Monday, November 21, 2005

Body Image - A Philosophical...

A bitch had a curious weekend.

My ass went to the circus with my play husband and a crew of fantabulous people. This bitch was disturbed by the circus…sad eyed elephants doing tricks and clowns portraying antiquated stereotypes of Blacks and Asians. Shit, no wonder Cirque is kicking Barnum’s ass. It was fantabulous people watching though. Parents snapping at overly excited chil’ren and chil’ren trying to decide what they wanted to puke three hours later. Oh, and our diversity squad of grown motherfuckers inhaling food and trash talking the clowns! Fantabulous.

Saturday found a black bitch at the Harvard/Yale football game. Rather, my ass was at Ozzie's at Westport Plaza watching The Game with alums from both schools. This bitch did not attend Harvard or Yale, but my ass did mooch from several Harvard dining halls for 4 years…yummy breakfasts. Anyhoo, a bitch was supporting fair Harvard with a bitch’s sister and new friends. My ass had a great chat with a 175-year-old Anthropologist up from Columbia MO. Great guy…we chatted about Romania and the state of American cities. Fuck the game! Well, actually the game got exciting at the end with Harvard pulling out a victory in triple overtime. My ass was busy getting up to speed on the native cultures of Alaska!

Moving forward…

A bitch went bra shopping yesterday. Now, this is a major undertaking for this bitch. My ass hates bra shopping. Since breast size is dependent on weight for this bitch my bra sizes have been fluctuating like a motherfucker this year! Add to that…well…a bitch has serious breasts and my bras are for support and fashion not simply fashion. So, rather than being able to just go in and load up or, better yet, buy online my ass had to physically go to a store and try fucking bras on! FUCK!

As usual, this bitch parked at the wrong side of the mall and had to walk amongst the masses to get to the store. A bitch selected three of the usual bra sizes and entered the dressing room on a mission. Thank GAWD bra number two fit, so this bitch was in and out in a flash. Walking back through the mall my ass to note of conversations and interactions…ads and promotions…fashion and fucked up fashion.

The conversation that jumped out at a bitch was one between two emaciated young women outside of Torrid…the plus size vamp store with fantabulous punk wanna be stuff…

Emaciated Youth #1 with a serious attitude in her voice…"Oh my God! I can’t believe they make skirts that large!”

EY #2, following #1’s lead…"I know! It’s disgusting!”

EY #1…"I’d rather be dead!”

EY #2…"Oh God, me too!”

They then turned and walked away…a bitch assumes they had achieved their fill of hated or were moving on to Lane Bryant.

Anyway, while driving home a bitch was troubled by what these young women represent. Body image and weight are the new 'it' topics in America and clearly these young people were feeling the heat.

They were also emaciated, inarticulate, poor posture having, root displaying so my ass knows you ain't been blond for fucking months heifers from West County.

ABB’s Body Image Philosophical…
A bitch really likes my body. Really. There are cures and lumps and scars and various shades of brown. Fuck it…my ass likes it all! My associates from high school would be surprised the hear me say that, since this bitch hated my body back in the day. A size 7 and my ass was unhappy…Jesus, that’s so fucked up!

Anyhoo, with additional pounds and years of living this bitch has learned to love my body. Usually a bitch is pretty positive…except when bloated, but who can blame me.

But if you watch American television you would think a bitch should hate myself. Commercials feature tall and slim women. Plus size commercials are the worst…most of those women aren’t even large! And when the news turns to weight it’s always about disease, health problems and massive drama…oh God, America is soooo fat and those people should be sooo miserable!

Which sends the message that slim equals happy.

Which is bullshit…a bitch knows, because my ass has been both and everything in between.

Being healthy is important. Mental health, physical heath and spiritual balance are all important. But being physically fit doesn’t make you happy. Being plump doesn’t have to make you miserable.

This bitch has been single skinny and a bitch has been single large. My ass got jobs while thin and my ass got jobs while large...yeah, and a bitch lost jobs when thin and lost jobs when plump.

A lover cheated on my thin ass and other people’s lovers have tried to get with my large ass.

Get my drift? Need more?

Jennifer Anniston was left when her ass had 0% body fat. Oprah’s had Stedman through 10 dress sizes.

Get the fuck over this shit!

Fuck it.

Being healthy is a good goal and this time of year most people start making plans to get with a program in January. A bitch just wants to extend a dose of reality to all…

Life is short. Live your slice of it loving yourself! Throw your head back and live it, for the love of Gawd!

You better believe this full figured black woman will be living it up like a motherfucker…new bras and all…


Anonymous said...

Interesting topic to discuss, one that I deal with it myself on a daily basis. I don't know who has it worse (and I don't think it matters), but gay men also have it pretty bad in the body fascism department.

I've struggled with my weight, too. I've been a lot heavier than I am now, and while I am happier now than I was then, it has less to do with the fact that I have a smaller waist than it does with the fact that as I've gotten older I've done a better job of accepting myself for whom I am.

I've finally gotten myself to a point - after getting so thin that friends and family were seriously concerned that I had an eating disorder (and to some degree, I probably did) - where I allow myself to eat that extra piece of pizza or that Little Debbie cake. The cycle of shame tied into one's weight can be so strong, that it's really a tough one to break.

At the end of the day, I agree that people just have to be happy with whom they are. If you're tiny and your truly happy, then that's as it should be. If you're carrying around some "extra" weight but feel good about yourself, then it's obvious that's the right choice as well.

I could babble about this topic for days, so I think I'll retreat to my own corner to do so.

Happy Thanksgiving if we don't talk before then!

Shark-Fu said...

Can a bitch just say that she adores Blood Ray! Happy Thanksgiving to you too, honey!

Anonymous said...

Er, I was typing so fast I did a "your" when I meant "you're." That's my shame!

And I love you, too, baby!

Cheetarah1980 said...

Yay!! A bitch is back! I spent the weekend going through withdrawal. Now back to the lecture at hand. Body image is something folks deal with whether skinny, fat, or in between. My roommate is a stick figure who would kill for curves, and I got curves that I would gladly trade in for my skinny jeans once again fittiing. Maybe with age I can accept exactly where I'm at when I'm there. At the moment though, the only thing I can remember is how good I felt in those skinny jeans, and just wanting to feel that good again. Too bad I abhor exercise and adore french toast, chocolate, cookies, and french fries.

Morrigan said...

EY#1 and #2 need to get a grip on reality. And get a life, 'cause the shallow one their living right now is a joke.

Great post as always ABB!

boudica of suburbia said...

thanks for giving me hope! lol

If you start a kitty and raise enough for airfare i'll come and force feed those anemic twigs some good old pies.

bloat, motherfuckers, bloat!


Jeffrey Ricker said...

Between you and me and the entire Internet, I spend time at the gym so I can eat whatever the heck I want. As I get older, I've discovered that strategy is not working as effectively as when I was young and had the metabolism of a small woodland creature. Nevertheless, I still eat whatever the hell I want, love handles be damned. Like the three or four servings of that corn casserole I'm going to make this weekend.They can just roll me up to the dessert table after that.

As the saying goes: Eat right, exercise -- die anyway.

My other half took his brother and his brother's kids to the circus this weekend. He was not amused when my first question was, "Were there protestors?" And my second was, "Well, did any of the elephants stampede, at least?" I mean, I was just *asking*....

Maidy said...

I used to be a skinny rail back in the day and I never acted like some of these bee-otches that prance around in their size 1 low-cuts. I ignore them. Wait until they bloat out like a Macy's float. It happens ... it always does.

Back in art school, my FAVORITE subjects were nude women with weight. Skinny women did nothing for me. Never did. I never dated a skinny woman either. Who the hell wants to hug a broomstick with clothes hanging off it?

Now I'm a happy average weight woman who can give a rat's backside in the dead of winter what my butt looks like.

I'm not big on bra shopping 'cause I have no boobs. I did when I was pregnant! Geo liked that (the little perv). Now I'm back to being able to read a book that's sitting on my feet without straining my neck.

And I actually saw something (I forget if it was on-line or on the news on the TV) about a turken! I told Geo that's what you were having to cook on Thursday. His only response was "Good luck!"

Have a Happy Thansgiving, Shark, from me, Geo, and Dinker - your friends in Philly PA!

CrankyProf said...

To me, the sexiest people in the whole damn WORLD are the ones who, no matter what their size, are comfortable in their own skin. That air of confidence and comfort s so attractive; when you give less than a shit about someone else's frank appraisal of your looks...
it sounds like a Bitch is there. ANd I love that, and aspire to it.

YajB (The Woolley MomMyth) said...

Just found your blog today - Glad to meetcha!

Am also glad not to have a TV in the house, and glad that we don't indulge much in mags/newspapers, other than the odd copy of the Jerusalem Post (and knit/spinning mags).
Have been fat & fluffy all my life.
There isn't as much thin-icism yet here in Israel, from what I can tell, but then, there isn't much to wear if y'ain't thin, either...

Anonymous said...

About those '-itches' in the mall... as my mother used to say, 'just keep on living and you'll find out what it's all about.' And they WILL find out in due time. So, don't anybody worry about that crap.

I'm in my 50's and I no longer worry about what other people think. I've been small and now I'm big...and I'm learning to be happy no matter what. 'Cause as you said, life is short. My mom just passed away a few weeks ago. Seeing her in that casket really shook up my daughter. She hasn't been to any funerals since she became an adult.

She is really pushing now to make her dream happen and to stop worrying about being a big girl. She wants to be healthy of course, but she's not obsessing about weight anymore. She's a fashion designer and is totally focusing on her business. And I'm really proud of her...and glad to be working with her.

I'm proud of you too, for this wonderful message you wrote about body image. You said it so well... it's time for America to get over it.

Jahqoi, Inc.

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