You say correction, I say recession…you say recession but I say depression…oh, let’s call this fucked up shit off!

The markets are tumbling from their artificial high and you would have thought someone cancelled Christmas this year.

Daaaaaaammmmmnnnn!

There may be stories about lead paint covered toys, trapped miners and genocidal car bombings in Iraq…but nothing inspires a sense of urgency in Americans like money, honey.

A bitch has always been annoyed with financial news. I can’t stand all the splitting of hair and unnecessary use of charts (wink). But what really turns me off is how the American economy is so often analyzed as if it is separate from the lives of Americans.

This correction/recession/depression is a reminder that the foundation of our economy is the people...and when the people lose their homes, can't pay their bills and can't find jobs the economy and markets will suffer.

Shit.

Scooter B. has been coasting on an economic policy pass for two motherfucking terms. Do you remember how those financial shows gorged themselves on that “ownership society” shit?

Blink.

Spend, spend and spend again…and never you mind that your credit is fucked and the bill’s got to come due eventually.

So here we are, with the markets gone to shit and industry soon to follow...and the President on vacation, both literally and figuratively.

And allow me to proactively address any defense of Scooter B. regarding this economic drama…he bathed in the economy when he thought it was public relations gold so his rancid lame duck ass is going to have to soak in it now that it’s been revealed to be liquid shit.

Pause...consider...gasp!

These markets better settle or this bitch is going to have to count pennies for vodka!

Brother can you spare some cran?

Political Hair...

This bitch was checking in with my LiveJournal people (love y'all like crushed ice on a hot summer day!!) when I stumbled upon a post linking to this fucked up shit.

My Afro is a corporate fashion don't?

Because a fashion editor from Glamour magazine said so?

Oh, hell no!

They also say that the diner orgasm scene in When Harry Met Sally was embarrassing, so obviously they don't know shit.

Confession - a bitch doesn't read Glamour. I find that it doesn't speak to me, so my ass would have completely missed this shit if a certain LiveJournal diva hadn't picked it up from Jezebel.com.

My favorite bit was the connection between natural black hair and "political hairstyles".

I fucking love that!

Hell yes, my hair is political. But I can personally testify that straightening my hair back in the day only earned this bitch a sore scalp and an empty pocketbook (wince).

But hey, now I'll have something to dish about with the sistahs tomorrow night at the natural...make that "political"...hair shop.

A bitch plans to add a touch of color to my anti-corporate political statement after a trim and deep conditioning...

Harnessing the power of spontaneous combustion one playground debate at a time…

Some people really do declare themselves assholes when discussing immigration.

The temperature outside is at least 300 degrees and these motherfuckers want to debate which rich white man with immigrant ancestry is willing to crack down harder on people seeking an immigrant future.

Lawd, give me strength!

Romney and Giuliani are tossing “yo' momma” immigration disses back and forth and…fuck it, it really is too hot for this bullshit!

Shit.

Pause…consider …reflect…

Actually...come to think of it...the temperature might be just right.

Harnessing the power of spontaneous combustion one playground debate at a time...

Eureka y’all!

A bitch has decided that this immigration bullshit discussion and the spontaneously combusting school yard story broke on the same day for a reason!

That’s right!

Instead of tearing down all the spontaneously combusting playgrounds, we need to hold immigration debates on them…in the middle of the day…during a motherfucking heat advisory.

Each candidate will be handcuffed...ummm...err, make that "secured"... to a podium and the audience will be comprised of a diverse group representing the masses not the country club.

If someone proposes a viable solution-based reform they will be released.

If they propose bullshit followed by an indictment of the other candidate’s nanny’s paperwork then they will get to roast.

Literally.

Blink.

What?

This plan will maximizing efficiency while recycling those playgrounds most likely to erupt in flame (wink)!

As a matter of fact this proposal is rather "green"…up until the point the playground catches fire.

Love ya Albuquerque!

Last week this bitch went to Albuquerque and I adored it!

The mountains were captivating…the food was the very definition of yummified goodness…and the diversity of culture was fascinating. As a matter of fact this culture buff could spend a month in Albuquerque and not be satisfied!

Anyhoo, New Mexico impressed the hell out of me.

And my allergies disappeared too (wink)!

This bitch will definitely be going back…

Summertime and the livin’s sweaty…

Ugh.

A bitch feels like I’m literally wilting.

I discovered that the QuikTrip has crushed ice and I almost cried!

Lawd, have mercy.

Anyhoo…

Longtime readers know of my interest in the Today Show. Millions of Americans watch it and this bitch keeps tabs on anything sorta-news based that's consumed by a large percent of the masses.

Today this bitch gets to offer a smidge of praise.

Mmmhmm, I know…shocking (wink)!

But the Today Show has earned it by adding a fourth hour to their multi-hour program…

…and announcing that it will be hosted by Ann Curry, Natalie Morales and Hoda Kotb.

Three women of color in journalism getting an hour of the highest rated program on in the morning is worthy of acknowledgment.

And if they crank out some news this bitch may extend the holiest of bitch-based television honors…a season pass in my TiVo (gasp!)

We shall have to tune in and see what’s what.

Meanwhile, thank you Gawd for the blessing of crushed ice…

The Departure of Rove – A dream based exploration…

Last night this bitch tumbled into a fitful sleep and dreamed of devilment and deception within the dark halls of power…

The corridor was cold and damp…the air heavy with the tension of strategery gone wrong.

A bitch, clad in a fantabulous slick black leather body suit and matching boots complete with steel heels (oooh, la la…a bitch works it in dreamland), was in search of a certain neo-con mastermind who was missing from his cage area.

Cautiously…because even in my dreams this bitch can’t walk in heels (wink)…I navigated the tunnel beneath the White House in search of Karl Rove. And this bitch was pissed to have to go looking for his rancid ass because that motherfucker knew he was scheduled for a fierce session of correction featuring the Merciless Rod of pain-based encouragement.

Suddenly, Scooter B. (President Bush to the uninitiated) appears through a door. His eyes were red rimmed and his face blotchified. Curious, a bitch followed as he went a wee bit down the hall and opened a door. He entered and a bitch peered in through the opening to see a bedroom and Karl Rove, who was folding t-shirts into a suitcase.

“Don’t go!” Scooter B. begged. “Don’t leave me alone with these people!!”

“You need to stop, George. You knew the deal going in. I’d help you get elected and stay as long as I could use you…but your lame duck ass is worthless now.” Rove replied and, without looking at Scooter B., continued to pack.

“But, but, but…ugh! Where will you go? What will you do?” Scooter B. questioned.

Rove, his eyes dark with power, gazed toward the wall yet seemed to be seeing beyond into the future. Above ground thunder and lightening flashed angrily through the sky.

“I must hunt.” He said softly.

“It is time.”

A bitch jumped into the shadows as Rove closed his suitcase and exited stage right.

Scooter B. followed slowly sobbing softly as he closed the door.

“Stop right there, Scooter B.” a bitch demanded as I stepped from the shadows.

“Oh no! What do you want of me??” he cried and shrunk back against the wall.

“Well, your friend has decided to go elsewhere…thus you are now the head asshole in charge of all things fubar and administrative.” With a flick of my hand, this bitch transported us both to the Chamber of Correction.

“But I’m uncorrectable Mistress!” Scooter B. cried as he was secured into the four points of correction.

“Oh, I know. You’re a lost cause, son. But the moon is full…I’m all dressed up…and there’s nothing on television.” A bitch smiled. “Might as well make sure the rest of your term isn’t a total loss.”

With a flick of my wrist the Rod of Correction sliced through the air.

“Shall we?”

Consequence and sacrifice..

When President Bush took this nation into our current war I was still living in Texas.

I worked with several Bushies and we constantly debated his policies and his sanity (wink). This bitch watched the pre-war debates in Congress, the media and the presentation to the United Nations and I just wasn't convinced that preemptive war was required. Obviously my Bushified colleagues felt otherwise.

One day we were at lunch...a bitch was addicted to Herrarra's yummified sour cream burritos (sigh)...and the topic of war came up. America was marching towards Baghdad and CNN was in multi-orgasmic fully embedded bliss, so no one could understand why I was so worried.

Well, this bitch sat in a booth at Herrarra's with a mother of two sons (13 and 10) and the father of two boys and one girl (9, 7 and 3) and tried to explain my concern.

Even the best planned military exercise has unanticipated consequences...and this war was anything but carefully planned.

War isn't an action adventure show that airs in prime time for three years and then wraps up with a big gushified happy ending...war is death, destruction and chaos...and preemptive war is all of that with the additional burden of cause.

But none of these angles seemed to matter.

"Didn't you see our progress on CNN? Didn't you see?!? We're kicking ass! We're the best army in the world and this whole thing will be over before you know it. Bush is making the world safe for freedom and blah, blah followed by blah..."

I sat back and returned with the following.

"What if we're in this war for years? What are you prepared to sacrifice?"

They grumbled and rolled their eyes.

"Your sons?"

A face went pale then flushed red.

"Your sons and your daughter?"

A mouth tightened and nostrils flared.

"Well, I don't think it will go on that long but if it does my sons will have to make up their mind."

This bitch raised a brow.

But didn't you raise them to love their country? If a cause is so just that this nation should risk other mother's sons...why would you not encourage your son to take up arms?

"Well, this is all a hypothetical and I don't think it will come to that."

Sighing, I took out my wallet and stood to pay my bill.

When I read this news item I thought of that conversation and those chil'ren who are now young adults of draftable age.

I thought about how those pro-War parents never even considered the possibility that their sons wouldn't have a choice.

When some other mother's son becomes your son...well, that changes things doesn't it?

The draft has long been the consequence of "stay the course" and "see the mission through to victory".

But it still ends up being some other mother's son, doesn't it?

Oh, how easy it is to support a decision that only demands sacrifice from others.

Arctic showdown...

As you know Russia has claimed the Arctic by planting their flag old school style in the sea. Mmmhmmm, they said that the Arctic is and always has been Russia's property!

Oh, ummm...and that anything energy-based found there would also be Russian.

The flag planting claimification of the Arctic was a direct challenge to Canada and America...one that Canada appears to be prepared to meet with defiance.

Canada (a bitch's flee to country and the Land of Smartie-based joy) has vowed to defend the Arctic from invasion and conquest...and Russians.

Holy shit, that's the language of escalation (some people say "surge", but a bitch is allergic to bullshit)!

With all of the protests and trash talking flying around this bitch feels like I woke up in 1914!

I can see it as clear as the Arctic Sea used to be...Russia allied to Iran makes a land grab for the Arctic, Canada allied with America pledges to defend the ice-based territory...America steps into our role of arguing against appeasement...Europe splits into factions and before you know it all hell breaks out evolving into the Great Arctic Conflict to end all Arctic Conflicts.

And finally the Ice War comes to an end due to the unanticipated victory of the PolarGrizzly Bear Hybrid Insurgency who rallied to battle shouting "Bear Power" and "The Time has come to end human migration!"

Mercy!

Blink.

Fuck it...I'm with the bears...

So I lied...

As usual, a bitch is way early for my flight to Albuquerque.

Getting to the airport too early is just my way (wink). So, I decided to kill some time and catch up on the news...which resulted in my seeing this shit...which prompted my ass to post.

Sigh.

Elizabeth Edwards, wife of candidate John Edwards, is in the news for recent comments made to Ziff Davis Media. Specifically, she said "we can't make John black, we can't make him a woman" and "those things get you a certain amount of fundraising dollars".

Blink...close eyes and pray for patience...okay, continue.

This bitch has grown fond of Elizabeth Edwards for her keeping it real style...such as her calling out of The Queen of Rancidity, Ann Coulter. But, uh...hmmm.

The topic she was discussing was the role that the internet is playing in this pre-race race-like marathon to the White House. I must agree that the ability to reach voters through web based interaction has helped candidates unable to run expensive television spots.

And I'll agree that Clinton and Obama have been getting the media's attention because they are considered historically significant (though Clinton is not the first woman to run for the nomination of a major party nor is Obama the first black person to do the same).

Consider...reflect...continue.

Wouldn't it be amazing if the two things that used to guarantee a candidate would not be taken seriously turned into the things that get a candidate taken seriously?

Blink.

Can you imagine the response if being black made the difference in Presidential races? And wouldn't that just be some crazy assed shit? Fade cream would be replaced by over the counter blackness in a bottle pills in a heartbeat!

Mercy.

On the road again...

UPDATE - A bitch has arrived! Very pretty...and I adore the mountains too! Thanks for the food-based advice!

A bitch will be traveling to Albuquerque to attend the Equality Federation's Summer Thang, so bitchitude shall be delayed.

My flight will probably be delayed too (wince).

Sigh.

But I've never been to Albuquerque, so this bitch is looking forward to travel-based exploration!

Toodles for now...

By request - music and meaning...

By request for Ms. Monica...

Okay, so I love a good protest as much as the next bitch (wink)…but this one just doesn’t resonate with me.

Al Sharpton has launched the Decency Initiative to rid rap lyrics of “objectionable” language by encouraging divestment in the corporations that produce the objectionable music.

He has lined up 20 cities for a day of outrage.

Blink.

Oh, I’m outraged about a whole lot of shit going down in the city…but, ummm…I’m still not feeling this.

I agree that some words are offensive…but this bitch doesn’t dig the notion of banning language.


I like the sound of “Decency Initiative”, though.

Pause…consider…continue.

But it could use a more strategic purpose.

How about using the Decency Initiative to recruiting black adults as mentors? St. Louis programs are desperate for black mentors to participate in the lives of chil’ren and young adults…which may actually result in those youngsters not seeing each other as lesser than and not articulating the language of Southern trees and strange fruit.

Or….

How about using the Decency Initiative to foster a dialogue within the community about music? Oh, and kick it off with some respect instead of the current holier than thou pontification that landed this topic in the news but failed to inspire a constructive discussion of a damn thing except Al Sharpton and pension funds?

Or…

Why not use the Decency Initiative to provide food for the hungry…to provide clothes for the thousands of youth who will miss the first week of school because they don’t have a motherfucking uniform or to recruit more people of color to teach.

How about we put the bullhorn down, drive to the ‘hood and participate in the community as equals not prophets…with respect rather than a lecture…and with some motherfucking commitment rather than a ‘I’m here as long as the camera is on’ performance?

Blink.

Oh, I understand divestment just fine.

But wouldn’t the decent move be to divest in bullshit and invest some of that energy into empowering people?

After all, if we want the people to sing of joy we might want to give them some to sing about…

Happy birthday, C-Money...officially...

Yes, we’ve been celebrating for days…but today’s the day you were actually born.

My sister and my friend…oh Mistress of Realness and Advice (wink)…I thank God everyday for the gift of you.

Thank you for being my family.

I love you.

Happy birthday!

A nod of the afro...

This bitch just read a post that I had to share with y'all!

Mirror on America posted about NPRs Black Bloggers Roundtable (no, I wasn't invited...sob...but I'll be okay...sniff...) and a discussion broke out in the comments.

A lot of people have a lot of shit to say about black bloggers and what we cover. Some folks don't even realize we're out here (mercy). But my brothers and sisters are present on the web and that number groweth.

This post and the comments that follow are a great example of the realness, bitchitude, debate and perspective we can provide through blogging.

Go on with your bad selves, Mirror on America!

Quickly...

This bitch would like to thank everyone who came out to AMP on Saturday to celebrate my sister’s birthday and view our portrait Sisters with Afros.

We drank, we ate cupcakes…we conquered!

Thanks y’all.

Today this bitch spent a thoroughly enjoyable time guest blogging at Rude Pundit. The only thing better than bitching on someone else’s blog is bitching on your own.

Many thanks to the Rude One for the invitation.

Remembering Oliver Hill...

Oliver Hill died Sunday at the blessed age of 100.

In 1954 Hill participated in a series of cases that evolved into Brown v. Board of Education. When the dust of legal arguments settled, America was faced with the notion of integrated education. For the rest of his life, Oliver Hill witnessed this country wrestle with integration…battled against integration…dance around integration…and integrate by force, with soldiers lining the walkways leading to the doors of public schools.

Both of my parents attended segregated and then desegregated schools. They struggled to overcome years of inadequate education and the resentment that resulted from knowing their education was anything but equal.

I was raised knowing that many battles were waged on my behalf and feeling the responsibility that comes from being blessed with opportunities so many were denied.

So I pause today and remember Oliver Hill and those who battled with him so that I could go to school and get an education.

And I pray for the strength the continue their work, because this nation is still making a mess of the math...still comfortable with the policy of have and have not…still questioning education as a right…and still not making the grade.

Oliver Hill has passed on.

This legacy is ours…

Feeling Howard Beale-ish...

This bitch woke up feeling a wee bit Howard Beale-ish.

Blink.

No, I don’t plan to blow myself up on national television (wink)…but this bitch is tired as hell of this shit.

I understand the appeal of a word-based sorta- debate over a hypothetical nuclear response to a not yet real scenario. This bitch even understands that politicians running neck & neck in certain straw poll adoring states welcome random speculation that may inadvertently make them appear to have a fucking clue about all things national security based and diplomatic.

I get that…I really do.

But…cough…ENOUGH ALREADY!

Blink.

Could one of these candidates please, pretty please, talk about the shit that is already going on? Is it too much to ask for a candidate running during a war to focus on the war we are currently fucking up rather than engage in several rounds of bullshit over a war no one in their right mind wants to start?

Heaven to hell and back again, a bitch just wants take out the Merciless Rod of Correction and whoop some sense into y’all!

…didn’t I tell you (whack) ‘bout talking crazy (whack) when the whole motherfucking world is watching (whack) and they already think we’re crazy (whack)?...

Blink.

What?

Anyhoo…

Clearly they can’t guide themselves.

Mayhap I should assist?

America is at war. Rational people want it to end. Given the fact that our current President is living a delusion, it will likely end under the next President.

What the hell do you plan to do?

Cue sound of nighttime crickets.

Ahh.

Well, no wonder!

There’s been an outbreak of Bullshit complicated by a severe Original Thought deficiency.

Ouch. That’s got to itch like a motherfucker!

All y’all need to shut the fuck up for 24 hours…watch Thirteen Days followed by War Games…take two doses of Audacious Hope and a tablespoon of The Courage of Your Convictions and sleep this Bullshit off.

Gawd, I need a drink…

Sister’s With Afros C-Money’s Birthday Cupcake Gathering

Oooh, that sounds so uppity!

Anyhoo, in honor of my sister C-Money’s birthday (which is actually August 7) the faithful are invited to gather at AMP tomorrow ‘round 10pm.

Our portrait by the fantabulous Fern Taylor will be on display.

And this bitch is whipping up some cupcake-based yumminess too!

All are welcome.

The Sisters With Afros C-Money Cupcake Gathering
AMP on Manchester at Boyle
Saturday August 4, 2007
10 pm

Cupcakes available on a first come first eat basis…

Oh, Minneapolis...

Words can not express my emotions upon learning that the 35W Bridge collapsed last night in Minneapolis.

My prayers are with everyone touched by this tragedy.

I was born in Minneapolis and I live in a river city...merciful God, I can't even imagine what y'all are going through.

We are with you Minneapolis and do not hesitate to let us know what, if anything, we can do to help…

Socialize my name...

Sorry about the delay, y’all!

A bitch is beyond busy.

Jumping right in…

Mayor Giuliani has called universal healthcare “Socialist” and those who propose universal healthcare for all Americans “Socialists”.

Blink.

Mayhap someone’s advisors recommended a healthy dash of McCarthyism to spice up the ‘oh shit, I really don’t stand for anything’ Giuliani resume?

Sigh.

Anyhoo, Giuliani feels that Democratic plans would socialize medicine.

Is that automatically bad?

I don’t get it.

Blink.

Instead of having the government do something other than wage war with the fabillion trillion fantabillion dollars we the people bleed into it yearly Giuliani proposes…drum roll please!!...a $15,000 tax deduction so that families can buy private healthcare.

Blink.

My fellow Americans (wink), I can’t think of a better example of a politician completely out of touch with the country he lusts to lead …or a better example of how desperate those insurance lobbyists are to derail any attempt to address the huge corporate profit yet limited coverage reality of healthcare in America today.

First of all, Americans are not all a part of a family unit. Some of us are single. Too many of us are uninsured. How the fuck does that tax deduction help us?

Oh, wait!

He has no details for this magnificent defense against socialized medicine!

Of course!

Let me guess…a bitch should trust you on this, right?

Lawd, have mercy.

The average American family is drowning in debt. Wages have not increased but costs have. If you give the average American family a $15,000 tax deduction they’ll probably need that cash for pesky shit like food and credit card payments.

But wait!

A tax deduction like this wouldn’t translate into cash in our pockets, would it? Most likely Rudy will pull some sort of medical savings plan out of his narrow ass.

Well fuck it, the trick has always been to use language like "socialism" and avoid any question on the specifics.

Would someone please get this stupid motherfucker a copy of Sicko?!?

Private health insurance is as fucked up as private industry which is as fucked up as the fucked up from the floor up greedy motherfuckers that run it.

A $15,000 tax deduction will just find its way into the pocket of The Man, which is probably why Giuliani's advocating it on The Man's behalf.

Shit.

44.8 million Americans are without healthcare coverage.

9 million children are uninsured and that means they are at risk.

Medical debt is a top reason people file for bankruptcy.

I think its time to say that the experiment of private industry insuring the masses has failed here in America.

If the cure for that failure is socialized medicine then call this bitch a socialist and paint my Afro pink.

Strategy Meeting Reminder...

Don't forget!

This bitch will be at Mokabes tomorrow August 1 at 6:30 pm to discuss strategy and work on some specifics of our grassroots effort to spread knowledge.

Thank you to everyone who expressed interest but will not be there tomorrow.

A bitch will update the masses on a regular basis.

Look for the black woman with fantabulous blue eyeglasses and the killer Afro (wink)...

Toodles!

Wishing Robin Roberts a speedy recovery…

Good Morning America co-anchor Robin Roberts announced that she has breast cancer.

Unlike the Associated Press, this bitch doesn't think it is relevant which breast they found cancer in.

Jesus!

I don’t know what bothers me more…that the reporter asked which breast it was or that the network not answering that question made it into the report.

Ugh.

Anyhoo, Ms. Roberts will have surgery Friday.

Hats off to her for using the opportunity to highlight the benefits of early detection and self examination, which is a message that women of color particularly need to take to heart.

A seizure, a collapse, the Chief Justice and mastering the art of passing out whilst on vacation at your summer home in Maine…

Chief Justice John Roberts passed out on a dock in Maine yesterday after he had a seizure. Specifically, he suffered a benign idiot pathetic…pardon me, idiopathic seizure...cough...and then fell the fuck out on the dock at his summer home (must be nice) in Maine.

A full neurological exam found that Chief Justice Roberts is still a knavish ass but he does not suffer from any apparent disorder. However doctors are concerned about high levels of Assholia Judgementica Maximus Wrongitis found in the fluid surrounding his brain.

Blink.

Oh, and Roberts also has a history of randomly pass out.

Media reports mentioned that Roberts claimed his health was “excellent” whilst being confirmed as Chief Justice.

Blink again and then fluff Afro.

But if he’s being as honest about his health as he was about his belief in stare decisis it would appear that the situation up in his brain is actually fucked up from the floor up.

…and then orange soda shot from my nose!

This bitch read the news that Dickie C. is a “big fan” of Alberto Gonzales and…well, something about that quote inspired a fit of giggles!

Oh…my…Gawd!

I just snorted up orange soda all over my desk (wince).

Shit, the keyboard!

Pause and offer gratitude for not bringing Ms. Sister Girl MacBook into the office.

Seriously though...

giggle followed by giggle followed by snort-based giggle and a gasp

...does anyone need any more proof that Attorney General Gonzales is in league with Satan?

Lucifer’s Head Minion in Charge thinks Alberto is a hell of a guy!

Oh shit, here we go again with the giggles...

A follow-up...

Happy motherfucking Monday!

A bitch would like to welcome everyone checking me out by way of the Rude One’s post. This bitch looks forward to that guest blogging gig...big time.

Welcome to the Land of Bitchitude!

Shall we proceed?

A follow-up…
This bitch is proud of those people in military service who read this blog.

Many have contacted me to vent, for a laugh and for Bitchfirmations…and all of you remain in my prayers.

I am the granddaughter, daughter, niece and cousin of people who have served in the military.

Hell, my grandfather served this nation long before this nation deigned to speak of "granting" him civil rights.

So, although this bitch does not support this war and my ass sure as shit doesn’t support the way this war has been managed (translation = fubar)… that doesn't translate into my being cool with The Man fucking over the people who are actually living up to their pledge as they serve a government incapable of living up to anything.

Blink.

When the Walter Reed scandal broke a bitch was not surprised...I know too many vets to be shocked by that shit...but I was pleased when a commission was appointed.

Dole & Shalala went out and documented the systemic flaws that result in inadequate care and emotional stress for vets and their families. They recently presented their report to Scooter B., his minions and Congress.

Then Scooter B. struck a pose on the White House lawn with two wounded vets and urged action.

Blink.

Which was cool…I also urge Congress to legislate the estimated ten percent of the recommendations that Shalala says require legislation.

But a bitch also urges Scooter B. and his assorted flavors of minions to tackle the 90 percent of recommendations that fall on the administrations side of the plate.

In other words, keep the curiously new work out clothes on and get 'bout the business of working on the motherfucking problem!

All they have to do is channel the same energy that fueled senior administration officials as they raced through the halls of a certain hospital to enthusiastically strong arm the Attorney General into doing semi-conscious that which he would not do if lucid…cough…yeah, channel that frenzified energy into fixing the fubarification that is medical care for too many of our veterans.

But that would be too much like right…right?

That's just wrong...

Pondering news out of Washington State...

Okay, so a bitch read this story out of Washington State and…well, I certainly hope this lawsuit is tossed.

Pharmacists have sued to fight a rule that forces them to fill prescriptions.

Blink.

Specifically, pharmacists have sued to fight a ruling that forces them to fill prescriptions for emergency contraception.

The pharmacists say the rule, which just kicked in, forces them to choose between “their livelihoods and their deeply held religious and moral beliefs.”

Now, that quote is just asking for some questions.

Are these same pharmacists forced to fill prescriptions for erectile dysfunction drugs and, if so, do they ask if the customer is married or gay (gasp) to ensure they are not promoting sex outside of marriage or gay sex or even hour after hour multiple orgasm reaching without the hope of child creating sex?

Does the pharmacy check to see if every woman coming in to fill a birth control prescription is married? Oh, and they also need to confirm that the customer isn’t using the pill for treatment of some condition like fibroids. Oh fuck it, what’s having a woman walk about with her period for three consecutive weeks compared to the mission of protecting women against the lure of sex without baby-based consequences?

Hmmm.

Does the pharmacy also sell condoms? Do they confirm marriage, check for signs of same sex behavior or ask the customer if they have accepted Jesus into their heart and renounced Satan and all of his minions?

Mercy!

Don’t get me wrong….I understand their dilemma.

My taxes are used to fund a war I never supported…fantabulous health care for politicians I can’t stand…and the salary of Governor Matt Blunt, who I believe to be one of Satan's minions.

So yes, I empathize with being “forced” to choose between the IRS coming down on me like a ton of bricks and my deeply felt moral and religious beliefs.

But these pharmacists can actually opt out of filling the prescription and get another pharmacist to do so as long as the customer receives the meds in the same visit. Which gives them the power of choice that they are seeking to deny their customers.

Nice.

Gosh, I sure wish I could opt out of paying taxes that may pay for war or put food on Matt Blunt’s table. I wonder if I could find a neo-con willing to pay them for me (wink).

Logs off to search for lawyer willing to sue the State of Missouri...

To meet or not to meet...

Is it me or has this week been long as hell?

Anyhoo, a bitch plans to continue my Urban League experience this weekend. Sadly, I missed the Presidential hopeful-based panel discussion today. But PubDef is live blogging the convention so this bitch will not have to miss a single moment of the Clinton/Obama/Edwards "please give me the black vote" verbal exchanges.

Fantabulous!

Moving forward on a Presidential tip…

This bitch didn’t watch the YouTube debate on CNN.

Why watch it on CNN when I can catch all the good bits over at YouTube (wink)?

But a bitch did witness the media frenzification stirred up by the post YouTube debate Clinton/Obama fracas.

The dust has yet to settle, chil’ren!

One of the…well, one of “you”...got your YouTube on and asked whether the candidates would promise to meet with the leaders of rogue nations to get some diplomacy started.

Obama said he would…and that not talking to the leader of a nation did not equal punishment for bad ass shit that nation may or may not have done.

Clinton said she would not make that promise and that she thought such a promise to meet during the first year unwise.

Blink.

Okay…yeah, I know…not all that heated an exchange.

But wait…it does get better!

After the debate…and without those pesky CNN cameras catching the flush of heated anger and those lips that you just know got tight…all hell broke lose!

Clinton’s people accused Obama of being naïve.

Obama’s people said Clinton ought to know all about “naïve” since her vote to authorize the war was the very definition of that shit (wince).

Clinton retaliated by sending someone forth to drop a spinified nugget that Obama is willing to meet with Holocaust deniers (daaaaaaaaaamn!).

Then Obama dropped a perfectly timed to meet primetime deadlines diss in a speech calling Clinton Bush/Cheney Lite or something like that (oooh, that’s gotta burn!).

I’m waiting for Clinton to take the mic and remind Obama that the first rule of Fight Club is you do not talk about Fight Club (wink).

Can you imagine those two waiting together in the wings for today’s Urban League event to begin.

Awkward as a motherfucker!

But a bitch was struck by the topic of this exchange. When did talking to the leaders of other nations get taken off the table? And why?

Catch the knee…a bitch isn’t endorsing anyone. I’m just curious about this shit, because it seems to me that many a political all star met with the then enemies of our nation back in the day.

FDR met with Stalin…JFK met with Khrushchev…fuck it, Nixon went on holiday with Mao.

And didn’t President Clinton meet with Arafat...and Chavez…oh, and Assad?

Blink.

Hell, Scooter B. (President Bush for the uninitiated) just had Putin to the family compound…and he’s accused of killing journalists, poisoning a Presidential candidate in Ukraine and protecting a Russian citizen who may have poisoned an enemy of Putin's government and contaminated half of fucking London while doing it!

Blink again.

I just don’t get this 'diplomacy equals weakness' thing. I don’t like the assumption that by meeting with someone you just blinked. And this bitch is more than a wee bit uncomfortable with any candidate positioning the silent treatment as a mature technique in the face of all the Bush-based evidence we have to the contrary.

Sigh.

But oh, don’t stop!

More…more, more, more!

Keep that shit coming!

Mama Shark-fu remains an unapologetic glutton for down and dirty political content…

Upon the discovery of the Skinny Ass Robustus virus…

Shall we?

A bitch watched the breaking news that a person can catch weight gain from their friends with intense interest. Apparently some new study…and don’t you just love how there is always a new study?...found that overweight people seem to “catch” their weight gain from within their friendship circles.

Oh my, so its not the result of consuming massive quantities of smothered yumminess after all.

Blink.

Three cheers for massive quantities of smothered soul food yumminess!

Well, that changes everything about my approach to the size of my ass. Out with the “sometimes foods” and in with manipulating frightfully thin people into friendship so this bitch can catch a good case of Skinny Ass Robustus!

Wink.

Do I really want to catch a case of Skinny Ass Robustus?

Not a serious case, that’s for sure. A bitch ain’t trying to lose my curves (wink). Come to think of it, I could give a shit about weight loss. Skinny as hell is not my beauty ideal. But...but, but, but...if I catch this thin virus I could eat all the smothered yumminess I want and never gain more weight!

Happy, happy, happy…and joy times three!

Okay, so I need to locate frightfully thin people for my party. But wait! Some of my friends are frightfully thin. If thin is a virus…and you catch is from friends who are infected with thin…then why the hell is a bitch not frightfully thin?

Oh, I get it. I must not have been properly exposed to Skinny Ass Robustus!

Mayhap I should throw a Skinny Ass Robustus party the way parents throw a Chicken Pox party?

Yes!

But someone is going to have to explain how I catch this shit.

Do I rub up against the frightfully thin people…a lot…all night until we’ve exchanged germs?

Lawd, I hope they aren’t bony thin people.

Pause…consider…continue.

Bony wouldn’t be any fun…a bitch might cut myself on a hip (wink)! I’ll settle for toned and firm. Yeah, toned and firm is the kind of the contagion I’m looking for.

Hmmm, an evening of toned body on firm body party-fication.

Ooooh.

Who gives a shit if I get frightfully thin?!?

My Skinny Ass Robustus party may turn into the debauch of the motherfucking century!

Thanks be to science…

On the Zahn for Brown CNN trade...

A bitch just read the news that a certain Paula Zahn will be leaving CNN (hip hip…horray!) and is being replaced by Campbell Brown (ummm, err...okay?).

A bitch can’t stand Zahn, who is a rancid heifer who shamelessly indulges in race baiting during primetime in hopes of winning over the "I'm not a racist, but..." demographic from FOX.

And don’t come at me with that "does it really matter?" crap either. You may not watch CNN, but a lot of people do…and this bitch happens to think it wise to keep an eye on that which pollutes our fellow citizens’ fragile minds (wink).

Anyhoo, Zahn is out and Campbell Brown formerly of NBC's Weekend Today is in.

Blink.

I like what I know of Campbell Brown. She handled the White House beat well and actually reported the news every now and then (gasp).

The problem is that Campbell Brown is married to a Republican minion, Dan Senor.

Dan Senor is a Republican strategist who supplies FOX with their drug of choice on a regular basis (wince).

Senor was…are you sitting down?...ugh.

Senor was the head motherfucker in charge of advice to one of history’s all time fuck ups, L. Paul Bremmer…and he did that advising during the time period in which Bremmer was fucking it up on a historic scale.

Oh, and add to that frightfully conservative mix the fact that he was Director of the Coalition Information Center during Operation Iraqi Freedom...which means he was at the source of some of the most fantastical propaganda ever consumed by a ravenous press.

Lawd Campbell!

Your choice in mate makes a bitch fear gazing at you directly lest I turn into a pillar of salt!

Jesus!

Shudder.

Mayhap a bitch is off target and this marriage is on the Matlin/Cavillian tip.

Or maybe Campbell Brown’s tolerance of political malfeasance is above average...having grown up the daughter of a certain Jim Brown.

Blink.

What?

I’m just “Keeping Them Honest” y’all…

C-Money's Guest Post from China...

C-Money is in China on bitness and sent this bitch the following guest post....which she will have to read via some sort of internet-based manipulation since this bitch's blog is banned in China.

Blink.

Anyhoo, here's C-Money's guest post...

Ni Hao

你好

Hello from Beijing Church of Bitchitude! This is C-Money sending greetings from far, far away. I’m in China on business. And I’m squeezing in some R&R as well, mostly in the form of rest, room service and shopping.

The first thing that struck me about China is how Western it is relative to my expectations. And how foreign it is in other ways. Take the food for instance. I love Chinese food … but this ain’t no ghetto rice and General Gao’s y’all. Congee (soft rice porridge with meat on top) for breakfast? Double boiled shark’s fin in brown sauce or braised abalone with fish maw or fried pigeon for dinner anyone? I’m sure this is all delicious, but I’ve been totally lame and tame, eating a lot of salmon and desserts while watching CNN scare the shit out of everyone about “made in China.” Interestingly, saw a scary story in the paper here about food from USA. Food safety dissing has gone global. And so has the yoga trend – it’s big here. And fast food is proliferating. KFC and Pizza Hut and Starbucks are everywhere. At Starbucks you can get “moon cake” … traditional yummy for this time of year … I haven’t sampled it yet as I’m still into mango pudding and green tea cake, two local yummies I’m into.

China is much more open than you’d think from the news and speeches we hear in America. The one thing that is not overblown are reports about air pollution. I’ve found it hard to breathe at times and you can literally taste the air. If I’m out in it too long I get dizzy and tired. The air mixed with the 90 degree heat makes for limited excursions. It’s hard to tell how much is standard air pollution and how much is due to construction. They are building like crazy, getting ready for the Olympics and very proud to welcome the world next summer. I’m sure they’ll run the dust buster and make sure it’s all shiny by this time next year. Hospitality absolutely translates and the hospitality is lovely. Very impressive how much absolutely everyone is on it, like the whole place is in a dress rehearsal for the big event.

As those who know me well can attest, I’m kind of like Mr. Magoo, nearsighted and befuddled when I’m about town. I kinda screwed up the “when” part of getting from Shanghai to Beijing … it got sorted at the Air China desk when she pointed out I was there a day late. Shark-Fu didn’t think that story was so funny … methinks I worried her (Shark-fu's response - she fucking did...damnit...my nerves are already bad!) … I thought it was hysterical that I didn’t know what day I was supposed to go. Anyway, clear on the date now. Have calendar. All better now.

Shanghai was like Paris and New York shaken, not stirred. I went round to touch all of the latest leather goods in all the flashiest, bling-bling boutiques. And I had a full-on religious experience in the house of Chloe. I really can’t get into it here. It was beautiful … hot-hot-hot … on sale … tres chic … c’est bon … better than sex. Bye-bye Shanghai.

I’m a delicate flower and was strongly considering ordering room service all day and reading Harry Potter. But today’s a day off and I wasn’t able to do anything on Sunday because I was in bed sick all day. So I was determined to head out and do something today. See something of Beijing. But what? Imperial City and Tiananmen Square were out due to the haze and walking and trying to breathe in the haze. I breathed outside on Saturday in Shanghai and it took two days to recover. My interpreter told me that I could rest at Starbucks, but then someone else said that they closed the Starbucks in the Imperial City. While I find the sight of a Starbucks abroad comforting, I tend to agree with the people’s cultural head-people-in-charge that a Starbucks in the Imperial City is a bit much. I loved Bertolluci’s The Last Emperor, so the possibility of venturing to the Summer Palace was also considered as there are more inside bits (I think) … but the weather was too much to hazard in the end. The Great Wall is an all day thing and, um, it’s outside too … so … nothing left to do but go to the mall/market/whatever!

But I shamelessly shopped every bling label imaginable (with the exception of Gaultier because he was out of the way) when I was in Shanghai. In Beijing with only a few more days in country, seems like I should get something meaningful if I was going to skip Harry Potter and breathe in God-knows-what. A bauble that screams China and would be worth screwing up some courage to go out, get lost, get found, bargain, etc. (When shopping in Beijing you have to bargain. I am not a fan of bargaining. It’s tiring.) Anyway, I recalled Coco Chanel’s love of pearls and thought a strand would be a lovely French affectation by way of Beijing authenticity to go with my new Chloe bag from Shanghai. Plus I think Shark-Fu said “I like pearls” in the middle of telling me to pack Sudafed and copies of my passport and not to be stupid and not to get arrested. Settled then. Pearls. A nice pick-me-up for Shark-Fu after the gas theft incident and dog-sitting Schweeting and of course missing me terribly (wink). And some for me too so we can go out and have lunch when we’re old, tisking and clutching our pearls in horror at the doings of young people. I had a mission now. Go forth and do, find the pearl place I read about online and bargain for Shark-Fu’s new necklace. Something clutchable…

I went to Ling Ling on the 4th Floor of the Pearl Market (Hong Qiao) near the Temple of Heaven and had a lovely time. I watched them tie knots and then finish up my baby sister’s necklace with the wave of a lighter. I’m so proud of my little journey out. In going out in search of pearls I got to see more of Beijing via car, pick my way across a highway (less treacherous than Shanghai), dodge panhandlers, weave through an OVERWHELMING number of stalls (photography seemed verboten, so I didn’t try) with piles and piles of jewelry and people out being people, escalating up until I got to the diva floors, wandering in search of the store, putting my cram session to use comparing roundness and luster, deciding on length and chugging water, waiting for hand production which is really interesting to see, and then getting out of the market and into the back of a cab taking advantage of tourists, back into the tranquility of the hotel.

Love and kisses. I’ll check your blog out via China Mobile, the only way to get to this site. You’re … um … blocked in China. But I’m glad I found a way to read you … it’s strangely comforting … kinda like being cussed out for calling at 6 a.m. I miss ya! And if I hear the Malaysia Truly Asia jingle one more time I’m going to lose it. Korea Sparkling is right behind it on my “enough already!” list.

C-Money

Petrol Thieving - A heathen of Shaw incident...

Update - This bitch went to Auto Zone and scored a gas lock. The nice folks there said they've been selling a lot of them. Ugh! Anyhoo, hopefully the gas lock will result in a problem solved.

Note - longtime readers will remember The Heathens of Shaw incidents (here & here) from back in the day that resulted in Ms. Sister Girl Cabrio being assaulted.

Shall we?

Yesterday this bitch arrived home after work tired as hell.

I haven’t been sleeping very well and my ass was looking forward to a nice quiet evening with my sorta-beagles and dawg niece Sweetie the Three Legged Chow.

The dawgs had other plans.

They were beyond hyper and this bitch ended up letting the sorta-beagles out to bake in the sun and hopefully burn off some fuel. Unfortunately, certain dawgs feel the need to bark at the neighbor's cat, random birds, child'ren on bikes and cars driving past as if a horde of angry invaders where attempting to conquer the backyard.

Ugh.

And this bitch has no intention of being that neighbor with those dawgs who bark all the fucking time. Thus my evening was a dance of inside/outside until they finally calmed down around 9ish.

Exhausted, a bitch tucked into a well deserved vodka cran and settling down to watch Blog Wars on Sundance.

Interesting documentary, by the way…lots of blogger celebrities (wink)…oh, and an appearance by Christopher Hitchens who looked like absolute shit on ice but did managed to get through the entire film without saying the word "placenta".

Blink.

Anyhoo, at 11:30pm Sweetie the Chow needed to get her pee on.

A bitch opened the door and looked out after her to make sure she made it down the stairs okay (what?...she’s only got one front leg!!) only to catch sight of some shadowy motherfucker lurking near Ms. Sister Girl Cabrio’s ass!

Oh, hell no!

I shouted for the shadow to get the fuck away from my motherfucking car and watched him run down the alley.

At that moment Sweetie decided to bark and the sorta beagles came running out the door in response (great timing, dawgs…way to charge in and protect a bitch.)

Cursing them and the shadow, a bitch grabbed my flashlight and attempted to survey the drama from the porch-based area.

The wee little gas thang was open on the side of my car and there appeared to be a plastic milk jug by the tire.

Son of a biscuit!

That motherfucker was trying to steal a bitch's gas!

Blink.

Who the fuck steals gas...from a Cabrio...on a Monday?

Motherfucker!

The police were called...mostly so a bitch could make sure no damage was done with an armed guard....and, having found nothing wrong and seeing the cops off, this bitch sat down to glare at my dawgs.

ABB to Betsey & Theo the sorta beagles... "Damn, y'all! If I have to put up with you freaking the fuck out and getting your bark on when people walk past the front door the least you can do is sound the alarm when someone is trying to fuck with Mum's Sister Girl Cabrio!"

Sweetie panted a bit and Betsey and Theo wagged their tails in response, which I'm choosing to interpret as an apology for their failure to protect my car from the evil doer with the motherfucking milk jug who tried to steal a bitch's hard earned petrol.

Lawd, have mercy...

A Strategy Meeting - HB 1055 Plan…

This bitch thinks we need to get our meet on and take stock of our resources regarding our grassroots offensive against HB 1055.

August 1, 2007
Mokabes 3606 Arsenal St.
6:30pm

Oh, and Kansas City locals should contact Blue Girl, Red State for information.

If you are unable to make the St. Louis meeting but would still like information please contact me via e-mail (available at my complete profile).

Toddles!

The struggle in Birmingham...

A certain Catherine requested that a bitch alert the flock of bitchitude to the drama taking place outside the New Women All Women Health Clinic in Birmingham.

Please take a moment to read this post from the front lines.

And thank you to Catherine for bringing this to my attention.

A democracy groweth in Pakistan?

Well, it looks like Dickie C. officially yielding the power we all assume he already yields didn’t bring about the end of days.

Blink.

I still think it was wise to be prepared.

Think of it as a Tyranny Preparedness drill (wink)!

Moving forward…

A democracy groweth in Pakistan?
This bitch has long been fascinated by the ability of Scooter B. and his minions to get the press to buy the premise of his argument that American is on a mission to spread democracy through the region.

There are too many examples that expose that as bullshit!

Why, just this past week Pakistan emerged as the latest example.

Scooter B. and his minions allied themselves with a certain President Pervez Musharraf to fight the war against…well, it got complicated...sigh...but Pakistan was crucial to the war America started out fighting because "the enemies of freedom” were camped out on the Pakistani Afghan border.

For reasons that only befuddle the Bush administration, the “enemies of freedom” are still camped out on the Pakistani Afghan border and we’ve been sleeping with one eye open trying to keep the love alive with Pakistan despite their tendency to get their creep on and step out with…well, the “enemies of freedom” camped on their border with Afghanistan.

Wince.

But fuck it all, chil’ren! Musharraf is still our guy…sort of. And Bush probably looked into his eyes and judged him to be a good soul.

But last week the Supreme Court of Pakistan reinstated its Chief Justice in defiance of Musharraf, who clearly has been reading Dictatorship for Dummies and was trying to prevent the establishment of an independent judiciary.

Gawd, that sounds so achingly familiar.

So, Pakistan is making moves…internal shifts and challenges show signs of a pro-democracy movement supported by the citizens (oh my!)…and the United States of America is upset because…what?

Well, because a democratic victory in Pakistan would unseat our guy in Islamabad…who we appear to value more than the growth of democracy in the region.

Lawd, if that doesn’t make your afro hurt nothing will!

The Pakistani people are just going to have to learn some patience! Freedom takes time…blink…and the approval of the United States government based on the calculated risks and benefits to the How to Get to Fubar in 6 Years or Less Master Plan the administration’s been working off of from day one.

Breaking News - Dickie C. to take the wheel…

Oh, my sweet Lawd have mercy on my soul!

Scooter B. is set to undergo a Full Couric (wink) tomorrow and…

Wait!

Are you sitting down?

Okay.

Vice President Dick Cheney will take over Presidential powers whilst Scooter B.’s colon is scoped!

Lawd!

Oh, noooooooooooooo!

Shit!

Okay….okay, okay….a bitch needs to calm down.

Gasp!

Lawd!!!

Okay…okay, okay…I need to check my 'the world is going to shit and the end of days is upon us' check list.

Water?

Check!

Smarties?

Check!

Map to Canada through multiple routes including rural Vermont & Maine?

Check!

Dawg kibble and snacks?

Check!

Baseball bat?

Check!

Cool.

Everything is cool.

A bitch is beyond prepared!

Blink.

What?

Well, shit. There’s no telling what drama Dickie C. can bring about in two to three hours plus recovery time!

Think ‘bout that before you mock my check list complete with kibble and Smartie-based joy.

Mmhmm.

Trust that a bitch won’t be the only one sleeping with my baseball bat tomorrow!

Logs off to call Brother Rob and confirm the location of the United Church of Bitchitude and Latter Day Drunks flee to bunker…

Tensions heating & drama increasing…

Y’all know a bitch is all over the twists in the Russian spy poisoning case!

Here’s the latest…

Russia is expelling (you get an instant visual with that word, don’t you?) four British diplomats…‘cause the United Kingdom is expelling four Russian diplomats because Russia is refusing to hand over Andrei Lugovoi…catch breath...who has been identified by U.K. officials as a suspect in the poisoning of Alexander Lit­vinenko.

Oh my!

ABB's take on how this latest shit went down…
Russian Foreign Minister Sergei Lavrov… “I don’t know who you think you’re telling what to do, but you have lost your motherfucking mind Mr. Miliband!”

British Foreign Secretary David Miliban… “You need to come correct and hand over that felon! This ain’t 1946, asshole. We are New Britannia and I think you need to recognize!”

Lavrov... “Fuck you asshole. Russia will not hand over a citizen to stand trial for this poisoning.” he pauses and then continues tauntingly. “Besides, Lugovoi told us you British poisoned Litvinenko. Perhaps you should put yourself under arrest and on trial?”

Miliban, voice clipped and anger apparent…"That’s it! That’s it, motherfucker! I’ve had enough! We’re expelling four of your diplomats…before they can poison anybody. And you can forget about visas or visa applications.”

“Whatever, ass!" Lavrov shoots back hotly. "Send our people home. We won’t need visas ‘cause we won’t be traveling to London until you get a handle on that poison in the tea problem! And two can play this game, Miliband. Russia will match those four expelled diplomats with four of your own…and you can forget about our cooperating on any counterterrorism measures too!”

“You have no shame. No shame! You just remind Mr. Lugovoi that he is subject to international extradition. You just do that!” Secretary Miliband spits out.

The both men slam their phone down…hard…and curse the other by name!

Blink.

Lawd, this is better than a marathon of Footballers' Wives on BBC America!

Pondering visitors...

A bitch is aware that the National Urban League is having their convention here in St. Louis.

C'mon now...I live here!

This bitch is also aware that many a Presidential hopeful will descend upon St. Louis to court the “black vote”.

Blink.

Well, at least the 10,000 potential black votes who will attend the convention (wink).

This bitch plans to hunt up Donna Brazile for a fan-based interview!

Anyhoo, longtime readers know that a bitch volunteers as a voter education teacher in my community. I developed a curriculum with the help of The League of Women Voters and added some spice from the United States Citizenship test. Each quarter I teach the class at the area shelters I support as a volunteer.

The Voter Education class began several years ago in response to a sassified comment tossed at this bitch in response to my inquiry as to whether a certain young shelter resident was registered to vote.

“Why? It don’t matter. Those people don’t mean anything to my life!”

Suffice it to say this bitch just about fell over!

After a quick verbal grilling it was clear that the young woman believed that…gasp...and thus a bitch’s Voter Education class was born.

Politics is local and government is personal as hell whether you know it or not. The young women I volunteer with feel the punch of governmental bullshit first and

Housing, education, whether their chil'ren will be sent to war...roads, jobs, food safety...the list goes on and on.

But politicians and interest groups don’t benefit from Voter Education.

Blink.

They benefit from a courtable group who will “ooh’ and “ahh” when fed well scripted sound bites and get misty of the eye when some candidate takes a 2 hour blue jean clad tour of the ‘hood.

Those who seek power do not want to answer real questions or provide real goals. They sure as shit don’t want to be boxed into a “what the fuck is your policy going to be, asshole” corner by the masses.

Mayhap that’s why political parties and interest groups are willing to pay for voter registrations but are not attracted to voter education.

Blink.

An educated voter is an empowered voter who knows the difference between a Representative and a Senator…who knows the role of the Judiciary and the role of the Executive…who knows how programs like Medicare are funded…and who knows her motherfucking rights.

And that’s a dangerous thing to those who benefit from perpetuating ignorance.

Cough.

Don’t get me wrong, this bitch is looking forward to the National urban League coming to town.

I plan to escort some of my students to the job fair, indulge in a few sessions and lecture-based gatherings, and listen to the candidates court the black vote.

It’ll be lights followed by camera followed by action up on that stage...and Lawd knows a bitch loves a good show.

And a bitch didn't even use steroids!

A bitch checked out my site meter for the first time in forever and a day.

Well shit, a bitch forgot I had one down there at the bottom of the page!

Anyhoo, this blog has reached 500,000 visits.

Oh my!

In honor of this...well, this number that represents y'all...a bitch is going to share what I've been reading in the wonderful world of the internets.

His Pontifical Greatness, Brother Rob Thurman - I'm ready for my close up, Mister Levin. This shit cracked a bitch up! Thank you Ryan for recommending swift viewage!

Undercover Black Man...Attack of the Giant Negroes and Presidential Assassin vs Giant Negro. Just in case you were under the impression that the media used to have their shit together (wink).

Pub Def - Brother Antonio D. French sets the bar high as hell as he covers all things political!

The Angry Black Woman And no, we're not the same person. Lawd, have mercy! All angry black people do not blog the same (wink) - ABW is always a good read, but is that a certain LadyJax of Live Journal fame I see guest posting? Nice!

Check this shit out and spread the visits per day joy!

Toodles...

Nu-CLE-ar...

A while back, Scooter B. (President Bush for the uninitiated) toured a nuclear power plant and tried to pitch nuclear power plants as response to global warming.

A bitch should disclose that my ass is not fond of nuclear power plants. Oh, catch thy knee for it jerketh too quickly! I understand that nuclear power has a lot of cool as hell benefits and that it would reduce our dependence on foreign energy and so forth. My problem is not with the benefits but rather with the “oh shit, now what do we do?” negatives people like Scooter B. brush aside.

The recent earth quake in Japan (a bitch hope my readers…well, ummm…reader in Japan is okay!) and the leakage of nuclearized somethingorother into the ocean and atmosphere…and that curious delay in announcing that shit had leaked and been released into the waters of the world…made a bitch recall Bush’s nuclear push and my concerns with it.

Jesus to Gawd, my nerves don’t need this shit!

Shit!

A bitch was instantly back in 1986 and having a Chernobylesque nightmare about the end of days!

Chernobyl is one of the first disasters I vividly recall watching in real time. I remember the lack of information…the attempt by government to downplay to danger… and the feeling of helplessness.

Ooooh, it was awful…that helpless feeling washing over me in waves of drama whilst we waited for the end to come and hoped that end wouldn’t involve writhing in radioactive inspired pain as we slowly melted face first into a puddle of forgotten waste.

Ugh.

Mmmhmm, that feeling is one of the reasons a bitch isn’t fond of nuclear power.

Then there is the fact that Scooter B. digs it.

C’mon, are we going to take energy conservation advice from a man who thinks humans had dinosaurs as pets and that greenhouse gases are the result of eating too many beans?

It only takes one “oh shit now what do we do?” negative situation to fuck shit up…big time. And those fuck ups don’t clean up easy! Just look at Chernobyl, which now rests in Ukraine and is in need of some serious “when they say it may melt through to the Earth’s core what do they mean exactly?” maintenance. This bitch hopes they can start tackling that maintenance instead of dealing with political poisonings and such.

Shudder.

Anyhoo, this bitch hopes everything is cool in Japan and my ass is sending positive non-nuclear energy (wink) ‘cross the now glowified waters of the world.

Guilty as homemade sin...

Lawd.

A bitch is a wee bit illish and yesterday my ass indulged in a crash-based day of sleep.

Sigh.

I needed that.

Shall we?

Guilty as homemade sin…
This bitch’s people spring from The South and St. Louis can only Midwesternize a bitch so much (wink), so it comes as no surprise that I have a fantabulous Red Velvet Cake recipe and I adore a good fall from righteousness.

Let’s have our cake and schadenfreudal joy too!

Ingredients for A Bitch’s Red Velvet Cake…
1/2 cup shortening
1 1/2 cups sugar
2 eggs
2 tablespoons cocoa
1 1/2 oz red food coloring
1 teaspoon salt
2 1/2 cups flour
1 teaspoon vanilla
1 cup buttermilk
1 teaspoon soda
1 tablespoons vinegar

Ingredients for a Senator’s Sex Saturated Hypocritical Fall from Grace…
- One man on woman blessed by legal protection sanctified marriage.
- At least one man on woman (dare I assume?) festival of sex outside of the confines of that man on woman sanctified marriage.
- Larry Flynt, publisher of Hustler Magazine and his financial challenge to expose politicians who have indulged in festivals of sex outside the confines of their man on woman sanctified by law (blink) marriage.
- Deborah Jeane Palfrey – alleged to have run the alleged prostitution ring that allegedly set Senator Vitter up with his man on woman (did we confirm that?) festival of sex.
- Wendy Vitter, the offended wife, full to bursting with Southern fried maternal rage.
- The mainstream media, desperate for any non-war social values discussion stirring story they can find.

Preparation of A Bitch’s Red Velvet Cake...
Cream shortening - beat in sugar gradually. Add eggs one at a time and beat well after each addition. Make a paste of cocoa and food coloring then add to creamed mixture. Add salt, flour and vanilla alternately with buttermilk (yum), beat the tar out of it with each addition. Sprinkle soda over vinegar then pour vinegar over batter. Stir until thoroughly mixed. Bake in 3 8-inch pans for 30 minutes at 350°.

Preparation for a Senator’s Sex Saturated Hypocritical Fall from Grace …
Toss 'born in sin like the rest of us yet self appointed preserver of “traditional” values (mmmhmmm, talk about tradition…Lawd) conservative Republican' into politics.

Add one cup of ambition to one cup of flour (sift thoroughly to remove fidelity)

Cream…

What?

C'mon, who could resist that?

Cream (wink) in lots and lots of soft…so soft…and rich…so rich…umm, butter. Incorporate thoroughly creamed mixture in bowl with a dash of willingness to pick up the 'oh Gawd, we can’t let those gays get married ‘cause the sky will cave in' base attracting wedge issue ball and run with it.

Stir in Larry Flynt’s money…pour into Washington’s scandal adoring press corps…and bake.

Oh, hell yes!

I like to top my Red Velvet Cake with whipped sour cream icing.

Sigh.

Senator’s Sex Saturated Hypocritical Fall from Grace is best when served with a side of 'did someone say something about glass houses?' and a healthy portion of 'I told y’all traditionalists are the greatest threat to traditional marriage'.

As for Mrs. Vitter’s maternal rage?

Blink.

It would appear that wreeping what your man on woman sanctified before law husband sows is still traditional as a motherfucker in the world of politics.

Rather than complain about the attention your husband attracted, a bitch recommends taking to your front lawn and kicking off a Constitutional Amendment ballot initiative to ban extramarital fucking behind thy spouses back and without thy spouses permission.

Mind that you thank your husband for providing that platform for you, dear….