Wednesday, December 14, 2005

AngryBlackBitch 101...

This bitch didn’t get a lot of sleep, so my ass is beyond bitchy today.

A bitch will add Vancouver to my Canadian travel wish list. This trip is going to take some time to plan, but a bitch will keep y’all updated on the progress. Oh, and many thanks to a certain Jeremy in Montreal for my soon to arrive package of Smartie-based yumminess and the offer of a personal tour! Fantabulous!

Now, a bitch has had this blog for just under a year. His Pontifical Greatness, Brother Rob Thurman, gave this bitch my blog for my birthday…and it really is the gift that just keeps on giving. A recent post has brought a lot of new readers and this bitch just wanted to make sure y’all understood a few things…

AngryBlackBitch 101…
Now, keep in mind that this bitch is very bitchy today. A bitch didn’t get a lot of sleep and there is a construction crew outside of my window raising hell while trying to cut into the street to lay some sort of fucking water line. FUCK!

Having said that…

If you are going to step to a bitch you should do so with some content…some fucking meat…a fucking coherent argument or opinion. A bitch will not be chastised out of my opinions. Many have tried and, as you can see…well, failure is a beautiful thing. A bitch needs more than a ‘you are so fucking wrong and I can’t stand you’ to be moved...assuming that you want to move me...hell, maybe you're just an asshole.

For 32 fucking years this bitch has lived this life black and female…so, for the fucking record, my ass has heard it all. Every fucking covert or overt bullshit insult in the book of insults has been hurled my way. Trust me on that, cease trying to be creative, come up with a response or move on. You aren’t on parole and reading this bitch’s blog isn’t a mandatory requirement for your release. And you don't have to agree...just disagree better.

A bitch does not require etiquette lessons…this bitch endured 3 months of that shit when my ass was 11 years old. So, a bitch knows how to travel and not be the ugly American like the grown bitch that my ass is...do you? This bitch has been to Ireland (lovely, by the way), France (fantabulous), England (it snowed), Italy (a wonderful trip) and the Netherlands (well, Amsterdam and it was a joy)...they all survived and this bitch had a fucking great time too. This bitch has been instructed in the proper way to sit, to stand, to introduce folks and to excuse myself from the table…and my ass decided a long time ago that some of those rules are complete bullshit and some of them are really rather nice. So, when a bitch is rude she knows it...and wants to be...

When this bitch was around 5 years old my ass went to kindergarten. In the first hour of my first day of school this bitch was properly educated…that black was different in a bad way, that girls had a place and roles and that my ass needed to catch up and play the game or suffer the consequences. There was an implied reward…acceptance. And it took me years to see the bullshit in that. Years. It is an amazing experience to be molded in such a way…to be instructed on how to make other people happy and comfortable.

A bitch was tutored on the way to talk, to walk, to confront, to retreat, to argue and to soothe. There must be a book somewhere on how to put The Man at ease…how to make those in power overlook your background and gender or at least not hold you back because of it. As my ass said, it took years for me to see the bullshit in that…to move into the visible world as me, not someone’s safe go-to black woman…me.

Many of you have been there…some of you still are. You may be there because of your gender, your body, your accent, your religion, your orientation or whatever “they” have decided makes you different…in a bad way. It fucking sucks, doesn’t it? Does it make you angry or just pissed enough to lash out but still too scared to kick that closet door open and shout FUCK YOU AND THE HORSE YOU RODE IN ON?

Mmmhmmm…a bitch has been there. And this bitch has no intention of going back.

This bitch’s voice was earned through a life of pain, laughter, humiliation, joy and sorrow…and it will not be silenced.

Now…should you want to debate, discuss, disagree, comment or agree…welcome!

Just understand that…

A bitch does not read one article and believe everything that is in it then write up some crazy post because…me being na├»ve and gullible…my ass believes everything in writing and just can’t grasp the concept that media has spin. A bitch has worked in media and advertising for over a decade…so, yeah, a bitch could teach a class on spin.

A bitch welcomes the debate…so give it to me. Shit, bring it on! Please!

Thank you.

This bitch has chicken and dumpling soup coming my way, so toodles for now...

3 comments:

Chris said...

Great post, as usual. I've got your back. Haters, know this, times are changing. You represent the new south. And while you're lunching on contempt and intolerance lesbians like me are doing just fine. I really do hope you learn to love yourselves though. Get a hobby. Shit.

Kim said...

Do you have ANY idea how much I love this blog?!? My day is all out of whack if I don't make it by to check it out.

So thank you for blogging and thank Brother Rob for giving you a fantastic b-day present!

ABLawStudent said...

Well according to my new favorite cartoon... The Boondocks (Sunday nights 11pm, Cartoon Network)... you can tame "The Man" with a good piece of cheese...

Great post - thanks for the education!