Friday, May 20, 2011

Pondering the end of days…

Lawd, I am tired!

I’ve been watching the news about flooding along the Mississippi River and it made me wonder when the bullshit that’s been rising at an alarming rate will finally crest.


I can’t let this Friday May 20, 2011 go by without a brief pondering of the Rapture. Some folks have predicted that tomorrow May 21, 2011 will be the end of days and “real” Christians will be “raptured”. 

I think it’s supposed to start at 6pm in Australia, but I’m not sure.  It’s confusing and left up to interpretation and lots of folks don’t agree with it anymore than they agree with the fabillion trillion other interpretations of the end of days…not to mention the people who don’t buy into the end of days at all.

All this talk of folks being disappeared got me thinking about folks I’d like to see raptured that wretched anti-choice fanatic who damned me to the fires of hell last month or those politicians who pontificate about “life” while voting against funding for programs that serve those in need…oh, and faux scientists who write about the unattractiveness of black women and their friends…people who abuse animals…Ann Coulter…the heifer who bullied me in 5th grade…shit, the list is endless.

But it occurred to me that the very people I’d like to see raptured tomorrow are not the kind of people who fit the criteria for rapturization.

My list is full of absolute assholes… the folks on my People I’d Like to See Raptured list is full of mean-spirited violent egotistical judgmental lying hypocritical bigots.


Hold up.

If I don’t believe in the Rapture do I still have to keep my mental exploration of the happening with the parameters established by Rapturites?

That doesn’t seem right!

Fuck it.

I hereby proclaim that tomorrow’s regularly scheduled Rapture shall be a Reverse Rapture!

I plan to have several cocktails, watch some NHL hockey (love the playoffs, big time!), and monitor Twitter – tomorrow’s content should be fantabulous!


Toodles till Doomsday!


Stella said...

I have a list of people that I would miss if they suddenly disappeared, and you are on it.

Have a glorious weekend, dear.

Rileysdtr said...

Not sure what the International Dateline does vis a vis the Day of Rapture. If it's supposed to start May 21st in Australia at 6 pm, is that local time (since ahem it's already May 21 there); GMT? Eastern Standard?

I do have one trouble with the prophecy... according to this latest interpretation anyone who isn't immediately caught up in the Rapture is in deep shit as the press release includes the statement that no one else will possibly be eligible for Heaven.
I haven't read the Book of Revelations in a few years, but based upon my recollection, those who are left behind to undergo the trials/tribulations/etc. who fight on the side of Good go to Heaven when they die.

I want to kick some ass for Heaven. No, I mean that literally. Give me one of those flaming swords and turn me loose upon the serpents... I think it'd be a blast, not to mention one hell of a cardio workout. Screw the Rapture - sign me up for the War!

Until the Trumpet sounds, though, I am watching me some hockey... go Canucks!

Unknown said...

But it occurred to me that the very people I’d like to see raptured tomorrow are not the kind of people who fit the criteria for rapturization. Hey..that IS the downside of it.

Sorrry I ain't been around but I had major back surgery few months back and cant sit for long. Fuckers opened me up like a can of soup and left me w/a nice parting gift of an eight inch scar on my spine and I have to wear this hugeass 2lb brace for another three months.

But I have missed your posts sista woman!!!!

Unknown said...

Oh and a friend of mine wondered aloud: If the assholes DO get to go...can we have their stuff? ;p

Shoni said...

It still amuses me that people are attempting to use the bible to predict something the bible says can't be predicted. Then again, with all the other crap people have used the bible to justify, I'm not really surprised.

Anonymous said...

I am so bummed that these people won't be raptured. it is going to be funny to see the looks on their faces though when they are still here. Ohhhhhhhh, that will be great.

MC said...

What self-respecting "angry black bitch" is into NHL hockey and admits that she "loves the playoffs, big time?" There's no NHL hockey playoffs this time of year, is there?

Shark-Fu said...

Oh no you didn't!?! Not the dreaded "black people don't watch hockey!" indictment followed by a public display of hockey ignorance about the playoffs!!!

*rolls eyes*

Is thus the part where I'm supposed to declare my blackness...or are we at the part where I curse at you?

Where's my Acceptable Blackness Handbook?!?

I just KNOW there's a chapter on Acceptable Sports. It's right after Acceptable Accents and before Acceptable Hobbies.


Jeffrey Ricker said...

Ooh, I love it when you verbally smash someone into the boards! Do it again!

(Oh, and for the record, the Rapture did happen this weekend as I was lifted to heaven by the goddess herself during Kylie Minogue's show in San Francisco. Sigh--I can die happy now.)

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