Friday, October 21, 2005

SwedenCanada & scandal-based foreplay...

A bitch’s brother Bill finally completed his cleaning. His ass wasn’t too pleased about the process. Fuck it…a bitch would rather have him bitter than have to deal with his autistic ass and dentures!

Thanks for the well wishes and positivitude!

This bitch is going to spend the weekend mending my stressed soul and being anti-social.

2 cups coffee with Splenda and a healthy dose of 1% organic milk, 1 Claritin, 2 Sudafed and cigs…

The Creation of SwedenCanada…
Last night, while sipping a vodka grape cran post dental appointment, a bitch indulged in some CNN viewage.

Hurricane Wilma is set to hit somewhere…hard, Tom DeLay’s mug shot is making this bitch think he knows something my ass doesn’t and Tucker Carlson is an asshole. Okay…that bit about Tucker Carlson wasn’t on CNN, but then again his ass isn’t on CNN anymore either…because he’s an ASSHOLE!

Some 16-year old Goth teen has been arrested for the murder of Dan Horowitz’s wife, Katie Holmes is so fucking happy her face is about to crack and a bitch can no longer sue Kentucky Fried Chicken over the size of my ass.

Clearly, the world has lost its fucking mind and is spinning out of control!

Whatever can a bitch do?

That’s right, chil’ren…a bitch is going to think fondly of my adopted dream-based homeland…SwedenCanada.

Yes! A bitch has combined Sweden and Canada in my mind and created the ultimate it country!

People speak Swedish, English, French and bitch.
Folks munch on meatballs, Smarties, yummy doughnuts and chicken (note – chicken is universal).
Everyone has access to healthcare.
There is low gun violence.
Anyone can get married but no one has to.
Hockey…’nuff said.
A bitch is adored as the national symbol of perfect bitchitude!

Ah…if a bitch could live in dreams.

The prolonged ache…
A bitch is fascinated with Special Prosecutor Fitzgerald…you know, the dude who is investigating the CIA leak case. MmmmmHmmm…Fitz is the man of the moment.

My ass was thinking last night, while nursing another vodka grape cran, that waiting for Fitz to announce his decision is much like exquisite foreplay.

At first a bitch wasn’t attracted to the CIA leak story. Then, when it was announced that there was a possible legal component, a bitch looked at it with renewed interest. Once Fitz was brought on board, it was almost like the CIA leak case and a bitch exchanged out first kiss…and it had potential…so maybe my ass would fool around with it a bit and see what develops.

Oh, the past months have been like torture. This bitch even began to view Fitz and his fucking leak as a complete tease. We had Novak then Russert then nothing. FUCK! Then came Miller then jail then nothing. Jesus! Now we’ve had Rove then Libby, then Rove and more Libby then Miller and Rove again.

AHHHHH! Give it to me, for the love of all that’s holy!

Umm. Sorry. A bitch isn’t big on patience.

Yes, this story is driving a bitch crazy. If Fitz indicts it will only extend the game. Should he take the easy road and issue a report it will feel like a night of anxious heavy petting that was followed by the lamest sex on record.

Gawd, give a bitch a good juicy leak to hold me over! The anticipation is killing me…


Morrigan said...

LOL!!! It's like foreplay for teenagers - the anticipation is agonizing!

Unfortunately, it's lasting A LOT longer than most teenage encounters would ever last.

Shark-Fu said...

A bitch just thought of something regarding SwedenCanada...what about Spanish? Shit. A bitch loves the sound of Spanish...they have a fantabulous way of saying bitch!

Folks will speak Spanish too in SwedenCanada!

CrankyProf said...

I am sharing in the Fitz-love -- only toasying him with cran-raspberry and vodka!

I suppose it's too much to hope for that those bastards are trembling in their jackboots.

bitchphd said...

Can we make it SwedenCuba? Or SwedenHawaii? 'Cause SwedenCanada would be seriously cold, and this bitch cannot stand cold weather.

AOB said...

Where's my fucking passport??????

christine mtm said...

abb, my 3 yr old son has pdd-ns, which is under the umbrella of autism. he doesn't talk yet and acts more like a 18 month old than a 3 year old. he needs to go to the dentist and i'm terrified about how that will go since he also loves to bite everthing that gets close to his mouth.

so i have been sympathizing with you through this whole process. glad it is completed!

Anonymous said...

hail, hail all the angry black bitches of the world unite! I happen to be one myself.

Love Ya,

Libby Hodges

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