Note - Betsey pictures used for the post were not taken yesterday but do help y'all understand the hound in question...
C-Money is on vacation and spent yesterday dealing with a difficult furnace, carbon monoxide levels and a visit by an engine company of the St. Louis fire department.
Yes, we have detectors…no we’re not ignoring the problem…yes C-Money is on top of the shit…no, Betsey the sorta-beagle didn’t collapse as a result of carbon monoxide poisoning.
Anyhoo, Betsey the sorta-beagle has an issue with the mail.
She attacks mail when it goes through our slot and I mean really attacks the hell out of it. C-Money has been working with her on this while on vacation, so when the mail came through the slot yesterday C jumped up to redirect Betsey’s aggressive dawg on mail behavior.
The mail came through the slot.
Betsey the sorta-beagle dove at it and chomped down hard as a motherfucker then froze.
C-Money knew something was wrong immediately. She tried to open Betsey’s mouth but…it was stuck in the clenched down on mail position!
Mmmhmmm, Betsey had chomped down so hard that her jaw was locked shut!
She began to drool and look pathetic.
C-Money instantly went in the action. Sweetie the three legged chow was put upstairs…Theo the Bay Master was put in his crate…and this bitch got the shit scared out of me through a phone call that went something like “Betsey hurt herself attacking the mail and can’t open her jaw so we need to go to the vet NOW.”
I flew out of my office, which is thankfully 10 minutes away, and I’m pretty sure I ran a red light at Vandeventer and Tower Grove (my bad, y'all!) then arrived in front of the house and collected the now dazed and fully drooling Betsey the sorta-beagle who was being held by C-Money.
Off to the vet we went. It felt like forever but they are only 5 minutes away (a bitch likes shit to be close).
Dr. Ed (vet of the year!) looked at Betsey and said “This is interesting.” He then pulled her lips back and exposed what I though were crushed teeth gathered in dawg foam but what was later identified as chunks of the mailing (Mattress Firm is having a sale, by the way) trapped between her locked teeth in foam.
Oh and drool….lots and lots of drool.
“I’m going to take her into the back.” said Dr. Ed.
A bitch felt faint. I thought that sorta-beagle was going to die…or need a new jaw…or lose all her teeth! Can a dawg live with dentures?
But Dr. Ed came back in with a now drowsy beagle, her tongue hanging out and jaw totally released. He had sedated her and then pried the jaw open with the back end of some toolish thing. It took some elbow power but pop and she was free! C-Money still has the chunk of mail released in the process.
Suffice it to say that my ass was scared to pieces but Betsey the sorta-beagle is doing fine. Darn dawg ate her kibble like nothing even happened.
But that natural born bitch is back in the crate during the day from now on.
I spent the entire night thinking that my dawg locked her jaw shut attacking mail.
Oh my Gawd!
Anyhoo, thank you C-Money for being dawg Aunt of the year and thanks to Dr. Ed for actually thanking us for presenting him with an interesting case of dawg medical drama on a Tuesday afternoon.
Lawd have mercy...
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
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