Monday, July 25, 2005

Stop the madness...

My darlings! Thank you all for the comments on Friday’s post. A bitch simply adores stirring up dialogue and stimulating conversation.

Chil’ren, a bitch is fired up about so much shit. Where to start? How should a bitch begin?

2 Medi-phedrine (so good…so, so good), 2 cups of coffee (1% organic milk & Splenda) and a new pack of cigs…

What the fuck, what the fuck, what the fuck…?
A bitch was horrified when the press reported the shooting of a civilian in the London subway. But my ass withheld my judgment because we didn’t know the facts yet. And then we got the facts. And a bitch has been feeling sick to my stomach. His Supreme Pontificalness, Brother Rob Thurman, preached on this incident via his blog.

A bitch does not have much to add. Just don’t try to tell a bitch that this is our "new reality". Fearing the fear of others has been my reality. A bitch is tired of fearing what that fear may move them to do.

Observe how smooth the transition was…how easy it is to view the denial of your rights as the protection of your liberty. Open your eyes…and see what I see…terror knows no limits and fascism happens in real time.

Moving on but not forgetting…

Look at my record on welfare reform…
Katie Couric interviewed Rick I hate most things Santorum on the Today Show this morning. Rick is a freak and this bitch thinks he’s the anti-Christ. Anyhoo, Rickie (not close, but a bitch is considering him to replace Rove as my whipping post…I mean submissive…only in my dreams, Mr. Homeland Security…only in a bitch’s dreams) was pimping his new book on families. As I listened to him go on and on about America and why working women are destroying the country a few things flitted through my bitchy mind…

Has anyone ever seen Mrs. Santorum? Are we even sure she exists? A bitch has seen a lot of his very special aide, but my ass has never seen his wife. Is that anyway to promote family values? Fuck freeing Katie Holmes…we need to free Mrs. Santorum. As you read this she may be chained in the basement of her home, forced to watch Leave it to Beaver by his lover...I mean aide. Just a thought…

Who cast a spell on the voters of Pennsylvania? A bitch has been there several times and my ass can’t imagine how a peevish fuck like Santorum got elected in such a working class kind of state! Did the dead vote? He’s anti-labor, anti-minority, anti-woman, anti-gay and anti-kink. Who does he represent?

Rick’s new book is called It Takes a Family. Rick is tired of the anti-family posture of the country. A bitch must object! All you have to do is go to the movies to realize that the traditional family has captured this country! Jesus, a bitch can’t get a fucking NC 17 flick in the summer! Anyhoo, Katie pressured Rick to explain his stance against working moms.

Katie, snotty and still tinged a rare orangish pink. “Can you understand why many women are offended by your attacks on working moms? Many women can’t afford to stay home!”

Pause. What the fuck? Katie, this was your chance to assert the feminist within! Tell that sadistic fuck that you work by choice. You’re rich! Why are you trying to front like you have to work to feed your chil'ren? Even this bitch will admit that you have worked hard to gain status and the independence it affords. Claim it bitch!


Rick shot out a comeback. "I do understand that. Just look at my record on welfare reform!”

Pause. What did he just say? Did he just say welfare reform? What the fuck does welfare reform have to do with the challenges facing working moms? And not all working moms are single? And this bitch sincerely hopes that women don’t stay with a man for economic reasons…please tell me that we are beyond the “suffer his ass or suffer welfare” stage! Who the fuck is Rick Santorum and where did his crazy ass come from?

Pennsylvania..take down this misogynistic, homophobic, anti-labor, neo-fascist bigot!

The little things we let slip by…
This morning the Today Show ran it’s usual 5-minute news update to begin the program. A bitch was causally sipping coffee and chain smoking when a simple phrase in reference to the extreme heat pissed my ass off.

“This is Africa hot. This is not good. This is melt in the sun hot.” Said the middle-aged middle American who was baking in the park.

What the fuck? WHAT THE FUCK? A bitch doesn’t know what is more disturbing; that this man said what he said, that the editor thought it was a worthy quote to describe the stifling heat or that Al Roker of the my ass sold out Rokers let that shit pass!

Stop the madness!


CrankyProf said...

I'm sorry, darling, but you simply CAN'T have Little Rickie. I just got his new leather dog collar and special muzzle ordered. Not to mention the paddle with his name in rhinestones.

I almost watched "Today" this morning, but the thought of two of my least favorite people -- Katie and Rickie -- made me throw up a little. I get enough of Santorum through my local nooz. As a Pennsylvanian, I'd like to disown his ass. The bright side is, his polls are looking DISMAL, and he may have to peddle his ass for spare change after the upcoming elections.

raej said...

working women are ruining this country?!? really. try: megalacorps, by killing killing jumping up and down on the grave of the small family business are ruining family and thus country, if anyone is and IF you suck and swallow the idea that if a Family is together then all is right and happy with the world.

no, but of course it is the women's fault because our asses are supposed to be barefootedly in the kitchen, with a baby hanging off our breast, cooking and brewing beer for our man.


equeyaya said...

Hi, I love this blog!

Count me another angry Pennsylvanian Santorum-hater. My friend told me Santorum is latin for asshole. I said, really? She said, no, just tell enough people that and they will start believing it.

I think he snuck into the Senate under false pretenses and outed his "I hate everything" self later. Unfortunately the democratic party in its infinite wisdom feels that it must run a "pro-life" candidate (Bob Casey Jr) against him in 2006 in order to take the seat.

We really are fucked.

Peace on.

Homer said...

I wonder if Santorum barks loudly when he is humping George Bush's knee? I bet he saw "Stepford Wives" and thought, "What a great idea!"

Dixie said...

NOT defending the little asshole in the park but my guess is that he swiped the "Africa hot" line from the Matthew Broderick movie "Biloxi Blues"...a film which, by the way, happens to take place in 1945.

Santorum. There's not a damn thing wrong with him that couldn't be cured by bitch slapping him with nekkid, fuzzy-headed Barbie dolls.

Elizabeth said...

Maybe he should have said Sahara Desert hot.

BarefootCajun said...

ABB, thought you'd be interested in this tidbit from the current week's News of the Weird:

"And The Kansas City Star, reporting in May on a Missouri legislative debate on the Confederate flag, quoted Rep. Jim Avery as stating that the 1803 Louisiana Purchase involved a fight with France over the territory: "Well, we fought over it. We fought over it, right? You don't think there were any lives lost in that? It was a friendly thing?" (It appears well-settled in history that the Louisiana Purchase was just a land deal.) [Kansas City Star, 5-9-05]"

Y'all are starting to make Louisiana politics look almost legal. [vbg]

"Radical" Russ said...

Bitch, why you gotta choose between Karl and Ricky? Let Karl be your favored slave and put Ricky in the gimp suit and leave him in a footlocker. Besides, when a bitch gets tired, she can have one of them work the other over for a while.

"Radical" Russ said...

Oh, two more things:

"Pennsylvania is Philadephia and Pittsburgh, with Alabama in-between." -- James Carville

"It's not this hot in Brooklyn. This is like Africa hot. Tarzan couldn't take this kind of hot." -- Eugene Jerome (Matthew Broderick) in Biloxu Blues

It's Me, Maven... said...

Yanno, usually the ones who protest the most are the ones who have the most to hide. Wouldn't it be a twisted twist of irony if someone were to come out and OUT Santorum? I loathe folks like him who have to use one group of folks as a scapegoat for all of society's ills--rather than come up with something TRULY INNOVATING which would revolutionize life as we know it.

It's Me, Maven... said...

PS: How about we all chip in together and get Ouchy the Clown go and "facilitate" Santorum's ass?