Thursday, November 01, 2007

Just jokes? - A dream-based exploration…

Last night, while this bitch wielded the Merciless Rod of Correction upon Dog the Bounty Hunter’s ass, I pondered the rise in public displays of racism.


Oh, is this your first dream-based correction post?

My bad.

A bitch’s dream-based explorations are accounts of my dreams and in no way reflect shit that this bitch has actually done…and they may or may not involve the beating of someone’s ass, but a dream is but a dream and a dream-based ass whooping is a very good thing.


So I was working up a sweat on Dog’s ass and looking pretty damn fine in my Mistress of Bitchitude leather diva suit and Bitch of the Damned tiara, if I may say so myself.

After several minutes of correction, this bitch paused for a sip of vodka followed by cran.

“Mistress, how long will you keep me here?” Dog sobbed as snot flowed from his sun burnt snout down into his unfortunate hair.

A bitch sighed.

“Let’s see…ummm, how about one hour for each time you used the N-Word for a total of six hours and…hmmmm, oh we’ll add another day for chastising your son for dating a black woman because y’all use the N-Word soooooo motherfucking much that she’d be bound the hear it and may tell the press.”

Glen Beck, who is a certified asshole and was over in the corner massaging the feet of anti-War protesters as instructed by this bitch, jumped in with… “But I didn’t do anything! I don’t understand why I’m…ouch!!!...oh, Jesus!”

“I don’t understand why you are either, son." a bitch replied after a quick whack to the back of his head... "But now…finally…your life has meaning. RUB, MOTHERFUCKER…RUUUUUUUUUB!”

Ahhh, the joy of dream-based correction.

Needless to say, a bitch woke up rested and refreshed (wink)…and ready to tackle some shit.

Shall we?

A certain Ashley Frantz of has raised the question of whether the rash of noose-based incidents around the country is evidence of racism or just some insulting jokes.

Now, walk with me on this…because I think Dog’s verbal malfunction and Ashley’s question are connected.

Pause…sip water…continue.

Dog is on tape saying that he doesn’t have a problem with his son’s girlfriend being black…which is good, because it’s not like she can change that shit to please his stupid ass…but he was concerned that she may out his adoration of the N-Word. Once I recovered from the sharp pain that fucked up logic inspired in my Afro…wince…I realized that this was yet another example of someone confusing speaking with being.

If I had a dollar for every time someone said “I’m not a racist, but…” before saying something racist a bitch could retire.

You can’t speak not being a racist into reality and saying you don’t have a problem with race does not mask your problem with race when you then proceed to articulate the very big problem you have with race.

This brings me to Ashley’s article and the infection beneath the scab that covers the unhealed wound of race in America.

Most Americans get the covert stuff…the cowards in white sheets burning churches and lynching people. But too many people struggle with the other shit…the so-called “youthful pranksters” dressing up in black face at a frat party who behave like the reincarnation of Al Jolson or the following of a black woman around a department store by security while some fresh faced white tween robs the place blind.

The fact is that nooses can only mean one thing…they only represent one thing…and we do ourselves a disservice when we brush their appearance off as “in poor taste” rather than acknowledge that the noose calls down the demon of this country’s racist history into the present and that an exorcism is now required.

Nooses never have been, never are and never will be a prank…any more than a black person swinging from a tree ever was or is cause for a picnic.


And calling a woman the N-Word six times in a rant about how she may expose your frequent use of the N-Word is the verbal equivalent of taking out a I’M A FUCKING RACIST ad on the A&E television web site.

These noose incidents and the exposure of other celebrity bigotry point to the failure of the school of tolerance. People tolerate a stench and while they may tolerate it they never stop thinking that it stinks to high heaven.

Well the reality is that racism is the stench we’ve been tolerating while we’ve been pretending to “tolerate” the differences between us that we really can’t fucking stand, don’t respect and actively resent.

Time to stop burning scented candles and get our cleanse on…


AOB said...

ABB Said: "If I had a dollar for every time someone said "I'm not a racist but..."

AOB says: Let me disagree (a little) how about everytime someone says "I'M NOT A RACIST..."?
I grew so tired of hearing that shit from my inlaws that I have come to believe my husband was adopted.

Trust another bitch, when someone has to make that "I am not a racist..." sentence starting shit they really really are what they claim so loudly and vehemently not to be.

Cortney Gee and The Celebrity Cane Corsos said...

I'm rolling on the floor still about the dream that a bitch beat dat ass .. hilfuckinlarious

It's reality tv for real now huh? Dog can't bullshit me like he is trying to do the so called black leaders ( question did we ever elect these need to grows that pardon white foilks for beaving badly ?)

SagaciousHillbilly said...

BAW! Where do I start?! The humor is killer. . . makes me want to do something bad just so I can visit your dream.
The commentary on these media created morons is spot on. Who the fuck is this ":glen Beck" bozo anyway and how did this driveling manboy get his own TV show on CNN of all places?
Gotta git down to the barnyard.
Love ya baby!

rikyrah said...

What does it take for White folk to admit that other White folk are racist?

I'm glad that MY determination of what's racist and what's not doesn't depend upon White folk, cause they'd never get there.

The CDM said...

Agreed, Glen Beck IS annoying, but who's worse, him or Nancy Grace?

I've said for years that Dog makes white trash look bad.

MAWG said...

OK, Bitch. Help me out here. Explain it to me like I'm a fourth grader...

I'm a middle aged white guy, and I understand, I think better than most most middle aged white guys, what you're saying about the offensiveness of the "youthful pranksters".

And I feel in my gut "the infection beneath the scab that covers the unhealed wound of race in America." I feel sick over it.

Once upon a time I pretended to be color blind. But I've had some wake up calls, and even though I think I'm liberal and open minded, if you scratch me very hard you'd probably decide I'm not much different from every other middle aged white guy in America has.

Except, maybe, I'm sick of it. And I know it.

So explain it to me like I'm a fourth grader: exactly how do we get our cleanse on...

MrsRony said...

You know what sista girl, I cant even get on board with this.
I got several N-word family members and you know Chris Rock was telling the truth when he said there are N-words and there are black people. They are not one in the same. It pisses this bitch off to no end that we own this word and decide depending on how the wind is blowing how it affects us. Demanding more respect from others than ourselves.

Dog was right in callin old girl the Nword and he was obviously right about her. Now since his azz knows he is on a TV show and he got a federal case so anybody might be tapping his voice wouldnt common sense tell you to use caution in your speech. But lets keep it real.

SagaciousHillbilly said...

rikyrah, I hear your frustration.
Come over and visit me at

Unknown said...

MAWG - it's not ABB's job to teach you (or me either). Do some googling on antiracism, find some books at the library. Educate yourself.

Then, start calling your fellow middle aged white guys on their racist crap when you hear it or see it.

AOB said... far as HOW TO GET THE CLEANSE ON...

how about a novel idea like:

Do unto others as you would have them do unto you?

Anonymous said...

I am white, therefore I am racist. I don't want to be racist, but I know better than to believe I can completely undue 20 years of growing up with my family. I have been taught well to think before I speak. I am still stupid sometimes at age 55. Kind people of color have helped me expand my horizons and recognize my deficiences. So, MAWG, this would be my first advice to you: join an NAACP chapter (they took me, they will take you);work for a candidate who is a person of color for election in 2008 (she let me in the door in 1976, someone will let you). Then keep your mouth closed and listen. After you have done that for five years or so, you may begin asking questions about ideas or actions that confuse you. You might evolve enough that you might make friends who aren't white.
Then you can know how you and I and other white folks are racist just walking or driving around easy like.

more cowbell said...

People tolerate a stench and while they may tolerate it they never stop thinking that it stinks to high heaven. hear hear.

And to MAWG, one good start for white allies is the realization that it's never appropriate for us in the dominant culture to tell people of color what is racist and what isn't, and to call other white people out on that as well. (not saying you've done that, just input on your question) Tinahorn_cae is right on, it's our responsibility to educate ourselves and find our roles as allies. There's a lot of good information out there.

Anonymous said...

This country was founded in racism. Its a slow moving festering terminal illness that can only be removed from the very source which means starting everyone at the same mark, in education, finance, and environment. Its time for folks to cut the bullshit and realize that they have priviledges others don't and we did NOT start from a level playing field. When White people are willing to give up their priviledge by acknowledging this, then we will start getting somewhere.

The Gumdrop Stage of Grief ...

So many of you have shared condolences and support after the death of my beloved brother Bill from COVID-19. I wish I could thank you indiv...