Monday, May 02, 2005

Shall we proceed? Yes, indeed!

Momma has a lot on her mind! Lets just dive right on in, shall we?

I’ll Fly Away! On A Sin Wagon…
A strung out looking emaciated Southern bride-to-be ran off to New Mexico. We don’t know why. We do know that she was a desperate bitch, because she took a Greyhound bus all the way there. For those of you who have not experienced the joy of leaving the driving to Greyhound, I’d like you to close your eyes and imagine the strong odor of ripe urine mixing within the hot pungent air with body odor stench and the aroma of a well-shat diaper.

As I was saying, this was a desperate bitch. And I feel for her. I do! However, Miss Priss Bitch America needs to go to jail. Why, you ask? Strung out crazy assed Southern White girls need to learn (and I mean learn fast) to not play the “race card” when they decide to drown their babies or pretend to be kidnapped. I mean it! I’m tired of this shit! Not two seconds after I heard she was bullshitting about the kidnapping I have to hear that she blamed a “Hispanic Man” and a “Caucasian Woman”. Oh, and add to that "with a small handgun". We've got to make sure that the trigger happy cops shoot first and ask questions later when pulling over every Hispanic man in New Mexico. MmmmmHmm. Just like that nappy headed bitch Susan Smith trying to call down the largest lynching in history by blaming a “Black man with a guuuuun!!!” when in reality she drowned her chil’ren in a sad assed attempt to win back her tired ass boyfriend. Sick assed bitches! Next time, blame it on a 19 year old frat boy from Georgia State. Jesus! And what the fuck is wrong with this bitch? Honey, if you don’t want his ass (and looking at him I can understand why) LEAVE A FUCKING NOTE, pop a Xanax and then go to Vegas with your 14 bridesmaids and get your freak on!

Who knew the Bitch was funny?
Why is the press so surprised that Laura Bush can read a script and punch a line? This weekend, the First Lady rescued her husband from having to talk by “interrupting” his speech before the National Press Club or whatever and delivering several well-scripted jokes. Really, the bitch did a good job! And what I mistook all this time as the impact of good meds was clearly only a healthy sense of humor… and the knowledge that her husband is a freakish dumb ass who sleeps 16 hours a day has done nothing to dim the satanic glow from Laura’s eyes. See, Laura is the guardian of the dark side’s puppet – Scooter. She’s just doing her job by smiling and waving and telling him to wipe the drool from his chin. God, knowing that she’s the devil’s minion makes her almost likable!

ABB’s Weekend Out and About
This weekend a bitch was busy! I volunteered at a garage sale fundraiser that made a ton of money. Then I attended a barbeque. Sunday I attended A Tasteful Affair, which is an annual eat-fest. It also raises money for Food Outreach, which is a charity that feeds multitudes of people. A bitch’s heart was warmed. But more importantly, my belly was full of ribs and cheesecake. My Weight Watcher points were shot to hell, chil’ren!

Sunday evening I put on my party gear and headed over to Hairball to see and be seen. Lots of good hair and pretty people. Kudos to all the hair artists who performed and raised money to benefit abused women! It was a scene and a half. Lots of fantabulous people. Oh, and a certain bitch known to you all as... RuPaul.

Miss Ru, why are you such a greedy bitch? Why won’t you let people take pictures during your concerts? Why did you need to be paid in cash before your ass would take the stage? Why did you have a tired ass stage show and weak assed outfits? Did you borrow that deflated wig? Can a bitch still be considered a Diva after roaming about the stage grabbing dollar bills like a starving refuge at the U.N. food distribution site grabs a bag of rice?

Is you broke, Miss Ru?


Well, your ass sho’ is tired….


Margaret said...

Miss Ru's blog:

Maybe 'someone' can ask about her brokedness (it's a word!)

Limecrete said...

See, this is what happens when you have a wedding with 14 bridesmaids and 600 guests. Did she really expect to get away with the kidnapping thing? Bitch go crazy.

I don't even know 600 people, let alone 600 people I'd want at my wedding.

Jeffrey Ricker said...

Greyhound? I've been there, and I cannot imagine that *any* marriage could be so scary that you'd have to resort to that. Except maybe Laura Bitch's--err, Bush's.

Crafty and Crap said...

Ha!! Laura Bush has been now told she is unchristian because she doesn't submit to her husband by that routine. Its hilarious! Submit!

"Radical" Russ said...

You get the Nail on the Head Award with your rant on the so-called "runaway bride". You don't have trackback, so I'm just letting you know I quoted you at

As far as Laura's routine? Excellent. More jokes about Shrub's fondness for masturbating horses, please. And the shout-out to über-straight Lynne Cheney's predilection for Chippendale's hunks? Priceless. I'll use it as a bookmark in the lesbian novel she wrote (Sisters) instead of the picture of her lesbian daughter I have been using. You just know she ain't getting any Cheney Dick; Viagra don't go so well with heart medications.

The Gumdrop Stage of Grief ...

So many of you have shared condolences and support after the death of my beloved brother Bill from COVID-19. I wish I could thank you indiv...