Tuesday, April 19, 2005

OPKs and Grown People's Spaces

Okay, I've had other people's kids (OPKs) on my mind since watching last Sunday's 60 Minutes. They featured a segment in which some parents allowed their kids and their kid's friends to drink at their house even though they are underage. This was followed by a boring assed Today Show segment on Monday dealing with parents and how they need to communicate with their chil'rens. So a bitch is pondering parenting and why it keeps jumping up on my television.

I don't have kids, but if I did I wouldn't want anyone telling me what to do with them. Since I don't have chil'rens, I'm annoyed that OPKs are a factor in my childless life.

Issue #1 - Media
Why come the federal government is trying to regulate Satellite and Cable programming because some lazy parents don't want to monitor what their kids watch? Why is this my problem? If you choose to have chil'rens then you choose to take on all the watching and monitoring of what they consume. ABB chooses to watch programs with lots of sex and violence. If you don't like it, don't get Cable or a Dish! If you have chil'rens and Cable, call the fucking cable company and tell them that you have uncontrollable chil'rens so they need to block out the porn.

Or don't. I mean, I was watching 9 1/2 Weeks in gradeschool and look how I turned out!

Either way, this is a parenting issue. Isn't it enough that Billy Graham airs on CBS? Aren't you happy now? Back off my porn and violence! The four major broadcast channels have shown a true dedication to boring assed family friendly sterilized programming just for you and your chil'rens. So, TiVo 7th Heaven and back the fuck off Cinemax! One viewers decency is another viewers boring assed Sunday night! And trust me, you do not want to see what happens when my ass is bored! You will be personally responsible for the massive use of pharmaceuticals and Vodka! That's right.....all your fault, my family producing friend!

And one more thing - can we have a discussion about priorities here? Balance the budget, end the war, clean up the tax code and cure cancer. Take care of the shit that is really plaguing the country then maybe you can move on to television. And I really don't think Tom DeLay is in an ethical position to judge what is decent or not. Hmmmm. Y'all might want to take care of that sleazy motherfucker too - otherwise young Mitzi and Tommy might think pilfering tax payer money to fund their spouses new face lift and the family trip to Moscow is.....well....moral and ethical. So maybe the feds should clean up the morally bankrupt in their House before they take on the rest of America. Confused assed censoring assholes!

Issue #2 Grown People's Spaces

Recently, I was having lunch with a friend. It was a really nice day and we were on the patio at a local restaurant in the city. This was what I like to call a "grown people's space"; there was nothing on the menu that chil'rens eat, smoking was happening all over and....well... it was in the city and y'all parents should leave the city to grown people! Anyhoo, he said something crazy so I said in my loud assed voice "You crazy motherfucker!!".

Bitch, don't turn around and look at me hard like I slapped your kid! I curse all the time! This was a grown people's space! And, if your child hasn't heard "motherfucker" yet it's about fucking time!

Words are words and I don't subscribe to the puritanical interpretation of the English language that says "Bitch" is a bad word but "War", "Genocide" and "Murder" are fine. Get a fucking grip. And, yes I'm an educated person; sorry to break your heart, but four years of a pretentious elite liberal arts education has resulted in a vast vocabulary of curse words a profanity for this Angry Black Bitch. So, if you're thinking of sending Mitzi to New England, get ready for her ass to start cursing like a native.

But I digress......Is nothing sacred! Why can't parents just stick to McDonald's and the burbs? All I wanted was to be able to discuss the impact of pending legislation on the availability of vibrators in the city. Is that so wrong?

So please keep your sheltered ass kids home if they don't already know what a vibrator is! And stay way from my grown people's shit! If everyone just stays on their side of the playground no one will get hurt.

You get your sprawl and Eddie Bauer lifestyle and I get a grown people's space with no OPK's dipping in on my grown people's conversations about government, Cinemax and the future of St. Louis sex shops!


Crafty and Crap said...

You crack me up. I'm pretty sure if I ever get to adopt a kid, its first word or english word will be fuck.
I walk a fine line between boring and that irritating jewish bitch. Often when it comes to kids I'm the later. I used to live by a highschool. Dumb ass kids, get off my lawn...or more like Hey fuckers, don't be smoke pot under that window, there is a freaking baby sleeping in there....walk away muttering ...shitheads....
Dig theo choice of wording. Todays thought for me is how straight folks call all who are non heterosexual alternative lifestyles. Its not alternative to those who live it, its just hetros nice way of say, stay away from that house, them guys/gals screw each other in there. I never talk to my friend john and say how's the man search going, gone to any alternative lifestyle bars lately? He doesn't ask me if I've gone to any Hetrosexual bars lately either....

Jeffrey Ricker said...

"Motherfucker" just isn't enough. Inspired by your example, I am going to frequent public adult places and, if children are present, I am going to talk about dildos, blow jobs, and anal sex, and will work into my conversation the phrase "Tom DeLay, that cum-gargling butt whore" when appropriate. And if they look at me appalled, I will tell them to take it back to the county.

And I'm changing my name to Samantha Jones.

Anonymous said...

I am so sorry you mother didn't raise a decent girl instead of a filthy mouth person. I am sure God loves you but I don't know how....
You get respect by showing respect and since you don't you must be one of those people that has NO manners at all and sleep in the gutter with your friends. If you don't want to hear about kids..move to a deserted island because children are our future and I am sorry your moma couldn't do better with you.

Shark-Fu said...

Caroline darling...honey...I can only ask you to keep your unraised children out of grown people spaces...or get to the business of raising them.

Oh, but that would be too much like right!


Thanks for sharing!

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