Moving forward…
A bitch is eagerly anticipating a decent night of television viewing. No, my ass isn’t talking about the Golden Globes Awards. This bitch is talking about Lincoln on the History Channel! A bitch adores the History Channel and they have been pimping this Lincoln show for weeks. Can’t bloody wait and it had best be good.
That sassy girl with afro-puffs…
There aren’t a lot of pictures of this bitch. As the youngest child of three, my ass was not photographed extensively. Shit, my parent’s were exhausted with three babies in diapers. Later, my ass avoided having my picture taken because a bitch thought myself ugly. So, there are only a few pictures of a wee bitch.
A certain Maven requested a childhood picture a while back for a contest she was doing. This bitch was instantly concerned. Of the few pictures of me that exist, several of them make my ass look insane! That’s not vanity talking…a bitch has some school pictures that make my ass look absolutely CRAZY. However, this bitch was able to locate one picture that wasn’t too alarming.
After shooting it off way past the deadline, my ass sat back and looked at my younger self.
Who was this person looking back at me with a twinkle in her eye and a sassy attitude?
The thing is a bitch knows her. My ass really likes my four year old self. This bitch looks at that wee bitch with afro-puffs and is in awe of her. She was fearless, unconcerned with fashion or appearance, full of joy at simple and uncomplicated things and…well…cute as hell!
It has been years since this bitch really looked at this picture…really thought about that little girl captured in a moment of time and all of the complex simplicity contained within her. But my ass knows her…can remember her so vividly.
Me….before definitions, rules, expectations and insecurities.
Me….sassy, fearless and obnoxiously inspired by life.
Me…back when Kool-Aid was perfection in a glass, Spiderman was a real person and all trees were fit for climbing.
Years ago, when a bitch looked at this picture my ass cried. This bitch was in mourning for my four year old self, because she was a faded memory of the person my ass used to be…before. She was 'pre'…pre-limitations, pre-definitions…shit, pre-drama.
But now, a bitch is post-bullshit and no longer in mourning. A lot of that little girl survived the drama…maybe a little scarred up, but not mortally wounded.
Looking at her makes me smile with legitimate happiness. This must be progress.
She’s looking back at me and saying...
Let’s go climb a tree and then drink some Kool-Aid!
Why the hell not?
Thanks for the random inspiration, Maven!
11 comments:
I have the exact same reaction when I look at old photos of my now-14-year-old-daughter. The sad part, I mean. Haven't quite reached the post-mourning stage yet. Maybe you don't get to when you're the mom.
And, BTW, you were a charmingly sassy little beauty, ABB.
i always wanted afro-puffs when i was little... and cornrows. but not the easiest thing to attain with white-people hair.
you were a cutie!
That wee bitch with afro-puffs is adorable, but I'm quite fond of the bitch she grew up to be.
Also, this whole time I didn't realize there were two kinds of Smarties. After some surfing, I know realize why you can't get them here and why I've spent the last few months scratching my head.
And I too wished I could afro puffs when I was a wee fruit.
ABB, I'm glad that you unearthed so many good memories about that photo:)
I promise to run another of those contests so I can use the pic you sent.
I, too, look back on photos of myself at younger ages and wonder where that girl is today. But more often than not, I tend to think of what abusive crap my mom said or did to me around the time of the photos being snapped.
I sometimes whisper to my youngest, who is 5: "Just stay like you are right now. Okay?"
So he couldn't make a mortgage payment or drive a car...but that little life pre-STUFF is an awesome life. I'm just glad to be able to watch it from over here in adulthood.
I say you should go back to the afro-puffs. Me, I'm stealing some flowered barettes and a Pooh-bear necklace from my daughter. Should start wearing that stuff to work. Heh.
I'm finally gonna get some pigtails in about three months. It's gonna be my "spring is here" meets Red Fraggle dred look. The picture is going back in the hat box with the one shot of you as an infant. Precious ... might have to go have them restored or reprinted or some such.
C-Money
My, but you were a cute wee bitch!
May you forever be able to channel that afro-puffed four-year-old, and stick your tongue out at the WORLD.
(Or your ass. Bitch's choice!)
The world would be a much better place if everyone could go back to the freedom we had as children -- to do what we wanted, to love who we wanted, to look however we wanted -- without fear of censure or reprisal.
Precious little puffs. Girl, I kissed my screen.
Oh, what a cutey!
OMG! What a cutie you were! And still are, I think. :)
The scarring up is what makes us who we are. I wear mine with pride! Who would want to go through life pristine? Blech!
I wanted puffs as well, but what I REALLY coveted was mulitple braids with those super cool hairbands with giant bubblegum balls on the end. They just slid right out of my hair.
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