Thursday, October 25, 2007

Bad Boy vodka?

A bitch must confess that I’m completely out of the loop on all things Diddyfied.

Ummm, he is still P. Diddy, right? Lawd! Well what the fuck is his name now...Puff the Magic Trend Whore?

Shit.

You know who the fuck I'm talking about.

Cough.

But this bitch does know vodka (wink).

So news that the artist (wince)…make that business man formerly known as Puffy has struck a deal to promote Ciroc vodka caught my attention.

"It is not an endorsement deal," he told the Associated Press. "This is something that will have my daily attention."

Oh my!

Vodka certainly has this bitch’s daily attention, so where the fuck is my endorsement deal (frowns in the general direction of Sweden and then Russia)?

Humph.

Puff (we’re not close, but I can’t think of anything else to call him ) went on to say about the target Ciroc vodka consumer…"They're looking for something that tastes like their lifestyle….It's that trendsetter, that hipster, someone who's looking for luxury and looking for something better."

A bitch hasn’t tried Ciroc vodka…I’m a purist and the wine grape thing turned me off from jump...so I hit the internets to see what fellow vodka drinkers think of it.

According to vodkaphiles.com’s reviews you either love this shit or want to smack the hell out of the asshole who poured it for you.

I've long suspected that the trendsetter hipster lifestyle tastes like bullshit, but I had no idea it actually tastes more like Glade Plug-in scented perfume over ice!

Dammmn.

And I don't know what's more disturbing, a company paying someone $100 million to pitch vodka distilled from wine grapes or the thought of Sean Combs as a luxury brand builder.

Mercy.

10 comments:

Disgusted in St. Louis said...

Vodka certainly has this bitch’s daily attention, so where the fuck is my endorsement deal (frowns in the general direction of Sweden and then Russia)?

Don't forget Poland!

(The Art that is Vodka)

Dandy said...

Chiroc?? Never heard of it.........plus, much as I enjoy my Stoli.............Puffy couldn't trend-set a damn thing for me!! Always wondered though, what's a bitch's favorite brand to go the cran?

Ben said...

See you knew his name all along. But his friends just call him Sean (wink)

martini 1 said...

Isn't Ciroc a French vodka made from grapes? I don't think "Puffy" can seal the deal with his audience. Level is the best super premium vodka anyway...

The Lazy Iguana said...

Allow me to let you in on a secret - vodka is vodka. It does not really matter what it is made from.

See vodka is just distilled spirits. Whiskey and scotch start off as vodka. What makes it "whiskey" is the aging process. Vodka is not aged.

So this fancy expensive grape vodka is all marketing hype. This is why they need P. Diddy to pitch it. I have tried it (booze store was giving free samples) and it is not bad. But for the price, Ill just stick with Absolute or even Stoli.

You can ferment anything and get vodka. Just distill whatever you ferment (corn, sugar, potatoes, rye, malted barley - anything) and you get vodka. Alcohol is alcohol when you get down to the chemistry of it. Go to the Jack Daniels distillery and you can sample "whiskey" right from the distiller. It is warm, and tastes like.....VODKA! Because it is vodka. It becomes whiskey only after it hangs out in the charred wooden barrels for a few years.

PS - another little trick I learned. Take Skoal vodka (cheap crap that comes in a plastic jug and is $10 for a liter) and run it through a Britta water filter. Guess what you have? Triple distilled carbon filtered vodka! Really. Try it sometime. Trust me here. You will be surprised.

Another thing - the Russians drink their vodka neat. No ice, no mixers, just vodka. So if you ever go to Russia you will not be the typical American who goes over there and asks for a mixed drink made with vodka. Drink it Ruskie style - right from the shot glass. And be proud! Make friends with some Russians. Learn some Russian folk songs. Folk songs are always fun to sing when you are drunk.

Americans never sing when drunk. I think this sucks. We are missing out I think.

Shark-fu said...

Lazy iguana...

Vodka is vodka? Hush your mouth (wink)!

And you've been hanging around with the wrong Americans...

...because this bitch is known to sing at the pub before the first vodka cran!

Shark-fu said...

Regarding a bitch's go-to vodkas...

Stolichnaya or Absolut to mix with cran.

Belvedere straight from the freezer and into this bitch's mouth (wink)...

Anonymous said...

"Puff the Magic Trend-Whore" is the best thing I've read in ages.
ABB for the win, as usual!

Lacey said...

Hi. It's me, the white guy up in upstate NY, again. Sometimes I have no idea whatchootalkinbout gurl. But you make me laugh. I've never tasted a vodka/cran, but I do love me some vodka/OJ. And as the proud owner of a Brita...I'm thinkin that I'll be needing to get me some cheap-ass vodka and see what's up (wassup?) wit dat.

As for P Diddy...I think it's down to just "P" now. Yeah, me an P, we tight. (I'm gettin so funkified I almost can't stand myself).

Southside STL Vodka Luver said...

Mmmm. Vodka.

Vodka + Dole's Orange Banana Strawberry Juice = Not fuckin' around.