Tuesday, December 15, 2009

And another thing about the sex talk…

Let’s jump right on in, shall we?

I recently posted about a new study that found parents wait too damn long to talk to their chil’ren about sex.

That’s not news to those of us who volunteer or work with youth…but it makes sense that it would be news to the parents who are waiting too long to talk to their chil’ren about sex. Many parents wouldn’t know they waited too long unless something sex related happened…and even then they may not associated their not having talked to their chil’ren about sex with their chil’ren exploring sex armed with inaccurate information from their friends (example – drinking a certain soda pop right after sex prevents pregnancy) or dangerous information (example – you can tell by looking whether someone has a sexually transmitted disease).

I woke up this morning to the Good Morning America folks teasing the parents wait too damn long to talk to their chil’ren about sex story…and Lawd, there sure is a delay between when a story breaks on the web to when it filters it’s happy ass down to the morning shows. Listening to the tease made me ponder the other angle and how it indicts a long held anti-choice “value” that sex education should be left to the parents.

Pause...sip coffee…continue.

There are some communities where a teen can’t get a license to drive unless they take a driver’s education class. Those communities have learned that, even though parents drive their own asses around and have for years, they aren’t automatically the best motherfuckers to teach their teens how to do the same damn thing.

The same holds true for sex education…the difference is that there is an anti-knowledge campaign that’s been going on for years that seeks to teach parents that sex education is dangerous, that supplementing parental teachings with a formal medically accurate award winning sex education program is even more dangerous and that empowering youth to become sexually literate throughout their lives is part of a socialist plot to take over the blah, blah and another blah…um, just say no.


So, not only are parents waiting too long to talk to their chil’ren about sex...when they have the talk many of them have been discouraged from actually talking about sex.

Pause…allow to marinate…continue.

Because telling a teen to not have sex without explaining what sex is…well, that’s a lot like telling a teen to not ruin their credit without telling them how credit gets fucked up.

And there’s more.

Not only are parents waiting to long to have “the talk” (and Gawd help us if people really think a single talk that involves a parent saying “Don’t do it!” and a teen saying “Yeah, sure…what ever…can I play NHL 10 on the PS3 now?” is gonna do a damn thing)…not only are abstinence only until man-on-woman sanctified married parents telling their chil’ren to not do something without explaining what exactly they shouldn’t be doing it and what “it” is…but the antis would like for all of this too late and too little fumbling desperation to take place in a society that is devoid of comprehensive sex education in the classroom.


And I really wouldn’t give a flying shit if I didn’t live in a city where moving down from number one in sexually transmitted disease infections to number two was cause for celebration and if I haven’t taught young women who learned about pregnancy when they got pregnant and who learned about STI prevention from getting an STI (save your key strokes, trolls…all my students were not black or women of color and STI don’t discriminate the way you do).

Sigh again.

Sex isn’t the enemy and having had a healthy sex life doesn’t automatically translate into an adult being able to answer questions accurately or provide the right information to ensure a teen makes empowered choices.

Catch the knee…I’m not saying parents don’t play a role. They do…unless they are lousy parents, but the not-all-parents-are-worth-an-ounce-of-shit angle would require another post and this bitch has to get ready for work.

Parents who are not lousy and who give a shit need to resist the easy out for sex education the same way they need to resist the easy out for talking about drugs the same way they need to resist the easy out for discussing dating violence the same way they need to resist the easy out for not talking about all the shit a teen will have to juggle as they journey into adulthood…resist telling them not to do something without explaining why and what the fuck you are telling them not to do.

And, for the love of all that’s logical, don’t wait so damn long too


J9 said...

Shark Fu,
Any luck on links for parents with not quite teens?

Shark-Fu said...

So glad you reminded me! I'm still working on links, but I did locate some written material. Shoot me an email with a mailing address and I'll send.

angryblackbitch at yahoo dot com!

rowmyboat said...

J9, a great resource for young people and their parents is Scarleteen.com -- it's aimed at the kids themselves, but since it's chock full of good, accurate information, it would be a good go-to for parents who aren't up to date or who may not know the answer to a question.

Aimee said...

Amen, sister!
As the parent of three girls, one teen, two pre-school, I believe in sex-ed with a mad, passionate fervor. I believe equally fervently that sex-ed will not be sufficient if I don't supplement it with plenty of straight talk on the homefront. School based sex-ed can (partially) make up for the deficiencies of uninformed, ignorant, or whacko-religious parents, and good parenting can make up for the deficiencies of school based sex-ed (and hoo-boy, are there ever some deficiencies. I remember a boy of my acquaintance asking me in eighth grade if it was true that women just don't enjoy sex no matter what and only put up with it because they have to to get men to marry them. If I'd been older and knew better I would have bitch-slapped that coach).
It's not either/or, it's both/and.
and by the way, from a bitch to a bitch, I LOVE your blog.

J9 said...

Shark Fu - address is sent
rowmyboat - Thank-you for the link! That site is very extensive, and I was able to find a few listings of books for talking with younger kids.

Anonymous said...

At 5 I had to tell my son that his daddy had aids and was going to die, from what the doctors were telling me, in a few months. Then dad got arrested, on the 5 o'clock news getting busted manufacturing meth in a hotel where we used to stay on vacation as a family. Then there was the painkiller addiction. My son is now 21. Won't go near drugs, and is still a virgin. I think what happened to his dad scared the shit out of him. Anyway, we always were honest with my son, about everything. I don't think it is as important to kids that their parents aren't perfect, as it is that you communicate what's going on, honestly, in a way they can understand. And letting them know that you love them daily, and that you value who they are as human beings, is all they really need.

kamagra 100mg said...

Talking with your children regarding sex is most important part of parenting.I think starting in teenage is quite effective.Most of the parents feel shy or odd about that but everyone should talk to prevent various sexual abuses and diseases.

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