Tuesday, January 17, 2006

Weather and a bitch's habits...

This weather situation is fucked up! St. Louis has jumped from 30 degrees to almost 60 degrees and back again in the space of a week. My allergies are out of control and…oh shit! A bitch woke up with a sinus headache from hell!

2 cups coffee with Splenda and 1% organic milk incorporated, 1 Claritin, 2 Sudafed and cigs…

A final note about Smarties…
A certain Anonymous (this bitch thinks they should issue numbers to y’all so my ass can distinguish one from another) asked how Smarties differ from M&M’s. A bitch wants to be clear…and avoid any irate comments from M&M loyalists…that my ass enjoys M&M candies. However…SMARTIES ARE PERFECTLY FANTABULOUS AND KICK SOME M&M ASS!!! Whew. Smarties are made from a different chocolate…and a bitch is of the opinion that they have a better yummy candy coating.

Confession. Box #2 was inhaled yesterday. Fantabulously consumed by this bitch in less than an hour.

Moving forward…

My sistah in bitchitude, Cranky Prof, tagged a bitch for the Five Weird Habits meme.

List and explain five weird habits that you have.

1) This bitch always brushes my teeth with my left hand behind my back palm facing out, always facing the mirror. My ass has no idea how that got started, but a bitch is a creature of habit.

2) A bitch is obsessed with lotion and moisturizes constantly…all over the body post-bathing and hands throughout the day and evening. Shit…how else is a bitch supposed to maintain my youthful softness? And a bitch can't stand being ashy!

3) Ice followed by vodka followed by cran…every single time. Did a bitch mention that my ass is a creature of habit?

4) A bitch wakes up at the same time Monday through Friday...lets Betsey the sorta-beagle out to pee...makes coffee and pops some Sudafed, then pours a cup and settles in for an hour of morning television before getting dressed. Trust me, this never changes.

5) This bitch has to have an area...my couch with my random things and a place to put my beverages while lounging and chain smoking. No area equals an anxious bitch and nothing throws my ass off like someone sitting in my area and fucking with my things.

Gawd, my ass is ritualized like a motherfucker.

Consider yourself tagged...Blood Ray, Dixie Peach, Homer and Jenna.


Maidink said...

Thank you for distinguishing Smarties from Smarties. I was wondering why you were all "You can't get them here!!" Now I know the ones you speak of.

Hammer said...

okay, it must be said, I prefer smarties over M&Ms myself. Haven't had them in a long time. Aaah chocolate.

Love the habit bit. good times. you gotta have your area. That's just the way life is. When I go to Carbondale to visit my partner, his room mate knows that she is to get out of my seat and move her ashtray/coaster to the other couch.

How funny is that?

Anyway, enjoy more smarties for me!


ATX Superstar said...

Your candy coated interests may lie in an idea I've been trying to promote (to no avail):

The Candy Bar Wrestling Federation!

It's sweet/chewy/crispy/nougat-y goodness vs. some other sweet/chewy/crispy/nougat-y goodness in a cage match.

First match: Krackel vs. Mr. Goodbar, wherein Mr. Goodbar put the smack down to a pathetic Krackel.

What's your dream match?*

*Rules interpretable and according to imaginer.

Anonymous said...

Your box from Canada is in the pike !!


Mr. Brian said...

I think the main difference that just struck me is how the chocolate tastes in a Nestle' Crunch Bar, a Hershey Krackel Bar, and a Snickers Bar. And I much prefer the taste of a Nestle' Crunch. I'm not going to preconceive any notions and disappoint myself, but if Nestle' Smarties chocolate tastes like Nestle' Crunch, then I am in for a REAL treat. And I have a Canadian friend who has graciously offered to send me some Smarties! Thank you for clarifying the issue; I am so looking forward to tasting the fantabulous treat. By the way, have you tried Leaf Candy Company's Sixlets? They are wonderful, too.

Crystal-Lynn said...

As ABB's pimp, I think it's fair to say is that the door is open for the brand manager of Smarties (Nestle version) to drop us a line and talk about taking the brand state-side by sponsoring ABB's North American tour. A premium vodka sponsorship for the tour is also available.


Anonymous said...

ABB... I worry about the Splenda. Have you tried fructose? Not sure of the calorie count, but it takes more energy to digest, so it's not as bad for you as sugar and is supposedly 1.5 times as sweet - it's so fluffy it seems like you're using the same amount, though. Tastes the same in coffee and I've baked with it too. just sayin.