J'accuse...for what it's worth...

This bitch was watching This Week on Sunday and heard Senator Russ Feingold call for a censure of President Bush over the illegal domestic spying case.

Russ made a strong case, but a bitch was more interested in the current 2008 GOP frontrunner, Senator Frist, and what he had to say in reaction. Billy…we’re not close, but a bitch plans to get to know him way better now that he’s decided to make a run for it (wink) …seems to think that the enemies of America would be emboldened by Senator Feingold’s call for censure.

A bitch has always been confused by this way of thinking.

If Iraq thinks that we are full of shit, calling out of the President for being a crook may make them feel validated. But they probably won’t grow to dig America’s chili simply because we ‘show a united front’ and ‘stand behind the President’.

When this bitch feels that someone is full of shit it’s nice to hear that someone else does too…nice, but not at all necessary. And anyone else who adores that shit monger is assumed to be full of shit too.

What Billy Frist and his conservative homeboys are missing is the positive spin we can put on this censure in the Middle East!

See, the last decade of American politics has been confusing as a motherfucker. The recounts, election fraud, willingness of elected officials to lie to the public and corruption scandals fly in the face of our current democracy marketing campaign. Advertising may get folks into the store, but a shitty product will have them turning right around and cursing your name on top of it.

But now we all have a chance to demonstrate democracy in action. Yeah! Imagine the print story y’all could plant in the Iraqi newspapers covering this shit…

Today President Bush was censured for willfully ignoring the law of the land and authorizing the illegal wire-taping of American citizens without a warrant or legal review. In America, the citizens have rights and those rights are upheld by the law of the land. No one citizen is above the law of the land…including their President. Congress writes the laws and censured the President for violating his oath of office and his responsibility to preserve and protect the Constitution of the United States of America. This is a demonstration of democracy honoring no elected titles and checks & balances in action!

Oh my, this is a huge opportunity for a wee little international lesson in American civics!

Talk about shock and awe (wink).

But this resolution has about as much a chance of resulting in a censure as Operation Iraqi Freedom had of resulting in a democratized Middle East.

The myth of the black student who stole your spot at Yale...

This bitch had a fantabulous day off! The sun was shining, the birds were singing and my phone wasn’t ringing…fantabulous indeed.

Thank you to my international readers for your concern over a bitch’s safety. Yes, Missouri has been hit with some serious storms. This is the Midwest and we tend to have dramatic spring weather. Sadly, some lives have been lost. But rest assured that a bitch was blessed and did not face the full fury of nature here in St. Louis. We Midwesterners kind of take it all in stride…we cut our teeth on Tornados and floods ‘round here. But a bitch is touched that y’all care.

No, a bitch was not at O’Connell’s Pub recently! But they do have yummy food. Mayhap a bitch will swing on by and get my St. Patrick's Day on. Anyhoo, whoever is out there looking like a bitch needs to cease…unless you’re fine as hell, which only helps my brand image.

On to bitchitude!

The myth of the black student who stole your spot at Yale...
A certain Anonymous requested this bitch’s opinion regarding minority preferences. Specifically, Anonymous said…

“I heard a white former South African once say: "I was born and raised in Africa, I am an African. So when I become an American, am I not an African American?"..."Then why can I not get minority entrance points for college?"..."Am I not discriminated against?"...Since Black Africans won that conflict, maybe you would like to comment? From an historical perspective of course.”

Well, a bitch only took one South African history course and that was years ago...but black South Africans having 'won' a conflict in South Africa doesn't have a damned thing to do with a white South African getting minority entrance points here in America...speaking from a historical perspective.

Having said that, a white South African who immigrates to America and feels that he is an African American can rock that identity all he wants to. Lawd knows checking African American on forms is beyond beneficial, sure as shit gets your foot in the front door and is the reason why so many top positions are held by African Americans.

Ummm...that's what my people call bullshit (wink).

Which brings a bitch to the underlying assumption that affirmative action is the reason some students don’t get to go to State.

That's what we're talking about, right? The fear of a black person taking 'your' spot at Yale?

A bitch was pretty fucking pissed off when my ass showed up at a certain liberal arts college (no, not Yale...shudder and perish the thought) and realized that my ass had out tested most of the sorry assed motherfuckers raising hell about affirmative action.

Shit.

A bitch isn't trying to say my ass is wicked smart...shit, this bitch can't spell for shit...but my ass just wishes some of the assholes bitching about not getting in would look in the mirror and have a come to Jesus with their own ass about their GPA and those sorry assed SAT scores that really got them circular filed.

A bitch only got more pissed when my ass realized that some of the dumbest motherfuckers at school…and my ass means dumb…were legacies.

See, the dude who may have taken your spot at Yale is most likely not the brown and black students who make up less that 10% of the student body. He's that legacy admit...you know, Carter Silverspoon from Choate?... yeah, him and his forever unimpressive non-intellectual ass. College ain’t a meritocracy, but that fact is better explored through a conversation with the heir to your right and not the black chick to your left.

My father went to college on the G. I. Bill and he went to grad school through an affirmative action program. He worked his ass off, was not academically prepared and struggled to get through. But he did it and he never let his chil'ren forget that struggle was mixed in with the blessing of an education. His daughters reaped the benefits of his efforts, attended strong public schools and had a much easier road to college as a result.

Sometimes affirmative action works.

Which brings us to this word 'fair'. Fair does not apply to college admissions. Most universities apply tons of qualifications and they don’t exactly do it fairly.

My alma mater would have been majority Asian and international if 'fair' applied to college admissions.

Colleges seek to have a diverse population because diversity enriches the educational experience. International students, rural students, rich students, black students and so on add to the college experience. The problem comes when some students apply a sense of entitlement to college admissions…they then latch on to the most offensive 'got into school' practice and proceed to show their natural ass on Dateline by bitching about why they didn’t get in and claiming that Keisha or Coretta or Michael took their spot.

A healthier…dare a bitch say, more fair…rant would start with the legacies who took up 20% of the freshman class. Then you could move on down to the 50% of hyper-qualified students who didn’t get accepted because said school had ‘reached’ a certain quota…then mosey on over to the 'daddy paid for this building' admissions…oh, and the 'our sports program is a revenue generator', but don’t hold your breath on that academic scholarship admissions. The road is long and muddy as a motherfucker before you even get to the 10% that may or may not have been admitted with some racial preference...not that many are bothered by the 'may', because a bitch wishes my ass had a dollar for every ignorant assumed affirmative action comment my ass heard while 'getting schooled'.

Yeah.

What was the original question? Oh, can a former white South African now white African American get special treatment when applying to college?

Sure, as long as an AngryBlackBitch can get my reparations paid in South African gold...honey.

Cruel...

Oh shit! Hide your chil’ren and lock your doors, because a bitch has a day off of work, the sun is shining and it’s Friday!

Yes!

Sadly, this bitch has to take care of some personal bitness today. But at least my ass can be a lazy shit while doing it (wink)!

In the never ending interest of clarity, a bitch is compelled to respond to a certain Anonymous comment to yesterday's post on the Alabama arsonists.

This bitch isn’t in the business of comparing one crime to another, Anonymous. My ass was comparing the coverage of the crimes based on the status of the investigations and not the atrocity meter.

See, in a bitch’s world the media would provide this long forgotten thing called perspective...maybe some facts too...and inform the public rather than inflame them or create a false sense of conclusion-based safety when nothing has been concluded or resolved.

Color my ass delusional, but this bitch doesn't think the public is served by journalists over-reporting speculation and failing to follow-up on that which they have previously speculated about.

That, my dear Anonymous friend, is a discussion of the media coverage and not a comparison of a brutal rape and murder to a series of arsons.

Moving forward…

Cruel…
A bitch is on record regarding the Iraq War. The war is wrong, the foundation for going to war was false and we have rubbed salt in an open wound by proceeding to execute this flawed shit poorly. Having said that, a bitch is concerned that we are about to pour more salt in Iraq and that more innocent lives will be lost in the process.

This bitch is not a military theorist…thank Gawd. My ass is a lifelong student of history and the history of The Man leaping in to take shit over, suck the lifeblood out of a region/country/colony and then leave in a blur only to look back of his shoulder in false shock when chaos breaks out is lengthy and disturbing.

Which brings us to Iraq. Over the past several months there have been calls for America to leave…to withdraw our forces and let Iraqis handle Iraq. A bitch understands these calls come from a place of compassion. Those of us who opposed the war are horrified by the death, destruction, fear and general drama. The need to just back off and apologize for the next 100 years is overwhelming.

Yet even as history shows us that backing off might not be the way to go we are faced with the reality that we're most likely not the folks to fix this shit. It’s like taking a rabid dawg to your neighbor's birthday party, watching it go crazy for two hours and then abruptly leaving while shouting ‘sorry!’ as you rush out the door. The regret is legitimate, but you might want to take that rabid dawg with you. Oh, and help clean up the mess, pay for the medical bills and counseling and so forth. But maybe your neighbor doesn't want to look at your face for...well, ever again?

Y’all feel me?

So, when a bitch and C-Money heard this on the news this morning…heard Rummy mouth off about any civil war resulting from our botched attempt at nation building being an ‘Iraqi’ problem for ‘Iraqis’ to deal with we were dismayed.

C-Money said it best...that doing so would be cruel.

But what the hell else can we do?

The problem is that we aren’t the nation to make it all better now. Creating chaos and not having the skills to deal with it sucks. Yet, we're we are and our options are limited. If we stay we will be fueling resistance to any Iraqi government…plus, people don’t want us there. If we leave abruptly, we will have destabilized Iraq, amplified cultural division, allowed Al Qaeda to move in where they never were before and thrust a system upon a people against their expressed will and in no way for their benefit as citizens. And the very people who couldn’t come up with a plan for war are now charged with coming up with a plan for peaceful withdrawal.

A bitch is beyond concerned.

My ass thinks about Vietnam…and what happened after America called fubar and then jumped ship. So many promises, such poor execution, so many lives lost, so much pain and suffering…and then we up and left. And Vietnam was left to clean up the mess, bury the dead and rebuild alone.

Perhaps that is war...those left behind must pick up the pieces.

And perhaps this question is not for a bitch to ask. Maybe we should do the unthinkable and ask the people of Iraq what the hell they want us to do?

Do they want us to just leave, to leave and take that rabid dawg with us...or stay and help pick up some of the mess...and then get rid of the rabid dawg after explaining that we now know better than to take one to a party?

And where the hell is Super Man when you need the earth circle backwards, for time to turn back and make this never have happened?

Shit.

My Grandmother was right...some messes you avoid 'cause you have no fucking idea how to get the stain out.

Just jokes...

This bitch has had enough of the rain…ENOUGH! Slipping and sliding while out and about is bad for my nerves.

Now, a bitch has some shit to say.

Just jokes…
What the fuck? Every now and then a story will hit the media and remind a bitch what privilege is. The announcement yesterday that three men were arrested in connection to the recent rash of church fires in Alabama is one such story.

But wait, a bitch is striving for accuracy. Three young, very young to the point of being boys, and in college with their future in front of them, white...or was that non-ethnic...Christian college attending, poor judgment using innocents were arrested for burning churches in Alabama.

Someone help me, now!

CNN got dizzy as a motherfucker last night; they were spinning this bullshit so fast. The men…ummmm, kids….er, oh…ummm, young and in over their head youths…simply did it as a joke, got in over their heads, have been written about in the school paper in regards to their theatre aspirations and didn’t mean for things to get out of control. They are ‘good guys’ and ‘never gave anyone any trouble’ with ‘strong academic careers’ and ‘bright futures!

Well, shit…shoot them past jail straight to parole!

Shucks.

What the fuck are these people seeing, because is sure as hell isn’t reality?

Cease reading off the alleged arsonist’s resumes as if they matter…as if America should simply shrug and grin over this shit…as if their backgrounds absolve them.

Let a bitch be clear…their background, education and apparent stable home life indicts them.

And yet behold, chil'ren, more bullshit on display!

The Today Show lead with the allegations being made against a club bouncer in the recent NYC slaying case…a black man under investigation in the brutal and sadistic killing of a young college student. Yet no lead-in mention was made of these suspected arsonists, who are actually in custody and being charged in connection to a fucking spree.

It must be nice…not having arson and your name mentioned in the same sentence even after you've been hauled into jail. Must be soothing to have anchors chuckle, to have your classmates look perplexed and not horrified, to have your community viewed with compassion and not resentment...even after your ass has been hauled into jail.

Were the hell were the cameras? What, no mug shot? How about a nice 20 minute video segment of their moms at 3 o'clock in the morning looking tore the fuck up?

And a bitch would have liked an aerial copter shot of their neighborhood with SWAT looming behind some faux concrete wall erected on a carefully kept lawn down the block.

Guess that just didn't seem fitting for this story, huh?

Fuck it...they were just joking...

Chastised...

A bitch has been chastised by several members of the United Church of Bitchitude and Later Day Drunks!

C-Money called my as politically correct…and Brother Rob told me to reference the Merriam-Webster dictionary, because 'heathen' has more than one definition. Then Canadian Rob left a comment regarding the ‘heathen’ topic too!

This bitch has failed to address one of our commandments…thou shall not trifle nor shall thou be trifled with!

Apparently, ‘heathen’ has dual more than one meaning (gasp). Some of us use the word to point out bad assed chil’ren who haven’t been raised…otherwise know as chil’ren without home training…and that word use in no way is stating that those bad assed un-raised chil’ren are bad asses because they need to ‘get right with Gawd’. What they need is some fucking parenting….

*muttering* "...sitting outside my house ‘til all hours of the might with the radio on loud as a motherfucker and screaming just to hear the sound of their voice then roaming back to their no-home training containing houses after leaving trash all over my motherfucking lawn ‘cause they ain’t been raised. "

Fuck it…where a bitch comes from that’s a heathen and religion doesn’t have shit to do with it. As a matter of fact, my Grandmère used ‘Gawdless heathen’ when specifically referring to someone she thought was a bad ass in need of some religion.

Hmmm…mayhap a bitch spoke too soon?

And what shall my penance be?

This bitch just adores correction (wink)!

Smarties...the ABB taste test...

A bitch neglected to follow-up on my experiment in international chocolate-based relations!

Forgive me...blame it on the chocolate.

Margaret of Germany was kind enough to send a bitch a gift of chocolate-based yumminess…and she doesn’t even like Smarties (gasp). Now, a bitch already had some Smartie goodness from a certain Jeremy in Montreal....not much, but some survived my feasting.

Clearly a bitch was going to have to have a taste test.

A portion of Canadian Smarties were set aside and an equal portion of German Smarties were set to the other side. C-Money had already consumed my Chocolate Heart of Smartie love...which was Canadian and, from all reports, yummy.

Taking care to indulge in several sips of vodka cran before switching between the two, this bitch was able to detect a slight difference.

Germany Smarties are slightly more milk chocolate-like. Canadian Smarties have more of a chocolate aftertaste.

Or maybe that was the vodka.

Anyhoo…both are yummy! A bitch is taking some to my voter education class tonight as the prize for answering the most quiz questions correctly.

Off a bitch goes...motivating new voters, one international Smarties filled box at a time…

Words and such...

A certain Gatsby’s Ghost was kind enough to assist me with my word replacement situation. As my ass mentioned earlier, this bitch was called out sharply regarding my use of the word ‘heathen’. Since a bitch didn’t intend to say what my ass was saying when using 'heathen'…well, a new word needed to be found!

As luck would have it, Gatsby’s Ghost was on hand…and he just happens to be a master of language.

Fantabulous!

ABB to Gatsby’s Chost…"Shit. My ass was called out regarding 'heathen'!"

Gatsby’s Ghost to ABB…"Yes, I read that."

ABB in a full snit…"Give me a word that doesn’t have a religious superiority/anti-Pagan slant that describes bad assed chil’ren who haven’t been raised…PLEASE!"

After a brief pause, the magnificent Gatsby of Gatsby’s Ghost produced…

BACwhoHBR

Fantastically fantabulous!

The man is a genius.

Genius!

Moving forward with drama solved …

It’s raining in St. Louis. Raining, cool and sullen….makes a bitch long for my couch and my flannel.

Last night a bitch spent a lovely 2 hours reading through the current issue of Harvard Magazine. No, a bitch is not a Harvard grad…but my ass spent enough time grazing through the plentiful bounty of those dining halls to get an honorable mention at least (wink).

Anyhoo, Harvard Magazine can be a pretentious bore of a read, but a bitch enjoyed the hell out of this issue. Particularly the personals, which were a joy. Page after glossy page was filled with well crafted descriptions of…well, mostly women who were almost always ‘slim’, love to travel (Lawd, the Berkshires must be overflowing with Boomer aged slender women), adore New Yorker cartoons and are shy. The shy bit puzzled me, but C-Money explained that ‘shy’ was most likely a code word for ‘not heinous looking, but not exactly a socially aggressive person and thus the personal ad’.

Fascinating reading! Anyway, a bitch wishes them all well and sincerely hopes that Midge from Darien finds that very special someone…with that certain annual income…and that certain social resume complete with those multiple degrees draped in Ivy…and well worn passport…oh, and subscription to The New Yorker…to explore Italy with.

Dream that dream, sister.

Dream it!

Point taken...

A certain Neo Cleo took issue with a bitch's use of the word 'heathen' to describe bad assed misbehaving chil'ren. A bitch should point out that my use of the word 'heathen' was in no way meant to disparage those who are Pagan...and yet it did, because of the origins and definition of the word.

Well, shit. We can't have that.

Sigh.

Thank you for calling a bitch out Neo Cleo.

After all, we of the United Church of Bitchitude and Latter Day Drunks are all about accuracy.

A quick clarification...

A certain Anonymous comment demands a clarification! Anonymous pointed out that there is a flawed assumption that volunteering in the community means volunteering with the poor…and there is also the assumption that only poor household go to shit….and she or he seems to think European public schools have their shit together.

First, a bitch needs to clarify that mentoring is needed in all manner of households. One need only look at the recent rash of suburban homeless beatings, random incidents of baseball bat based heathen behavior in Olivette and huge drug problems (come on, why the hell else are y’all testing all those prepped out boys?) at certain St. Louis area private schools to know that drama does not discriminate on the basis of income.

Mayhap Big Brothers Big Sisters should open up a special West County branch?

Second, on the issue of folks not having enough time to volunteer…well, that is bullshit. Sorry! Relief work and community volunteering are not the same thing. Some people are confusing not having time with having fucked up priorities and generally not giving a shit until the problem manifests itself in their living room in the form of Mitzi or Hunter’s massive and expensive meltdown at 15 or 16.

Amazing how that schedule gets clear as a motherfucker when shit hits home, huh?

And in my previous post a bitch was speaking specifically about those conservative bullshit mongers who pontificate about chil’ren, society and family-values then turn around and flee to the well guarded bastions of white flight, quietly schedule their daughter’s abortion over Spring break because it's a 'mistake' when it happens to Mitzi and vocally vote for anti-family, working people hating and small dog kicking politicians while riding a wave of sanctified marriage based bullshit that barely hides the tax cut for the rich that is the only true motivation for getting their greedy, money hungry, hypocritical asses to the polls.

Just follow the W’04 stickers home for a good hard sniff if you’re unfamiliar with the pungent odor.

As to European schools…well, a bitch can’t speak to them. This bitch attended public school right here in the great state of Missouri! Yes, a bitch did flee…but that was more a family issue and not a problem with my education. We used to handle our shit better and we were not mirroring the European system back in the day…though a bitch is rather fond of those cute little uniforms with the shorts and the school boy hats (wink).

But fuck it…a bitch is willing to look at anything to get education back on track, my ass just thinks a strong analysis of past American successes should be lumped in with those adoring gazes being thrown across the pond.

Okay...clarification done...toodles until tomorrow!

Pondering bullshit...

A bitch was thrilled to read that a certain Bitch PhD is willing to have my babies! Behold the power of sisterhood (wink).

And thank you to all those parents out there working hard to raise non-heathens with strong minds and tons of bitchitude.

Jumping in without a pause...

Pondering bullshit…
A bitch has been thinking about parenting a lot lately. The lack of parenting within my mentee's life, the horrible parenting behavior demonstrated by some of the parents of the young women at the women’s shelters my ass volunteers at and the parenting nightmares that litter the news.

Clearly there are some great parents out there or the world would be complete shit. My favorite parent of the moment is my newest mentee (a bitch now has 3 from various sources)...the young woman my ass wrote about not long ago. She is so present in her parenting and it shows in her relationship with her child. She shared with me that she would love to unschool her child, but she is working two jobs and going to school full time…it may not be possible. Anyway, it was a joy to see that the bond was so strong between this mother and child.

Everyone should not be a parent. Society needs to embrace this fact, know it and start fucking acting on it. Anyone who volunteers within their community will be confronted by this fact and the limits we have to address it. Foster care is a wonderful thing when it is a wonderful thing…and a fucking nightmare when it isn’t. And a bitch is beyond exhausted with the lack of follow through from the anti-choicers on parenting…you know, that life that they could give a flying shit about once it pops out of the oven.

And a bitch wants to be clear. This bitch is a family planning obsessed bitch. Contrary to popular belief, we pro-choice advocates do not sit around a camp fire dreaming up ways to increase the numbers of abortions in America. We do strategize about protecting every American's ability to make medical decisions with their doctor. We are working to protect a woman’s right to choose…if to get pregnant, when to get pregnant, how to one gets pregnant and what to do once she is pregnant. Every fucking one of those points is on the table…don’t sleep on that and don’t hesitate…every motherfucking one of them is being challenged.

Having said that, a bitch is proud to work within the community to educate women on their bodies, their rights and their responsibilities. And a bitch is fascinated that so many anti-choice folks aren’t jumping to get involved in the harvesting of their labor.

Yeah...a bitch went there.

Fuck it. My ass visits a shelter each week that has a waiting list of 200+ women with chil'ren. The fields are bursting and it looks to me like most family-valuesque Missourians are comfortable watching the fruit of their labor rot.

Anyhoo.

This bitch has a confession to make…my ass volunteers at two St. Louis shelters and both of them are religiously affiliated. This bitch has distanced myself somewhat from one of the shelters because of their stance on family planning, but my ass does conduct voter education classes there. And the monthly debates with the good sisters are kind of fun…a bitch has to be honest (wink). The other shelter is more open regarding family planning classes as long as we stress abstinence while providing education on options for safer sexual activity. And a bitch is fine with that.

What this bitch isn’t fine with is the lack of the faithful's participation within these organizations. Where the fuck are they? Why aren’t multitudes of sanctified folks volunteering an hour a week to teach these mothers about parenting…to give them advice on how to handle the stress and worry…to share the joys of watching their children discover the world around them? When it comes to parenting a bitch is at a loss. My ass has never been a parent and sometimes a bitch feels hopeless in the face of some of the concerns brought to me.

My first year volunteering my ass asked the director about parenting classes.

“Do you have volunteers come in and teach parenting skills?”

“Oh, we try to, but we have a hard time finding babysitters to watch the chil’ren while the mothers are in class. Parents as Teachers comes in, but we'd love a one-to-one mentoring program. We are always looking for volunteers in that area.”

Surely mentoring a mother at a faith based shelter would be right up an Evangelical's alley!

Nope.

But you can find them on righteous parade outside of Planned Parenthood! Oh, and they can spend hours at church praying for the immortal souls of the very people they lack the courage to meet face to face.

Observe, my brothers and sisters, bullshit on display.

Mayhap we should utilize this abundant resource to kick that oil habit?

By request...The Mommy Wars...

This bitch caught the Oscars last night. Jon Stewart was nervous as a motherfucker, but this bitch thinks he held his own with a rather serious crowd. Congrats to the winners and all that jazz.

The best moment for me was getting to see the fantabulous Lauren Bacall. A bitch simply adores Betty! Her voice is a scandal…washes over you like a cold shower on a hot day.

Sigh.

Fantabulous!

2 cups coffee with Splenda and 1% organic milk yumminess, 2 Excedrin, 1 Claritin and cigs…

A bitch is attempting to kick my Sudafed habit. The Man is determined to outlaw my decongestant of choice and this bitch might as well begin the physical adjustment. Lawd, my sinuses are in full rebellion!

By request…The Mommy Wars…
A certain Ann from Detroit has requested a bitch’s thoughts on the Mommy Wars. Okay…you asked for it…

ABB is a single no child having bitch…just thought my ass would clarify the perspective up front.

A bitch hangs with the broke masses and really doesn’t know very many people who can even entertain the notion of staying at home. My mother was the only one of my many aunts to be a stay at home parent…and, for the record, she was a fucking mess and not a good representation of the genre. So, a bitch has never connected 'staying at home' with providing better parenting. My ass thinks it would be healthier to approach this issue on a case by case basis. If a person can stay at home…and if staying at home is in the best interest of the chil’ren…then go with Gawd, stay at home and a bitch thanks you in advance for not raising a heathen.

If you can’t afford to stay at home or are a single parent, then you are making the same decision. Providing for your family is in their best interest. Stop freaking the fuck out, be thankful to be in a position to even take that task on and go with Gawd. A bitch is, once again, thankful that someone is attempting to rear a non-heathen.

If you are in a coupled situation with chil’ren and want to work…work, for the love of all that is holy! Be happy and fulfilled and you will demonstrate to your chil’ren that adults should aspire to be happy and fulfilled. Stop living a life by comparison and remember that people lie. You have no idea if Becky’s kids are really stable, do you? They could be complete heathens! Shit, for all you know Becky has to stay home because her chil’ren require…well, a lot of supervision if you know what a bitch means. Exhale, release and get about the business of living.

If you are in a coupled situation and want to stay at home…then do it! Jesus, do you need a motherfucking cookie to go and do what the hell you want to do? No? A bitch didn't think so! A bitch is happy as long as people don’t unleash 18 year old heathens on the world. How you accomplish that is beyond me.

If this parenting debate produced a better product…err, child (wink)…a bitch would be thrilled. But all it seems to produce are bitter assed people trying to win a debate on the superiority of apples to oranges.

Much of this boils down to society's concept of what women want. This latest Mommy War has erupted due to the increased numbers of women who are leaving their careers to become stay at home parents, right? This bitch is just young enough to fear the repercussions…the knowing glances that seem to say 'you may talk about wanting advancement, but that’s just because your hormones haven’t kicked in’.

Lawd knows the last thing women need is The Man being able to quote a fucking statistic to justify keeping his boot on our necks.

And there it is…the brick wall. The actions of others being used to justify the limitations put on us all.

And a bitch can’t stop thinking that this shit begins and ends with The Man.

Some say the real debate is over whether women are making an 'informed choice' or simply succumbing to societal pressure. But a bitch can’t help but find that sort of logic insulting…just as my ass finds the resurrection of the Mommy Wars extremely alarming.

So, is this Mommy War to be fought on multiple fronts until women litter the battlefield? And who benefits from that?

Lawd, a bitch is getting all JFK on this shit!

But really...

...who does benefit from this Mommy War?

Sunday bitchitude...

Blogger lost its motherfucking mind on Friday! Sorry for the lack of bitchitude.

This bitch is too excited about visiting Chicago. A certain Todd and ProfessorGQ call Chicago home and a bitch expects all manner of advice on who, what, where and when! A gathering may be in the works...and a bitch will bring my new favorite fashion accessory, a framed signed picture of Anderson Cooper, up to visit too (wink to Todd).

Let’s just jump right the hell on in…

You have officially lost your minds...
Just when a bitch thought the state of Missouri was done embarrassing the living shit out of me…the inmates otherwise known as our elected officials pull this kind of shit.

Yes, Missouri lawmakers found time in their busy day of oppressing women and denying chil'ren an education to propose a law that would basically make Christianity the official state religion.

It was too much to ask that this shit would fly under the radar of the national press...uh huh, too fucking much to ask!

Now, a bitch read the news that certain totally insane lawmakers want to make Christianity the official state religion of Missouri with some amusement. This bitch finds the notion of the multitudes that make up "Christianity" getting along during this power struggle rather optimistic…naïve as a motherfucker…and flawed beyond all possible understanding.

The officially fucked up resolution has some sort of wording that officially recognizes a “Christian God”…which is confusing, because a bitch always thought there was one Devine One rather than a different one for each faith. Or did they not mean to say it like that? Assholes.

This shit really got a bitch thinking.

When they say "Christian" what do they mean? Because a bitch has experienced all manner of Christian faiths and they are…well…very different in practice. This bitch was raised a Baptist, but not a Southern Baptist so it was cool to get your drink on and dance. There are Lutherans, Methodists, African Methodist Episcopal, Pentecostal, Presbyterians, Quakers and so forth and so on. And that’s not including the Catholics, who kicked all the Protestants into gear in the first place.

So…which Christian won this undercover state religion lottery?
And catch that knee before it jerks, Anonymous. History shows that Christians are great against a united enemy, but open up the door to some possible dominance and the in-fighting is enough to make Jesus weep.

After pondering that shit for a spell it dawned on me that this state religion shit may explain some earlier legislative hypocrisy. No wonder the motherfuckers in power didn’t move to outlaw divorce once they sanctified through the state the glorious divinity of man on woman marriage in Missouri! Well shit…they had a plan. First they moved to protect sanctified marriage from a non-existent enemy…then to make Christianity the state religion…and then they just have to be planning to outlaw fucking around, being a general asshole, being an abusive asshole and ending a marriage for any reason at all.

But wait! A bitch is confused. How can marriage be defined as being between a man and a woman if Christianity isn’t already the official state religion of Missouri? What exactly are they basing that definition on?

Oh no…you sorry assed motherfuckers executed the Dark One's master plan out of order! Y'all are fucking up the End of Days...you disorganized minionesque fucks.

If you intend to dominate the state through the influence of the word of Gawd…establish the sovereignty of the word of Gawd first! Hello!?!

Hold it!

Shit.

That won’t work either…because of that pesky thing called separation of church and state that is so very American. Those silly founders noticed a wee little connection between corruption, the church and the utilization of religion to oppress the masses through the weapons of government.

Well, shit…rewind.

None of this shit works.

Makes a bitch wonder if these people aren't just tossing shit up into the fan for fun.

This bitch needs to prepare for the inevitable shit storm...

Chicago!

C-Money has to travel to Chicago on bitness at the end of the month and this bitch is tagging along.

Yeah, baby!

The Bitch Squad's Chicago-based Adventure Preliminary Plans!
A bitch is in charge of finding out what, if any, theatrical happenings are going down. C-Money is all over checking out some museums, shopping, haunting a good jazz club or two and more shopping.

A bitch is broke, so my ass will be doing all of that except the shopping part (wink).

The Sisters of Bitchitude are embarking on a mini-trip!

Any suggestions, my Chicago based brothers and sisters of bitchitude and debauchery?

And now Missouri...

Clarification - The legislation mentioned below in no way currently impacts abortion and reproductive health services in Missouri. This shit ain't law yet and even if that asshole signs it there is a process through which it will be challenged.

For information, advice and options please check out Planned Parenthood/St. Louis Region.


A bitch wasn’t at all surprised that a Missouri senator filed some sort of bill to…you guessed it…ban all abortions in the state. Oh, wow...they worded it just like the bill introduced in Mississippi and the one passed in South Dakota!

Lawd, a bitch might start to think that there’s a conspiracy of sorts unfolding nationally...

For the love of all that is holy, this bitch is beyond disgusted. But shit, if things were the other way around and the Supreme Court had just seated two new fantastically left leaning liberals…well, a bitch would hope someone would introduce a Constitutional Amendment protecting a woman’s right to choose, mandating a national healthcare system to cover all Americans and specifically protecting the individual rights of children as citizens.

Guess it’s all about priorities, huh?

Fuck this fucking shit to hell and back again!

FUCK IT!

Shit.

What the hell can you expect to hear come out of a dawg...but a bark?

As a woman who often volunteers with women who have chosen to have a child…a child sometimes created through rape or incest…this bitch is left physically ill at the thought of government stepping into such a personal decision. The fact that they are doing it behind the cowardly distance of legislation is pathetic.

A bitch wants these motherfuckers to stand up…to look a woman in the eye and tell her that they are just absolutely right and she is just absolutely wrong.

Ready, set and go…again.

A bitch will keep y’all updated on what we can do and what The Man is doing.

Ahhhhh!

This bitch has some good news to share with y’all! C-Money’s mentee, who is the older sister to my mentee, has dramatically improved her attendance and English grade! Congratulations to C-Money! You are a fantabulous big sister…see, a bitch told you my inability to learn geometry was just a fluke and in no way an indication of your tutoring skills! Since this hard working young mentee is a wee bit too young to read a bitch, formal exclamations of joy and encouragement will be showered upon her tomorrow over ice cream.

Moving forward, empowered as a motherfucker…

Ahhhhh!
A bitch read the news that 1 in 1,000 Americans know the five freedoms guaranteed under the First Amendment with some relief.

Hold it! Catch that knee before it jerks! Catch it, for the love of all that's holy!

Now settle down.

This is great news, chil’ren! All this time a bitch has been harboring a secret fear that my fellow Americans understood the freedoms they were willfully handing over to the current administration. Some of these people have jumped up in my comments section to tell a bitch my ass is 'un-American' and 'living in a pre-September 11th world'.

The thought of anyone who understood the freedoms guaranteed to every America actually choosing to flush them down the toilet and ‘trust’ any elected official and his minions made this bitch ill.

Now, the truth is set before us and it is glorious news!

Americans aren’t willfully handing their freedom over to Satan’s helpmate…they're just ignorant as a motherfucker (special thanks to a certain accurate spelling person for pointing out a bitch's error)! And a bitch thinks the ignorantification (wink) of the American citizenry is part of a vast right wing conspiracy to redefine America in the image of Stalinist Russia.

Think about it...No Child Left Behind, Abstinance Education, the removal of art and music from public school curriculums, the banning of books, the attacking of all intellectuals and the utilization of the power of government to punish political enemies.

Mmmhmmm...if it walks like it and smells like it, call it what it is.

These people know that ignorance is the key to their power. A bitch has said it before…an educated voter is a liberal voter!

In the spirit of voter education, the freedoms listed in the First Amendment are… freedom of speech, religion, press, assembly and petition for redress of grievances.

Well, golly...those just happen to be some of the same freedoms under attack right now! What do you make of that, Scooter B.?

Mercy.

We've got some serious work to do...