Tuesday, December 06, 2005

Oh shit! Bitterness!

Now that a bitch’s brother drama has resurfaced, this bitch is feeling those blues come on again.

It doesn’t help that the holidays are upon us and my ass has been subjected to happy fucking holiday music everywhere…the Walgreen’s when this bitch is trying to score some Sudafed, the grocery store when a bitch is trying to score organic milk and even at the motherfucking gas station!

Fuck!

A bitch is feeling sour. My head hurts from this fucking migraine, its cold as a motherfucker and a bitch is bitter.

Oh shit, bitterness!

Bitchitude is one thing, but bitterness is another. This must stop!

ABB’s Plan to Proactively Address My Stress Related Bitterness…
Purchase new flannel jammies…
A bitch plans to score new flannel tonight. Hold the jokes, wiseasses! Of course a bitch adores flannel, but new flannel is needed. The trick is to wash the flannel before wearing it the first time…get it good and warm and soft and then dive right in. No one can be bitter in flannel!

Indulge in comfort foods…
A bitch put a pot roast on this morning (sorry vegans/vegetarians/non-carnivores). It should be fantabulous by the time my ass gets off work. Other required foods are mashed potatoes and warm crusty bread covered in butter…mmmmm, butter. A bitch may even score some pie and ice cream for dessert! Desperate times call for desperate measures!

Trash fiction…
When reality sucks, a bitch likes to read trash…well written trash, but trash nonetheless. Have you ever sat down and read a trash novel? It’s hard to maintain bitterness when some uptight virginal heroine is desperately trying to find her missing brother only to be distracted by a dark mysterious stranger who frightens her yet somehow gets in her pants by page 85! Fantabulous.

The IFC/Sundance Factor…
Those fuckers at IFC and Sundance had best be programming for a bitter bitch! Shit. Toss me a bone around 8pm and my ass will be grateful. Preferably murder and mayhem with some sex tossed in. Is that too much to ask for?

This should work…a bitch will report back tomorrow!

12 comments:

ian said...

I will be printing off this entry and using it as a guide to get through my own current depression. God, everything you say is brilliant!

Anonymous said...

ABB, sorry for the anon. post, but I'm not fully blogger'd. I too suffer from migraines. Have you ever tried Imitrex? The nasal spray is just a little bit short of magic -- a blast up my left nostril (where the pain originates) usually gets rid of the migraine within a half hour. It's expensivem, though, so it helps to have some Rx coverage. Your dinner sounds like the perfect meal to treat a migraine -- I always crave savory comfort foods at those times. A tall, frosty glass of Coke Classic on ice also helps, along with a soak in a hot bath with an ice pack on the head. Hope that fucker goes away soon!

AOB said...

A hot bubble bath , with some vodka cran, jump into the flannel jammies and eat until you are stuffed...going to sleep over a good trashy book.....

Life-a-licious!!!!!!

This bitch just walked out of a six month depression so she knows how your ass feels. You do realize of course that you already have it beat by not giving in no matter how damn bad you feel.

GO BITCH!

Anonymous said...

flannel pj's are my weakness, coupled with mashed potatoes and a good lifetime movie will cure even the worst existensial angst.

Shark-fu said...

A bitch didn't think about the frothy bath! Great idea!

My ass just amde a doctor's appointment and will ask about Imitrex...somehow a bitch thought it was a shot and that jsut won't do.

Sadly, vodka crans are off the list when its a migraine. Sigh. But a bitch does have Vanilla Coke in the house! Yum!

Hammer said...

Hey ABB!

So, let me say that Imitrex and any other maxalt-like drug are really unsafe. There was a recall on Imitrex 2 years ago because a bunch of people had strokes after taking it...just beware. We don't want you to have a stroke. Then your bitchitude wouldn't be as clear as we like it!

So, as someone who easily falls into bitterness/depression I have found a really good way to get out of it (or to put in context and resolve the issue).

They say that depression is rage turned inwards (though I'm not entirely sure this would apply to you since your rage seems to flow strongly from within you hehehe); so the best way to get over it is to figure out where it's coming from and address the real issues.

I have found that re-centering myself with the world helps me get over my bitterness...i.e. taking time to realize that we are all a part of the same thing. We all share the common root associated with being human. Sometimes the pagan-like chant centers me : "Earth my body, water my blood, air my breath and fire my spirit"
What a great feeling to realize we aren't alone, we come from the same place, we're going to the same place. Aaah.

When did I become such a flake? ugh!

I hope that you come out of your bitter streak. I mean, stay there as long as you need to. I just wish you love, peace, and happpiness (Whitney Houston? haha okay, you can smack me now!)

So, I think I found the perfect holiday present for you ABB...I have a pair...they are jeans with FLANNEL INSIDE! That's right! Of course they make my legs look like 100yr old white oak tree stumps...but they are divine!

Peace ABB!

Anonymous said...

ABB, pot roast solves a lot of ills in my book - I put mine in an aluminum foil bag type thing in the dutch oven, with a couple of packages of powdered onion or beefy onion soup, pop it in the oven at about 275 degrees and just leave it for 6 or more hours - fabulous.

I was one who linked your King Kong post, over at Daily Kos, and boy did I get reamed for it (mostly probably because I questioned Peter Jackson's sense for doing KK after doing LOTR with what I consider to be racist images as well - man, talk about target practice from the LOTR movie crowd!!!). But I agree with you 100% anyway.

You are a wonderful sister, and don't let anybody make you feel any different. I used to work with autistic kids, and in my view, you're working on sainthood right now.

hang in there.

Jeff said...

Honey, if you think flannel jammies are the bee's knees, you must try a set of flannel sheets. Trust me, they make lying in bed an absolute joy--as if it weren't already.

Redcane said...

Just to add to the migraine issue. I've taken Imitrex for a couple of years now. It comes in tablets, self-administered shots, and nasal spray (which I didn't know about, blogs are good.) The tablets work for me. By now you're probably Ok at least I hope so.

Qivan said...

Bitch is sometimes just a big sissy girl like the rest of us. Flannel sheets in winter are comforting.

Anonymous said...

I (heart) Imitrex. I take one and my migraine is gone in 45 minutes!

Re: the post aboce, many drugs are dangerous and have serious complications... including good ol' standbys like aspirin and tylenol. Aspirin would NEVER get FDA approval these days... so be aware of the risks, and if you take any drug, including Imitrex, never exceed the recommended dosage.

Anonymous said...

I've got to remind you about GREAT, somewhat trashy novels by a neighbor of yours in St. Louis. Laurell K. Hamilton has two trashy series that are great for taking your mind off the world as well as teaching a few new sexual tricks ;). Start with Guilty Pleasures and keep reading.

Maxalt has been a godsend for my migraine treatments. I think it and Imitrex are expensive because if you suffer from migraines you will pay ANYTHING to get them to stop! The trick is to take any pain med before the migraine gets rolling. I discovered my hearing gets painfully acute before a migraine hits so when I get bionic hearing, I pop even an Excedrin and it takes the edge off. If I am too late, Maxalt still helps.

Good luck and keep bitching!