Tuesday, May 31, 2005

Like a smoldering fire, tensions erupt into war…

A bitch survived Memorial Day weekend, but détente was blown to hell Sunday evening.

As previously stated, there was a fragile peace following the police raid. The neighbors had approached the heathens to explain how they couldn’t have the cops coming over and how they (the heathens) needed to behave like…well…children. The heathens made noises that were interpreted by the neighbors as confirmation that they would adhere to the new rules. But deep down there was a resentment festering within the heathens. No one tells them what to do and when to do it! A bitch survived Memorial Day Weekend. Having said that, détente was blow to hell Sunday evening.

Sunday May 29, 2005
4:00 p.m.

Basketball resumed with four heathens playing at the neighbor’s hoop. ABB and sister exit dwelling en route to a barbeque in Wildwood (non St. Louisans note that Wildwood is a very pretty suburb full of trees and over-populated by deer). ABB approaches her sister’s car and notices that there is a bike right behind it. She looks over towards the heathens and asks the group in general could someone please move the bike so that the car can get out. This request was made calmly and without bitch-tone.

A foul tempered shirtless man-breast having heathen lumbered over and removed the bike. With an attitude. Because he should not be interrupted from the worst basketball game in the history of neighborhood pick-up ball to move his property from our grown assed tax paying property. Sigh. ABB and sister drive out to Wildwood, eat tons of grilled beast and drink ourselves silly. After a great time, we drive back home and pull up only to see that the heathens have exacted their revenge…on ABB’s car…, which was a very cute if neglected VW Cabrio…but is now a keyed up ravaged wee little car with four slashed tires.


The sister’s dander was beyond up! She paced and fumed. I sat quietly trying to think of who I know that would eliminate a certain nappy headed stank breath child…not kill, but remove…to Iowa, maybe? Anyway, the sister made for her lair upstairs to brood. I called the cops, who took down the info. and made nice sympathetic noises. After a sleepless night, the sister emerged from her lair just past dawn and approached the neighbor whose hoop had brought the wrath of the heathens upon the Cabrio.

“Mr. Neighbor person! Take! Down! This! Hoop!" It was Reaganesque!

After a brief conversation (see, serious read), the neighbor proclaimed that the hoop was going down. Sistergirl handed him his mail (the postman sucks, but that’s another post) turned and came back home.

ABB's sister "That fucking hoop is coming down! Fuck this shit! They egged the other neighbor’s house, so they were basically going to attack anyone they thought was fucking with their hoop! Assholes!"

I cooked her cheesy eggs and potatoes, which calmed her a bit.

Yesterday was spent dealing with insurance and car rental information. Because of the holiday, I was unable to take care of much. But the Cabrio should be at the car-doctor by tonight.

And so, the hoop is down. The heathens have dispersed and the neighbor will be paying my deductible.

A bitch was sad about this whole mess, but not surprised. As homeowners we had to take a stand. We tried to reason with the neighbors, but they didn’t see the inevitability of this drama. And so, here we are. I am without my beloved Cabrio. The neighbors are without $250 and the heathens are without a hoop. Fuck it all.

The Toll of the Great Shaw War of 2005

1 Basketball hoop
4 tires
1 exterior coat finish on the Cabrio
ABB's insurance deductible

Note – no lives were lost during this battle, but a bitch has lost some faith and all tolerance for the young!


Crystal-Lynn said...

It's shit like this that makes me a zero tolerance-having hardass. We'll get you a better Cabrio baby.

Tiger Lilly said...

Baby gurl!?!? You didn't go looking for these fools? Somebody's mama would have had hell at her front door over this mess. Sorry...I'ma shit talker, but seriously, kids are so trifling now, and their parents are no better. I'm so sorry you had to go through that. Karma is a bitch, and one of them will likely end up under the tire of a Cabrio one day. At least the neighbors are gonna foot the bill...they should feel at fault for bringing that nonsense into other folks lives.

Shoes said...

I was so happy when I read man-breast but then continued on....so sorry about the car. Think of it this way, no hoop means that maybe now they'll just play in traffic-fuckers

Absolut Billy said...

Did you say in a previous post that the cops had called the heathens parents when they showed up? I'd keep on the police/detective that they follow thru with the case, otherwise they will just file it.

Now I KNOW you are avoiding me! You came out to Wildwood and didnt stop by to see moi? :) I live in Wildwood off 109.

sadly had you come by, Id have still been in New Orleans (note to self, dont ever drink 12-18 hrs a day for 6 days ever again)
Maybe next time....

dmfinny said...

At least you coughed so the stones would drop. Good for you. Sorry about the car.

notfornothin said...

i could make a phone call home to one of my cousin's and have the pointed-out-heathen 'removed' for you. just say the word.

GN said...

Fucking brats. I wouldn't have made it to adulthood if my parents even suspected my ass was even thinking of destroying a neighbor's property. I don't even blame the little brats; I blame the fucking adults. Are you and your sister the only grown folks on the block?

Why do people think they do kids a favor by letting them run wild? To me, that is a sign of uncaring, not some exalted liberal largesse. When did we turn into a society that doesn't know how to raise some fucking kids! Where the hell were your neighbors when these little beasts were scratching up your car and throwing eggs? Just unbelievable.

Tell your obtuse neighbors to watch their fucking car too. When these brats catch wind of the hoop being taken down, don't think for a second that these wild weeds won't strike out at your neighbors too. The "heathen" series is actually pissing me off more than the shenanigans of the Bush Crime Family. We'll get rid of their asses in '06 and '08. But we'll all be paying for decades to come for assholes who refuse to raise their fucking kids, and the dumbasses who facilitate them.

Like Crystal, I have zero tolerance for shit like that.

"Radical" Russ said...

A bitch has more restraint than a Radical. I would not have said a word, waited for them to come play ball again, run over their bikes with the car, and had a SuperSoaker full of buteric acid waiting to spray all the little mutherfockers. It's not acid like Alien-burn-through-steel acid, it's just the foulest-smelling, hardest-wash-off stank a brainy high school Radical discovered in chemistry class two decades ago. It also does a fine job of permanently staining $200 sneakers.

As to what gn said: we turned into a society unable to raise kids properly sometime around the turn of the 20th century and the Industrial Revolution. Used to be that an extended family raised the kids, and a young parent could learn from the elders. If mama wouldn't whup a heathen ass, then grandmama, auntie, or cousin would do it for her, and then give mama's ass a tongue-lashing for not whuppin' a heathen ass in the first place.

But now we have the nuclear family (or in Texas, the nukular family), and the only parenting instruction burned into mama's mind is, "well, I'm not going to be the mean, controlling, vindictive, punishing bitch that my mama was!", not realizing that those actions her mama took were all rational and justified, because she views them through the prism of childhood awareness over a distance of twenty-odd years. Mama today wants to be liked by her kids; Mama yesterday wanted to be respected by her kids.

I'm not just picking on mamas, poppas are just as bad. Parents have lost the link to the parenting of the previous generation. Hillary was right, it does take a village. Unfortunately, now it's the village idiots raising the heathens.

Jeff said...

Remove, shremove. Clearly, they need to be destroyed. Preferably by flaying alive.

I just can't decide whether I mean the heathen-youthbeasts or your idiot neighbors.

phoebe moo said...

Girl, just started reading your blog last week and I am totally hooked. I just LOVE it!!! I am from trinidad and tobago and I have passed this site on to a couple of friends.
Anyhoo, I would have fried sliced diced and eaten those blasted heathen asses for breakfast. Then I would have killed all their damn parents. Whats up with that? Destroying a car for being spoken to? My mother, who was a teacher always says, the best revenge for a rude spolied brat is that someday honey, you are gonna breed and make yourself! Then see how you're gonna like it!

disgruntled said...

well ain't that some dog shit if ever I smelled some?

that's a shame people refuse to TRAIN their children to act like they have at least an ounce of sense. Too bad you don't have security cameras in your yard.

I got some people who handle business on the low...LOL

GN said...

Radical Russ, you are 100% correct. In former times, even if the immediate parents were silly, Big Momma and Big Poppa wouldn't hesitate to discipline the kids. The nuclear family has had a serious (averse) impact on the well-being of children in today's society.

Another component is the emergence of Dr. Spock and the conflation of discipline and abuse. Add to that mobile families (necessitated by the economic climate) which don't hang around any particular neighborhood long enough to establish comity, and another child-rearing staple: the neighbor who'll not only "tell on" brats, but just might pull out a switch as well, is gone.