Wednesday, May 03, 2006

Morning television...

Most of you are aware of the fact that this bitch is a wee bit obsessed with morning television.

Fuck might not be news, but it is worth watching for the blog content alone.

And this morning’s network ratings battle/viewage didn’t let my ass down!

The Today Show fired off with Matt Lauer’s over-promoted interview with the Head Big Wig in Charge of Exxon/Mobil. For the past several days, the Today Show has talked this shit up…how only the HBWiC of Exxon/Mobil agreed to come on and answer questions about the cost of gas…how viewers were welcome to send in questions…how they were going to get to the bottom of why gas is so expensive and profits are so high.

So, a bitch tuned in this morning…and witnessed Matt Lauer being spun so masterfully that a bitch got dizzy. Matt tossed out questions and the HBWiC tossed out bullshit with ease. Finally, Lauer managed to corner the HBWiC into the oil is a publicly traded commodity that Exxon/Mobil purchases for use and the profits based on the high price of that commodity and blah, blah we love money blah…and then the HBWiC did a little rope a dope…and POOF!

The moment was gone.

Suffice it to say, the interview was a let down…and totally what this bitch expected to see.

My beloved TiVo had been busily recording Good Morning America and a bitch switched over to see what they had cooked up. Lawd have mercy, GMA was being pimped out by Tom Cruise. They weren’t even trying to fake it! A bitch settled in and watched the promotion for Mission Impossible WhateverTheFuckingNumberIs that was supposed to be GMA in disgust.

Now, this bitch can’t fucking stand Mr. Cruise…or his over the top enthusiasm…or his cooler than thou attitude…and the constant chatter about his baby and his baby’s momma as if they were the first couple on Earth to give birth.


The joy of knowing that the folks over at the Today Show were being given the official fuck you to hell and back for pissing off the Lord of All Things Scientological was rather pleasant. That must have stung, even though Cruise hasn't had a decent movie in forever and a day and freaks most people out.

This bitch was just about to call a draw when…oh my Gawd…oh, no they didn’t…GMA announced that Diane Sawyer of the if you can't get your blond to look like this you just shouldn't go there Sawyers scored an interview with none other than Mary Cheney for Primetime.

Holy shit!

Mary Cheney...the out but not in lesbian daughter of anti-gay rhetoric spouting but supposedly supportive parent Vice President Dick Cheney.

Yeah, that Mary Cheney.

Oh…now that changes things.

GMA...well, umm...ABC wins with a programming knockout!

As for the news?

Well, a bitch had to catch that on NPR while driving in to work.



Hammer said...

Love it! And love that you have adopted "Fuck it to Hell" you need to hear Deni Bonet's song: "fuck it all to hell" it's on her blog...

Deni's Blog...

She cracks me up! Gotta love a fiddlin' folk rocker.


Barry said...

I happened to be at the doctor this morning while Cruise was on (I've got this lingering virus that threatens to sap my will to live). You about nailed it. I was not particularly surprised at the fawning reception he got and was more than a little creeped out by his "best summer EV-AR" routine. I'm an expatriate St. Louisan by the way. Lawd I could kill for some Ted Drews... and a Shrimp St. Paul... and a Tripe Sammich... (okay I"m done).

Anonymous said...

Priceless indeed. I'm so weary of the Today show it's good to find out from you what's happening on the other channels. God bless Tivo.

Anonymous said...

You have a strong stomach, bitch. If I watched morning TV I wouldn't be able to keep my breakfast down.
I hope you are feeling better. I'm beaming fresh unpolluted pollen free air at you from Hawaii.

GayProf said...

Mary Cheney makes little gay boys cry.

I am just saying.

Ayla said...

ABB, luv the blog, i read it everyday. yes, tom cruise can be annoying *but* i want to share with you a post i wrote on my blog a few days ago re; cruise.

keep up the great work :)

Anonymous said...

Mary Cheney. Life must be so strange for her. I mean she must know that her father really doesn't care about her yet she does all she can to propel him forward. How strange that must be.May be he has her drugged or cast some spell on her so that she hears his hatred has love.

Anonymous said...

speaking of steaming piles of BS, did anyone catch the press coverage of the rumsfeld grilling? a "heckler" interrupted rummy to point out his outright lies about our reasons for the war. During this exchange rummy outright lied about statements he had previously made about wmd locations and about "bullet proof" evidence. To my dismay, the press mentioned "protesters" and "hecklers" but not rummy denying his previous on the record statements,lame assed mother fuckers.

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