Tuesday, July 28, 2009

By request, my thoughts on the birther movement…

A certain Jay from the great state of Montana has asked this bitch for my thoughts on the birther movement that questions whether President Obama is a natural born citizen and thus whether he meets the Constitutional requirements to be President of the United States of America.


Okay Jay, but only ‘cause you’ve been reading a bitch’s blog for years and you have a horse named Spock.

Pause…sip coffee…and begin.

Longtime readers know that a bitch adores a good conspiracy theory. I’m a Watergate buff and don’t even get me started on my personal theory that G. Gordon Liddy’s fumbling even when the lights are on ass was deliberately planted within the Nixon administration by the intelligence community to fuck with Nixon’s attempt to circumnavigate them with those West Wing plumbers.


Where was I?

Oh yes…birthers!

Umm, as much as I do like a good conspiracy theory I have to point out that this one is built on a foundation of fresh thus soft and tremblingly unstable steaming bullshit.

People need to ask themselves who the fuck Barack Obama was when this birth certificate-based path to the presidency was supposed to have been cleared for him.

Was he the secret love child of some highly connected Opus Dei Bonesman-based Yaley who, though un-acknowledged by his highly connected and totally knee deep in the nation’s shadow government Jason Bourne style parent, had the inconvenience of a fuck-the-fact-that-a-Kenyan-birth-doesn’t-exactly-fit-this-theory Kenyan birth cleared up with a fake birth certificate because his Opus Dei Bonesman-based Yaley shadow-government immersed birth father parent wanted him to be president since the day he was born? Oh and wait…I think I need to spice this up with a dash of the real birth mother actually being Amelia Earhart’s daughter by a Russian general and that proves that Earhart didn’t die in the ocean but survived as a Soviet and her daughter was really a Manchurian Candidate sleeper birth-based agent who…oh fuck it.

This birther conspiracy can’t be worked over to be anything but bullshit.

Since when has the American political system been manipulated to clear the way for a person of color to seize power?

***cue crickets***

The downside is that the charge being made is insulting as hell…illegitimate…unsubstantiated and illogical.

The upside is that it has allowed for some of the most amusing public displays of craziness that a bitch has seen in years!

Give Spock an apple on this bitch…


L. Jackson said...

The problem w/this is the side-stepping in order for the politicans to 'walk the line' w/both sides, taking valuable time/energy away from more important matters. As in law cases that hold no merit, seems to bog down the hand of justice?? I'm sorry, but seems to me just another avenue for 'getting the racism' on for continued b.s!

Mike said...

They're as weird as the "Truthers." Seems insanity knows no bounds.

Jim said...

Birthers...truthers...teabaggers? Oh my! Only in America!

It really would be hilarious if it weren't so sad.

David Duff said...

You're such a spoil sport! I was really looking forward to that one.

Ellen said...

I am confused - I don't think Obama's Certificate of Birth is what any other citizen would get re: Birth Certificate Request.

Does this mean the birthers believe all Hawaiian born citizens are just as "ineligible" for president?

And when you take into account the fact that many of the loudest birthers are people who generally favor giving the state governments maximal power (e.g. "I don't have to accept you& your gay spouse") - it becomes an even more suspicious argument to deny legitimacy of Hawaii's choice of birth document protocal

Anonymous said...

This is great, thank you. I needed to laugh.

Cockbag LLC said...

ABB I was born in Illinois and curiosity got the best of me last night and pulled out my official birth certificate that I got from the county courthouse and used to apply for my U.S. passport. No where on it does it say "Birth Certificate". It in fact says "Certificate of Live Birth" which all the birthers including Liddy go crazy over. I want to see the crazy woman from Connecticut's official document as well. I bet that is the only thing Obama, myself, and her have in common.

What a bunch of crazy loons.

kris said...

Greetings from London, ABB.

I've just read your article in the Guardian.

I'm hardly a birther and have no doubt Obama was born in hawaii, but it seems like it would be simple enough for him to have produced a copy of the 61 certificate during the election. It would have put the pillow over the face of this insanity.

The birthers challenge the legitimacy of Obama's presidency and the militia member "constituionalists" are going on about this so much that I fear for some inbred will "take the law into his own hands" over the matter.

Obama could have shut this up and it is a mistake he didn't. I've got a microfiche copy of my original doctor signed (US) BC and have produced it for the navy etc.

Obama is fueling this - but he'd look like he was caving to idiots if he caved in and produced it now.

This has been badly handled by Obama's advisors.

Heavy D! said...

I disagree, Kris. The problem with the birthers is that they're irrational. No piece of evidence will satisfy them, because in their minds Obama always was (and always will be) illegitimate. Obama could have never shut this up, because he has produced more evidence of his birth and citizenship than any other president in history.

Obama is handling this just fine, because he knows that birthers are deluded and irrational. Even if Hawaii state law didn't prohibit the release of the original document, it wouldn't matter anyway; it would just be another piece of evidence that "proves" that the 48 year old conspiracy to install a Muslim terrorist as the President is in full effect.

Additionally, when I went to request a copy of my birth certificate a few years ago from the department of vital records in the county which I was born, they gave me a "certificate of live birth." In the mind of a birther, this would mean that the state of Georgia is in on the conspiracy, too.

These people embarrass themselves the more they speak, and it's only a matter of time before they get hauled to the funny farm., or as we say in Georgia, "sent to Milledgeville." Obama's doing the right thing by letting stupid people be stupid.

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