Monday, March 20, 2006

A Confessional...


A bitch awoke to the news that the Midwest will be welcoming spring in with a massive snow storm! Yeah. So far St. Louis has only seen a wee bit of icy rain…and it’s not as if the weather people get this shit right most of the time…but this bitch has stocked up on vodka and cran just in case!

After all, preparedness is my number one priority.

Get Ready for Autism Awareness Month…
April is Autism Awareness Month and this bitch wanted to give y’all a heads up on some shit. Mark those calendars for Missouri’s Autism Awareness Rally, which will take place in Jefferson City April 6th. More information to come.

As most of you are aware, my older brother is autistic. In the past decade, the diagnosis of autism has grown due in part to increased education and awareness.

We will solve this puzzle, chil'ren. The answers are just around the corner.

Moving forward...

A Confessional…
A bitch has to confess something.

My ass has been hoarding all manner of papers.

Sigh.

Yes, a bitch is a paper hoarder and was in full denial until C-Money requested a certain document last week. My ass went up into my lair and discovered boxes upon boxes of old bills…letters…direct mail pieces…post-it notes, for the love of Gawd…all piled into my second closet like some shameful secret.

Gawd!

Just the sight of them created an anxiety based freak-out that lasted for hours. A bitch almost broke out into hives.

Well, this just won’t do...just will not do!

A bitch will spend this week going through these papers…gulp…and…oh, Gawd…shredding shit…sob…and then…gasp…throwing shit away!

Mercy.

We’ll just take this problem one mail receiving day at a time.

And no, a bitch couldn't find the document that C-Money requested...which brought on this cruel discovery in the first fucking place.

Fuck it all...that would have been too much like right.

10 comments:

Blood Ray said...

I had a very similar experience myself yesterday. Can I borrow that shredder when you're done? :)

M A F said...

After shredding the old paper remember to recycle those paper products!

Shark-fu said...

Cool...a bitch lives near a recycling center.

Thanks for the reminder...

monkey said...

sweet baby jeezuz, reading your post gave me hives, too.
my freak-out lastweek--transferring cd's from jewel cases, to soft portable storage. i had piles stacked like plastic sky-scrapers all over the damn floor. even my cat's gone on strike.
good luck with the rest of the papers, assuming it's still a work-in-progress!

It's Me, Maven... said...

Ahhhh... shredding... my favorite type of "filing." I call that the permanent file. Once you've shredded... you'll never have to deal with that trifling piece of paper again:)

Yanno, depending on the sheer volume of stuff you may have, there are companies which actually will dispatch a SHRED TRUCK to your home or place of business and will just load it all into this enormous shredding MAW and have at it:)

I think I'd love a job like that. "here, just sign the invoice."

Talk about purge! Just in time for Spring Cleaning~

Anonymous said...

The spooks will ransack your trash ABB....

You have a political opinion. Guaranteed the Intell community, (Bush’s little helpers), will sort through your shredding.

We were taught to urinate and defecate into each bag of shredded paper then staple them shut. Doubt they will find anything subversive with your stuff of course, but think what a wonderful time they will have looking! Works for credit card number thieves as well.

Big Smile.
Special Anon.

Crystal-Lynn said...

I got one box out of there during the anxiety attack. One box down!

Shark-fu, I am proud of you for facing this paper monster and I will be there to support you every page of the way.

- Money

Mr. Brian said...

ABB, you can always invest in a scanner and start the ABB historical and politically important image archives...and charge for the requested images! :0)

Hammer said...

ABB,

First let me say Thank You for discussing autism. My partner works at with children diagnosed with Asperger's and autism. We spend some time helping out the community as well. If you need support for an event let us know!

Second, I'd like to say that my favorite thing in life is getting rid of old papers. Anyone who has seen my apartment can attest to this...1000sq. ft. with no clutter (hardly any furniture too, but that's a different issue). Complete minimalism.

GOtta love it

peace and solidarity with your autism efforts!

Hammer

Anonymous said...

You see how we are ABB....

I forgot to comment on autism. If we have to do, say, or pay, we put it out of our mind.

I know nothing about autism, but I will find a suitable autism venue and make a donation.

My "ass is sorry"...ABB

Special Anon