Wednesday, November 30, 2005

A bitch is back...!

A bitch is pleased to read that a certain Blood Ray will be joining in the United Church of Bitchitude and Latter Day Drunks caroling event! Shit. Now my ass has to put this shit together!

2 cups coffee with milk-like powdered substance (a bitch needs to hit the market and score some organic milk) followed by Splenda, 1 fake-assed Sudafed, 1 Claritin and cigs…

Dining Out for Life was a scene last night! A bitch mingled with the masses and was thrilled to see Atomic Cowboy bursting with diners. Thanks to everyone who participated in this fundraising event!

Let’s just jump right in, shall we?

This bitch watched the Today Show with glee this morning. Scooter’s pending speech on Iraq coupled with the release of a previously classified plan for war resulted in an appearance by Bill fucking O’Reilly! Holy shit!

And that motherfucker was bitter this morning…

Katie had barely opened up the discussion when O’Reilly launched in with one of the 'best someone needs a hug' rants this bitch has seen in a long time…

“I’m not going to listen to the speech! It doesn’t matter what he says. I want to know why the Iraqi troops aren’t trained already! If we pull our of Iraq now it will turn into a terrorist state!”

ABB, with Carvillian glee...Ooooh, he’s mad as hell and not going to take it anymore!

“Win the damn thing!”

ABB in my best Southern belle...Mr. O’Reilly…this is morning television!

Katie, knocked back and slightly pale, interjected with the phrase that no one at the network wanted to utter…"What does winning mean?”

Oh shit! Oh shit!!

Hit pause.

Light cig and gulp java!

Holy fucking shit! All hell is breaking out on the Today Show!

Hit play.

O’Reilly, faced with a question no one wants to answer, proceeded to not answer the unanswerable with the unthinkable…"We can’t guarantee a win. This is World War III. No one wants to talk about it, but it is. We have to create stability and…shit…fuck it! We can’t guarantee a win.”

A bitch took some liberties there...wink, wink.

But seriously, this is WWIII?

Wait one fucking second! This is WWIII and we can’t guarantee a win?

This is WWIII…and our goal is…to hope for the best and see how everything looks in 6 months?

Holy fucking shit.

Whatever happened to The Powell Doctrine...?


Anonymous said...

As long as I can sing the lead on "Do You Hear What I Hear?" I'm happy.

Shark-Fu said...

Anything to keep you happy, honey! This bitch has the lead on Oh Come All Ye Bitchful...ummm...Faithful!

CrankyProf said...

There are rumors....RUMORS, mind you...that Miss Thang Katie C. will be replacing Dan Rather's rather boring replacement.

I KNOW a Bitch will tune in to see that!

Hammer said...

Hey ABB!

First, let me say how disappointed I am that I have not yet been invited to go a carolin'...damn it! See how you are?

Second, let me say that I was waiting all morning to hear what you said about the Today show!

I woke up and thought the end of the world was near with those two assholes sitting side by side! Bill O'Reilly was out of fucking control. I nearly pissed myself. Alas, all I could muster was a non-violent fist shaking at the television set.

I think that Ms. Couric needs to re-evaluate her position in the media. I mean, all she had to contribute was a couple of questions that no one reporting or blindly supporting the war can answer (NOT EVEN THE FUCKING PRESIDENT (though I did hear he gave his best speech today? haven't heard it yet).

Anyway, I knew you'd be over that show! Glad you saw it and glad you write!

Talk to you later (that is, after you invite me to sing with yas!)

Peace lady!


Raej said...

i don't suppose the caroling might be the 19th or 20th? 'cause i sing a solid oh holy night...and i come with a baratone!

Anonymous said...

Oh, I had never heard of the Powell Doctrine. I'm ashamed...but oh so grateful for more knowledge from you chickie!

boudica of suburbia said...

WWIII my big white arse!


Cheetarah1980 said...

I just realized that your blog is my news source. I don't know what that says about me, but I damn sure like viewing the world through your eyes. If it's WWIII, wouldn't the rest of the world have to be involved in this mess? I'm just wondering.

Admin said...

I hate O'Reilly like I hate men with little dicks--which he probably has.

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