Friday, October 27, 2006

Friday bitchitude...

This bitch has a busy weekend planned.

Fresh tube of MAC Underworld lipstick...check.
Proper quantities of Excedrin for post party recovery...check!
A calendar full of social-based events with fantabulous people...check.

Ahh, how a bitch loves the social season.

On a personal note…

Dear Ms. Nicole Richie,

A bitch had no fucking idea who you were until Paris Hilton of the vacant stare and ho’ish flare Hilton’s splashed your feud all over the television. You soon dropped out of my mind…until all this talk about your thin…very thin…ooooooh, someone get that child some grits thin self hit the television sorta-news cycle.

Ms. Richie...Nicole...I sincerely hope that you recover from...umm, well you say it isn’t an eating disorder…what the fuck is it then?...if you were an infant, they would call it a failure to thrive.


A bitch sincerely hopes that you recover from your failure to thrive!

As an expert in weight gain and holding on to the weight post gainage, this bitch would like to offer my assistance!

That’s right, Nicole! For the low, low fee of $1 million dollars (cash) this bitch will teach you the secrets of eating to gain.

Classes would include…

Cornbread – Not Something to Dread
Grits and Farina – Fun with Butter and Honey
And my personal favorite…
Ice Cream – The New Breakfast of Champions!

Call me, m'dear.

Oy vey!

Chil'ren, all this denial and interview based for press maximization denial and then treatment center entrance followed by additional denial of what may or may not be a rather serious thang for a somewhat insignificant celebrity is beyond tired.

Who made these chil'ren fear cornbread?

And why do I give a shit?

Glad you asked.

The other day my mentee, who is 13, asked me if she looked fat. Some boy told her she was and she really, really, really…really, really, really likes him…so "should she loose weight or not?". She followed that up with..."I wanna be thin like ***some celebrity a bitch can't remember***!"


This child is thin already. Her family is poor and food is not always around. Nutrition? Shit. Her body image concerns and response to some young man at school bothered me all the more because my mentee has enough shit going on to add the thin-like-her game to the list.


Turn on the television set…flip though a magazine…listen to the radio…and the discussion is about weight.

Network news anchors manifest split personalities on the topic…this week's diet is featured on Monday while childhood obesity is featured Wednesday with cooking segments scattered about covering nutrition and greed and everything in between.

Layer on the celebrities and there’s no wonder why my beyond broke one meal a day eating and thin enough already to concern me mentee is considering a diet.

If Nicole has an eating disorder, then I wish she would disclose...the public she courted is watching and taking notes. If not...well, a bitch is available for those eating lessons.

This shit makes me wanna holla…throw up both my hands (wink)…and tell the world that cornbread may be a 'sometime food', but the eating of it is not something to dread...


thatfarmgirl said...

We are headed to hell in a handbasket. In the express lane, no less.

Anonymous said...

My daughter just wrote something for her english class about what beauty is to her (being the proud mama, I of course posted it on my blog). I was pleasantly surprised, when I read it, to see that she wasn't being influenced by the media and anorexic starlets.

Now maybe that's because she was influenced by her early years, when we didn't have enough to eat and appreciated the hell out of food when we got it -- who knows. But as someone who went without food for a lot of years so that my kids could get the bare minimum, it's a slap in the face to see someone like Nicole deliberately going without (if she's telling the truth about not having an eating disorder). I weighed 95 pounds because I couldn't afford food -- she's got more money than god and weighs 95 pounds because she thinks it looks good?!

The most tragic thing in this is that our girls are reaching for a reality that doesn't exist. No photo in any fashion mag or commercial is real in any sense of the word -- they've all been photoshopped to death.

There's a great Dove commercial out now that takes the audience from the beginning to the end of a photo session, complete with final photoshopping. Every young girl (and a lot of grown ones) should watch that commercial (

Joe said...

Cornbread is fabulous, but you left out the classes in Pork Products.

If a bitch doesn't adore Pork Products (especially the cured variety), I apologize... but I think they would do a world of good in terms of helping Nicole-girl to "thrive."

Anonymous said...

Your mentee is very lucky to have you in her life... I know you can give her the shot of reality she needs. I'd sure as hell listen to you!

It made me reflect, though... I was about 8 when I first started worrying about weight. I was eating a bowl of ice cream and overheard my dad tell my mom, "She doesn't need any of that!" (Looking back, I imagine his comment had something to do with my nutritionally deficient ice-cream-and-peanut-butter-sandwich diet, not any weight concerns--I was a pretty skinny kid).

I was a little young for all the Kate Moss heroin-chic fallout, but she would look normal compared to most of the models/actresses on screen today. It's madness.

Anonymous said...

ba, ha,ha, ha... vancant stare and ho'ish flare...priceless!

Maya's Granny said...

This is one of my biggest concerns. As a fat woman who started out dieting because I weighed three (3, yes. One, two, three; 1, 2, 3) pounds more than my mother thought I should and have dieted myself to over twice my original weight, I shudder when I hear about young girls and even children being concerned about their weight. They can ruin their lives while enriching the diet/fashion industry.

Feed that girl corn bread. My favorite corn bread has kernals of whole corn, sliced jalapenos, and bits of bacon added. Slather that with butter and I'm in heaven.

Courtney said...

Honey, cornbread is an anytime food! Man, I miss my favorite North Carolina restaurant's skillet cornbread...

Anonymous said...

A Really Good Post!

I enjoyed reading your post and yes, your mentee is lucky to have you in her life as someone else has posted here.

As a guy, I happen to know how insensitive we can be about appearances. I also agree with you that the media doesn't help. Will we ever learn? I certainly hope so. I try to steer my kids into looking at people for whats inside and not just the physical.

You keep posting the way you are posting. I thoroughly enjoyed your post and will probably be reading more.


Sue said...

Pimento cheese! Pizza! Fried shrimp! Fried oysters! There is so much we could share with poor Nicole.

MAWG said...

You are F*&#$^* brilliant!

Anonymous said...

Okay! This is now my new favorite blog! Girl friend would def benefit from a lesson in food consumption and preparation.
This was fantastic and oh so on the money!

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