Wednesday, March 02, 2005

On a much lighter note.....

Once again I was in morning news hell today! I don't understand how these shows survive, but I'm convinced that they have an agreement to all suck on an equal level so that they can dominate the 7am-10am slot. CNN, which used to be my go-to program in the morning, must have recently signed the same agreement - because they are beyond bad and seem to be committed to staying that way. I spent the morning feeling ill due to a digestive issue that decided to kick my ass out of nowhere, finger hovering over the remote and bitter to the bone.

Once CNN moved into it's daily Democrat versus Republican slug fest I reluctantly switched to NBC. And The Today Show sunk to new lows today. I popped in just in time to hear Matt lead into a sad sad tale....

"Tragedy has struck the family of Jack Nicklaus. His grandchild accidently drowned in the family hot-tub after sneaking out of the home." Pause programming as ABB tries to remember who Jack Nicklaus is with a brain powered only by 1/2 a cup of coffee. Oh, yeah. Golf. Blond? Something like that. Hit play (God I love TiVo!!).

"Now the Nicklaus family will try to cope with life without their beloved grandchild." Okay, thanks for pissing in my Corn Flakes Matt! Jesus, Mary and Joseph that story was a stank shit in the middle of my morning viewing!

"Our thoughts and prayers go out to the Nikolaus family in this tragic time." Yeah, yeah, yeah! Get on with it. God, just move on to the Jackson trial so I can get my fix!!

"On a much, much, much lighter note..... Tara Reid is looking to get laid on a more regular basis and we've decided to dip into Ellen's sugar by running a tasteless segment expoiting an intern as a possible date for the often drunk and always fucked-up Ms. Reid." Okay, if you don't know by now - my quotes are not verbatim. Fuck-it.

This was the worst segue I've every heard. I sat there glued to the screen trying to decide if I was delirious or if they really were pimping out the intern for Ms. Tara "Betty Ford has a place set at the table for my ass" Reid!! Yes!!! It was true!

Al Roker began by verbally assaulting the boy into exercising. Then Matt, playing the Fashion Queen to a hilt, bitch-slapped the poor child into acknowledging that Pink is the New Black. Top this pile of shit off with Katie, in full she-devil mode, illustrating to the whole world why she's still single by delivering the worst batch of date etiquette advice I've ever heard. "Remember, don't belch after drinking wine!". Jesus H. Christ!

I hate the use of "On a much lighter note" and I really hate the ugly feeling I get when an anchor delivers total gloom then takes his voice register up an octave and launches into a story that makes him look like the gloom was about as serious as Tara Reid looking for a man to do something more for her than score some (what??? Not going to go there 'cause Miss Thang has lawyers) uh...... stuff!

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