Thursday, May 11, 2006

Another day, another pile of bullshit...

This bitch woke up at 6 o’clock this morning. After fixing my morning coffee, my ass turned on CNN to see what bullshit was unfolding.

The NSA is building a massive database of American phone calls….domestic phone calls between citizens.

The good folks at CNN were quick to point out that this differs slightly from the Domestic Spy Scandal already kindling because the newly divulged database is of phone numbers and does not include tapes of the calls.

Yeah...uh huh.

And that bullshit is supposed to slide down easy? Oh great…the NSA is just keeping track of who called whom domestically. A bitch is relieved to know that (not), because certain naughty phone calls in this bitch’s past are not for NSA voyeuristic consumption.

You scandalous freaks.

Anyhoo, this bitch calls bullshit on this entire scheme!

Since when does the phone company get to lie to me about who they give my personal information to?

We have a contract, assholes, and no where on it does it say that my calls may be monitored by the NSA. Shit, if it didn’t involve a 15 hour wait on hold and near stroke inciting run around complete with repeated please state the reason for your call drama a bitch would complain.

As far as this bitch is concerned the potential leakage of my phone dialing habits should have been divulged in my phone company contract. My ass is not the only person to use my phone to make calls…and this bitch would have been more selective of who was allowed to dial from my phone had a bitch been alerted to this NSA related possibility.

Also…having a phone is not a requirement of citizenship or any known law, and this bitch is offended that my ass was not given the opportunity to tell the phone company and the NSA to fuck off.

Shit, a bitch isn't a phone person anyway.

So, let me make sure my ass has this down. This bitch has to monitor the use of my home phone like a hawk, but an employee of the Department of Homeland Security can indulge in child sex solicitation unchecked from his office. If y’all NSA people are so on top of shit, why did a local police department have to call you up and tell you that the government employed a fiend?

Mayhap someone is monitoring the wrong phone lines. This is like the farmer watching the corn grow while the fox raids the henhouse. What else are y’all missing while trampling on citizen’s privacy rights?

This bitch honestly hopes there is taping involved, because the thought of the NSA collecting phone call information so that they can run a computer program to find the pattern in the chaos (very Contactesque of y’all, by the way) rather than indulging in the civil liberties violating domestic spy bullshit that we all assume they are doing frightens the shit out of me.

Either way you shake it...sniff...yep, that's bullshit.


Unknown said...

It's bullshit that we are almost becoming immune to our loss of civil liberties....goddamnit, it gives me a rash no ointment can cure.

Maven said...

One more tidbit on this theme...

Did you know that phone calls made using cable t.v./internet are not held to the same standards as regular land lines?

Found this out recently... of course, after we signed up for the cable TV, phone and internet package from our local cable provider.

Other than bitch about it, I am really wondering what else can be done to protect our rights? Not enough representatives seem to be on board with this... and to think, they're supposed to be defenders of the constitution.

Rodney said...

Once again another keep-it-real tirade from my sister. Thank God you're here to keep me informed because I would never know a thing.

Carla said...

@ air_force1: ABB would be a prime candidate, as would anyone who supports peace and peace organizations, expresses dissent from the current regime, etc. To think that they're only monitoring calls to numbers "linked to terrorist cells" is a bit naive. This government spies on (and arrests) high schoolers for criticizing it.

I discovered this blog a couple weeks ago and am completely hooked. A bitch is brilliant.

Lt. Obtusely Rev. B. Dagger Lee said...

My girlfriend Karma June and I call the Feds "Mr. Whiskers" for some lost in time reason. Every few months when another story breaks about how Mr. Whiskers is watching us, we like to start off phone conversations with "Oh and by the way, Mr. Whiskers, fuck you!"

Your dog photo makes me think of something Lenny Bruce said: "When you can't say 'fuck,' you can't say 'fuck the government'"

Keep up the good high-style fight--you ABB--you.

yrs, dharmadyke

Aladdinslad said...

you pepel shold stop your do you expect the goverment to protect you from killers and terrors and the like if thay can not monitor shold all grow up and realise that freedom is not free and it is not cheep.....beside if you are doeng notheng wrong then you have notheng to worrey abot...another theng you shold suport your leaders and be thankful that president bush is lookeng out for you....even if he messes up from time to time he is a good man can do rite all the time...well that is all i hav to say.

Maven said...


Anonymous said...

air_force1 -

First, no. According to USA Today's article (, "The agency's goal is "to create a database of every call ever made" within the nation's borders."

But think about it for a second. Do you really believe that there are enough "terrorist cells" in this country for tens of millions of Americans to be calling them? Why hasn't the government stopped any of these millions of terrorist cells? I mean, if they know what the terrorists' home phone numbers are, why not call them up and trace it?

Think, people

Anonymous said...

Anonymous at 3:25 p.m. beat me to it.

air_force1, et al., the naivete has got to stop, for all our sakes. Why this compulsion to believe everything the gubmint says? Do yourself a favor and start with the opposite. They say they're not engaged in domestic spying, then they say they're only spying on a few Murkans who are talking w/ terrsts, then they're caught in their umpteenth lie, and it turns out that they're actually spying on millions and millions of Americans talking to one another inside the country -- a wide, indiscriminate sweep, you and me.

Newsflash: the gubmint is lying to you. Their interests are not yours.

The Gumdrop Stage of Grief ...

So many of you have shared condolences and support after the death of my beloved brother Bill from COVID-19. I wish I could thank you indiv...