A bitch hopes y'all had a good weekend.
Saturday night found this bitch and a couple hundred of my fellow St. Louisans at a trivia night fundraiser sponsored by the Human Rights Campaign and benefiting several GLBT causes. Sadly, this bitch was put squarely in my intellectual place…shit, who the hell knows everything there is to know about St. Louis history, cartoons and candy bar lineage? Anyhoo, it was fun and raised some serious cash for some very worthy organizations.
My ego will recover with time…maybe a couple more hours at the most.
A bitch is eagerly anticipating the State of the Union tomorrow! As most of you know, this bitch is committed to reporting both the texture and quantity of Presidential bullshit. Trust that the 2006 State of the Union address will be given my full attention.
In keeping with the administration's 'manage their expectations and our guy won't look like the complete dumbass he is' battle plan, CNN.com is already posting ‘leaked’ spinables of the President’s address.
The anticipation is almost too much!
ABB’s Department of Bitchitude State of the Union preparation list of must haves…
Smothered soul food goodness procured from Sweetie Pie’s on Manchester.
A yummy butter-based cake with creamy chocolate icing...every speech deserves some cake.
Vodka…preferably Swedish, but Russian will do in a pinch.
Cran…this bitch plans to have both 100% cran and a grape/cran blend on hand for variety.
Cigs…my ass is weak.
A legal pad for noting down specific bullshit laden phrases like “axis of evil” and “I have an energy plan”.
Sudafed…if you have to ask you don’t know a bitch.
Vanilla ice cream, whipped cream and chocolate sauce…if we must suffer, then we shall suffer with an ice cream sundae in our belly.
Whew! That should do it.
Oh wait, how could a bitch forget…the score card!
ABB’s State of the Union score card of anticipated bullshit…
1. Reference to September 11, 2001 = 1 point per reference
2. Utilization of September 11, 2001 as excuse for illegal domestic spy scheme (a.k.a. the post 9/11 versus pre 9/11 Rovian 'I’m more patriotic that you are' spin) = 2 points per utilization
3. Nixonesque sweaty upper lip complete denial of Executive’s lack of legal footing for illegal domestic spy scheme = 3 points per denial
4. If he cocks his head to the side and snorts through his good nostril = 2 points per snort
5. Smarmy glassy eyed sanctified man on woman and married before Gawd adoration towards Laura Bush = 5 points per random nod at unelected spouse
6. A 'do y'all have any idea how fucking cheesy you look' elected official participation in an ink stained finger salute (note, a bitch does not expect to see this shit in honor of the triumph of democracy in Gaza) = consume a slice of cake and 2 points per unified stained finger raising
7. Lifting of 2005 phrase “this plan will reduce our dependence on foreign oil” = consume one (1) ice cream sundae and 3 points per out of touch reference to failed energy program
A bitch is betting Scooter B. scores well into the 50+ point range...