Oh my! A certain Canadian Rob has sealed the deal…a bitch shall be visiting Philly and Canada next year! Now all I have to do is plan that shit. Hopefully a bitch can visit with my fellow bloggers up North...but we have some time yet, since a bitch needs to recover from holiday friskitude and general expenses.
Clearly this bitch is going to have to visit Montreal and Toronto while in Canada. How do you say bitch in French? And lets all hope that tempers cool down before my ass gets there…my ususal 'fall back because Americans are hated throughout the world' country is Canada while traveling, but if my ass is in Canada and y'all hate us...well, shit a bitch will just claim Sweden and dare someone to challenge my black ass!
Oh and a trip to Philly is a must at some point, because cheese-steaks are now on my mind.
Shit!
Perhaps a bitch should save some Smarties to consume with the cheese-steaks…or maybe visit Philly post Canada, with Smarties in hand?
Jesus, my ass is hormonal…
Toodles!
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13 comments:
Oh, that kind of thing goes on all the time... but it usually doesn't make the press in the US.
I wouldn't worry about it. It's really more Canadians bitching about the US collectively rather than individuals. No one will hassle you.
Which part of Canada are you planning to visit?
Dearest Bitch,
I love your blog. And hope your visit to Montreal kicks ass. I live there part-time with my GF (live in the US the other part of the Time). And you know what? The Quebecers have problems with English Canadians. Anglophones. But if you stand out a little bit as an American, you're all set. I was there when 500,000 angry Quebecers marched in protest against the Iraq war, but have never had any trouble at all there being an American.
Things I've done to stand out as an American but not an ugly one: 1) stare incomprehendingly at the money for 2 seconds while at a store or hot dog stand. And if you're into pastrami, you have to go try "smoked meat" at Swartz's on St Laurent, a main drag in Montreal. 2) say "howdy." I don't know if bitches say such things, but Canadians never say it. 3) whatever you do don't say Tabernacle or even Tabernoosh. It's the most profound swear word. Unless you're in good company.
I've told my brother to do these things when he came up for a visit, and he got along great....until he said, "Fermez la bouche" something he recalled me saying over and over when I was in high school and taking French.
If you want other excellent places to eat, and you're willing to entertain a stranger's advice: 1) L'Express on rue St. Denis. It's very French, very excellent, the food is sumptuous, and the setting is gorgeous. The place gets jammed for dinner at 9-10pm. It doesn't have a sign on the door, because they don't need to advertise I guess. They make you work for it, but it's worth it. Located in between the two girl streets, rue Marianne and some other girl street. 2) La Strega - Italian food cheap and delicious in the gay village on Ste Catherine. Across from the big and busty gay boy bar called Le Sky. 3) Awesome African cuisine at L'Afrique on rue Mont Royal on the plateau. Close to the subway stop.
Anyway, I love Montreal. Love it. Hope you do too, bitch.
* Holding a bag of smarties *
I'm sure I could get you to come visit Montreal, and NO we don't hate Americans, just your president. I'm sure when you decide to come up and grace us with your "bitchiness" I will worship the ground you walk on, and we will show you one hell of a good time.
Just let us know and we will prepare.
You see the other commenters have given you directions to Do things, I will actually Escort you there, and here, and there...
I can't wait, your box should be there by Friday.
Jeremy
Your Homo-Montreal tour guide
Oh, and if I recall correctly, the french version of "bitch" is "vache", but I may be wrong.
If you wish to get a bit of a handle on Canadians and our internal workings/squabbles/ bitching/culture, you might try listening to CBC radio online. It's primarily talk radio. I started listening about a year ago because I was a really homesick Canuck. Funny, I rarely listened to CBC at home. Anyway, the URL is:
http://www.rcinet.ca/rci/en/
Scroll down and on the left hand side you will see "Listen in English". You can, of course, listen in French or another language if you wish.
Another one I listened to at home which I also listen to here online is CKUA in Edmonton, Alberta. It's a public radio station and the programming is really good:
http://www.ckua.org/
Click on "Listen".
Finally, they've started showing "Da Vinci's Inquest" down here. It's set in and filmed in Vancouver with an all-Canadian cast. It's a pretty good portrait of how the Coroner's Office and the Vancouver Police work. It's also not a bad portrait of how we as a society tend to handle things. The Coroner investigates and decides whether a suspicious death is ruled homicide, suicide, or accident--they don't do the autopsies. The show is being run on channel WGN at 11 pm CST every week night. On Tuesdays they run 2-3 episodes back to back starting at 7 pm CST.
I'm aware Rob that "vache" is the french word for cow, just as "bitch" is an english word describing a female dog. I do remember that much of my french. The reasoning behind "vache" as a colloquial, not literal, translation comes from when I was in Quebec years ago. I heard a guy referring to a woman as "une vache". I was puzzled as to why he would call her a cow (it didn't seem like that much of an insult to me), and my Quebecois friend told me that was the colloquial equivalent of calling her a bitch.
However, "La Chienne Noire Fachee" is a good translation of ABB.
I believe the term you desire is "salup" (spelling may be wrong) which is the best French I know for saying "Bitch" hehehe.... relax and try to let the experience slid off ya, water off a duck as they say....
Montreal is fabulous! Wonderful food, old buildings, warm people, good times. I live in California, and was visiting Montreal (and cities north, referred to locally as "Saint Everything North of Montreal" since most of the towns are named after Saints) in March, one day was blizzards the next fairly balmy (about 7 degrees C) so I got to experience a variety of weather. I hear that the springtime is LOVELY in Montreal. I've been reading your blog for awhile now, and have meant to post, but my lazy ass doesn't always get into gear when asked.
And thank you for posting Meg!
Springtime would be fantabulous...as long as a bitch has Sudafed on hand...
It took me a minute to recall which one you were talking about, anima...
The one you're thinking of is "Salud". I think it's meaning is closer to a**hole, but I you're right--it might be as close to "bitch" as we get.
I just read your post! Yip-yip-yippeee!
You most definitely must dine on good ole Philly cheesesteaks wit fried onions (yum). No Pat's or Geno's for you - that's tourist crap. Nah, I got to find you the best.
And Tastycakes! And soft pretzels! We'll make sure they're fresh. Unless you want the true Philly experience - buy them off a street corner vendor where the pretzels are guaranteed to be coated with car fumes and have been left out in any given rain/snow storm and then dried out. Seriously, Philadelphians really eat them.
And scrapple too. Unless that might freak you out too much.
Oh, and if you like sweets, you have got to try buttertarts, nanaimo bars/squares, tarte au sucre, and raisin pie.
Buttertarts and raisin pie are a little like pecan pie but raisins rather than nuts. If someone offers you a buttertart with coconut in it, "Just say no". Coconut does not belong in a buttertart... and the filling should be syrupy, not jellied (okay, I have strong opinions about buttertarts).
A good nanaimo bar is to die for. I can give you the recipe, but you may have to hunt for one or two ingredients.
And tarte au sucre, made right, is heaven on a plate if incredibly sweet.
When you get to western Canada, have a big plate of pyrohy/perogies. Particularly on the prairies. Potato dumplings, fried in butter or bacon fat and served with fried onions and bacon.
Don't forget to try poutine when you're in Quebec, and mayonnaise on your french fries. Both are fabulous.
"Salope noire fâchée" is the correct word-for-word translation of "angry black bitch". But if you're willing to go for an indirect translation that captures the in-your-face spirit of the phrase, you might try on "negresse fâchée". A+
quote: "When you get to western Canada, have a big plate of pyrohy/perogies. Particularly on the prairies. Potato dumplings, fried in butter or bacon fat and served with fried onions and bacon."
Oh my god..I heard about these. *salivates*
My sister sent me a postcard with a picture of them on the front, and apparently they are perfect on freezing cold days with one of the numerous and insanely alcoholic beers that Quebec has on offer.
mmmmm
It's cheese curd, gravvy and chips. Usually not the sort of thing I eat on a daily basis but deinately somethign I have to try before I kick the bucket!
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