Thursday, June 02, 2005

But didn't you boys break the law...?

Since the outing of Deep Throat, the Watergate felons have been all over the media bitching and calling Mark Felt a traitor. A bitch has a particular fondness for Watergate and its many felons, so I’ve been as happy as a bitch in drama can be! But the conservative response caught my attention and pissed in my drama loving Cornflakes.

For example...

Pat Buchanan
Occupation – Conservative Talking Head and Conservative Reactionary
Watergate Connection - Nixon speechwriter or something like that.
General Disposition - Complete Ass
Shameless Attempt at Relevance – Ran for President
Time lapse between Deep Throat Revelation and Knee Jerk Reaction – The 12 hours it took for his offensive ass to pop up on the Today Show.

A bitch first came to know Buchanan when he ran for President in the early 80’s. He liked to say that Blacks and Hispanics should go back to where they came from. A bitch was always amused by these statements because…I mean, with a last name like Buchanan…well, fuck…you know his ass shouldn’t be talking!

Anyhoo, Paddy (we’re close like that) was fired up about Felt. I’m talking vein in the forehead and spittle at the corners of his mouth fired up!

“He’s a traitor!”

“He has no loyalty!”

Blah, blah, blah. When Lauer was interviewing him, his voice took on the high-pitched childlike quality of a young tree gnome! Fantabulous!

But, seriously. Paddy! Get some perspective! A bitch doesn’t even think you did time…for Watergate, at least.

ABB’s Breakdown of this Felt Shit
Felt was the #2 Dude at the FBI and was made aware of the criminal, very criminal, criminal any fucking way you look at it, actions of the Nixon White House.

Felt did not think he could address these actions through government channels, because the government was knee deep in the corruption.

(Note - Watergate history does hold that even the Attorney General…well, the first of the many Nixon Attorney Generals…was aware of illegal activities and did nothing. So, why call the cops if the cops are on the take?)

Felt, understanding that the corruption knew no limits, took the “media exposure” route and the rest is history.

Is this criminal? No. He exposed a criminal enterprise, and that was his fucking duty. Honestly, criminals should be better than this at identifying what is criminal.

Does this make Felt "not loyal"? This bitch thinks he was loyal as a motherfucker! To risk it all in an attempt to save this fucked up government from itself? Yeah, that’s loyal. Paddy’s just pissed that Felt was loyal to the institution of the Presidency and not the asshole that was President at the time.

Listening to Buchanan, it sounds like conservatives serve a different master. It’s sad to think that Felt gave us a government exposed for its illegal activities only to live just long enough to see most Nixonian tactics made legal through all that Homeland Security bullshit.

But that, chil’ren, is another post…


dmfinny said...

" sounds like conservatives serve a different master."

Hmm, let's see...

Rush Limbaugh: fatt-ass druggie
Bill O'Reilly: ass grabber
Dennis Miller: unfunny ass kisser
Jim West: young ass chaser
Dr. David Haber, AKA Poster Boy for Anti-Abortion: no permission-havin' ass raper

I think they all serve ass.

Tiger Lilly said...

Excellent post my dear. It's funny how the conservatives are emphasising Felt being a "traitor" more than their former president being a dirty crook, but they will preach all day about Clinton being dirty b/c some chick blew him in his office. It makes you think about what is worse in their eyes: a president who knowingly is a threat to his office/duties and to the electoral process or one who lets a girl milk him in his office but is too scared to put it in. Hmmm...

Scott said...

Don't forget that Jim West is a self-hating gay underage ass chaser.
Add Bill Bennett, the gambling preacher

Crystal-Lynn said...

Y'all are missing the point! This is event is all about the ruination of the best parlor game to come out in the last 30 years: "Who is Deep Throat?" Now it's over prematurely. He ain't dead. We could still be playing!!!

GN said...

Any number of these whores spewing filth on the cable news shows deserve "three hots and a cot." If I were them, I'd stay mum on any subject that involves criminality; no need to give DAs any idears now! The treasonous ass Novak especially needs to carry his bloated carcass elsewhere.

Don't these people even try to distinguish themselves from the mafia? They're obsessing over "rats"? They'd be well-served to remember that even "Teflon Jon" Gotti caught a case that stuck...

P.S. Rep. John Conyers is collecting citizen signatures for a letter to (P)resident Bush asking this corrupt SOB to explain the Downing Street Minutes. Learn more and go sign:

Kate said...

I think I love you.

joe said...

This is on point. So 1984.

Holley said...

I love that G. Gordon Liddy and Chuck Colson are all over the news and outraged about Felt and his "betrayal." Somehow I think it has less to do with betrayal of Nixon and more to do with them being pissed that they got caught and went to jail.

Scott said...

Crystal, You can still play, "What's on the 18 1/2 minutes of erased tape from Nixon's office".

Crystal-Lynn said...

Oooohhh!!! Scott, thank you for a new parlor game. I think it's Nixon and Haldeman talking about the illegal bombing in Cambodia.

Janie said...

After reading this, I now know it couldn't be any of the Bush clan, which was my original theory. SIlly me. This was before my time so I feel young and dumb because I really didn't know much about the whole scandal except from what I heard on t.v., which of course painted "Deep Throat" as the traitor.