Monday, March 08, 2010

Driving in cars – one of the little things that aren’t little…

Lawd, that Oscar ceremony was long as hell! But ‘twas fun to watch with C-Money and Brother Rob Thurman after inhaling chilidogs and tater tots…yum!

Anyhoo, congrats to the winners and nominees and everyone who managed to get through the ceremony without falling down those stairs (mercy, all those long dresses coupled with high heels made a bitch nervous as a motherfucker!)


As many of you know, my older brother was involved in a car-based accident a while back. He’s fine, thank the gods, but I’ve been too nervous to take him out driving since it happened. Bill, who is profoundly autistic, had launched himself from a van out onto the street in moving traffic…it still gives me the shakes to think of it. He was bruised and scraped up, but nothing was broken or torn. When we left the hospital with him…and I can’t tell you how happy I was to be able to leave the hospital with him after that accident…he was clearly confused about why his body hurt and why he wasn’t allowed in the front seat of a car anymore.

A bitch’s nerves were shot and have remained shot since when pondering driving with my brother.

An aside – we solved the how of that shit but ordering totally affordable seat-belt locks that my brother can’t release. Fantabulous.

Fast-forward to yesterday, when C-Money and this bitch visited with my brother for lunch and some family time. Bill is used to getting to go out driving on Sundays, because he usually spends that day with a family friend running errands and so forth. His pal had to work, so the Sisters Bitch switched days and visited with Bill. After lunch, we suggested a walk…Bill agreed, but when we reached the corner he asked to go back home.

It was clear Bill wanted a drive and when we got home he asked…with that look on his face that makes me feel like an absolute monster for not saying yes.

So, there I was…trapped between my nerves about driving Bill post accident and his love of cruising about in a car with the radio on.

We decided to take him for a short drive.

Get into car.

Pull out of driveway, ease on down the road and…

…everything went fine.

No drama, no launching of bodies out of car doors while the vehicle is traveling at 20 miles per hour…no problems, except Bill being more than a little annoyed that it wasn’t a longer drive.

When we pulled back into the driveway I relaxed a bit…and I realized that I must have been tensed up because my shoulders felt like someone had been at them with a meat tenderizer.


It might not seem like a big deal, but these things…driving around without staff in the car and being able to hang out with my brother and know that he’s safe…yeah, these little things are the very things that make out relationship special.

I didn’t realize how much I missed driving with Bill sans staff until I took that first post-accident drive with him yesterday.

It was way more than a good thing…that drive to score soda pop and a snack was one of the very best things.

One of those precious normal things in our different kind of normal life.


I just though I’d share.



Unknown said...

You have just made me choke up and get a lil misty...tis a beautiful post Shark Fu.

Thank you for sharing sweet woman. ;)

tata said...

Lovely to watch you conquer fear.

Da Ali G said...

Amazing. Found myself holding my breath and tensing up as I read the many folks would wish for a sister like you...and you can put me at the top of that list!

tnt5150 said...

Hope my daughter is as good a sister to her brother as you are to yours!

dinthebeast said...

Bless you for your dedication and love. I didn't understand how important that was until I had a stroke and found myself dependant upon the dedication and love of others for a lot of things I didn't think too much about before.

-Doug in Oakland

Shark-Fu said...

Thank you all!

Doug - didn't know about the stroke! I hope you are doing well and it sounds like you've got good people around you. Blessed be!

Anonymous said...

Does your car have child safety locks (most do)? They are on the inside of the door and make it so the passenger can't open them - they can only be opened from the outside.

Love your blog!

Shark-Fu said...

Yes, we have child safety locks. The accident happened in a mini van and Bill jumped from the back seat into the front passenger seat then out the door. He's fast...very fast...and clever.

Even though that was highly unlikely to happen in a Jetta with my sister sitting in the passenger seat, my nerves were still out of control.

But yes, when driving we can hit the child locks. The seat belt lock is ideal for when we plan to drive with Bill alone (he likes to be in the front seat). But I'm not ready for solo driving just yet (mercy)!

Thanks for asking and for reading!

Shannon Des Roches Rosa said...

Been doing a lot of crying lately, but this time it's happy crying -- so, thank you for sharing how well Bill's adventure went!

Leelo went through a phase a couple of years back where he would try to beat on his baby sister every time we were in the car. So we moved his seat to the back of the car. And then one day he unbuckled himself while we were driving down the street and charged up the middle of the van and started whaling on her. I almost crashed. We got him a new, great big five-point harness seat. It worked. Like you, I didn't realize how stressed I was about driving with him until the situation was resolved.

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