Tuesday, December 20, 2005

Gettin' down just for the funk of it…

Ooooh, a bitch is flying off of some DayQuil! And then my ass drove to work listening to P-Funk…loud as a motherfucker!

Whew!

This shit shouldn’t be legal.

2 cups coffee with Splenda and 1% Organic milk, 2 DayQuil followed by cigs…

Note to the AngryBlackBitch impaired…as a bitch has stated before, your ass isn’t on parole and reading this blog is not a requirement of your release. If my use of language is challenging to you, try this! Insert (I) for a bitch or this bitch…come on, YOU CAN DO IT!

Or, simply fuck off.

Moving forward…

Christmas musings…
Last night this bitch watched The History Channel’s Christmas Unwrapped…all in a fantabulous pharmaceutical induced haze!

Now, Christmas has been on a lot of people’s minds lately. It seems that some Christians feel that Christmas is under attack, while others reject the Christmasization of the month of December. This shit all caught a bitch by surprise, since none of my non-Christian friends have raised a stink about Christmas or the Christmasization of December…shit, have you seen the sales out there, who could complain?

Anyhoo, all the networks are talking about it so a bitch was quite amused to see The History Channel tackle the issue…from a historical perspective no less (wink). If they show it again you should watch it! Shit, this bitch might have to add that debaucherous revelry in the streets tradition to my holiday to-do list…

Gawd, my ass adores history.

So, last night this bitch was watching the evolution of Christmas and thinking, maybe we should get a tree this year? We had a tree then lost it in a move. Now, well…why put something up only to be challenged to take it down? And then there’s our family history with Christmas trees…the yelling, taunting and generally evil assed behavior that erupted each year during the decorating of the tree.

Clearly, this bitch has tree hang-ups. But, in addressing those tree-based hang-ups a bitch realized that the tree isn’t really needed.

Not really.

For years a bitch’s family had a Christmas tree and it always seemed to be a giant tower of indictment. That fucking tree indicted our lack of faith, our lack of connection as a family and our lack of charity…greedy shits that we were. And what a Christmas tree should do is provide a festive gathering source…it should represent connections and a spirit of giving. We had the Cosby Family decorations, but our family was too screwed up to play out the scene.

Looking around my house last night, this bitch just couldn’t see a Christmas tree there. Not in a corner or the middle of any room. Must be those tree hang-ups again. But my ass is proud to say that we do execute a pretty good holiday…fucked up, full of drama and dysfunctionally functional. We have found our own way to celebrate and honor our unique connections, our commitment to each other and our community. And we really don’t need a decorated tree for that.

So, this Christmas the Bitch Squad shall gather ‘round. Yeah, that’s right…just gather in the house. My sister, our brother, friends and two dawgs. That’s how we’ll celebrate this year…one family under a groove!

Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukah, Joyous Kwanzaa, Blessed Yule and Happy New Years to you all!

10 comments:

AOB said...

Screw the tree...your house has something better there YOU!!!!

Shark-fu said...

Mmmmhmmm...

Crystal-Lynn said...

Christmas trees suck. I did like the one we had when you were missing your front teeth ... lots of presents under that tree and funny pictures of a wee ABB.

Shark-fu said...

Hush! You know a bitch looked crazy in those pictures.

Scan them and know my wrath!

thatfarmgirl said...

OMG...my family arrives beginning tonight (staring with my 79-year-old-narcissistic-Asian-hasn't-assimilated-after-40-years-mother). Followed by passive- aggressive-macrobiotic-cheapskate brother, passive-to-the-point-of-no-pulse sister, and slightly-depressed and confused but good nephew. Let the dysfunction Olympics begin!

Limecrete said...

This year's tantrums about how to label certain Christmas items has befuddled this Jew. We don't care what you call your stuff! It's not like we celebrate it. At work the other day, someone asked me if I'd be offended if they referred to the office party as a Christmas party instead of a "holiday party". I told them they could call it the "Jesus Is Lord And Anyone Who Doesn't Believe That Will Burn In The Fiery Pits Of Hell" party as long as I get free cookies.

Seriously, "holiday" trees at Target? For once, I'm with the whiny-ass fundamentalists. It's a Christmas tree, so call it one! If public schools want to call it a "winter break" or a "holiday break" instead of "Christmas vacation", that's fine, but anyone who gets offended that a store is selling Christmas decorations (and has the nerve to refer to them as such) is a dumbass, and needs to shut up.

Happy Holidays!

Anonymous said...

(chanting crowd urges on Crystal)

SCAN! SCAN! SCAN!

Ayodele-

bygraves said...

I thank you for the joy you give us all year long Have a very happy holiday and a very good new year.

It's Me, Maven... said...

I agree, 100% with AOB.

But you knew that already:)

Sue Woo said...

Nothing can stop us noooooowwwwww...