A bitch is always open to requests and suggestions…my ass might not jump at a topic, but y’all can always send them in.
By request…
Gynecology…
This bitch has posted before about my health scare a few years back. Since it ended a cycle of invisibility that my ass had sunk into it was a good thing. This bitch can say that now, because of the distance of time.
But while my ass was dealing with issues…down there…it was a never-ending drama!
Calm down, boys! Bitches around the world need to know that they are not alone. If you aren’t a woman, just imagine an ongoing testicular issue…that’s internal and in need of probing, scraping and constant examining.
A bitch has fibroids. They are these nasty uteran tumors that grow and then dissolve and then grow again. They cause extremely heavy periods that last FOR FUCKING WEEKS, cramps that make you call out to the Devine One for relief and general drama.
This bitch discovered my fibroids when my ass rolled over and felt one of them in my lower belly. After freaking the fuck out and imagining the worst, my ass went to Planned Parenthood…oh yeah, they do lots of stuff at the Phood and they were wonderful to this bitch.
On a referral, this bitch found the most wonderful doctor in Dallas Texas. It’s a good thing that she was so good, because we got to know each other real well over the following year.
A bitch hated the stirrups, that fucking flesh separator that isn’t any more comforting heated up and the whole process of having anything dive in down there without passion. It fucking sucks…but being in pain sucks more.
My ass went on some serious hormones to reduce my fibroids…they didn’t work. A bitch endured monthly sonograms…not so bad, but nothing to throw a party about. And finally, after 6 months, my doctor looked at me and pronounced that Enid (my fibroids collective name) had to die...and she would wield the blade that killed her!
Well, the pills continued, my skin broke out in hives, my stomach was extended like my ass was pregnant with a fucking alien fetus and bitchy?…oh my ass was beyond bitchy!
My surgery was scheduled over Thanksgiving. A bitch doesn’t remember the event, but the murder of Enid was a trying time for a bitch’s sister. Post surgery, my ass soared for hours on morphine and other assorted meds…fantabulous.
Well, after my mother…who is an asshole…threw a fit over something trivial and exited the hospital room like some sort of diva on Dynasty, this bitch had one more night of morphine based dreaminess then was released.
Basically, none of this shit was cool. A patient has to be aggressive, demand answers and never shy from kicking a gynecologist to the curb should they fail to click.
Go for your yearly exam…ask about those pesky little problems and be aggressive! It will be a fucking drama…get over it, cry when you need to and stay in the game!
Your body…
Your health…
Your choices…
Ain’t a drama been created that a woman can’t survive!
Be well my sistahs…
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7 comments:
I, for one, am glad that YOU and NOT ENID, won in that gynecological smack-down.
Happy Anniversary (of the death of Enid)!!
And lastly, a wonderful testimony of how Phood does OTHER things other than hand out condoms and perform abortions.
ok, ok, ok... i will find a doctor! i remember having abnormal cells years ago and having a special exam that included sticking a camera up past my cervix. oj had his video out at the same time and my hubby wanted to see if my video would outsell his! thank God the doctor wouldn't give him a copy.
Can you imagine? Video of my cervix would never sell!
Get a doctor...you can research them online!
Get to it, cats!
Thanks Fu! Great post. Yeah, yeah Enid's dead!!!
Unfortunately, I lost the struggle with my version of Enid, something I haven't entirely gotten over as I was only 30 at the time. But the damned bleeding just wouldn't stop.
It's coming up on my time to do the gyno thing. I don't know anyone who looks forward to it. What would THAT woman look like? Yikes.
The last two years' visits have sucked because each had ended with a health scare.
Year one-some really questionable cells- so more smears, biopsies and other fun. Everything was ok. Last year- questionable mammo. (I have family history so the doc wanted me to get a baseline-I was 33) That was fun to keep getting redone until we were sure everything was ok. AND he made me quit taking my depo shots because they apparently increase your risk of osteoporosis. I hadn't had a period in 4 years. How happy do you think I was when that baby rolled back into town?
. . . oh yes thank god/life/devine for planned parenthood . . . the place where the whole shebaang of gyn issues :) is always practical and down to earth and affordable and safe . . . .
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