Better now...

Okay, so a bitch is doing better. My ass is glutted on chicken and dumpling soup (yum!) and the drilling has ceased outside my office…thank Gawd!

So, this bitch was just sitting here getting all excited about the Smarties that are in the mail and headed my way (happiness and joy!). Yeah, a bitch is so easy to please.

A bitch was cruising through some of my favorite blogs and noticed that Miz Maven has created a special spot just for some United Church of Bitchitude and Latter Day Drunk bloggers! Fantabulous! A bitch is fucking thrilled to see how our church has grown…

This Guy is fired up and taking no bullshit over the upcoming Focus on the Family gayfest…um, gay ex-gayfest…oh fuck it…event-like thing taking place next year in St. Louis. It seems that this bitch isn’t the only one planning to address this shit when it comes to town, but a fuck-in…oh my! Remind a bitch to look into bail options…

His Pontifical Greatness, Brother Rob Thurman, is mourning the loss of our neighborhood coffee spot. Sob! It just ain’t right! They made the best multi-shot coffee drinks ever at Thurman Café…

A certain someone will be joining a bitch’s workplace environment next year. Joy! Absolute joy! One more time…joy! Okay, a bitch is done. Welcome aboard!

Pissed off Pencil has posted…in English this time…a recipe for Swedish Gingerbread Snaps. Fantastical! A bitch’s sister is hereby commanded to prepare these for a bitch...please. Thank you P.O.P…a bitch promises to pick up my Swedish lessons in 2006!

And finally, the fantastical Blood Ray. Honey? Is everything okay? A bitch is broke, but you can have some of my Gingerbread Snaps! Love you like chocolate marshmallow ice cream…

Ahhh…the wonderful world of blogs...

Toodles!

AngryBlackBitch 101...

This bitch didn’t get a lot of sleep, so my ass is beyond bitchy today.

A bitch will add Vancouver to my Canadian travel wish list. This trip is going to take some time to plan, but a bitch will keep y’all updated on the progress. Oh, and many thanks to a certain Jeremy in Montreal for my soon to arrive package of Smartie-based yumminess and the offer of a personal tour! Fantabulous!

Now, a bitch has had this blog for just under a year. His Pontifical Greatness, Brother Rob Thurman, gave this bitch my blog for my birthday…and it really is the gift that just keeps on giving. A recent post has brought a lot of new readers and this bitch just wanted to make sure y’all understood a few things…

AngryBlackBitch 101…
Now, keep in mind that this bitch is very bitchy today. A bitch didn’t get a lot of sleep and there is a construction crew outside of my window raising hell while trying to cut into the street to lay some sort of fucking water line. FUCK!

Having said that…

If you are going to step to a bitch you should do so with some content…some fucking meat…a fucking coherent argument or opinion. A bitch will not be chastised out of my opinions. Many have tried and, as you can see…well, failure is a beautiful thing. A bitch needs more than a ‘you are so fucking wrong and I can’t stand you’ to be moved...assuming that you want to move me...hell, maybe you're just an asshole.

For 32 fucking years this bitch has lived this life black and female…so, for the fucking record, my ass has heard it all. Every fucking covert or overt bullshit insult in the book of insults has been hurled my way. Trust me on that, cease trying to be creative, come up with a response or move on. You aren’t on parole and reading this bitch’s blog isn’t a mandatory requirement for your release. And you don't have to agree...just disagree better.

A bitch does not require etiquette lessons…this bitch endured 3 months of that shit when my ass was 11 years old. So, a bitch knows how to travel and not be the ugly American like the grown bitch that my ass is...do you? This bitch has been to Ireland (lovely, by the way), France (fantabulous), England (it snowed), Italy (a wonderful trip) and the Netherlands (well, Amsterdam and it was a joy)...they all survived and this bitch had a fucking great time too. This bitch has been instructed in the proper way to sit, to stand, to introduce folks and to excuse myself from the table…and my ass decided a long time ago that some of those rules are complete bullshit and some of them are really rather nice. So, when a bitch is rude she knows it...and wants to be...

When this bitch was around 5 years old my ass went to kindergarten. In the first hour of my first day of school this bitch was properly educated…that black was different in a bad way, that girls had a place and roles and that my ass needed to catch up and play the game or suffer the consequences. There was an implied reward…acceptance. And it took me years to see the bullshit in that. Years. It is an amazing experience to be molded in such a way…to be instructed on how to make other people happy and comfortable.

A bitch was tutored on the way to talk, to walk, to confront, to retreat, to argue and to soothe. There must be a book somewhere on how to put The Man at ease…how to make those in power overlook your background and gender or at least not hold you back because of it. As my ass said, it took years for me to see the bullshit in that…to move into the visible world as me, not someone’s safe go-to black woman…me.

Many of you have been there…some of you still are. You may be there because of your gender, your body, your accent, your religion, your orientation or whatever “they” have decided makes you different…in a bad way. It fucking sucks, doesn’t it? Does it make you angry or just pissed enough to lash out but still too scared to kick that closet door open and shout FUCK YOU AND THE HORSE YOU RODE IN ON?

Mmmhmmm…a bitch has been there. And this bitch has no intention of going back.

This bitch’s voice was earned through a life of pain, laughter, humiliation, joy and sorrow…and it will not be silenced.

Now…should you want to debate, discuss, disagree, comment or agree…welcome!

Just understand that…

A bitch does not read one article and believe everything that is in it then write up some crazy post because…me being naïve and gullible…my ass believes everything in writing and just can’t grasp the concept that media has spin. A bitch has worked in media and advertising for over a decade…so, yeah, a bitch could teach a class on spin.

A bitch welcomes the debate…so give it to me. Shit, bring it on! Please!

Thank you.

This bitch has chicken and dumpling soup coming my way, so toodles for now...

More travel thoughts...

Oh my! A certain Canadian Rob has sealed the deal…a bitch shall be visiting Philly and Canada next year! Now all I have to do is plan that shit. Hopefully a bitch can visit with my fellow bloggers up North...but we have some time yet, since a bitch needs to recover from holiday friskitude and general expenses.

Clearly this bitch is going to have to visit Montreal and Toronto while in Canada. How do you say bitch in French? And lets all hope that tempers cool down before my ass gets there…my ususal 'fall back because Americans are hated throughout the world' country is Canada while traveling, but if my ass is in Canada and y'all hate us...well, shit a bitch will just claim Sweden and dare someone to challenge my black ass!

Oh and a trip to Philly is a must at some point, because cheese-steaks are now on my mind.

Shit!

Perhaps a bitch should save some Smarties to consume with the cheese-steaks…or maybe visit Philly post Canada, with Smarties in hand?

Jesus, my ass is hormonal…

Toodles!

Travel...

This bitch was amazed by the drama on CNN last night. And why were so many anchors eagerly anticipating riots and violence? Spare me...

2 cups coffee with Splenda and yummy organic milk, 1 Claritin, 2 real Sudafed (bless you C-Money) and cigs…

Travel…
A certain someone has been published in St. Louis’ powerhouse independent newspaper…The Vital VOICE! Oh my, a bitch can always say my ass knew you when. The article is about solo travel, which a bitch has never done. A bitch’s sister took a solo trip to Churchill, Manitoba to learn all about polar bears…don’t ask…but this bitch has never really traveled alone on a vacation. Great article, my dear…

So, my thoughts have turned to traveling. My next trip will most likely be to Canada. When preparing to travel, this bitch always investigates the chosen destination’s racial past and present. Mostly because a bitch has no intention of being the feature story on Dateline NBC with Stone Philips mouthing off about a tragedy in Bavaria…or, even worse, a 48 Hours Mystery segment on that AngryBlackBitch who went missing in Switzerland. Shudder. So, a bitch investigates and researches and then makes up my mind.

And that brings us to Australia and the recent riots. This bitch has always longed to visit Australia. As an Anthropology student, my ass was fascinated by Australia’s unique cultural history and it’s wealth of natural beauty. The long plane ride and a bitch’s limited bank account have always made a trip to Australia more of a dream than a plan. And now…well, there’s the issue of racial unrest.

A bitch is more than aware that the media often fucks up its coverage of international news and this bitch has read the reports out of Australia with caution. But there clearly have been serious incidents of mob violence against people of color due to a perceived wrong done to an Australian by…a Muslim…and Arab…someone not “Australian”? The other.

My friends often chide me for my fears regarding traveling while black. There are several states and regions in America this bitch has stated concerns about visiting…Idaho, rural Alabama and most of the rural deep South. A bitch is working on this emotionally, but my ass honestly is concerned that something bad might happen to me there. Shit…this bitch is reluctant to travel through southern Missouri too and that region has earned that reputation like a motherfucker.

What always amazes me is how shocked some people are to hear of my fears.

You should go to Australia! Nothing would happen to you there. You’re just being silly…I’ve been and it was fantabulous!

And a bitch is forced to point out that they aren’t me…they aren’t the visible other…they have never read stories about racial violence and thought there, but for the grace of Gawd, goes a bitch.

It sucks. It really sucks to know that anyone may be subject to violence simply because they appear to be an immigrant, a Muslim or some other “undesirable” visitor. And it sucks to the bone to know that a bitch may not have a peaceful travel experience simply because my ass is brown…that my friend may face violence because of her lovely Turkish name and heritage.

It pisses me off that some people carelessly voice their concerns over traveling to North St. Louis then look at me like my ass is crazy for not wanting to rough it in the Ozarks. So, its perfectly understandable to fear the hood but a bitch is being irrational when my ass fears a weekend of rural isolation in a region known for Klan roadside improvement projects and Confederate Rememberance Day?

Shit.

And so a bitch investigates the political climate while some of my friends investigate the beaches…a bitch looks into a destination’s history while some of my friends check out the shopping.

And it sucks.

This bitch has a family friend who has visited Australia recently…a long stay and she raved about it. There are sharks to be seen…and a bitch adores sharks, but this bitch prefers to view them from a distance...on land. The water is amazing, the beaches fantabulous, the people are welcoming…the people are welcoming.

Welcoming?

Some, but clearly not all.

Yeah…it really sucks.

And is this the unexplored toll of the War on Terrorism? The stigma carried by anyone who even appears to be Arab or Muslim or “from there”? And don’t we suffer from this illness in America too? While flying or shopping or driving to the store?

And a bitch feels small for fretting about traveling while black, because it must be so frightening to travel while Muslim…

…much less immigrate and attempt to live “over there” when you come from “that place” where people want to “blow everyone of us up” and “live off of our government’s tit” all the while “refusing to fit in” because they must be “planning to do something violent”.

Not exactly the kind of shit you will find in the travel brochures...

Update...

Tookie Williams has been denied clemency by Gov. Schwarzenegger.

Vengeance...

This bitch was thrilled to see a comment from a certain Neil at AMP! Loyal readers will know that AMP is a favorite bitch haunt…located on the Manchester strip, they have yummy drinks, fantastical music and comfy couches for my ass to lounge on. What could be better?

Mr. Brian has requested video blogging of a bitch’s Ann Coulter skit, which has yet to be written but will be performed during the festivities of AngryBlackBitchfest 2006. Hmmm…well a bitch will make every effort to make that video thing happen. Oh, the stress!

Moving forward…

2 cups coffee with healthy portions of 1% organic milk and Splenda, 1 Claritin, 2 real Sudafed scored by a bitch’s sister in NYC (thank Gawd) and cigs…

Tookie Williams, the founder of the Crips gang who is facing execution tomorrow in California, has been denied a stay by the California Supreme Court. Williams’ execution has sparked a lot of debate and media coverage. Celebrities and activists have taken up the cause, hoping to save Tookie Williams from California’s death chamber.

A lot has been said about Mr. Williams’ redemption. He has written several books targeted to children and young adults, which encourage them to not get involved in the gang lifestyle. His work has been widely acclaimed.

A bitch is as conflicted about this story as my ass is about the death penalty. My primary concern regarding the death penalty is…well, really a bitch has several concerns.

We know that some innocent people have been released from death row as a result of the work of groups like the Innocence Project. Missouri is facing our own horrific drama, as the case of an executed man is reviewed due to evidence that may prove he was wrongly convicted of the crime.

We know that the criminal justice system is flawed. A bitch remembers a case in Texas where a man hacked his wife to death in her kitchen in front of her young chil’ren. He was given a life sentence…in a state that executes multiple inmates in one night. But he had more money than Gawd, a great legal team and all the advantages those things provide. He is also guilty as sin of committing a horrific crime for which Texas supposedly has no tolerance of. His life sentence makes all of the death sentences seem bizarre…why not him? This also bothers the hell out of me.

A bitch feels that the death penalty is not a deterrent. But it is vegeance. A bitch has to be honest...harm one of mine and this bitch can't imagine not seeking vengeance. My ass also can't imagine ever feeling whole again.

To the touchy issue of redemption.

Karla Faye Tucker was executed by the state of Texas for crimes she admitted committing. She gained international media attention because she had changed radically while in prison. She found religion and began to participate in a ministry. And people were uncomfortable killing her after this radical change.

Many death penalty supporters came out with the same sound bites regarding Karla Faye Tucker that my ass now hears regarding Tookie Williams.

Her conversion is bullshit.

His redemption is a calculated move.

Her faith is in question.

His work with youth isn’t enough.

This bitch is uncomfortable questioning the legitimacy of a person’s redemption in these situations. It comes across as if a person might be spared the death penalty if he or she could prove that their redemption was legitimate…and how does one prove that they have been redeemed? And why make that argument when, in reality, you have no intention of treating an inmate differently should they be redeemed or not?

This debate over the validity of an inmate’s redemption really goes to the core. Many Americans view prison as a place to rehabilitate. Others view prison as a place where freaks can be locked away and society protected. And still others view prison as the problem.

But does redemption hold a place in the death penalty debate? When a person is sentenced to death isn’t society saying that nothing they do will ever redeem them and that no level of redemption will ever spare them?

And, if that’s what society is saying, is that right?

Is it just?

A bitch is going to go out on a limb here. The death penalty has nothing to do with justice. There is no justice in the death penalty for a murdered loved one. And there is no justice in the death penalty for devastated communities.

But there is vengeance.

So, the question becomes...is vengeance the duty of the state?

Or, as the God Book says, is vengeance the Lord's?

Shit...what the fuck are we trying to accomplish here? And, after 1000 executions, why the hell havn't we accomplished it yet?

This shit is why a bitch didn't go to law school...

Richard Pryor...

Sometimes we mourn a death. Sometimes we celebrate a life. And sometimes we just sit down and say ...well, shit.

Richard Pryor went on to his sweet reward yesterday and a bitch is certain that the saints are laughing their asses off in the great beyond right about now.

Be whole…where you were once broken.

Be free…when you were once burdened by obligation.

Be at peace…for your life had so much drama.

Be funny…as if you could be anything else.

Be blessed…for you are worthy.

Happy Birthday Shavita!

Happy birthday, Ms. Thang...what are you, 25?

Anyway, best wishes for multitudes of fun and joy!

Snow, idiots and a bitch's birthday plans...way in advance...

My normal 5-minute drive home took a fucking hour last night. An hour! Drama. A bitch was going to indulge in a huge rant about it, but the sad news from Chicago made my petty ass remember that getting home is a blessing…each and every day.

The roads are icy, chil’ren, so drive like you give a shit. And to a certain NASCAR loving Ford F-150 driving asshole who cut a bitch off then slammed on his breaks this morning in front of the Botanical Garden…fuck you to hell and back! You gas guzzling, crazy driving waste of fossil fuel.

Moving forward…

It’s Friday and a bitch is happy to see it. This bitch spent the evening dealing with snow-dawgs…desperate to pee but unwilling to be hampered with frozen snow-paw syndrome. Yeah, a bitch knows all about those cute dawg paw booties…but certain hounds would rather make sad puppy faces than put on snowshoes. Lawd help me!

2 cups coffee with a healthy dash of organic milk and multitudes of Splenda, 1 Claritin and 2 fake assed Sudafed followed by cigs…

Oh…now y’all think he’s gone too far…
A bitch read this shit with some amusement. Missouri lawmakers have decided to get offended by a certain Reverend Phelps of the gay hating Phelps. It seems that the spawn of Satan has gone too far by protesting…well, err…ranting like a freak outside of military funerals. See, in his deranged mind Reverend Phelps has drawn a connection between the United States military’s bias against gays and…acceptance of gays by that same military.

Don’t try to understand…it will make your head hurt.

So, the spawn of Satan has taken to shouting and screaming about Gawds hatred of all things gay and military outside of the funerals of fallen soldiers.

And now…because of that…Missouri lawmakers think he’s crossed a line!

Cough.

Which is bullshit. Phelps crossed the line of decency a long time ago. And Missouri lawmakers should know that you might ignore a river of shit while it floods your neighbor's house, but it will always seep into your basement eventually and stank it up like a motherfucker. Which is what Rev. Phelps of the deranged Phelps is doing now...by moving his circus of bigotry from the gates of Pridefest to the gates of local cemeteries.

Good luck trying to discuss it with his crazy ass…as if he’s fucking rational. And, sadly, his speech is protected. But readers should know that Missouri lawmakers and voters like to play it fast and loose with those pesky civil rights and liberties...

Assholes.

Which reminds a bitch…

Focus of the Family is coming to St. Louis in February. Really! They will be here to support a massive ex-gay gathering of ex-gays. Anyhoo…folks are gearing up with events and responses.

This bitch is extremely pissed that fucking James Dobson chose a bitch’s birthday weekend to show his ass in the Lou!

Fucker!

A bitch’s birthday is February 22nd…technically it’s the entire month of February but whatever. Now, this shit is bringing all manner of conservative drama to St. Louis during my party time!

There’s only one thing a bitch can do.

That’s right, chil’ren…

AngryBlackBitchfest 2006 February 24-26 in St. Louis, MO!

Audacious sin and bitchitude are fantabulous responses in the face of complete conservative bullshit. A bitch is working on an Ann Coulter skit to be performed live somewhere by a certain Shavita, Blood Ray has already agreed to sing something from Dream Girls in full costume and this bitch has just gotten started!

Yeah!

Now that’s what this bitch calls a counter-protest.

More details to follow…

Update...

Okay, so clearly a bitch has been goofing off today. Shit…who can concentrate with snow falling outside?

Anyhoo…

Thank you to everyone who sent well wishes regarding a bitch’s brother’s ongoing drama. This bitch and a bitch’s sister hooked up with Bill for some snacks (Oreo cookies, Pepsi and Starburst candies) last night. He was slightly pissy that my ass wasn’t breaking speed laws to get him to the convenience store, but settled down and seemed to be in good spirits.

The prize-fighting eye is looking much better…thank GAWD!

We visited for a spell after returning to the home. It was decorated for the holidays and really cozy. And my beloved brother Bill sent me off with a huge hug and a shit-eating grin… that this bitch prefers to interpret as affection for a bitch and not just Oreo cookies followed by Pepsi.

It was a great moment and one that was truly needed after a week of worry.

Toodles until tomorrow…

Custard...

A bitch just came across this news about a certain Ann Coulter of the freakishly evil Coulters.

Oh my!

Ann enjoys anything that will throw her into the news spin, so this bitch is pretty sure she licked that custard pie off her bony face with glee.

Oh, if only someone had loved Ann…even just a little, just once in her life.

This bitch keeps picturing her lounging behind stage fiendishly licking custard off her hands and arms…eyes wild with frenzied gluttony…

Fantabulous!

Haters...

New readers should know that a bitch is a strong believer in dream-based correction!

So, without further delay…

ABB, the hater and a bitch's dream...
A bitch has been indulging in the ritualistic dream-based correction of Rumsfeld for several days now.

ABB…wet black leather cat suit, fantabulous 5 inch spiked heeled boots, tiara and…of course…the merciless rod of correction!

Rummy…naked and secured within the 5 points of submission.

Ahhhh…what fabulous times we’ve been having!

But last night a bitch tumbled into slumber and didn’t seek Rummy out.

See, this bitch has been thinking about 'haters' lately. You know the ones…those sad and sorry assed people in everyone’s world who just can’t stand to see anyone happy.

Indulge a bitch in a wee little detour…

One of the best parts about living an authentic life is not being seriously jealous of other people. Really! My bitchiness is maintained by the assholia of others and not diminished by anyone else’s success or fulfillment…as long as they didn’t achieve that success or fulfillment by being a complete stank asshole!

Anyhoo…

Haters come in all shapes and sizes. They pop up and piss in my chili at the strangest moments. And they really do seem disappointed that a bitch could give a shit about what they think…shit, my ass isn’t convinced that they do think! What a bitch does care about is the negative ripples they create…whether you care or not. Ignore them, dismiss them, attack them or bitch at them…haters create ripples and they enjoy doing it.

A bitch experienced some residual haterism recently (too pathetic and passive aggressive to even bother with the details…trust). It pissed me off to no end to see that ripple stretch out into my circle and to know that some insecure asshole who has never realized the greatness they showed potential for in youth and still longs to be a wild success at 21...which is pathetic, because you are decade too late for that shit honey...caused it. Shit!

Needless to say…haters were on a bitch’s mind last night as my mind tumbled into dreamland…

Detour over...

Casually running my hand over my implements of correction, which were displayed on a bed of red velvet, a bitch bit my lip and tried to narrow the field.

Whips or chains? Quick…or slow?

Decisions, decisions!

A certain sorry assed hater knelt before me whimpering and quietly sniveling.

“Cease!”

Dull eyes shot to my face.

“Why are you doing this? It doesn’t even matter…I don’t even really care! Whatever!" The hater whined.

A bitch slowly walked to the thrown of bitchitude and sat down. With a tilt of my head, this bitch took a serious look at the hater.

“Why, you’re really just an insecure and pathetic little thing, aren’t you?” A bitch whispered. “You’re not even worthy of correction. How sad…how very pathetic and sad.”

The hater’s eyes narrowed…"How dare you not beat me! How dare you look upon me with pity? You are nothing! Not special! Nothing!”

Leaning back into the plush cushions of my thrown, a bitch tapped the rod of correction into the palm of my hand…be’heeled foot bobbing to the rhythm of bitchitude.

“You will find that a bitch is the very definition of audacious. There is very little a bitch doesn’t dare to do. Cease your whining…you are so not worthy of correction. You have to be somewhat defined to be corrected."

A bitch rose and replaced the rod of correction then turned back to the hater.

“Leave me…get a life…and for the love of Gawd, cease being such a shit…”

With a wave of my bitchy hand the hater was dismissed.

Unfulfilled, a bitch turned to Rummy.

“Ahhhh! Now you are defined as a motherfucker.”

Then the alarm went off and woke a bitch up.

Shit!

Oh well, there’s always tonight…

Snow...!

It’s cold as a motherfucker and snowing like crazy! A bitch adores snow, but my ass hates driving in it. Why do people have to get so crazy when the roads are at their worst? Why?

Anyhoo, this bitch can’t wait to get home and enjoy the snow…through a fucking window in a warm toasty house!

2 cups coffee with Splenda and 1% organic milk, 1 Claritin, 2 fake assed Sudafed and cigs…

A shooting in Miami...
A bitch was horrified by the news that a mentally ill man was shot by Air Marshals on an American Airlines flight in Miami. The facts are still coming out, but it seems that the man stated that he had a bomb and made for the front door of the plane. His wife, who was with him, tried to stop him but he was shot and later died. He did not have a bomb.

Reports state that he was acting odd…which mentally ill and mentally disabled people do sometimes. Passengers were concerned about him even before the incident took place.

As the sister of a mentally challenged adult, let me say that this is my worst nightmare. Not that Bill would ever be able to make a false bomb threat, but that his actions would ever be interpreted as threatening and result in an incident like this.

A bitch worries about it a lot. When my ass read about an incident in which an autistic young man wandered away from his home and was confronted by police outside of a neighbors home, and that they used pepper spray and a stun gun to subdue him, it totally freaked me out. The young man didn’t respond to police commands…and Bill probably wouldn’t do either. The young man was agitated…and Bill would also be in that type of situation. And the young man was traumatized…which anyone would be after being peppered and then stunned repeatedly until collapsing on the ground.

This bitch understands that law enforcement is called upon to make decisions every day that hold life and death in the balance. My ass can’t even imagine the pressure and stress associated with that. My commentary isn’t about the decision, but rather the fear and concern many of us with loved ones who are either mentally ill and/or disabled face regarding incidents like this.

My heart weeps for this family and everyone involved.

Moving forward…

Imagine all the people…living for today...
Today is the anniversary of John Lennon’s murder. A bitch was 7 years old when John Lennon was gunned down in New York City.

My favorite John Lennon songs are Imagine and Woman.

Imagine has popped up a lot in my life. When John Lennon was shot it rang out like a challenge to a world racked with violence and aggression. A bitch was always shocked that people resented John Lennon for his calls for peace and love. It never made sense why peace would offend anyone…why love would piss so many folks off.

A typical Pisces, this bitch used to lounge on my back in our backyard and just stare at the clouds. Alone on that thick grass, a bitch prayed for peace. A bitch prayed that chil’ren would not know hunger or want…that women would not know violence and rape…that animals would not know pain and suffering. My ass prayed that my brother would be happy and fulfilled…that my sister would know great joy and laughter…that my dawg would always have chew toy…that my mother would find peace…and that my father would find it as well.

Imagining those things was so fucking easy back then. It seems as if we are born with all of the possibilities and potential of life in our minds…and that the process of living removes them layer-by-layer.

Fuck that.

A bitch still imagines all the people living for today…no war, no hunger, no suffering or degradation. Shit, maybe my ass is a dreamer but a bitch sure as shit isn’t the only one.

A bitch still feels that unlimited store of love…that wonderful feeling towards another that you want to say...to shout...again and again and again.

So, today a bitch is remembering John Lennon with a certain kind of happiness.

His is a legacy of groovy peaceful love.

Yeah, yeah, now and forever…

All about Katie and a bitch's question regarding a third dawg...

A bitch is torn.

It seems that a certain Katie Couric may be leaving the Today Show. While this bitch would love to see her go…a bitch can’t stand that heifer…my ass is also torn about what the future holds!

Katie may go to CBS. Well, their morning show can’t get any worse, but would they put that evil heifer into the prime time news slot? Jesus, are they crazy? And she’s already out of control…with that kind of power she’d be over the top out of control!

And what about the Today Show? Will they move Ann Curry into Katie's slot? A bitch used to adore Ann, but then her overly emotional delivery got on my nerves. Top that with the fact that she is a 'close talker' and chicks leaning in on Matt tend to freak him out. It might not work. Al and Matt? Could be…it could happen…NOT! Morning television is all about the mimicking of heterosexual couples, so two men or two women just won’t do.

What to do, what to do?

And what if Katie stays? She’ll have brought NBC to their knees! Jesus to Gawd, it’ll be like Napoleon swaggering into Paris…only Katie has a good two feet on him.

Oh the drama!

A bitch would love to see her go if my ass thought that the content would improve. But it won’t.

On the flip side, a bitch wouldn’t have to endure Katie’s prissy assed perfection anymore.

Shit…a bitch might even miss her.

Fuck it.

This bitch plans to switch to Animal Planet in the mornings anyway.

Speaking of Animal Planet...

A bitch and a bitch's sister are seriously considering getting another dawg. We already have Sweetie the Three Legged Chow and Betsey the Sorta-Beagle. They don't get along most of the time. The vet told us they'd get over it, but that hasn't happened.

So, a bitch would like to ask multiple dawg/pet parents...how do you add a third to the family without causing a war to break out?

Just let me know...

Toodles until tomorrow, chil'ren!

A bitch's first autograph...

A bitch's migraine is gone. Oh thank Gawd! Shit, that was nasty...

It would seem that my plan to counter recent bitterness worked! Well...a bitch is still bitter, but not like before.

Fantabulous!

Anyhoo, this bitch's post on the dreamed based correction of a certain Rumsfeld will have to wait until tomorrow. My ass has a funny thing to share with y'all...

A bitch was driving back from lunch munching on French fries and singing loudly along with Marvin about What's Going On when a police car pulled up beside me and rolled down it's window.

Oh shit!

Is it my Texas plates which should have been changed years ago?

Is it my completely out of date everything?

How bad will the ticket be?

Oh, shit! Ooooooh shit!

Police officer to a bitch..."I've got to ask you...where'd you get that bumper sticker?"

Bumper sticker? What? Then it dawned on me...the AngryBlackBitch bumper sticker on the ass of the Cabrio.

Oh shit!

ABB, trying to play it cool..."Cafe Press. It's for my blog and the bumper sticker came from my Cafe Press store."

Police officer with a laugh..."Really? My wife loves your blog. She reads you all the time. Could I have an autograph for her?"

ABB, in shock..."Sure."

Autograph signed. Smile and wave. Police officer pulls off and a bitch groans.

Jesus, my ass needs to take a day off and take care of the Cabrio's shit...

Anyhoo...it was funny. Now that it's over.

Dear Natalie with the police officer husband, thanks for reading a bitch. Oh, and my ass will be taking care of those plates ASAP! Promise!

Toodles!

Hold please...

A bitch is in progress...

Ponderings...

A bitch appreciates all of the migraine advice! This bitch finally made an appointment to see a doctor and now my ass will have specific shit to discuss…fantabulous!

Anyhoo…

A bitch has been fascinated by the response to my King Kong post. It has provided a good distraction for a bitch during this time of real world drama!

ABB’s Ponderings Regarding Some Responses to the Post de Kong…

The 'why doesn’t that black bitch know her place' response…
This one just makes a bitch giggle. It centers on the responder's disgust that this bitch would even DARE criticize King Kong! A few even tossed in that a bitch may actually be a racist…that a bitch is foaming at the mouth with irrational rage and that this bitch is making all liberals look bad.

Gawd…doesn’t that just crack you up? Fantabulous indeed!

Well, anyone who knows a bitch or reads my blog knows that this bitch totally knows my place…and that would be anywhere my black ass wants to be. Just wanted to clarify.

A racist…um, no (in my best Andy Warhol).

Next!

Foaming at the mouth…um, no.

Next!

Making all liberals look bad…um, no!

Thanks…that was fun.

The 'when is a movie just a movie' response...
A movie is just a movie when a movie is just a movie. King Kong is an insult wrapped up in a multi-million dollar media blitz. If you want to ignore that insult because you’re just dying to see Kong fight an iguana…go with Gawd…

…but the story still stinks on ice and there aren’t enough digital iguanas on Earth or in Middle Earth to change that.

The 'you must hate white people' response...
Hush…just imagine the emotional damage you’re doing to all the white people in this bitch’s world! You just hush!

A bitch hates bullshit, assholes, oppression, movies that extend the shelf life of bullshit and the smell of Jeri Curls. Okay, my ass hates some other shit, but those things are high on the list.

This bitch does not hate on the basis of race.

Soooooo, if you are hated by a bitch…well, it must be that you are either a bullshit spewing asshole, you oppress my ass, you made a movie that extended the shelf life of tired assed bullshit or you haven’t let go of that curl!

Mmmmkay…that horse is dead.

Note to the chil'ren.
A bitch plans to dabble in the Dungeon of Bitchitude tonight, so visit tomorrow for a summary of a bitch’s ruthless correction…

Oh shit! Bitterness!

Now that a bitch’s brother drama has resurfaced, this bitch is feeling those blues come on again.

It doesn’t help that the holidays are upon us and my ass has been subjected to happy fucking holiday music everywhere…the Walgreen’s when this bitch is trying to score some Sudafed, the grocery store when a bitch is trying to score organic milk and even at the motherfucking gas station!

Fuck!

A bitch is feeling sour. My head hurts from this fucking migraine, its cold as a motherfucker and a bitch is bitter.

Oh shit, bitterness!

Bitchitude is one thing, but bitterness is another. This must stop!

ABB’s Plan to Proactively Address My Stress Related Bitterness…
Purchase new flannel jammies…
A bitch plans to score new flannel tonight. Hold the jokes, wiseasses! Of course a bitch adores flannel, but new flannel is needed. The trick is to wash the flannel before wearing it the first time…get it good and warm and soft and then dive right in. No one can be bitter in flannel!

Indulge in comfort foods…
A bitch put a pot roast on this morning (sorry vegans/vegetarians/non-carnivores). It should be fantabulous by the time my ass gets off work. Other required foods are mashed potatoes and warm crusty bread covered in butter…mmmmm, butter. A bitch may even score some pie and ice cream for dessert! Desperate times call for desperate measures!

Trash fiction…
When reality sucks, a bitch likes to read trash…well written trash, but trash nonetheless. Have you ever sat down and read a trash novel? It’s hard to maintain bitterness when some uptight virginal heroine is desperately trying to find her missing brother only to be distracted by a dark mysterious stranger who frightens her yet somehow gets in her pants by page 85! Fantabulous.

The IFC/Sundance Factor…
Those fuckers at IFC and Sundance had best be programming for a bitter bitch! Shit. Toss me a bone around 8pm and my ass will be grateful. Preferably murder and mayhem with some sex tossed in. Is that too much to ask for?

This should work…a bitch will report back tomorrow!

Urgent...Stray Rescue needs foster homes...

Stray Rescue of St. Louis is in desperate need of foster homes. The cold weather is deadly for strays and they are overwhelmed with pets in need of shelter.

If you are able to foster a pet, please follow this link and contact Stray Rescue directly…

A bitch’s sister adopted our beloved Sweetie from Stray Rescue and she has been a joy!

My American Dream...

Well, a bitch is pleased to have sparked a wee little debate regarding King Kong! Shit, a bitch may just have to post my thoughts on Friends one of these days.

Moving forward with extreme bitchitude…

Thanks to all who sent positivitude to a bitch's family yesterday. The situation is under investigation and details will be posted as soon as we come to a resolution. Bill's eye is much better...we all hope that his attutude improves too.

My American Dream…
A bitch believes in the reality of happiness. This bitch dreams of an America where my autistic brother is able to get the healthcare he deserves without delay and bureaucratic drama…where dental is covered and care is proactive rather than reactive.

A bitch dreams of a world where people don’t stare and whisper behind their hands. Where chil’ren smile when Bill twirls around McDonald’s because he’s as excited about a cheeseburger as others get excited about a new car.

A bitch dreams about a system that taps into existing community programs, so a bitch’s brother isn’t bored and unstimulated. Where the mentally ill or disabled can work if that’s the best placement for them or volunteer if that’s a better fit.

A bitch can close my eyes and imagine an America where my ass can just be a sister…where paperwork doesn’t define my commitment and where my visits aren’t motivated out of concern.

This land of plenty has the ability to make a bitch’s American dream a reality…

…but the will? The will is lacking.

And so a bitch worries and frets.

A bitch rants and raves.

A bitch holds this dream so tight that it hurts.

Cuts and slashes have created a funding crisis in Missouri that is harming our most vulnerable citizens…

A bitch’s sorry assed American reality.