Monday, May 09, 2005

Something about rocks and glass houses...

Happy Monday, chil’ren! A bitch is stressed. I hate this feeling and usually avoid it, but my ass is under a pile of shit and it doesn’t look like I’ll be dug out until June. I settled down this morning with a cup of java and my dawg. Dawgs are the best companions when stressed. Betsey the Beagle is beyond stress. She snores. You’ve got to love that level of lazy relaxation in a dawg. Calms a bitch down.

Are you settled in? Comfy? Great. Shall we begin?

Did we just get schooled on democracy from a Russian?
Russian President Putin, or Vlad as I like to call him, was on 60 Minutes yesterday playing verbal chess with Mike Wallace. It seems that Vlad has a strong understanding of America and our unique brand of democracy. See, Vlad isn’t impressed with us and isn’t afraid to let us know. Someone took a page from the old Soviet playbook, told us to fuck off and said something in Russian like "What are you going to do, bitch... invade?"

This morning White House Counsel Dan Bartlett was on the Today Show trying to spin Vlad’s pimp slap of American democracy into something positive. Dan’s principle problem, on top of his unfortunate resemblance to John Dean of Watergate fame, is that Vlad’s critique comes just as American democracy prepares to show the world just how fucked up we are.

Vlad feels that the electoral system is flawed. DeanBartlett defends the electoral system saying that it is the envy of the world. No shit, asshole. The rest of the world would love to ignore the majority and replace their wishes with a more controllable outcome. But that bird won't fly in the former Eastern Block! The only thing keeping the new democracies in check is…oh fuck, it’s the will of the people, isn’t it?!?! Anyhoo, DeanBartlett called this our "electoral strength". Vlad called it bullshit.

DeanBartlett then moved on to defend our "independent judiciary". Which caused a bitch to snort, because isn’t that the same judiciary that DeLay and his minions are threatening to reprimand for having the audacity to rule independently? Drama! Gonna call him on that Katie? Nope.

DeanBartlett continued on, bragging about the rule of law. Snort number two. Laws are cool unless they hinder us. Once hindered, we change our laws. If our needs change, we change the laws again. See, chil’ren, that’s what the Senate is doing regarding the “nuclear option” on filibusters. Nixonian, isn’t it?

DeanBartlett washed this all down with a rant about the need for democracies to be “free and open societies with an active media”. Gosh, that sounds nice! Give that boy a raise for saying that shit with a straight face!

Unfortunate Segment Placement of the Year goes to…The Today Show for following DeanBartlett with a segment on the RNC’s attempt to rewrite Senate rules and institute the “nuclear option” to end Democratic filibusters. Rule of law my wide black ass!

P.S. Congratulations to Spokane! Not only do y’all have the winner of the Hypocritical Conservative Exposed For Trying To Get Some Young Tail on Award, Mayor Jim West, but y’all also boast a actual "newspaper". Wow, look at them breaking real news out there on the Left Coast!

Hats off to the Spokesman Review for using investigative techniques to...

  1. Find out that Mayor West likes boys…young boys….young boys who admit on-line that they are still in high school….really young boys!
  2. Lay a trap on that involves posting the perfect profile. Chil’ren, this was brilliant! Something like…Young, very young, under-aged boy seeks older elected hypocritical anti-gay conservative to have inappropriate sexual relationship with. It was enough to make Mayor West get all hot and do the solo-tango in his office!
  3. Writing the story. One more time with feeling, chil'ren! They wrote the fucking story!!!

Makes a bitch proud to live in the U. S. of A.!


Raej said...

yeah, i saw the spokane story on one of three local news channels last night. seems Mayor Hypocrite actually told one of the Elected City Official Chicks that he does this stuff in his office.

(the other two channels found a story about a guy whose suburbian neighbors don't want him to sell guns out of his home far more worthy of airtime.)

(the major SeaTown paper did not see fit to acknowledge the story until this afternoon, when Mayor announced he is taking a leave of absence.)

Morrigan said...

The whole thing out in the Northwest makes me think of the Catholic church scandal. Major creepy. Brass Balls has been doing a great job keeping on top of the story.

As for Putin, there's nothing that says "from Russia with love" quite like a "ex" KGB official governing that country.

DAVE BONES said...

you are a great writer. fantastic blog

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