State Senator Jane Cunningham has introduced a bill that would minimize child labor laws.
No, I’m not joking.
After weeks of watching the Missouri Legislature do everything but address the economy, Missourians now have a clear view of how the Republicans in charge plan to get their stimulus on.
Behold SB222…introduced by a contender for Most Wretched Missouri Legislator of the Year, Senator Jane Cunningham (R-Chesterfield).
I’m guessing that Cunningham, ever a faithful minion, consulted Satan prior to filing this shit.
Mmmmh, and the consultation probably went something like this…
JC - “Are you there, Satan? It’s me, Jane!”
Satan - “Jane! What’s up, girl? I haven’t talked to you in a month of Sundays.”
JC – “You need to stop!" laughs breathlessly "I’m cool…chillin’ here in Chesterfield and trying to figure out how best to serve you.”
Satan – “What’s on your mind?”
JC – “Well, I recently watched Oliver Twist on television. I’ve got to tell you, Satan – child labor was some of your best work! It kept the wretched little fuckers off the street, increased available labor, and made discussions of public school education ridiculous. Why pay to educate children when we should be putting them to work, right? I love it!”
Satan – “Stop…you’re making me blush and that’s not easy for a crimson-faced demon lord to do!”
JC – “Well, it’s true! Darling, I’m planning to introduce a bill that would roll back some of the pesky laws protecting children from ending up in a workhouse. I just wanted to make sure that would please you. I live to make you happy…my legislative biography speaks to that, big time!”
Satan – “OMG, go for it! I love it! Best Valentine’s Day gift evah!”
***cue maniacal laughter***
Or, more likely, Senator Cunningham came up with the Oliver Twist Had it Good Workhouse Revival Bill of 2011 by herself.