A bitch is ready for the weekend! This bitch woke up today in frenzy. My ass has been invited to attend a ritzy event and, of course, waiting until the very last minute to decide what to wear!
Somewhere between drama and meltdown a bitch remembered why my ass is usually anti-social.
2 cups coffee with Splenda and organic milk, followed by 1 Claritin, 2 pseudo Sudafed and cigs…
As a bitch jumped through the morning television in a desperate attempt to avoid multiple viewings of the Oprah/Letterman reconciliation (give a bitch a break, people) something caught my eye.
Peter Jackson of Lord of the Rings fame has remade King Kong.
Immediately, a bitch got pissed.
Why ABB Hates the King Kong story…
A bitch has no hatred for Peter Jackson or his team of amazing folks. What this bitch hates…fucking cannot stand and thinks should be relegated to the same dark, murky hole in Hades that hopefully holds the entire body of black-face entertainment is the story.
King Kong, which was made famous as a 1930’s film, is the story of a white, very white...extremely white and Aryan the way Ann Coulter wishes she was Aryan...woman who some how ends up on a tropical, very tropical, WILD and untamed island populated by…NATIVES! Yep, natives who become entranced with this Aryan representation of civilized female beauty even though they have never set eyes on a white woman. Depending on the version, they either have always worshiped white women or simply begin to worship them once they set eyes on the blond bombshell that plops down on their island.
Now, they have a secret. A big fucking secret! There is a giant highly sexualized primate lurking on the island! Oh no! Jesus, why would a loving Gawd ever create such a beast? In the words of Wolf Blitzer…he’s so black!
In order to pacify said giant black primate, the natives offer up sacrificial women. The giant primate then takes the women and leaves the natives alone for a while. ‘Cause…well, you know…he's getting his freak on. And everyone knows that giant sexualized primates are soothed and calmed by the company of a terrified nubile woman.
Even though the regular offering of native women has pacified the giant primate, the natives know that this stunning white woman will put his ass over the top. Shit, they started coveting her right from the start! No way is their giant highly sexualized primate going to turn down a tryst with an unwilling blond beauty.
So, they capture the girl, tie her ass to a stake and offer her.
The giant primate, who represents society’s notion that black men are obsessed with white women and are driven into uncontrollable frenzies by them, comes upon the blond and…well…becomes obsessed with her and is driven into an uncontrollable frenzy.
It gets better!
The blond, at first disgusted and terrified by the giant black primate, begins to fall under its spell. This is vital, because EVERYONE knows that the black man…oh, shit…no that would be the 'giant black primate' has skills and, given enough time, can seduce pure untouched blonds with his sexual prowess!
Lets see...ummm...oh yes...blond is freed, primate is captured, marketing blitz hits New York, blond feels sorry for primate, primate is obsessing over blond, primate gets loose…city is terrorized, blond is kidnapped by obsessed primate, they get to the Empire State building and somehow the primate gets to the top. Makes sense since we’re talking about a GIANT primate who just has to be used to climbing tall buildings and shit like that. Anyhoo… the primate, with blond in hand, is shot and falls to the bottom. Terrorized blond cries and primate dies with one...
extremely large and black...
...fucking GIANT and BLAAAAAACK hand reaching out towards said blond symbol of white pure beauty.
Yeah, a bitch fucking hates this story. My ass knows that Hollywood can’t and/or won’t get its shit together regarding portrayals of minorities. But fuck this fucking shit!
Fuck everyone involved in bringing this historic insult back to the screen…to insult the fucking shit out of me again! Fuckers!
And as far as the portrayal of women…oh shit, that requires another post. Suffice it to say, King Kong is a revival of the pedestal and blondie sits right on top of it. Virginal, untouched, coveted…she is the ultimate possession…a literal theatrical attraction.
Between the portrayal of women and the resurrection of antiquated racial stereotypes, this black woman can find little good in the King Kong story. Which means that this remake will join the other blockbuster films of 2005 on the 'this bitch won't even watch it on cable' list.
Happy Friday, chil'ren...