Friday, November 04, 2005

Katie, Matt and Al...in the Lou!?!

Chil’ren, you may want to sit down.

Are you settled?

Good.

The Today Show will be in St. Louis, home of the Blues and a bitch, Monday.

Holy shit.

What to do? How to prepare?

Well, obviously a bitch will have to be there.

Habitat for Humanity, one of this bitch’s favorite organizations, is having a build blitz in St. Louis this weekend. The Today Show, being the Katrina relief media whores that they are, will be highlighting other people’s work this Monday as we set those homes on our beloved muddy river and send them down to the delta!

The anticipation is orgasmic! Live confrontational bitchitude with Katie...holy shit!

A bitch may just put on some bitch gear and see if my ass can get and interview with whoever they fly down here to capture the moment!

Speaking of bitch gear…

A certain AbsolutBilly has bestowed a gift upon a bitch. My brother in bitchitude and loyal member of the Untied Church of Bitchitude and Latter Day Drunks dropped by my office yesterday and gave my ass a watch…with an ABB logo on it!

Hugs and appreciation my vodka loving friend!

Anyhoo…

A bitch has a lot to say today, so please be patient…brilliance takes time.

Post #1 should be out of the oven in about 2 hours…

Thursday, November 03, 2005

Broke as a motherfucker...

Happy Thursday, Chil’ren!

Jumping in without a touch of fear…

2 cups coffee with ample portions of Splenda and 1% organic milk, 1 Claritin, 2 fake-assed government regulated pseudo-Sudafed and cigs…

A bitch would like to welcome any new readers who found my ass through Salon.com! My name is Shark-fu and my ass will be your angryblackbitch today…

Praise and adoration to Special Prosecutor Fitzgerald! My beloved Fitz has removed Scooter Libby from the scene, thus protecting a bitch’s nickname for President Bush! Fantabulous work…cookies are in the mail. ABB predicts a plea but prays fervently for a long, tedious and embarrassing trial.

Moving forward…

Broke as a motherfucker…
America is broke. The first step to getting over a problem is admitting you have one. Chil’ren, we are broke as a motherfucker!

We have no money. What we spend we get from loans. Our surplus is no more and now those wild and crazy kids in the House of Representatives are dusting off their calculators and trying to cut $50 billion from the budget.

Repeat after me…$50 billion.

Now, this pisses a bitch off on several levels.

#1 – What kind of fucking Republicans are these people?
A bitch grew up in the Reagan era. Yeah, my ass was born during the demise of Nixon’s second term. Yeah, a bitch lived under the Carter administration for a quick second. But, basically my ass grew up under Reagan…8 long years of The Gipper.

Jesus! Give a bitch a second to recover.

It’s still hard to talk about it!

Okay.

Republicans pitch themselves as fiscally conservative. A bitch grew into an adult watching Democrats struggle to save social programs that Republicans insisted our nation could not afford. We were the tax and spend folks and they were the get your hand out of my fucking wallet folks. So, imagine a bitch’s surprise when a new wave of spend happy conservatives took control!

Where the fuck is my surplus? Why the hell don’t we have any money? And if anyone says the phrase 911 a bitch is going to renounce non-violence and lodge my foot where the sun don’t shine!

You need to save some fucking money? Fine! How about refusing your salaries. It’s not as if the federal government does anything anymore. Really. A bitch has been told that disaster relief and management is the state’s responsibility, my health care is my own fucking responsibility, education has federal expectations but is funded locally and that we had best come up with a Missouri plan for the Bird Flu or we are going to be shit out of luck.

Hmmmm. What the fuck is a bitch paying you guys for?

Oh, that’s right! To preserve the sanctity of sorta-sanctified but endable marriage, make sure that biblical phrases stay visible throughout the land, seize my private property for Wal-Mart, dip into family disputes over life support, authorize the fucking up of the environment, confuse the elderly with horrendous forms, send the young to die at war on a whim, claim sovereignty over my uterus and destroy America as we know it…

Deep breath…

…thus guaranteeing a bitch will live out my days alone, hungry, unable to drink the water, surrounded by uneducated heathens and living in a box behind the Wal-Mart that now stands where my home used to be.

Assholes.

#2 – Why are the same people responsible for creating the shit storm entrusted to fix it?

A bitch is confused. The new Republican created bankruptcy law states that a person is going to have a harder time filing for bankruptcy, will have to pay back a large portion of their debt and attend credit counseling.

So, why the fuck isn’t Congress held to the same new criteria?

A bitch proposes that, having fucked up our surplus and driven the nation into debt, our government (Congress and Scooter’s minions) attend credit-counseling classes.

They shall also be required to pay back the balance of the cost of the Iraq War, which was an unnecessary expenditure that was procured under false pretenses. Each official who voted for or made the case for war will be required to set up a payment plan. Each official who voted for or made the case for those totally fucked up tax cuts will have that added to the list of debt. These assholes will sign off on the payment plan, have their wages garnered and then attend credit counseling classes so that we, the motherfucking citizens, will be confident that they will not make the same mistake twice!

Shit, a bitch is thrilled! This new approach to monumental debt is fantabulus! Thanks for the idea, kids.

#3 – What the fuck are you assholes doing about Social Security?
Since a bitch will most likely work until my ass drops, Social Security is not high on my personal list of things to freak out about. No, this bitch’s sole concern for Social Security is based on my acknowledgement that Boomers outnumber Generation Bitch.

Yep, my fellow 30-45ers, our parent’s generation is going to retire and this bitch doesn’t want to wake up with fifteen 75-year-old angry black bitch’s living in my house!

Oh, the horror!

Social Security is still fucked up, but no one is talking about it. Private accounts are not the answer. A bitch is certain that they will cover that in the federally mandated credit counseling classes that our government officials will have to attend!

So…

WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DO YOU HAVE IN MIND!

Get to it, motherfuckers. Now is the time. Slash and burn budget cuts are not the only things you fuckers are supposed to be working on.

Oh yeah…America got her ownership society.

A bitch is going to own some governmental ass if these fuckers don't pull it together!

This bitch might be fascinated by the current fireworks display of political scandals, but my ass has no intention of watching those lights dance in the sky while governmental minions rip off my fucking wallet…

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

Aaron Brown is leaving a bitch...

Aaron Brown is leaving a bitch.

Okay, Aaron and this bitch don't have anything really going on, but he is leaving CNN.

My ass knew they'd drive him off when Anderson Cooper started co-anchoring at 9pm CST.

Poor Wolfie is next in line.

Oh, Blitzer! A bitch sees your pain every evening as those crazy screens flash wildly behind you! Why! Why did they do this to you!

Shit. A bitch likes Anderson Cooper, but why can't my ass have some 360 and Aaron Brown too?

Fuck it.

What they need to do is give this bitch the 6pm slot and let my ass do the news with some serious bitchitude!

Fair thee well, Aaron Brown! A bitch shall miss you...

You wanna piece of me...?

Well, it seems that a certain Senator Harry Reid got fired up yesterday!

Senator Reid called for and got a closed session to discuss how the White House misled the Senate on the case for war. It appears that Democrats are searching for a way to save face on the war based on the new spin that Scooter is a lying sack of shit.

A bitch adores a good political brawl and Harry (we are so close, but he doesn’t like to brag about it) decided to kick this one off with a surprise fuck you on the Senate floor! The session was closed and, from what this wee little TAX PAYING FUCKING CITIZEN was able to garner, the Senate agreed on…oh my GAWD…a timetable!

Hold on a minute…let a bitch catch my breath.

Jesus, can y’all just imagine what would have happened had these motherfuckers called from a special, super-special, deep cover, closed executive session…before the war!

Anyhoo...

This bitch indulged in a nice closed executiev bitch-session of FUCK YOU FOR GETTING INDIGNANT NOW, ASSHOLE followed by WAY TO CALL THEM OUT AFTER YOU RUBBER STAMPED A FUCKING WAR.

Sigh…good times.

Post scream fest, my ass settled down to find out just what everyone is saying went down.

Republican spin…
This is a stunt! We told those gay loving, abortion having, minority adoring, Spanish is the new English fiends that we were moving forward two days ago. They are such assholes! How dare the utilize a power granted to them by the Constitution to make us look like the foot dragging war mongering money hungry shits we are!

Democratic spin…
Now y’all can see just how much of a fucking fit we have to pull to get anything done around here! These people are crazy! IN-FUCKING-SANE! And they control the House and the Senate! Heaven to Earth and back again, all we want is an investigation into the sexed up…that’s the word the Brits used, wasn’t it…yeah, sexed up case for war. Oh, and we need that motherfucking investigation to wrap up right around the elections of 2006!

Oh, and hey Scooter…you lying sack of shit! No way we’re taking the fall for this shit!

ABB’s Spin…
Didn't Congress already investigate this shit? Or was that just a British faux-investigation?

Fuck it! This was quality television! Harry was all flushed and excited. His lips quivered! Shit, he fucking balled up a fist…and shook it!

It just doesn’t get much better than this.

Okay, that’s a lie…if Frist had emerged from the closed session with a bloody lip and a black eye and Harry’s fist was…well…bruised (cause you know that Senator Reid hasn’t punched anyone in forevah)…not that would have been better.

Hey Harry…way to embrace your bitchitude!

A bitch could have sworn she heard you whisper 'shady motherfuckers' as the Senate doors closed…

Depression and the modern bitch...

A bitch is having one of those super busy days!

2 cups coffee with Splenda and yummy yum 1% organic milk, 1 Claritin, 2 Sudafed and cigs…

First, to a certain AngryBrownButch…go ahead with your bad self! This bitch is very aware that bitchitude is universal and that my ass isn’t the only angry bitch out there. Go forth and blog!

A bitch knows that yesterday's post was a wee bit dark, but shit my ass is feeling dark.

Depression and the modern bitch…
A bitch is moody as well as bitchy. My ass has lievd through and with depression in its various forms for years. This bitch suffers from insomnia, headaches, bitchitude and all manner of depression-linked illnesses.

Depression is normal for a bitch and comes from the overwhelming nature of things and my inability to fix it all. There are people in my life who have more complex forms of depression…this bitch knows that my version is the low that comes with the high and the optimistic expectation of the high.

When a bitch was a wee one, my ass used to sit for hours and meditate about world peace, a cure for cancer and general goodness. A bitch really felt that my ass could will everything to be all right, everyone to be happy and the world to realize that we all need to work together. The more everything in my life spiraled out of control the harder my ass meditated and tried to force order through the power of my thoughts.

As my ass entered my teens reality set in…a bitch can’t fix it all and make it all perfect. And so, a bitch hit a low and just kept sinking lower.

My grades didn’t suffer and my school activities were not neglected. But a bitch didn't want to move, bathe...breathe. Doing the basics was more of a habit and, if no one were around to cast judgement, my ass would simply sit and be in silence...for hours.

A bitch was the only thing to go untended during my spiral into the dark.

My ass has written before about becoming visible and whole. For me, that took place in college after my ass sank into that cool dark place where you simply can’t give a shit and just don’t care. A bitch isn’t going to get into the particulars…those are for me and mine and perhaps for another post at another time. Suffice it to say, my visibility…my authentic bitchitude…came out as my ass slowly pulled myself, naked and exhausted, from the blank comfort that is my depression.

Now, a bitch has learned to embrace my anger, my humor, my highs and my lows. My ass knows what the darkness feels like and a bitch knows how to avoid sinking in too deep.

These are trying times and being fucking mad about it is normal and, in many ways, beneficial. Behind my anger there is a strong thread of sadness and mourning for everyday that passes with this nation and world wounded and infected.

And yes, there is even humor in the midst of all that is fucked up and gloomy.

This bitch got up this morning, drank my coffee, went through my morning ritual and came to work. Over a decade ago, it would have been a monumental achievement for my ass to drag myself to the shower and face the world again.

This is me, whole and aware…human and emotional.

The sun is shining in Missouri…leaves are changing and the morning air is crisp.

Yeah...a bitch ain't down for the count!

It’s going to be just fine…

Blessing and hugs to all!

Tuesday, November 01, 2005

Of couse he does...

A bitch failed to recognize a certain someone who dressed up like…well…an angry bitch for All Hallows Eve! My ass has truly arrived…though secretly a bitch is beyond envious of the height and density of that ‘fro!

Fantabulous!

Jumping right in with our eyes closed and toes pointed…

“Of course he does”…
A bitch just cleared away a post about Alito that my ass has been chewing on for the past 3 hours.

Just fucking deleted it.

Fuck it.

A bitch is weary of this debate. My ass is disappointed that the political right would be so eager to tear down Roe that they would refuse one nominee because she wasn’t defined enough on the issue then push for another nominee because he was so clearly defined on it that his own mother knows…without question…what his opinion is.

When asked whether her son opposed to abortion rights Alito’s mother said “Of course he does”. Sounds like conservatives have picked the right man to accomplish one thing…one very certain and clear goal…when his ass gets on the bench.

A bitch can’t stop thinking about all of the collective energy thrown into the abortion war. Both liberals and conservatives spend tons of money, energy and effort fighting battle after battle to either protect, defend or destroy Roe.

At least once a week this bitch drives past the Planned Parenthood building, which is almost always under siege by some protest group or another trying to one-up the last group in the graphic imagery contest that is a pro-life protest.

My ass used to want to yell or throw something at them.

Now all this bitch wants to do is take their hand and walk them down the street to the Habitat for Humanity building. A bitch wants to introduce them to some of the single moms enrolled in the homeownership program at Habitat. Afterwards, a bitch would love to take them to a build site so that they could see what was and what will be. My ass would take them on a tour of a typical St. Louis city school…with the walls falling down, the violence in the hallways and the flashes of academic excellence that still shine through.

A bitch is weary of this battle. My ass is weary of being judged to not cherish life by people who never once participate in any life but their own.

My ass is tired of social conservatives who do not invest in our society.

A bitch isn’t going to participate in a nuanced debate about Alito. My ass will leave the particulars to some other blogger…Bitch PhD is sure to have the 411 on this fucker once she gets done with her research.

This bitch would like another nominee, Mr. Scooter. A bitch wants a regular chick…broke, freaked out and skeptical of the world. Give a bitch your average woman and let those legal divas debate her on the constitutionality of it all.

Nope…not going to happen, huh?

Oh yes, a bitch is weary.

My ass is weary of churches that worship the god of profit, Christians who do not honor Christ in their behavior and Catholics who would force onto others what they choose…oh, yes choose… not to do within their own marriage.

“Does ABB oppose Alito?”

Of course she does…

Monday, October 31, 2005

Oh no he didn’t…!

As this bitch sipped her coffee this morning a certain Scooter made his second nomination for Justice O’Conner’s replacement to the Supreme Court.

Scooter, properly chastised from the right for his first nominee, chose Judge Samuel Alito.

Okay.

Well, that’s different.

Still a lousy choice, but definitely different.

ABB’s Mind-Based Conversation this morning with Scooter…
ABB…"What the fuck are you doing? Have you lost your motherfucking mind?”

Scooter, with a serious whine…"I’m working hard! This is hard work! Give me a fucking break, bitch. I need to find my base again!”

ABB, with temper…"You couldn’t find your ass with both hands, motherfucker!”

Scooter…"Fuck you! This is my nomination and y’all will have to deal with it. I’m the president!”

ABB, speaking softly…"Scooter, you do understand that proceeding with this new nomination will be a declaration of war.”

Scooter slurred back with attitude…"Yeah, what of it! So, is this war? Do you fucking liberals want a piece me? Jump on in, honey, ‘cause the conservatives have warmed this fucking pool up for ya! Fuck this fucking shit!”

ABB, on a whispered breathe…"Fine…WAR!”

Let the battle begin...

Post #1 The Plague...

A bitch has a lot to say today, so hold on tight and buckle the fuck up.

A bitch had a hectic weekend full of appointments and such. The Sunday morning news shows got a bitch all riled up! Last night my ass snuggled up with the dawgs to watch something other than the news.

ABB’s Failed Attempt to Avoid Reality by Watching The Plague on The History Channel…
A bitch adores The History Channel! It can be hit or miss, but the hits are fantabulous. This bitch can’t get enough of historical drama and serial killers, so The History Channel is appointment viewing for my ass.

A bitch was so excited to hear that The History Channel was planning to show The Plague yesterday that my ass pre-scheduled it in the TiVO.

Shit, a bitch never said my ass was normal.

Anyhoo, The Plague was amazing. The show was a two-hour reconstruction of The Black Death’s reign of terror on the world. They did a really good job of incorporating medical experts, historical records, historians and cheesy reenactments complete with costumes, fake blood and faux festering black boils.

Fantabulous!

As this bitch watched The Plague devastate Europe my ass sipped my vodka grape cran (heavy on the vodka ‘cause my nerves are bad) and began to ponder what the modern world would do in the face of such a natural disaster.

This pissed me off, because the whole reason a bitch turned on The Plague was to avoid thinking about our own current fucked up Bird Flu pandemic waiting to happen world!

FUCK!

Well, shit…nothing to do but spin it out, because now my brain has latched on to reality and will not let it go.

A bitch has written extensively about Missouri’s fucked up non-health healthcare system. Medicaid benefits have been slashed and over 150,000 Missourians are now without healthcare. Anyone with a senior citizen in his or her world will know that Medicare is fucked up too.

So, when a bitch read this my ass almost went ballistic. On top of denying citizens healthcare under the guise of budget cuts at the state level, now the goons in government are planning to starve the people too!

Education sucks, so the masses will be too stupid to see the hammer coming down upon them. Reproductive rights are under attack (look for a post on that later on today, chil’ren) so the rich will get richer and the poor will get chil’ren. Healthcare is a fucking joke and we all know that will result in illness, additional poverty and suffering. And now, in order to pay for their fucking war and tax cuts, these evil motherfuckers are cutting food stamps in an effort to starve the masses!

But bitch…what does that have to do with The Black Death?

Great question chil’ren!

See, disease is the great equalizer. As a bitch learned last night, The Plague devastated the rich and the poor equally. Kings and peasants died the same miserable blood gagging boil-invested death!

Remember that the 1918 flu pandemic, which was an avian flu that mutated to spread from human to human, did much the same damage. Death, misery, population devastation…yep, that motherfucker was just a plague by another name. And lack of healthcare, crowded poverty stricken neighborhoods, economic greed and an apathetic government didn’t help the situation back in the day.

Well, chil’ren, it’s 2005 and the ingredients for a nice worldwide Plague are upon us!

13% of the population lives in abject poverty, which means that close to 25% of the population lives in extreme poverty and a whopping 35% is poor as a motherfucker. It may come as a shock to some, but malnutrition and unsanitary conditions are still a factor of American poverty.

Most Americans who fall into that 35% are the working poor, who were just removed from the Missouri Medicaid rolls and my ass is pretty sure we’re not the only state suffering under the miserable weight of a craven Republican non-family...fuck your family…my ass is only concerned about my family agenda. So, Americans are working more, making less, unable to see the doctor…what else can we add to this fucked up soup?

Yes! No more food! Yeah! Now the elderly, mentally ill, developmentally handicapped, poor and the struggling will no longer be able to count on their government for food. Wait, it gets better. Chil’ren will be pulled off of school lunches. A bitch works with several area schools that have already informed my ass that, should this budget butcher job make it through the senate, most of their students will loose the only real meal they get each day.

Way to fucking go!

Oh bitch, can it get any more fucked up?

Yes, chil’ren, it can.

Because all of this cold, compassionless, evil, typical craven assed governmental behavior is happening while the world faces the very real threat of another avian flu pandemic and the most globalized economy in modern history.

Hmmm…one would have to look back to…my ass doesn’t know…wait…oh yes, the era of the Black Death to see a caldron of despair such as this.

Globalization…check.

Disease….check.

Greed and apathy…check.

Poverty…check.

Malnutrition…check.

You’ve just got to love progress!

Pay attention to Scooter’s grand plan to address a possible pandemic expected this week.

Did a bitch scare you, yet?

Happy fucking Halloween…!

Friday, October 28, 2005

Friday bitchitude and a dream-based beating...

A bitch is a wee bit philosophical about the indictment and resignation of Scooter Libby today. My ass hopes that the investigation into the possible involvement of Karl Rove and the rest of Scooter W.’s minions continues on to completion.

But this bitch is feeling…well…angry.

2 cups coffee with Splenda and 1% organic milk, 1 Claritin, 2 Sudafed and cigs…

Last night in my dreams, while my ass was contemplating which implement of correction to use on Scooter Libby, a bitch pondered the shit storm that is the Valerie Plame CIA leak case. As this bitch ran my fingers across the merciless rods of correction at my disposal all my ass could think about was how everything would have turned out if Scooter W. and his minions has acted differently.

Instead of my regular dream based beating, this bitch strapped Scooter Libby into the four points of instruction and started out with a little conversation.

ABB’s Dream-Based Rant to Scooter Libby on the Eve of his Indictment…
Motherfucker! Why the hell would you do such a stupid thing? It’s not just that you responded to criticism by using the weapons of government against your enemies and it’s not just that you lied and encouraged others to lie about the evil shit you did!

The problem, Scooter, is that you failed to listen and then react correctly. The evidence you acted so aggressively to protect WAS FUCKING FLAWED! The war you so vigorously promoted WAS NOT JUSTIFIED!

Motherfucker!

If you present evidence and someone disagrees with your interpretation or the validity of that evidence, you should listen! After you digest their argument, you should represent the case. If they still disagree then maybe your evidence is bullshit! But what did you do? You went into attack mode!

Dumb assed motherfucker!

Stop looking at me like my ass is crazy!

If you and your fellow minions had only listened to all of the people who told you your evidence was bullshit…would we have gone to war? Would we still be engaged in combat trying to establish order in a chaotic shit storm of our own creation? Would 2000 Americans be dead? Would the world hate us? Would our credibility be diminished just when we need it most? Would our resources be depleted? Would parents be crying and chil’ren be parentless? Would our nation be depressed and apathetic? Would your master plan be in shambles? Would America be broke and pimping ourselves out to China?

Fuck it.

Would your ass be about to get corrected?

Open your eyes, honey. This is going to sting...

ABB’s Post Ass-Whooping Contemplation…
Shit.

A bitch should get paid for doing such noble work.

This bitch secretly believes that Scooter Libby was still feeling the sting of the ABB rod of correction when his ass typed up his resignation letter this morning!

Chil’ren, have a safe and happy Halloween!

Thursday, October 27, 2005

Shit...

Oh my! Where to start?

Let’s just jump right in, shall we?

2 cups coffee with Splenda and 1% organic milk (yum), 1 Claritin, 2 Sudafed and cigs…

Congratulations Chicago! The White Sox have won the series…could it be the end of days? Party hard and try not to riot!

Okay, now what?
Harriet Miers requested that her name be withdrawn for nomination to the Supreme Court and Scooter reluctantly complied. A bitch enjoyed the theory proposed on CNN…

Scooter’s administration is anticipating indictments today or tomorrow in the CIA leak probe, so they announced the Miers withdrawal this morning in the hopes that the indictment announcement will overwhelm the Miers media debacle. Once the indictment scandal kicks in Scooter’s minions will announce another nominee who will then distract from the indictment scandal!

Shit…it’s worth a try.

Anyway, now conservatives are going to lobby for a seasoned conservative and liberals will scramble around trying to find dirt on whoever that nominee is.

Drama!

Ann Coulter and her dislike of the name Scooter…
A bitch watched the Today Show this morning with every intention of munching on a yummy bowl of bran and raisins. Unfortunately, the producers of the Today Show decided to call in Ann Coulter of the bitter hag faced Coulters to provide commentary on all things Scooter!

A bitch lost my appetite when confronted with Ann and her twisted, evil, rancid and emaciated face.

Matt Lauer to Ann…"How is the White House going to handle to possible indictment of Scooter Libby?”

Coulter, ever evil and willing to play the minion…"Well, I guess they will be able to get rid of someone named Scooter. I didn’t even know who Scooter Libby was until 5 minutes ago!”

ABB to the television
…"Nice try, bitch. You know Scooter Libby. Shit, you probably know who waxes his asshole at the spa. Is this how you’re going to try to play it? Are you really going to appear on national television and act like Scooter Libby is a nobody? You are such a fucking asshole, Ann! Note to Coulter – no one knew whom the fuck John Dean was either! Skank.”

Lauer, apparently thrown by Coulter’s non-denial denial…"Reports are that the White House is concerned that they may loose the mastermind of Bush’s political success, Rove, and a key advisor to the Vice President, Libby!”

Coulter, silently wondering if Lauer finds her attractive, responded sharply…not quiet shrillish…more of a sharp bitter tone…"They are just two guys who work at the White House.”

ABB to Coulter…"Bitch please! And stop crossing your bony legs…you might cut somebody!”

Lauer to Coulter…"Many conservatives have begun to vigorously attack the White House including you.”

Coulter, having been briefed that Scooter planned to withdrawal Miers via the microchip implanted in her faux Arian head…"Bush made one mistake…Harriet Miers. He just has to eliminate that one mistake and everything will be fine!”

Lauer blinked then moved forward…"What, if anything, do you expect to come of all this?”

Coulter, longing to slide her tongue down Lauer’s neck, leaned forward…"Well, the Republican Party will be rid of a man named Scooter and Harriet Miers will withdrawal her name from consideration. Then, everything will be perfect again!”

A bitch sat back and took a sip of coffee. It seems that Ann Coulter of the fiendishly evil Coulters has a real problem with the name Scooter. If this bitch had a larger ego my ass might wonder if that freak reads my fucking blog and has confused Scooter Libby with the ABB presidential Scooter.

No…no fucking way. Ann can’t read!

So, this is how conservative plan to play it. Ann has no credibility to loose, so it was a wise move to put her ass out there to test this new spin. The problem is that all the president’s minions reject academic research. They have no real understanding of Watergate or any other scandal for that matter. Shit, in the same interview Coulter called Ken Star a Boy Scout and announced that liberals were in the wrong to attack him when he went after Bubba Clinton for lying about a sloppy blowjob.

Folks, no one knows who anyone is until they get in trouble. The fact that the average American doesn’t know who Rove or Libby has nothing to do with whether they are key to Scooter’s administration or not.

And this bitch isn’t excited to see them get indicted because they may be key to the administration…my ass wants to see someone held accountable for creating a climate of fear and intimidation that resulted in a clear path for Scooter’s administration to lie to the American people and the world about their case for the Iraq War!

So, fuck you Ann Coulter…my ass can’t stand you! You are a disgrace and you should take to the hills and become the hunched over hermit you were destined to be at birth!

And the Today Show can fuck off too…between live abdominal surgery and Ann Coulter in the morning a bitch might just puke!

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

Sadness, buyer's remorse and anticipation...

Sadness...
Brother Rob is leaving a bitch!

Loyal readers know that Brother Rob Thurman is a bitch’s co-worker. For two years this bitch has worked with Brother Rob in our tiny office. My ass liked Brother Rob right off the bat…he was funny, cynical, smart and bitchy which are all the best qualities in a person. Oh, and he knows fashion, good corn bread and how to dance. So, for two years my ass has had the privilege of working with someone a bitch could truly admire and respect.

Getting to know Brother Rob has been a blessing. For my birthday this year, he gave a bitch her blog. This bitch will always be grateful for that not so subtle push into the blog world. And my ass will always be grateful to the Devine One for leading me down the path that introduced me to Brother Rob Thurman!

A bitch is proud to call Brother Rob my friend and sorry that he will no longer be my co-worker. My ass looks forward to continuing our work with the United Church of Bitchitude and Latter Day Drunks…look for a church meeting announcement soon!

Brother Rob is moving on the work in development with a local agency servicing the homeless in St. Louis.

Sigh.

Well, shit…how can a bitch resent that?

Fair thee well, Brother Rob! A bitch expects regular visits and frequent gatherings at Sweetie Pie’s.

You are the shit…don’t you ever forget that!

Sob.

Pulling my ass together and moving forward…

Buyer's Remorse...
A bitch has been reflecting on all the shit that has gone down in the past two years.

Scooter proposed an overhaul to Social Security that included privatization and a ton of other costly changes.

Scooter proposed a Constitutional Amendment to ban gay marriage.

Scooter muscled through a prescription drug benefit to Medicare that no one understands. Because the new system prohibits the government from negotiating with drug manufacturers on drug costs the benefit has amounted to nothing…some drugs probably cost more and seniors are getting screwed.

Scooter has fucked up his unjust war. Now, with 2000 Americans dead and no end in sight he is left mumbling stay the course to an apathetic audience.

The Supreme Court has seen one very qualified and scary nomination followed by another unqualified and scary nomination. Harriet Miers appears to be on the outs and the only person who doesn’t see that yet is Scooter.

The economy is fucked, raises are flat, fuel costs are through the roof, the environment is fighting back, devastation is left unaddressed and Prozac is seeing huge profits.

Americans are poised to enter the holiday season depressed, broke, stressed, cold, uninsured and uninspired.

It’s no huge surprise that a new poll shows that Scooter wouldn’t win if a presidential election were held today.

Some of us saw this shit coming…we never voted for him and we never supported his policy fuck-ups. Others are experiencing the wrath of Scooter for the first time…stings doesn’t it?

Well, on behalf of all of us who tried to warn you…FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU FOR NOT LISTEING TO A BITCH!

Now, do my ass a favor…learn from this harsh and devastating lesson and do some fucking homework next time!

Oh Devine One...please send us a candidate with real values, good ideas and the intelligence to implement them!

Anticipation...
A bitch is excited about the pending announcement in the CIA leak case. My ass is all a flutter!

Shit!

This bitch is prepared for the worst and hopeful for the best. This shit stinks to high heaven and a bitch would like to see someone go down for pulling a shitty stunt like this. However, a bitch is wise and aware that the powerful rarely face punishment for the evil they do.

Tick tock, tick tock…MY ASS CAN’T STAND IT!

A bitch has a confession to make…my ass is hoping for a trial. A nice, long, emotional trial to hold me over until the elections in 2006. Hopefully, there will be cameras in the courtroom. Gawd, a bitch is getting all worked up just thinking about it!

Oh well, nothing to do but wait and imagine the media orgasm that will hit should indictments be announced.

For all this agony a bitch is praying for some indictment ecstasy...

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

Rosa Parks...

Long ago, when this bitch was a wee bitch, my ass was told the story of Rosa Parks. My parents, who came of age during the Civil Rights Movement, took great care to instruct their chil’ren on our history and how our rights were won or not won. As a result, a bitch has always known that there was a time before Montgomery and after Montgomery, before the bombings and after the bombings and before Rosa Parks and after Rosa Parks.

Rosa Parks went on to her sweet reward yesterday at the age of 92.

A reflection on a life…
Rosa Parks did not end racial segregation in America. She stood up and told it to kiss her black ass.

Rosa Parks did not call for a boycott. Her actions justified a boycott and her courage demanded it.

Rosa Parks did not force black and white citizens of Montgomery to boycott the buses for 381 days. She stood as a motivation and an inspiration…if she could be so courageous how could anyone turn away from a protest in fear?

Today a bitch left my house in a racially integrated neighborhood, drove to work at a lesbian owned business, sat down across from my white male colleague and began my day. At lunch a bitch went to a local café and picked up sandwiches…my ass entered through the front door and was not refused service.

Rosa Parks and those that her actions inspired knew a world where those simple things were not possible. Because of them, this bitch knows a world where my simple life is the minimum expectation.

A bitch will not mourn Rosa Parks, but my heart does weep a bit for those who do not walk through the doors others shed blood to break down…

This bitch will remember the woman...the black woman...the powerful black American woman that was and is Rosa Parks.

A bitch can see her...head held high, shoulders back and eyes fixed on what can be rather than on what is.

Blessed be...

Monday, October 24, 2005

Monday sucks...

A bitch was truly antisocial this weekend. Sometimes my ass just gets overloaded. So, this bitch took to my hovel…with vodka and cran in hand…

Yesterday, a bitch indulged in my favorite Sunday ritual…watching the political chat shows and indulging in potatoes fried with onion and cheesy eggs.

Meet the Press was a joy! Russert was wearing his green tie and looking very serious and frownish. This bitch is going to skip over the rather boring analysis of all things Scooter and move right on to the exchange that…well…it was amazing, chil'ren.

A bitch has enhanced it with some liberal bitchitude, but the basics are the same.

Russert, tie green and mouth grim…"Senator Kay Bailey Hutchison, do you expect there to be indictments?”

Kay (we are not tight but a bitch has hated her for years and feels that such a long-term relationship negates formality) “No Tim, but what I really hope is that there are not some silly indictments on some sort of non-crime like perjury or obstruction of justice. I hope that the prosecutor doesn’t do to Rove and Libby what that mean ole meany did to Martha Stewart! If you can’t get them on a real crime you shouldn’t be able to take them down on a technicality.”

Russert paused. It seemed that he closed his eyes and said a little prayer to the Devine One to take him away from the insanity that is Washington D.C.!

“You are not suggesting that perjury and obstruction of justice are not crimes, are you?” he asked with a wisp of fear in his voice, as if her answer terrified him.

“No. No, I’m not saying that. I know that perjury and obstruction of justice are crimes. What I’m saying is that DeLay has naked pictures of me in a drawer somewhere and that’s why I have to come out here and say shit that doesn’t make a lick of sense! Ummm. Oh, ummmm. Hmmmmm. What was I saying? Yes, there are crimes and then there are crimes and I think the Republican leadership should only be investigated for crimes!”

Russert moved on, careful to avoid giving Kay any more questions, and the show continued with more blah, blah, blah talking head nonsense.

Oh, but what a juicy morsel of bullshit! Jesus, did a sitting United States Senator just suggest that non-elected public officials should be exempt from the penalty of perjury or obstruction of justice?

Hold on just one fucking minute! A bitch enjoyed the senatorial bullshit on Meet the Press as much as the next bitch, but that little exchange freaked my ass out! What the fuck? Senators and people who work at the highest levels of government should be held to a higher standard! These assholes have the ability to make mistakes that…oh, my ass doesn’t know….TAKE A FUCKING NATION TO WAR!

Can a bitch give false testimony in court under oath? Can a bitch try to manipulate others to give false testimony or bury evidence of a crime?

No.

Well, if this bitch can’t do it you better fucking believe that some overpaid ignorant government shit can’t do it either!

Jesus to Gawd, Senator Huchison has no fucking shame.

Fucking minion...

Friday, October 21, 2005

SwedenCanada & scandal-based foreplay...

A bitch’s brother Bill finally completed his cleaning. His ass wasn’t too pleased about the process. Fuck it…a bitch would rather have him bitter than have to deal with his autistic ass and dentures!

Thanks for the well wishes and positivitude!

This bitch is going to spend the weekend mending my stressed soul and being anti-social.

2 cups coffee with Splenda and a healthy dose of 1% organic milk, 1 Claritin, 2 Sudafed and cigs…

The Creation of SwedenCanada…
Last night, while sipping a vodka grape cran post dental appointment, a bitch indulged in some CNN viewage.

Hurricane Wilma is set to hit somewhere…hard, Tom DeLay’s mug shot is making this bitch think he knows something my ass doesn’t and Tucker Carlson is an asshole. Okay…that bit about Tucker Carlson wasn’t on CNN, but then again his ass isn’t on CNN anymore either…because he’s an ASSHOLE!

Some 16-year old Goth teen has been arrested for the murder of Dan Horowitz’s wife, Katie Holmes is so fucking happy her face is about to crack and a bitch can no longer sue Kentucky Fried Chicken over the size of my ass.

Clearly, the world has lost its fucking mind and is spinning out of control!

Whatever can a bitch do?

That’s right, chil’ren…a bitch is going to think fondly of my adopted dream-based homeland…SwedenCanada.

Yes! A bitch has combined Sweden and Canada in my mind and created the ultimate it country!

People speak Swedish, English, French and bitch.
Folks munch on meatballs, Smarties, yummy doughnuts and chicken (note – chicken is universal).
Everyone has access to healthcare.
There is low gun violence.
Anyone can get married but no one has to.
Hockey…’nuff said.
A bitch is adored as the national symbol of perfect bitchitude!

Ah…if a bitch could live in dreams.

The prolonged ache…
A bitch is fascinated with Special Prosecutor Fitzgerald…you know, the dude who is investigating the CIA leak case. MmmmmHmmm…Fitz is the man of the moment.

My ass was thinking last night, while nursing another vodka grape cran, that waiting for Fitz to announce his decision is much like exquisite foreplay.

At first a bitch wasn’t attracted to the CIA leak story. Then, when it was announced that there was a possible legal component, a bitch looked at it with renewed interest. Once Fitz was brought on board, it was almost like the CIA leak case and a bitch exchanged out first kiss…and it had potential…so maybe my ass would fool around with it a bit and see what develops.

Oh, the past months have been like torture. This bitch even began to view Fitz and his fucking leak as a complete tease. We had Novak then Russert then nothing. FUCK! Then came Miller then jail then nothing. Jesus! Now we’ve had Rove then Libby, then Rove and more Libby then Miller and Rove again.

AHHHHH! Give it to me, for the love of all that’s holy!

Umm. Sorry. A bitch isn’t big on patience.

Yes, this story is driving a bitch crazy. If Fitz indicts it will only extend the game. Should he take the easy road and issue a report it will feel like a night of anxious heavy petting that was followed by the lamest sex on record.

Gawd, give a bitch a good juicy leak to hold me over! The anticipation is killing me…

Thursday, October 20, 2005

Mental Health...

A bitch had another sleepless night. Now my ass is truly exhausted, stressed out, hormonal and bitter.

2 cups coffee with Splenda (my ass went to the grocery) 1 % organic milk, 1 Claritin, 2 Sudafed and cigs…

Update on a bitch’s brother…
A certain residential director finally contacted a bitch. We had a long conversation about life, liberty and my fucking frustrations with the system. This bitch is happy to report that my concerns were received well and with appreciation.

The proof is in the pudding, but my ass feels better having talked to a reasonable person who seems to want what is best for my brother.

Bill’s follow up dentist appointment is tonight and hopefully teeth will be cleaned and a bitch will not have my nerves destroyed!

As for Bill’s job situation…well, that’s a work in progress. Which is another reason why this bitch isn’t getting any sleep.

Mental Health…
A bitch is the youngest in my family. My brother Bill is the oldest sibling, so my sister and this bitch have been caught up in the world of mental health our entire lives.

Our mother spent 12 years advocating on behalf of our brother…with the state, the city and the Department of Mental Health. She took the lead in his care and therapy. Basically, she lived and breathed autism for over a decade…24 hours a day, 7 days a week. My sister and this bitch watched our mother turn bitter and exhausted…slowly she unraveled. Not all of this was due to her battles for our brother…but it didn’t help.

Families are on the front lines of mental health advocacy. A bitch does not have the words to describe the fear, worry, sadness, frustration and heartache that comes with having a loved one who has a mental health issue. There is also laughter, joy and indescribable pride. My brother’s name is Bill…he is autistic and so much more.

This morning a bitch watched the news in horror. A mentally ill woman in San Francisco threw her children in the bay to drown. It has been reported that she said she heard voices. A family member said she was homeless and had been living with her chil’ren in a shelter. Someone said they think she had stopped taking her meds.

There will be the same talk about forced medication and patient’s rights. The media will speculate about the validity of the insanity defense. A morbid memorial is probably being set up…teddy bears and flowers for chil’ren who will never see them or play with toys again. People will search for blame, causes and responsibility. A few will search for the truth.

The sad reality is that mental health care is a complicated issue. Patients are often released into a world with little understanding of mental illness. Access to medication and therapy is lacking if not non-existent. And too many mentally ill Americans join the ranks of our nation’s homeless. We walk by them and avert our gaze. We read about them and roll our eyes and say shit like…"Where is their family?” or “I would never let my sister walk around like that!”

Our ignorance is present in our absolute statements about what we would do and how we would handle it.

Families face limited legal options, an apathetic public, a fucked up medical system, over worked and under paid social services and law enforcement officers who are stretched to the brink. Oh, and lets not forget the actual loved one who is dealing with mental illness.

A bitch is exhausted and tired. My ass is kept awake at night fretting about the quality of my brother’s care, his happiness and his security. This bitch worries about the present and the future. When my ass sees horrible stories about abuse my stomach turns at the thought of anything happening to Bill. When there is a media story about a mentally ill woman killing her chil’ren, this bitch is tormented that the same system that turned its back on her could turn its back on Bill at any moment.

Who will stand for my American family? Who will speak truth to government for Bill and the millions of Americans who depend on the system for so much? My ass isn’t asking for a handout…this bitch’s family has worked and participated in the building of this country for over 100 years. My ass is asking for what’s right.

A bitch wants a peaceful sleep. A bitch wants to know that Bill is a priority and that our society will judge ourselves on how we treat the most vulnerable not just how or if we pray. A bitch is torn up inside because too often my ass feels alone in this fight. This bitch is irrationally angry that other families don’t have to feel this horrible never-ending stress. And my ass knows that so many other families know exactly what a bitch is talking about…that too many American families face their own silent ongoing drama.

My ass wishes folks realized that "those people" have a name, many have loved ones who care about them and too many have families who simply don't give a shit. This bitch wishes people would see the mentally ill and handicapped...look a person with down syndrome in the eye or smile at my brother's insane joy over McDonald's rather than just sit and stare.

My brother’s name is Bill…he is autistic and so much more. He has a limited vocabulary, is hyperactive and obsessive compulsive. He also loves his family and friends, French fries and Dr. Pepper, obsesses about magazines and clean surfaces and is an all around great guy.

Our struggle is to keep him visible, to prevent him from becoming a diagnosis and to prevent him from joining the ranks of the invisible.

Sometimes my ass even gets sit down and share some of those fries.

Sometimes a bitch gets to be a sister...

Wednesday, October 19, 2005

An update and some other shit...

A bitch would like to think all of the concerned social workers that contacted me regarding Bill’s situation! Last night my ass was cursing all social workers, but hearing directly from several of you my ass must revise my opinion.

Update
Bill’s dental appointment has been rescheduled for this Thursday. A bitch will be there. My ass is a wee bit anxious…it’s hard to see him get upset. So, a bitch is sending prayers to the Devine One that Bill will be more at peace and allow this cleaning to get done!

A certain social worker’s boss has not returned my fucking phone call. A very bitchy message has been left with the Executive Director, Residential Director, a certain social worker’s boss and a certain social worker.

A bitch will be heard.

One of my biggest pet peeves is returning phone calls. This bitch thinks phone calls should be returned within 24 hours. Now, my ass understands that a person may want to avoid returning a phone call when the message is irate…but a bitch doesn’t give a shit.

Anyhoo, my ass will keep y’all posted!

2 cups coffee with real sugar (a bitch needs to go to the market) and 1% organic milk, 1 Claritin, 2 Sudafed and cigs…

When murder hits home…
A bitch was trying to avoid thinking about the drama of my brother’s care last night. My ass didn’t turn to the elixir of vodka and cran…that’s a dangerous road to travel down. Instead, this bitch turned to CNN!

Legal analyst Daniel Horowitz has been thrust into the public eye in a very tragic way. His wife was murdered in their home. He found the body.

The facts of this case are still coming together, but a bitch is more interested in the spin and who’s doing it.

Horowitz did an interview with Nancy Grace, most likely in an attempt to prevent her from drawing unsubstantiated conclusions and convicting him on national television…that’s just her way. Tonight he will do a live interview on Dan Abrams' legal show.

Nancy Grace, being the publicity hungry media whore that she is, plopped herself on CNN real quick. Nancy went on and on about how legitimately distraught Horowitz is and how he had an alibi.

Abrams did much of the same on the Today Show this morning.

A bitch is disgusted.

First of all, we don’t know the facts of this case. What we do know is that most people are murdered by someone they know…boyfriend, girlfriend, wife, mother, father…oh, and husband too. A bitch knows this and any lawyer fresh from the bar exam should know it too. Nancy Grace and Dan Abrams should certainly want to protect their friend. What they shouldn’t do is cross that fucking line between friend and legal pundit. Fuck it…it’s not like their trained lawyers who would know that drawing conclusions this early isn’t wise.

Also disturbing is the appearance of Horowitz on television so soon after his wife’s murder.

A bitch comes from a tradition of theatrical public grief, so the fact that his ass can fucking speak makes me suspicious. Note to Horowitz – anything you say or do may be used against you in the court of public opinion. Get a lawyer and cease doing interviews. Jesus, she’s not even buried yet!

This bitch can’t even fucking count the number of suspects who have had their reputations dragged through the mud by various media whores trying to get their 15 minutes of fame. Time after time, these so-called legal pundits have drawn unsubstantiated conclusions and have articulated wild theories. Now, when one of their own is knee deep in a gruesome killing, they present this united front of support. Shit, Nancy Grace is a fucking character witness for Horowitz and he hasn’t even been charged!

This stinks to high heaven.

For Horowitz, the frenzy he loves has hit home. Copters fly overhead and the media is camped out in front of his house. A bitch would have respected him more had he withdrawn…it would have been human and moving to see a man who loved the spotlight demonstrate some fucking class and move into the shadows to mourn his wife. Instead, he chose to circle with the sharks.

Should we anticipate a live feed from the funeral?

Tuesday, October 18, 2005

Food for the soul...

A bitch is feeling slightly more calm. Still bitchy, but more calm.

My ass just inhaled a yummy smothered pork chop, stewed cabbage and mashed taters from Sweetie Pie's. Sweetie Pie's is new to the Manchester strip and it is fantabulous...unless you are a vegetarian.

Ah...a bitch needed some food for the soul.

Now, peacefully sated, my ass will continue my vigil for a FUCKING RETURN PHONE CALL FROM THE MOTHERFUCKERS WHO PISSED ME OFF IN THE FIRST PLACE!

They have until 5pm...

...then a bitch shall begin building them a new asshole.

Anyhoo, check out Sweetie Pie's on Manchester at the corner of Tower Grove (where Mangrove used to be). They serve breakfast, lunch and dinner...oh, and yummy Mississippi style soul food that'll make you want to jump up and slap somebody.

Oh yes...my ass is angry!

A bitch is pissed off!

Fuck the coffee and the fucking Splenda too!

Indulge a bitch, please.

ABB’s Rant about Social Services…
Loyal readers know that a bitch’s brother, Bill, is autistic. Bill is not Rain Man autistic…he’s profoundly autistic.

Now, this bitch and my sister are my brother’s co-guardians. Our father is no longer living and our mother is crazy, so we are each other’s family. We like it that way. When we moved back home to St. Louis we knew that we were going to take on the role of guardianship.

And we have endured non-stop bullshit from day one of my guardianship.

Medical
The motherfuckers who administer Medicaid should have to live under Medicaid for a year…just one year…then their asses would have a better understanding of just how fucked up their blessed system is!

Two years ago a bitch assisted my brother’s caseworkers as they navigated the Medicaid wasteland in an attempt to get Bill a basic dental cleaning. 10 months later, Bill went in for a cleaning and came out with three filings and a root canal. A bitch is still waiting for someone to explain to me how paying $3,250 for a root canal is saving the taxpayers money when his general cleaning would have cost $250.

Motherfuckers!

Two years later and we are stuck in the same nightmare. No dental and no fucking basic understanding that preventative medicine costs less than catastrophic treatment.

Housing
My brother lives in a group home. He requires 24-hour care, which is provided by one of the leading centers for autistic care in the country…which is right here in St. Louis. We are blessed that Bill is not rotting in a Mental Hospital…a bitch knows that. But Bill is dependent on Social Security and that is where he gets fucked. Bill pays for his housing and all that falls under that. Missouri, desperate to ensure that a 35 year old autistic with a vocabulary of less that 100 words doesn’t take them for a ride, indulges in yearly changes to his housing guidelines.

So, year-to-year Bill is better off working…then not working…living in a group home…then living in a private care facility…paying for his shit as an individual…then paying for his shit as part of a group.

And this black bitch is a fucking case manager…rather than the fucking sister my ass wants to be!

Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck...fucking fuck it!

Shit.

The Facility and assholes
A bitch is pissed about a specific thing…the social workers who run my brother’s facility. Not all social workers, but these specific social workers and the social workers who trained them and the social workers who trained the motherfuckers who trained those assholes. A bitch is so tired of asking for basic communication and being confronted with terminology.

A bitch is fed up with people discussing my brother as the client, the patient and the case.

A bitch can’t stand one more fucking minute of some master degree-holding asshole ranting about forms, estimates, procedure and all of it! If my ass hears the word 'behaviors' one more motherfucking time....UGH!

A bitch just wants to be called and told when something happens…my ass doesn’t give a shit who told who what and who was supposed to notify me by such and such form!

Ugh!!!

Bill lost his job September 30th. He was supposed to have that job until December. A bitch was notified last night. My ass still hasn't been contacted regarding a plan.

This is unacceptable!

Bill got upset at his dentist appointment last week and they had to cut it short. His rescheduled appointment was canceled today because someone forgot to order his calm down pill. A bitch will be lighting candals tonight in the hopes that the decency gods will motivate someone to FUCKING CALL MY ASS AND TELL ME WHEN THE APPOINTMENT IS!

This is unacceptable.

And once again my ass is stuck managing a case with after the fact information and a resistant system that seems determined to make guardianship such a fucking misery that my ass will abandon my brother, step out of their way and just let them do with him what they wish.

Good try, motherfuckers! All y'all did was bring down another load of whoop ass from this angry black bitch.

A bitch ain’t going anywhere…my ass can’t say the same thing about this fucked up system.

Lawd have mercy! Life isn't supposed to be like this...

Monday, October 17, 2005

A plague of uncertainty...

Chil’ren, a bitch is exhausted! My ass just couldn’t get to sleep last night. Oh well, now a bitch is slow and seeking energy…

3 cups coffee followed by Splenda and 1% organic milk, cheesy eggs and toast, 1 Claritin, 1 Sudafed (a bitch needs to go to the Medicine Shoppe and stock up) and cigs…

My ass watched the Today Show this morning and was disturbed to see Katie Couric looking very Joan Riversesque. Someone hit the Botox a little too hard this weekend! This bitch finds an expressionless face freakish. Since Katie was already looking every inch the over preserved freak, this recent round of Botox resulted in an uber-freak appearance. Isn’t it a little early for Halloween?

A bitch was trying to figure out what brought on this new experiment in anti-aging when young Dakota Fanning appeared…on horseback in Central Park.

Oh…now my ass gets it! Katie, desperate to appear young a vivacious next to the new tween queen, decided to…well…renew herself over the weekend.

Fuck me if she didn’t appear alongside Dakota in the second half hour…on horseback in Central Park. After listening to her talk to Miss Fanning as if the child were a toddler and not a pre-teen, a bitch switched over to CNN to get caught up on the sorta-news of the day.

A plague of uncertainty…
Harriet Miers is facing a vicious confirmation hearing. Social conservatives are still not sold on her and would like to see her nomination derailed so that Scooter would be forced to put up one of their chosen fascists. Democrats have been struck mute…do they diss her and then face a more seasoned conservative nomination or do they confirm her and face a lifetime of trying to figure her out? DRAMA! Suffice it to say, this confirmation hearing will most likely be a combination of Clarence Thomas and Robert Bork. Oh yes, this is definitely going to be appointment viewing for a bitch!

Scooter Libby (a bitch is still pissed that his ass has taken over my nickname for the president) has emerged as a likely target for the investigators trying to track down who was responsible for the illegal leaking of CIA operative Mrs. Wilson to Bob I am Satan Novak. This bitch is still confused…didn’t Novak leak the name? When all the dust is settled, shouldn’t Novak still have to answer to what he knew and when he knew it? The Prince of Darkness should answer for this shit…tick tock on the justice clock for Novak and his fellow minions.

Karl Rove just got done testifying again before the Grand Jury investigating the same illegal leak of Mrs. Wilson’s name. This bitch has been giving Karl special corrective attention of late. Word on the street is that Karl plans to resign if indicted. Oh, how the mighty do fall! Who wants to take bets on whether Karl masters his own salvation? Crafty motherfucker.

Tom DeLay, the Exterminator from hell, is knee deep in a shit flood of his own creation. Drama couldn’t happen to a better asshole. So, why hasn’t the Attorney General of Missouri launched an investigation into DeLay’s connection to Roy and Matt Blunts campaigns? Oh, and wasn’t he linked to Jim I don’t like work Talent’s fundraising too? What gives Missouri? Time to dig dirt, assholes…GET TO IT!

And to top it off, Scooter’s triumphant Iraqi election fell rather flat. Americans are worn out and totally over this war. Scooter’s attempt to rally public support resulted in yet another public relations disaster. Coaching happens all the time, but this bitch wants to know who on the Scooter payroll backstabbed his ass by broadcasting the entire pre-event coaching session to every major news outlet. That was beyond bitchy! Fantabulous.

Ah, this week in bitchitude looks promising...

Friday, October 14, 2005

Happy fucking Friday!

Regarding my quest for Smarties…my ass has been informed that they reside at Nestle here in town! Yeah! Smarties will be procured at lunch and inhaled immediately. Although the idea of Smarties from Montreal is appealing...aren't the ingredients listed in French? Oooh, la, la!

Moving forward...
This bitch had a dawg related scare this morning. My sister’s pooch, Sweetie the three legged chow, hurt her back leg. She only has one front leg, so a bitch’s sister was anxious that she may end up with a two legged chow. DRAMA! Since my sister had a meeting, this bitch ended up running Miss Sweet up to the vet. No major damage, but Sweetie is now on an anti-inflamatory med and we’ll have to watch her to see if it persists.

And a bitch started her day off with 1 cup coffee and major DRAMA!

A bitch truly enjoyed all of the comments on yesterday's post! Fantabulous! Regarding the question of whether we should fret over sex ed. while so many other things are going to shit in America…a bitch is rather passionate about this being a huge issue.

You cannot discuss poverty in America without discussing the role planned parenthood (the practice not the institution) or the lack of planned parenthood plays in it. A bitch wants to make certain that folks know that straight black women are the fastest growing group being diagnosed with STD’s and that there is a syphilis epidemic in St. Louis. Many parents are as uninformed as their chil'ren here in the land of daily mass and sanctified marriage. This bitch thinks that sex…sex ed…and sexual politics are way up on the list of shit we should talk about.

In Missouri, the politics of sex is poised to take a huge toll.

They have chipped away at reproductive rights with the goal being that young people will no longer be educated on any form of family planning other than abstinence. Chil’ren do not learn that there is a correlation between when a woman has a child on her own and whether she will live in poverty. The divorce rate is at 57%, public education is producing dumb assed chil'ren and good jobs are harder and harder to find. Add to that the fact that Missouri recently removed 150,000 working citizens off the Medicaid and it begins to look like our state's goal is to destroy the American dream one family at a time.

This is the cold hard reality of republican family values in action. All of this is usually looked at issue by issue and, when viewed that way, it is easy to say that there are other more pressing issues to confront.

But a bitch likes to keep it real. Missouri has declared war on the working poor and poor black women in particular. Missouri is systematically creating a loose/loose scenario in which families are locked into a cycle of separate and not equal eduation, malnutrition, inadequate health care and generally being pimped by the state. Their chil’ren will emerge uneducated, unhealthy, uninspired and unprepared.

This is our other war and y’all can bet your ass a bitch is going to fight it.

On the issue of partisan politics…
A bitch has said it before and my ass is about to say it again…there is a right and a wrong and liberals need to cease apologizing!

If you think that social security is no long needed…your ass is wrong!

If you think an employer should be able to fire someone because they are gay or lesbian…you are wrong!

If you think that education should differ state to state, county to county…that a child who gets a shit education in St. Louis city will not turn around a bite the ass of the chil’ren getting a good education in St. Louis county…your ass is wrong!

If you think you can invade a country and “build” a democracy…you are wrong!

If you think Karen Hughes can rebuild our reputation in the Middle East…you are wrong. And if you think she can accomplish anything while we are still fighting an illegal war...you are dead wrong!

If you think that informing people about how to protect themselves against STD’s leads to sex…WRONG!

If you think that American women have achieved equality and moved into the post-feminist era…you are wrong!

If you think that we live in a society where all are equal and black chil’ren and white chil’ren will lift their voices up and sing old negro spirituals…we ain’t there yet, half of us can’t sign and you are wrong!

If you think health care for everyone is a stupid idea…you are wrong.

If you think that a free press that questions those in power is un-American...you are wrong!

If you think a living wage will come about out of the goodness of an employer’s heart…WRONG!

If you think the glass ceiling is history…wrong, wrong, wrong!

If you think our abuse of the environment will never come back to haunt us…wrong!

And if you think marriage is a “sometimes food” reserved for Gawd fearing Christian heterosexuals and that any alteration of that will destroy society…yep, you are wrong!

This bitch has values…

If that’s partisan then a bitch is partisan as a motherfucker…

Happy fucking Friday!

The Gumdrop Stage of Grief ...

So many of you have shared condolences and support after the death of my beloved brother Bill from COVID-19. I wish I could thank you indiv...