Wednesday, March 08, 2006

Words and such...

A certain Gatsby’s Ghost was kind enough to assist me with my word replacement situation. As my ass mentioned earlier, this bitch was called out sharply regarding my use of the word ‘heathen’. Since a bitch didn’t intend to say what my ass was saying when using 'heathen'…well, a new word needed to be found!

As luck would have it, Gatsby’s Ghost was on hand…and he just happens to be a master of language.

Fantabulous!

ABB to Gatsby’s Chost…"Shit. My ass was called out regarding 'heathen'!"

Gatsby’s Ghost to ABB…"Yes, I read that."

ABB in a full snit…"Give me a word that doesn’t have a religious superiority/anti-Pagan slant that describes bad assed chil’ren who haven’t been raised…PLEASE!"

After a brief pause, the magnificent Gatsby of Gatsby’s Ghost produced…

BACwhoHBR

Fantastically fantabulous!

The man is a genius.

Genius!

Moving forward with drama solved …

It’s raining in St. Louis. Raining, cool and sullen….makes a bitch long for my couch and my flannel.

Last night a bitch spent a lovely 2 hours reading through the current issue of Harvard Magazine. No, a bitch is not a Harvard grad…but my ass spent enough time grazing through the plentiful bounty of those dining halls to get an honorable mention at least (wink).

Anyhoo, Harvard Magazine can be a pretentious bore of a read, but a bitch enjoyed the hell out of this issue. Particularly the personals, which were a joy. Page after glossy page was filled with well crafted descriptions of…well, mostly women who were almost always ‘slim’, love to travel (Lawd, the Berkshires must be overflowing with Boomer aged slender women), adore New Yorker cartoons and are shy. The shy bit puzzled me, but C-Money explained that ‘shy’ was most likely a code word for ‘not heinous looking, but not exactly a socially aggressive person and thus the personal ad’.

Fascinating reading! Anyway, a bitch wishes them all well and sincerely hopes that Midge from Darien finds that very special someone…with that certain annual income…and that certain social resume complete with those multiple degrees draped in Ivy…and well worn passport…oh, and subscription to The New Yorker…to explore Italy with.

Dream that dream, sister.

Dream it!

6 comments:

joy said...

I find personals ads generally entertaining, so I followed the link, but good god, those ads were AWFUL. However, I must point out that at least the women were willing to date men their age. I noticed that Professor Lewin of MIT, age 69, was only willing to consider women 12 to 24 years YOUNGER than him. Dream that dream, brother!

Crystal-Lynn said...

You are too funny. You know you want to submit a personal ad, bitch.

"30-something ABB, curvy, witty, loves to travel seeks sane vodka-loving 20-something for walks in the park with beagle ... "

- Money

emily said...

or another substitute for calling bad kids heathens:
they ain't got no home trainin'!

Anonymous said...

My BROTHER kneels, so saith Kabir,
To stone and brass in heathen wise,
But in my brother's voice I hear
My own unanswered agonies.
His God is as his fates assign,
His prayer is all the worlds-and mine.

Rudyard Kipling

[Heathen]
No PC rule or disgruntled fool,
will take from me, what I've learned in school.....

Never ABB. Love ya!

Special Anon.

Canadian Rob said...

Oh for chrissakes...tell NeoCleo to blow it out her ass. God forbid (oh, sorry, should I have said 'Earth Goddess' or 'Baal' or how about a simple 'higher glorified power from above') some very likley patchouli/b.o.-smelling, non-armpit shaving individual should feel slighted/offended over the use of an archaic word once used to describe non-christians. It's called sarcasm and a sense of humor Cleo, get one.
Nothing brings a smile to my face like reading a good ABB rant about 'heathens' running amok. The sago of the heathens playing basketball is what got my attention with respect to your blog in the first place, and is certainly what kept me coming back.
What exactly is BACwhoHBR supposed to mean? How does one pronounce it?
ABB, I DEMAND that you ignore you-know-who and use the term heathen to your fantabulous heart's content! There's a case of smarties in it for you! I'll traipse over to Costco and send them your way....just tell me where to send them!

Joolya said...

Okay, more thoughts on the use of "shy" in a Harvard Mag personal ad:
1. I work a lot.
2. No, seriously, a LOT, which leaves little time for social life.
3. Consequently I only know the people in my office/lab/working group.
4. I'm kind of aware that this is not normal and it sucks for dating because my co-workers are all gay/married/gay&married/smelly/don't speak English or I've already slept with them and now we don't make eye contact.
5. Sometimes I look at people having dinner in restaurants when I am sitting there alone with my book and/or laptop and I think how nice it would be to eat dinner with someone who is not dead or a blogger.
6. But, I don't know, those people probably all met in college (when I was in the chem lab) or in a bar (when I was in the chem lab) or through their parents (my parents are also chemists). And I can't just, you know, go up and TALK to someone I don't even know - what would I tak about? They'd think I was too nerdy, probably, or else they would be gay/married/gay&married, etc.
7. So I'll most likely die alone, unloved, and mourned only by my secretary, who won't even really be that sad because I'm kind of a bitch to her becuase when the other kids were getting drunk and honing their social instincts I was in my personal study carrol in the library, which I got specially because I was such a prompt book-returner ...
8. You never meet hot guys in the library, no matter what anyone tells you.
9. SAVE ME!!!!!!