Monday, July 11, 2005

Breaking News, my black ass...!

A bitch had a bad nights sleep. My ass was tossing and turning! Needless to say, I woke up bitchy to a high degree.

Coffee (made with a dash of cinnamon), add organic milk and Splenda (oh, how a bitch adores you). Stir, and then settle down to a breakfast of Claritin and cigs…

The news was tragic this morning. Katie Couric was almost inconsolable about Dennis being so fucking lame. You know, Hurricane Dennis? Because you may not be aware that a fucking hurricane was approaching…what, with all the coverage of other news that took place over the weekend…NOT!

Jesus, Katie actually sounded disappointed that Florida wasn’t destroyed!

All fucking weekend long it was hurricane, hurricane, and hurricane. It’s coming, it’s coming fast, it’s almost there, it’s going to hit soon, boy is it big…blah, blah, blah.

It was like listening to geriatric porn.

A bitch had to move fast to catch anything about the Newsweek/Rove/Cooper story. Then, after a 48-hour hurricane watch that included Anderson Cooper almost being decapitated by an airborne Ramada sign, Dennis hit shore like a wimp.

This bitch feels towards hurricanes what I feel towards shark attacks. If you live on the water, then you live and die by the water. And if your ass is swimming amongst the food chain, understand that you may be dinner for a shark.

My ass was so tired of this fucking hurricane that I sincerely hoped it would blow the CNN live crew into the gulf. That, at least, would have been entertainment.

So, what are we to make of the highly anticipated Newsweek article? Will it be an old fashion expose? Or will Newsweek pull back, having been recently pimp slapped over “aggressive” reporting? Jesus! Either way, a bitch will have material.

According to the anchor bitch on the Today Show (has Ann Curry left for Dateline already?), Karl (those that read me often know just how close Karl and a bitch are) was e-mailing Cooper (the writer) about Ambassador Wilson and his trip to Africa. On super-spin mode, Karl slammed Wilson for telling what turned out to be the truth about Uranium or some other substance and Uganda…Sudan?…maybe Chad. Anyhoo, Wilson was right. Rove went on to claim that Wilson only got the Africa gig because his wifey was connected.

No, it’s not a smoking gun. Fuck it; a bitch will still have material!

ABB’s Theory on the CIA Outing Scandal
No need to snuggle down. This theory is short and simple.

This bitch thinks the whole “leak” angle is a distraction. No one "leaked" anything to Novak. Karl and his minions were sending out teasers against Wilson the week prior to the outing. But those related to reporters who were still trying to maintain some semblance of journalistic integrity.

Chil’ren, we're talking about Bob Novak here. The original Prince of Darkness. Seriously, his ass is older than sin and Satan combined. Novak didn’t need to be "spun". Shit, Novak fucking volunteered!

So, if you’re looking for a leak you are so off the mark. Novak knows Washington and he knows the players.

And you can be fucking certain he knew Wilson was married to Mrs. Thang and what her fucking job was.

Leak?

There was no leak.

The genius was in making people look for one…

4 comments:

Catherine Vocalist said...

Ohhh, I like the way your mind thinks. That theory might just be on the money.

GN said...

I disagree; I think there was a leak (or actually, two: one from Rove, another from Cheney's office). Not because a vampire like Novak went ahead and outed Plame, but because the WH shopped this shit around to SIX other reporters (including Chris Matthews). As unimaginable as it is, Rove's finished, irrespective of the outcome of this case. This motherfucker has amassed enemies in high places, and they're piling up on his ass.

Bush's "legacy" will now include entanglement in treason. Beautiful.

Blood Ray said...

ABB child, I feel you on the bad night's sleep. I couldn't fall asleep till six am. I've been at rehearsal all night and I'm getting over tired. Much fun.

Hope you have a better night's sleep tonight.

CrankyProf said...

What did I wake up to?

Whiny, buttermouthed little White House Spokesdroid on the news, practically admitting Rove did the deed! Will Rove actually go down, or will his pact with Satan go into effect, saving his ass? Or will we suffer another terror attack, to distract the populace?

Would a Bitch be a darling and give Rova a few extra thwacks with the paddle tonight?