Wednesday, July 20, 2005

Oh, the horror...!

A bitch rushed home last night to get a jump on the big supreme announcement. My ass had just finished feeding the hounds when CBS, CNN, ABC and NBC broke into regularly scheduled programming to report yet another White House leak!

You got that right, the motherfuckers are now leaking without shame! They blatantly leaked the name of Scooter’s Supreme Court nominee before the big press conference! DRAMA!

A bitch was startled but quickly recovered, grabbed my notebook and took some notes.

John Roberts, Jr.
Harvard undergrad and Harvard Law with honors and whatnot.
Considered a 100%er – meaning he’s one of the boys in the conservative boys club.
Difficult to define because of a limited official record.
50 years young, so could serve for decades.
His law firm worked on the infamous 2000 recount for Scooter.
Signed a brief bitching that Roe was wrong.

A bitch needed a drink!

2 cubes ice, 3 shots vodka followed by cran.

A cig was lit and my ass drank the first of what would be many vodka crans...fast.

Seems that John Boy is a legacy nomination. Scooter wants America to feel the pain for years and years to come.

But why the advanced leak? Why spill the beans hours before the press conference?

All was revealed when Scooter and John Boy approached the podium.

Was Scooter sauced?

Okay, a bitch can’t confirm that Scooter was full of the elixir of the gods. However, a certain tyrant’s language was a wee bit slurred…if you get my meaning…very slurred and more fumbled than the average Scooter fumbling debacle of a press conference. Maybe he bit his tongue the last time he flung himself over the handle bars of his bike?

Scooter launched into a rambling introduction of John Boy and this bitch was amazed by his inability to get through what amounted to 5 minutes of communicating with the public.

Pull your shit together, son! Jesus to heaven and back again...speak damn you!

"Blah, blah, blah…John is a good man…blah, blah…won’t legislate from the bench…blah, blah, blah…put himself through school...blah, blah, belch, blah."

Boring!

“I’m placing in human hands the authority and majesty of the law!”

Majesty? Did he just say majesty? Majestic my black ass! Keep it real, honey. This isn’t about “strict interpretation”. This is about your interpretation and your ability to insure your interpretation for decades.

Fucker!

“John will faithfully apply the constitution!” or something to that affect…
John will tow the party line...hard…and to the right.

“John has a profound respect for the rule of law!”
John is in my fucking pocket. I’ve seen his work…how do you think my ass won that first court battle...err, umm...election?

Scooter to American “How do you like me now, bitches?!?”

A bitch is torn. I’ve got to give it to Scooter for nominating a minority to the court (white, male, straight, rich and overeducated). But we are once again fucked.

And this fucking will go on for years.

13 comments:

fahren said...

once again, no ky, no towel.

Jeff said...

And no reach-around either.

Eric said...

Please. Take a good look at him. You know he only likes pre-teen boys.

CrankyProf said...

Kiss Roe v. Wade goodbye, honeys. Is the Church of Bitchitude and Latter-Day Drunks going to create some sort of "retreat compound?" Because I will buy in.

Shark-fu said...

Crankyprof, a bitch wishes you were wrong but thinks you are on the money. His Supreme Pontificalness, Brother Rob Thurman, and this bitch are working frantically to come up with coping strategies for memebrs of the congregation. A retreat compound close to the Canadian border may be in the works...

Chris said...

But his sister is Pretty Woman!

Tiger Lilly said...

Even his kids are scary looking. Most homogenous little scamps I've ever seen. They dressed them like it was the '50's and when he gets in, that's where we will be heading back to. Scary times for everyone, but black folks and women should be shitting in their pants.

Cynthia said...

You are right, it will go on for years. I guess this is what happens when the country goes from being the US of A to the US of Christ

the peregrine said...

Seems that John Boy is a legacy nomination...

Exactly what I was thinking...

It's Me, Maven... said...

Perhaps the Scootster was chock full of da meditation weed, mon! Actually, I dare say, that *MIGHT* improve things!

It's gotta be 4:20 somewhere:)

Clipgirl said...

Speaking of the congregation. Will there be a meeting this Saturday somewhere?

disgruntled said...

I've shitted my pants twice already @ Tiger Lilly

Exactly! @ Cynthia

Hell let me get my knee pads ready. If I'm getting fucked. It's gonna be MY WAY and I want it DOGGY STYLE!

It's Me, Maven... said...

Re: Tiger Lilly's post... did anyone else see the pic in the NY papers re: the announcement? Bush is at the podium while what's his name's four year old son was down in front of the podium prancing and dancing around. Reminds this New Yawhker of Rudy Guiliani's son acting up at his induction ceremony.