Friday, October 07, 2005

Post #3 - Katie Couric's Breasts...

Oh yeah, that second dose of Sudafed just kicked in!

This morning a bitch was able to catch the second half hour of the Today Show and it was a classic.

Who could forget Katie Couric’s colonoscopy last year! Chil’ren, it was exactly what this bitch didn’t need to see while trying to inhale cheesy eggs and toast!

What could possible top that?

You guessed it!

Katie graced viewers with the weirdest mammogram in the history of breast fattening cancer screenings staged for morning television!

This bitch is all about preventative medicine, so let me first urge all women to do self-exams and get screened if they are in the right age bracket. Know your breasts, ladies! The Today Show has provided information here.

Having said that…

Katie Couric has dense breasts.

A bitch has not had first hand knowledge of Miss Couric’s breasts, but their denseness was revealed to the world on the Today Show today. Sadly, Katie didn’t participate in full frontal nudity despite the rating potential. Instead, Miss Couric practiced several deliberate body hiding angles and held on to her hospital gown shroud like a 90-year-old nun.

First, Katie had a mammogram. Her breasts were flattened to allow for a more accurate reading and, since she didn’t howl in pain, female viewers should be encouraged to go forth and be screened! Shit, if Katie can do it so can you.

Next, Katie was encouraged to have a breast ultrasound. Viewers were informed that women with very dense breasts should have this procedure because it allows technicians to clearly see the difference between a cyst and a problem.

Well, Katie’s breasts are fine. They may be a little shocked after being handled, massaged, squished and then ultrasounded. From the delirious smile on Katie’s face, this bitch is guessing that her breasts enjoyed the ultrasound far more than the mammogram.

What the hell…kudos to Katie for putting her breasts where her colon has been and promoting breast cancer awareness!

A bitch shudders to think of the Pap smear segment you just know they’ve got planned for next year….

Happy Friday, chil’ren!


Liz said...

I had my first mammogram this year and it wasn't bad! No one called my breasts dense, but it also just didn't hurt. I was all prepared to yell "bring it on!" while growling and making a worldwide wrestling federation face! But instead it was just like, "squoosh, you're done."

Now, the IUD, i screamed for.

Homer said...

Now if they could get Matt Lauer to do a testicle self exam on camera, woohoo!

Maven said...

ABB, I'm wondering if when Couric goes in for her pap, if the gyno will be wearing a miner's cap with a light and cam attached.

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