the rest of us up for it because you're so motherfucking clever. Not.


But the key ingredient tells the story of a dish doomed to bland nastification...and that ingredient, under examination, is revealed to be pure undiluted defeatism.

Defeatism is Jim Talent and Matt Blunt telling Missourians that we can't provide healthcare to the working poor and their children...that a living wage is a fantasy...that medical research is a tool of Satan...and that we need to abandon our communities to educate our children.

Defeatism is scoffing at the American dream...acting powerless in the face of the exporting of high wage jobs while pandering to rich donors instead of truly addressing wage issues that have been neglected for too long.

Defeatism is whoring our federal budget to special interests...selling out American projects to no bid contracts...passing off bald faced lies as the truth and doing it, Lawd have mercy, with one hand on the Bible and the other one shamelessly dipping again into that same emaciated federal budget.

Stop eating that nasty ass conservative hash and open your eyes!

When they talk of an ownership society free of federal intrusion and then attempt to seize our bodies through anti-choice laws...that's bullshit. When you let them get away with it because you like their wives...that's insane.

When they talk of their Big Tent party on Monday and high voltage fences to keep 'those people' where they belong on Tuesday...that's also bullshit. Finding solace in the fact that they said that shit in Spanish? That's crazy as hell!

And when they speak of values while not even trying to cover the stench of corruption that follows them everywhere...that's bullshit too. Voting for the face of all that has happened...that's unacceptable.

I know defeatism. I see it in every television commercial that tells me to embrace what is and abandon any expectation of what should be and all dreams of what could be.

So, bring it on.

Let's do this!

Or are you better of now than you were four years ago?

Tuesday, August 08, 2006

Am I the only bitch hearing disco right now?

The Democratic voters have spoken in Connecticut...big time!

Now I know my ass is not the only bitch hearing disco right this minute...

First I was afraid...I was petrified.
Kept thinking I could never live without you by my side.
But I spent so many nights thinking how you did me wrong.

I grew strong.

I learned how to carry on...and so you're back...from outer space.
I just walked in to find you here with that sad look upon your face!
I should have changed my stupid lock...I should have made you leave your key.

If I'd known for just one second you'd be back to bother me...

Go on now go...walk out the door...just turn around now 'cause you're not welcome anymore!

Weren't you the one who tried to hurt me with good bye?

Did you think I'd crumble? Did you think I'd lay down and die?

All together now...loud as a motherfucker so that the neighbors complain...

Oh no, not I!
I will survive!
As long as I know how to vote...ummm, sorry about I know I'll stay alive.
I've got all my life to live....I've got all my love to give...
And I'll survive

I will survive.

***Sharktastic bitch-based disco groove dance required here***


Y'all know that song was already up in your head...

Behold the educated voter...

A bitch voted early this morning...

Number of campaign volunteers outside of a bitch’s polling spot...8
Number of voters within a bitch’s polling spot at 8:45 am... 5
Amount of time it took a bitch to vote... less than 10 minutes
Participating in the democratic process?

That's priceless!

Moving forward full of anticipation over the results…

As some of you know, a bitch is a volunteer. I regularly teach Voter Education classes at local shelters and this bitch always offers to drive those students to the polls on Election Day.

So, my lunch hour today was spent driving four new voters to get their vote on.

Keep in mind that a bitch has taught these young women for several months…so some of the following is evidence of my influence (wink).

Ms. Thang #1 while getting into ABB’s Cabrio…"Why you listening to this old folks music? You know what? You act…”

ABB, cutting Ms. Thang #2 off and channeling my father…Last time I checked this is my car. You want a say in the music? Fork up some cash. Because as long as my name is on this car note my grown folk’s music is on this radio.”


After arriving at the polls, I told them to go forth and get to it.

Ms. Thang #1 (MT#1) didn’t even make it into the door. A campaign volunteer approached her with a sheet of paper listing names of candidates his group was endorsing.

MT#1…What is this? Are you trying to tell me who to vote for? You can’t tell me who to vote for! How many votes do you think you get, anyway? Whatevah…I don’t have time for this.”

She waltzed away muttering something about one person one vote under her breath.

I have created a voting monster...I thought to myself and turned desperately to NPR for solace.

After less than 10 minutes waiting in Ms. Sister Girl Cabrio, Ms Thang #1, #2, #3 and #4 exited the polling spot laughing outrageously.

ABB, face hot with concern over how many calls to the NAACP hotline my tired ass was going to have to make…

MT#2, a fresh faced young mother with dancing eyes, volunteered…MT#1 just educated that election judge! He asked her for her identification and she told him that she wasn’t required by law to show that until the November 7th General Election. You should have seen his face when she said ‘by law’! Girl, where did you get that?”

MT#1, looking rather pleased with herself…I read it on that brochure. He should have known better! I can't stand it when people get the rules wrong and try to confuse people."

And so I drove them back to their temporary home listening to them argue about candidates and that tax issue on the ballot…all the while thinking that listening to them debate was better than Meet the Press, Face the Nation and This Week all wrapped up together.

Congrats to all the new voters and to the newly educated voters as well!

Monday, August 07, 2006

A vote-based bitchfirmation…

A bitch is tired. If the Primaries are any indication, this election year is going to be brutal!


Well, there’s nothing to do…nope, no way to around it.

A bitch is going to need a special bitchfirmation for tomorrow!

To be said when walking out the door tomorrow preparing to face a day of voting and driving voters to the polls. Or while applying fantabulous MAC lipstick prior to your final afro fluff of the preparation for voting and driving voters to the polls.

Do this…and do it well and with purpose…for all those who couldn’t and wanted to, who were denied and longed to…for all those who were turned away and left to dream of what too many take for granted today.

Know this…and know it well and for a purpose…that every vote matters and counts. That behind each vote is a voice, a dream, a need and a reality.

Go on with your bad self and get your vote on…with rhythm in your stride and knowledge in your mind!

Oh, hell yes.

Tuesday August 8th is the Missouri Primary and all the cool kids will be wearing I Voted stickers (wink).

See you at the polls…

Happy Birthday C-Money...

I wanted to take a moment to wish my beloved sister C-Money a very happy birthday!

You are and forever will be the shit.

With love and adoration…

Sunday, August 06, 2006

Sunday follow-up...


A bitch has been beyond busy...taxed to the ragged, for real.

It is the weekend before Tuesday's August 8th Missouri Primary...a bitch is a serious volunteer...and my hand hurts from door knocking.

Shit, I'm loosing my voice from all the phone banking!

Anyhoo, several of y'all asked about a bitch's new ice shaver machine. I purchased it at Target (the one off Hampton in South City for the locals) and it was under $30 (a requirement for this broke bitch to indulge). It is a Hamilton Beach Snowman Ice Shaver and it comes with two plastic bowl-like things to freeze ice.

Fill the plastic bowl-like things with vodka cran. The exact amount will depend on your taste...2 parts vodka and 1 part cran...1 part vodka and 2 parts cran...grape cran...cran apple...whatever.

Freeze them until frozen (wink).

Once frozen, shave that shit into a glass and enjoy! I like to add a slash of chilled Sprite or 7-Up to spice things up.


And finally...

A bitch's Play Husband has been traveling and his wandering took him to Canada...where he snapped this picture of a Smartie based promotion!


Mayhap a member of a bitch's blog-based Canadian family could forward details on this promotion?

Does it involve Smarties for life? Or do you eat lots of Smarties and register to win a Smart Car?

Smarties for life.

Oh...oh shit....can you imagine!?!

Friday, August 04, 2006

Tax free weekend...

Last night a bitch created a vodka cran smoothie.


I purchased an ice shaver…and y’all know a bitch always has vodka and cran about…then, in a moment of inspiration (and overheatedness), decided to combine the two.

Happiness and joy!


This weekend is Missouri’s sales tax holiday – get your shop on for back to school weekend, which this non-parent learned the hard way while attempting to purchase a carrying case for Ms. Sister Girl MacBook.

Lawd, St. Louis is full of misbehaving chil’ren trying to give a bitch a stroke up in the Apple Store. All that running and the total lack of home training! Not to mention the screaming, shouting, whining and panting for this or that thing they just have to have or they will simply die of embarrassment.


My nerves can’t take all that backtalk and I’m not even on the receiving end!

All I did was park…enter the mall…go straight to the Apple Store…endure a drama filled store full of youth getting their youth on and parents treating the store like a 30 minute daycare pit stop. I purchased a bag for Ms. Sister Girl MacBook…and ran from that place of insanity and chaos like my life depended on it!

Fuck it all.

I’ll pay the tax next time.


When did I become my Grandmother?


Thursday, August 03, 2006

Happy anniversary...

Today is August 3rd and in Missouri that means today is the anniversary of the Marriage Amendment Embarrassment of 2004, which banned same-sex marriage in an alleged attempt to protect the sanctity of marriage for my fellow Missourians.

So, a bitch was wondering how that was working out ***blink, blink and double blink***and thinking that the divorce rate should back up the theory that ‘protecting marriage’ was what that amendment was all about.

Or did a bitch miss a step somewhere?


Today’s anniversary got me thinking about a lot of things…about great expectations and the limits of the law.

Great expectations…
When news of the overwhelming passage (some 70% of Missourians said 'go for it') of the Missouri we legally recognize man on woman marriage and only one man on one woman marriage here law came through a bitch was disgusted…and then embarraseed…and very concerned.

If one believed the rhetoric, 70% of Missourians thought they protected marriage.

Anyone with an ounce of common sense knows that Amendment 2 didn’t 'protect' a motherfucking thing except conservative turnout at the polls in 2004. Amendment 2 didn’t keep spuses from cheating…from sinking deeper into gambling addiction...from indulging their inner asshole. It didn't prevent office spouses from becoming something more…that job loss from emerging as a huge issue…or your high school sweetheart from develping into you middle aged nightmare.

The law has limits…
Clearly the Amendment didn’t do what it was never going to be able to do in the first place, which was to protect legal unions from dissolving in divorce in Missouri.

But when life gives you lemons..

This bitch thinks there is a class action lawsuit just waiting to be filed here.


If you were a Missouri resident and voted for Amendment 2 August 3rd 2004…and your marriage fell apart after that Amendment was signed into law…a bitch thinks you should be able to sue for legal fees and emotional distressed caused by the failure of that product to deliver sanctity!

Sue who, you ask?

Why yourself!

This was, after all, a ballot messure (wink).


A bitch would just like someone record, admit that the bill was redundant hypocritical bullshit that insulted the constitution it amended, manipulated the morally confused and pandered the evangelical right into a nearly sexual ballot molesting frenzy.

That has about the same chance of happening as layoffs at the divorce court...

Wednesday, August 02, 2006

By request, staying cool...

A certain someone requested images of cool to help deal with the heat.

The heat really is a burden, isn't it?

But we all must find ways to stay cool!

Try sampling an iced beverage in the shade.

Or recall cooler days and snow-based joy!

Fuck it, get your cool-down on by any means necessary.

A bitch consumes iced Limeades and provides ice cubes for Betsey the sorta beagle, since there are no ponds about.

Be safe and stay cool...a break in the heat wave is coming our way!


Years ago, when a bitch was a young college aged thang, I was confronted with the reality that some folks think the whole world should be just like us. A bitch adores history and culture…and throughout modern recorded time there is case after case of the conqueror altering the world of the conquered so fit looks just like the shit they just sailed from.

So, when a bitch read the news yesterday that Tony Blair thinks Western values should triumph over the evil ways of …ummm, well that’s ever-changing isn’t it…I was dismayed.

Blair went there…without fear…and said that “Western values” must triumph in the war against terrorism.

Some of you know where a bitch is about to go and some of you ‘don’t get it’.

But all are welcome at this temple (wink).

A bitch sees a nastified pattern breaking out…again. A pattern of powerful Western men gathered in closed door meetings to discuss how best to ‘assist’ those ‘uncivilized’ and ‘underdeveloped’ nations as they move towards the light of Western democracy and reject their current culture.

The same nations that cut up the world they ‘discovered’…brought war, disease, oppression and intolerance in their wake… populated lands already populated because those ‘savages’ weren’t doing anything with it.

The same West that enslaved and traded in human beings…who ruled over colonial nations with an iron fist, a Godless whip and a quick trigger…who had the audacity to justify their actions through religion and charity, because those poor brown people need to be taught the blessing of a Christian God and be ‘saved’ before I work them to death.

They now gather at G8 Summits and the United Nations…surrounded by aspiring wanna-be nations who are giddy from drinking all that Kool-Aid and eager for their chance to do as Massa done did…get rich on the backs of someone else who wasn’t invited to the meeting and deny those folks the shit that was denied them.

No wonder we’re having problems spreading the good word! We’re negotiating from the “Okay, we just need you to become us and then we’ll be cool” stance.

And a bitch is left wondering why my ass didn’t see it right away! Why the fuck did I expect this war to be any different…the powerful to react in some radically enlightened way when they never learned the lessons of the past?

And how the fuck are they going to learn the lessons of the past when they have yet to acknowledge that a lesson needs to be learned…that mistakes were made…that the West isn’t perfect and there is value in other cultures.

What the fuck was I thinking? These are the same motherfuckers who carved up the world after WWI…passed out countries and regions after WWII…and, when asked to leave, behaved like an annoyed dinner guest and shoved away from table leaving the mess for someone else to clean up.

And don’t get me started on the whole ‘allied like a motherfucker during the Cold War’ but ‘talk to the hand now that we’ve ended that and started another war’ shit.

Yeah…Blair’s got it right.

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