Tuesday, July 31, 2007

A seizure, a collapse, the Chief Justice and mastering the art of passing out whilst on vacation at your summer home in Maine…

Chief Justice John Roberts passed out on a dock in Maine yesterday after he had a seizure. Specifically, he suffered a benign idiot pathetic…pardon me, idiopathic seizure...cough...and then fell the fuck out on the dock at his summer home (must be nice) in Maine.

A full neurological exam found that Chief Justice Roberts is still a knavish ass but he does not suffer from any apparent disorder. However doctors are concerned about high levels of Assholia Judgementica Maximus Wrongitis found in the fluid surrounding his brain.


Oh, and Roberts also has a history of randomly pass out.

Media reports mentioned that Roberts claimed his health was “excellent” whilst being confirmed as Chief Justice.

Blink again and then fluff Afro.

But if he’s being as honest about his health as he was about his belief in stare decisis it would appear that the situation up in his brain is actually fucked up from the floor up.


Disgusted in St. Louis said...

high levels of Assholia Judgementica Maximus Wrongitis found in the fluid surrounding his brain

That is the same condition Scooter B. was treated for last week. It requires a colonoscopy without anesthesia so they can experience the pain they have inflicted on others.

Jeffrey Ricker said...

Is it wrong that when I heard the news about Justice Roberts, and how the occurrence of two such seizures greatly increases the likelihood of more later (imagine that!), I felt a twinge of joy deep within my cold, black heart?

It is wrong? Well, when have I ever claimed to be right....

Life As I Know It Now said...

If it could happen again without warning then he needs to be on some kind of medication or he needs to surrender his drivers license.

Hey, and I just gotta say, I found this blog just recently and you are funny as hell, just chock-full of spry wit. I need to laugh because it sure beats crying.

Anonymous said...

I have epilepsy, as does a grad student working with me. We were both talking about how if a normal person had had two seizures, their driver's license would be taken away until there was proof they were seizure free.

Wanna bet he's still driving his SUV around unimpeded?

And that he's known he's had epilepsy for some time, and hid it, because of the social stigma attached to it?


The other thing that bugged us (no pun intended) was that the media made a big deal that there was no obvious cause. There almost never is in epilepsy!

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