Tuesday, July 26, 2005

Rise...!

A bitch clearly needs to see Biloxi Blues, which was originally boycotted by my ass because Jonathon Silverman of Brighton Beach Memoirs fame didn’t get the lead gig. What was up with that shit, anyway? Don’t get me wrong, I love me some Broderick, but Silverman owned that role and it has taken a bitch a long time to get over that casting injustice. However, a bitch shall seek out Biloxi Blues and put the “Africa hot” issue to bed!

This heat is pissing me off, Africa hot or not. The promise of a cold front moving in over the next 24 hours did little to help a bitch get through another night baking on the third floor of our unfortunately well insulated Victorian oven…err, house.

Eyes gritty and temper sour, a bitch made for the kitchen this morning.

2 cups java (dash of happy cow milk, multiple spoonings of Splenda) 1 bowl of Raisin enhanced fiber, 2 Medi-phedrine (a bitch will swing by this afternoon to replenish), 1 Claritin and cigs…

A bitch strongly recommends that you have a dream-based submissive. Clearly, Crankyprof and ABB are going to have to square off over Santorum. Yeah, I know she’s got dibs because she lives in his state. But Rickie is too ideal a submissive for this bitch to give up without a blog fight! Prepare for battle, Mistress of the Pen of Red Death!

A bitch has temporarily replace Karl with Ann Coulter as my dream-based submissive of the moment. Karl is getting his “correction” from the newly empowered Washington press corps and a bitch can’t get him to mind! Ultimately this bitch hopes to settle on either Santorum or Tucker Carlson. Tucker doesn’t look like he’ll last long under the whip, but he may be worth a try…

The revolution has come…time to pick up your gun…!
Y’all remember that old black militant song? This bitch has only witnessed it through documentaries, but it always gets a chuckle out of me. Fuck whether the revolution will be televised…does your ass have a weapon? Gets me every single time!

Missouri’s radical conservatives pushed hard to get a concealed handgun law passed. A bitch lived in Texas when the concealed weapon measure passed there and it didn’t exactly increase gun crime or decrease gun murders…a bitch actually worked with several people who seemed shocked that it had been illegal to have that loaded .45 in the glove compartment. Basically, these laws are bullshit and are based on the fear most folks have of everyone else. This bitch knows that your family is more likely to knock your ass off...at night…with a butcher knife.

At least in Texas you have additional laws to back up that weapon in your handbag. A bitch will never forget watching the local news report on a man who shot a would-be hub cap thief dead from his apartment window, yet faced no criminal charges because a person can defend his or her property through deadly force after sunset in Texas. You have got to love that shit…you just gotta!

A bitch is tired of reasoning with fools! Fuck being rational and asking motherfuckers if they really want Mitzi or Tommy to reach into Mommy’s Prada handbag and blow their brains out! You are destined to be a Dateline disaster story and that is not my fucking problem.

This bitch wants to freak people out...Black Panther style.

Missouri has aggressively given the gay and lesbian community the shaft. Some activists plan to attempt to apply for marriage licenses on the anniversary of the August 3rd Amendment 2 embarrassment, which made marriage defined as the union between one man and one woman a constitutional amendment. A bitch really doubts that this will have much impact, but it will clog up the line so that hetero couples are inconvenienced. But really, this is a soft protest.

ABB would like to see the Missouri GLBT community and their allies leverage the concealed weapon law to protest Amendment 2! That’s right, gather up a huge group of…well…gays and lesbians and friends and show up at the local permit office and freak these motherfuckers out!

Trust me, this shit worked wonders during the Civil Rights movement. The Man does not respond to reason, but give him a militant to fear and he will turn to the rational option and embrace it as a brother!

Either way, it would freak some motherfuckers out. Can you imagine the hysteria in St. Louis if 400 people all showed up at the permit office at the same time? We’d have to be dressed in our best militant garb…black on black on black. In keeping with the militant handbook, we would mass on the lawn and do some sort of drill. Then, Malcolm X style, my angry black self could turn towards the office door and point my middle finger in that direction. At which time we’d all turn in extreme military precision and march to the door like a stylish version of the Fruit of Islam!

People would shit themselves!

Shit…

It’s too hot for a bitch to go out wearing all that black…

Just a thought…

Remember chil’ren, when you think protest think militant…and factor in the heat.

Rise!

8 comments:

The Quintessential Negro said...

There is actually a militant GLBT gun group called the Pink Pistols. There are chapters all over the country. Their mottos are: "Armed gays don't get bashed" and "Pick on someone your own calibre." The clubs started popping up across the country in the mid-90s when gays were getting their heads smashed like it was the style.

I live in Houston, and I kicked it with the Texas chapter of the Pistols for a couple of weekends. The members are...interesting. Mostly rednecks and bubbas from East Texas, most of them were shooting squirrels and shit way before they came out of the closet. It seemed to me that the group was for gun lovers that happened to be gay rather than gay folks looking to protect themselves. But of course, it is Texas. Everybody has to belong to some kind of gun club.

For whatever reason, the Texas chapter hasn't rallied around issues like gay marriage. They're much more concerned with their Second Amendment rights than the right to marry. When given the choice, they usually side with gun lovers over GLBT activists, even though the gun lovers tend to be the conservatives that want to shoot all fags between the eyes. Go figure. So maybe the Pink Pistols won't offer much support to your Malcolm X offensive. That's too bad. It's a good idea.

CrankyProf said...

I suppose we could share joint custody of Rick...as long as I could beat him non-stop for the two weeks prior to election day in November...

Jeff said...

Honey, warped minds must htink alike. I've just posted a message on the Pink Pistols' message board about getting information. I'll let you know what I find out.

Jeff said...

And of course, warped minds should know how to spell "think". Oy vey....

Blood Ray said...

Matthew Broderick actually originated the role on Broadway. Silverman was his replacement. When the time came to make the first movie, everyone felt Broderick was too old to the pubescent Eugene Jerome, so it went to Silverman. Broderick reclaimed his birthright by making the film of Biloxi Blues.

Joe said...

I won't be at your favorite pharmacy tomorrow after 1:00pm.

Just a heads up!

KinkyKub said...

Frankly, this phaggot would be more than "gay" to show up at the offices to register for a gun. And I know a whole lot of people who would love to do that, just not in Missouri. What an awesome idea for a revolution, ABB, and a way for various minority communities to rally together (now wouldn't THAT scare the shit out of them)!!

Oh, and seeing you and Cranky Prof fight over your whipping boys would be quite the hot, kinky scene to see!! Grrrrr

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