A bitch watched the breaking news that a person can catch weight gain from their friends with intense interest. Apparently some new study…and don’t you just love how there is always a new study?...found that overweight people seem to “catch” their weight gain from within their friendship circles.
Oh my, so its not the result of consuming massive quantities of smothered yumminess after all.
Three cheers for massive quantities of smothered soul food yumminess!
Well, that changes everything about my approach to the size of my ass. Out with the “sometimes foods” and in with manipulating frightfully thin people into friendship so this bitch can catch a good case of Skinny Ass Robustus!
Do I really want to catch a case of Skinny Ass Robustus?
Not a serious case, that’s for sure. A bitch ain’t trying to lose my curves (wink). Come to think of it, I could give a shit about weight loss. Skinny as hell is not my beauty ideal. But...but, but, but...if I catch this thin virus I could eat all the smothered yumminess I want and never gain more weight!
Happy, happy, happy…and joy times three!
Okay, so I need to locate frightfully thin people for my party. But wait! Some of my friends are frightfully thin. If thin is a virus…and you catch is from friends who are infected with thin…then why the hell is a bitch not frightfully thin?
Oh, I get it. I must not have been properly exposed to Skinny Ass Robustus!
Mayhap I should throw a Skinny Ass Robustus party the way parents throw a Chicken Pox party?
But someone is going to have to explain how I catch this shit.
Do I rub up against the frightfully thin people…a lot…all night until we’ve exchanged germs?
Lawd, I hope they aren’t bony thin people.
Bony wouldn’t be any fun…a bitch might cut myself on a hip (wink)! I’ll settle for toned and firm. Yeah, toned and firm is the kind of the contagion I’m looking for.
Hmmm, an evening of toned body on firm body party-fication.
Who gives a shit if I get frightfully thin?!?
My Skinny Ass Robustus party may turn into the debauch of the motherfucking century!
Thanks be to science…
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